Insatiable Appetites

by Fiona Zedde

  “Right.” Crystal went right back to eating her sandwich even after she noticed where Phil’s attention had wandered. “So, you’re not pissed that she fucked me?”

  “I wouldn’t say that.” Phil’s voice was desert dry. “We don’t fuck for revenge, or at least we didn’t. We fuck when or because we want to. Because it’s fun. Not to get back at the other person.”

  “I get it. Your relationship is built on the love you have for each other, so the things you do even though they may seem like they’re outside the relationship, they have to be somehow based on love too to keep the relationship together, even sacred in a way.” A noise of understanding hummed from Crystal, a surprisingly mature noise from someone who Sage basically considered a kid. “So what Sage did must have been really messed up.”

  “I think so.”

  “Oh, jeez…” In that moment, Crystal sounded so much like a kid that Sage cringed. Had she really fucked this girl and thought it was okay?

  The girl nibbled on her sandwich, obviously thinking too much.

  “So would you…would you do it, too?” Hesitation laced Crystal’s voice when she finally spokes, but she looked determined too.

  Sage knew exactly what she was asking. She drew her breath in a sharp hiss, but the other two women in the room ignored her. This girl was so far past innocent. If only her rabid brothers and sister would get a damn clue.

  “What are you talking about?” Phil asked with a frown.

  Her girl wasn’t being her usually sharp self, Sage thought with a surge of spite. “She wants to fuck you too,” she said, acid spilling off her tongue.

  Phil shifted her gaze to Crystal, the twitch at the corner of her mouth betraying her amusement. “Really, honey?” A clear, It’s never going to happen.

  “Well…” Crystal stammered and looked between Sage and Phil. “I mean you’re in an open thing, right? And it’s not that I’m asking you to revenge fuck me. You…you’re being really nice to me.”

  “I didn’t feed you so you’d owe me a fuck,” Phil murmured. “I don’t work that way, and if that’s how you’ve been conducting your affairs you need to seriously evaluate some things.”

  “No!” Crystal put her sandwich down and sat up straight, twisting her fingers together in her lap like a child begging for candy. “It’s not like that. I like you. Don’t you like me?”

  Sage rolled her eyes. God save them from needy kids. But when she settled her gaze on Phil, there was something soft in her face. Ah, she was probably remembering being a needy and gullible kid herself, always wanting to please. Bursting with hormones and longing.

  “Honey, you don’t owe me a thing.” Phil regarded Crystal with the amount of patience Sage didn’t have. “I’m…nice to you because it’s the right thing to do, no matter how you came into my life.”

  But that didn’t make Crystal back off. If anything, she came closer to Phil. “So what if I just want this? And I’m not saying you should fuck me because it’s what I want, but…” She unbuttoned the shirt she wore and Sage winced because the damn girl hadn’t even wiped the bacon grease from her hands. Then she wasn’t thinking anymore because Crystal now sat on the couch with the shirt open all the way, her breasts bared and her tiny panties the only thing keeping her pussy covered. Then she pulled that off too. “Don’t you want…” And it was almost laughable, the way she flashed her young body before Phil like Phil hadn’t had fresh snatch before.

  Phil sighed. She dipped her head to one side, the corners of her eyes pulling with sympathy, maybe even pity. “Cover yourself, honey.”

  “No!”

  And Sage sat back, amazed, as Crystal climbed into Phil’s lap, paused with their faces only inches away, then leaned in to tenderly kiss her on the mouth. That kiss was nothing like what she’d shared with Sage in her shabby little living room.

  This was tender and curious, and aware. After only a few moments, she pulled back from the relatively chaste kiss, her mouth glistening with oil from their breakfast, and from Phil’s mouth. Her face was painfully naked with want for Phil. For love.

  “Okay, that’s it,” Sage said, standing up. Jealousy twisted in her stomach like a sickness. She didn’t like the feeling. “Let me drive you home. This is getting out of control.”

  But Phil surprised them both when she shook her head. “It’s okay.” She draped her hands over Crystal’s thighs, gripped them, then drew the girl closer until her crotch was flush against Phil’s stomach. “Come here, honey.”

  Sometimes Sage forgot Phil didn’t have the same hang-ups that she did. Or maybe she just wasn’t a hypocrite. She’d never made any claims that girls—or people now, Sage supposed since she was all bisexual—under twenty-one were too young for her to fuck. Although before, she always said she was a lesbian, she’d never been stupid enough to say what or who she’d never do.

  Phil tried something if she’d never had it, dismissed or embraced it as she was inclined and then moved on. She’d always been open to change, the lightning to Sage’s steady earth. So it shouldn’t have surprised Sage that Phil reached out to Crystal like a lover. But somehow it did.

  Phil liked Sage, loved her, but they were not alike. It was easy to forget that sometimes.

  As she watched, Phil drew Crystal in for another kiss. A slow press of her lips on one cheek, then the other, a more intimate European hello and goodbye. Whatever Crystal had expected, that wasn’t it and she gasped, an unhappy sound.

  “You’re very sweet,” Phil murmured once she drew back to take a long and thorough look at Crystal. A long finger stroked the girl’s gently rounded cheek. “Which is why, I think, we should end the afternoon right here.”

  “Huh?” As Crystal realized what was happening, her eyes got big and round and sad. “But…”

  Very gently, Phil moved the girl off her lap and onto the couch. “I was going to…to do something to prove a point. But I won’t. I can’t. I don’t need to be cruel to you just because Sage was cruel to me.”

  Sage jerked where she sat. Cruel? No. That wasn’t what Sage had done. Was it?

  “But you’re not being cruel! I want this.” Crystal looked desperately at Phil who, Sage couldn’t help but notice, was avoiding her eyes. “Please!”

  “No, honey. Put your clothes back on. I let this little…whatever it is we’re doing here, drag on for too long.”

  “Damn right,” Sage muttered, although she second she spoke, she realized things would’ve been better off if she’d kept her mouth shut.

  “Really?” Phil’s eyebrow rose and she suddenly looked coldly furious. “So you’re the only one who has the right to fuck her?”

  Sage hissed out a breath. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

  “What did you mean then?” Phil snapped, instantly ready to defend herself against Sage’s challenge. “Because I don’t deal with double standards.”

  Aware of Crystal watching their fight while quickly yanking back on her panties and shirt, Sage squirmed. “Why don’t you tell her what you did, Phil, instead of making me look like the bad guy.”

  “I’m not interested in making you look like the bad guy, honey.” Phil sneered. You’re doing a great job of that all on your own.”

  “What’s the big deal then?” Crystal jumped in, eyes flicking between Sage and Phil. “Why can’t you just say what happened?”

  But Sage had had enough of her.

  “Our relationship isn’t here for your entertainment, Crystal,” she snapped.

  “We don’t have a relationship.” Phil arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t that what you told me the other day at the beach?”

  And there was the real knife in the ribs. A sharp pain, like an actual blade sinking into her side, pushing agony out of her chest and nearly up her throat, held Sage frozen, the breath locked in her chest. “That’s not fair. If we didn’t have a relationship, then why are you here in my house?”

  “Your house?” Phil snarled. “You’re such an asshole.” The loose pants
around her long legs fluttered when she stood up in a rush. “I don’t know where Crystal lives and I thought it was better for her to sleep off whatever happened to her last night in the company of other people instead of being alone.” She stalked out of the room. The sound of clanging came from the kitchen, the hard click of a mug on the marble island.

  “You probably weren’t together too long huh?” Crystal yawned and pushed her long hair out of her face. “You suck at relating to people. Even her. And she seems really nice.”

  She is nice, Sage wanted to say. But she clenched her teeth shut.

  Moments later, Phil was back. “I’m going to head out,” she said, barely looking at Sage. “I think you’ve got this under control now.”

  “What?” Sage jumped up then hissed when she spilled hot coffee all over her hand and thigh. She cursed, abandoned the mug on the side table and yanked the hot, wet cloth away from her skin. Fuck that hurt! “You’re just going to leave her here?”

  Phil’s lips twisted with mockery. “What, are you afraid she’s going to bite?”

  “She already knows I’m not into that,” Crystal called out, her voice on the edge of teasing.

  Sage ignored her.

  “You should stay, Phil.” Suddenly, she didn’t want Phil to go.

  The thought of her leaving was unbearable. Now, with Phil in the house making coffee and lounging around in her pajamas like on a normal Saturday, it just seemed right. She took a step toward Phil but Phil stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. Pain spasmed across her face.

  “I’m leaving,” she said and her voice was strong and unyielding. “And I’m taking your pretty piece of almost-jail bait with me.” She raised her voice. “Come on, Crystal honey. I’m taking you home.”

  “What?!” Was she taking Crystal home to fuck her on the same couch that Sage had? That was too much, even for Phil.

  Crystal’s mind was obviously running along the same path as Sage’s because she came running up to Phil, already dressed and grinning hard, in record time. “I’m ready!”

  This was not okay. Sage opened her mouth. “Listen—”

  Phil completely ignored Sage and just grabbed up her keys and stalked toward the door leading to the garage. Crystal practically plastered herself to her back.

  “I can just put her in a cab, for fuck’s sake!” Sage didn’t embarrass herself by chasing them, but it was a close thing.

  The sound of the garage door opening rattled her teeth and made her clench her fingers into the edges of the doorway way where she stood.

  Don’t go, she silently begged. Please. Stay and fight with me. Anything but this.

  But Phil wasn’t a mind reader and it wasn’t long before her bright yellow Corvette backed out of the garage and the door rattled closed behind her.

  After the last sounds of the garage door faded away, the emptiness of the house dropped down around her like an avalanche. Loud. Painful. Unbearable. Sage stood in the doorway, hands still clenched into the wood, waiting for…something.

  But nothing came, and she eventually had to move.

  The night came back to her. Crystal, needy and reaching out desperately for her. Phil, hurt and lashing out. While she just stood there, locked in her own uncertainty. In her fear.

  Fuck.

  Sage looked at her watch, then looked away. With nothing else to do, she cleaned up after the afternoon breakfast. Put the food away, washed the dishes. Wiped down the countertops and the kitchen island. An hour passed. Then two.

  What the hell was she doing with Crystal for so long?

  The same thing you did with her the other day, her stupid mind helpfully supplied. The unwanted images washed over her.

  Phil pushing Crystal down into the couch. The two women entwined and naked. Pussies bared and grinding against each other. Phil cumming with a restrained shudder.

  Would Crystal ask if she came? Would she even know what to do with a woman who didn’t broadcast her orgasm to the world?

  Another hour passed.

  “I should leave,” Sage said to the empty air.

  But she didn’t. Instead, in a fit of desperation, she called Dez. “Hey, what are you up to?”

  “The usual.” Dez’s voice rumbled deep and content through the phone. “Just chillin’ at home. Sorry I didn’t call to check in on your situation this morning, by the way. Victoria and I got into something and…” Dez chuckled. “You know how it is.”

  Yeah, she did know how it is. Or she used to. She and Phil spent many a lazy Saturday morning having slow and sun-drenched sex before dragging their asses out of bed too late in the day to do anything useful.

  “Yeah…” Sage said anyway. “That sounds pretty good.” She scraped cold fingers through the thick curls at her crown.

  “But you don’t, though.” Dez’s voice lost some of its soft edges, like she’d sat up wherever she was. “What’s up? Did Phil make actual fish bait out of your little piece from last night?”

  Her friends always knew to spear to the heart of things. “No, she…she took her home.”

  “Oh, really?” Dez’s tone rang with all the suspicions Sage had had when Phil and Crystal left together.

  “Yeah, but it’s cool.” Sage forced the words out.

  “Because you two are done?”

  “Something like that.”

  “Shit…” Dez drew out the curse word. “You’re being such an idiot right now. How the fuck you can throw away twelve years on some bullshit is beyond me.”

  It was mostly bullshit. Even Sage had to admit that now. “I just don’t know what the hell to do.”

  “Easy. Just grovel. Say you fucked up and prove that you want to change and stop being an actual asshole for a change. You know, we’re too old to be doing this kind of crap.”

  Too old, too tired, too…everything.

  “You know that’s easier said than done, right?”

  “Most things are. Doesn’t mean we don’t do them.” The sound of movement and rustling cloth came at Sage through the phone. “When I fell for Ruben back in college, I was shocked.” Ruben. The guy Dez ran off with after years of declaring herself a lesbian. “It felt like my whole world changed. My whole identity. That was partly why I ran away with him instead of staying here in Miami. I wouldn’t have been able to take it if my friends rejected me because of who I was fucking.” Dez sighed through the phone. “So I ran. When I came back to Miami for my mom, finding my way back to you guys was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I never told anybody, but I was so damn grateful for your acceptance. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d turned me away. You didn’t make a big deal out of who I’d been fucking—at least not to my face—and we carried on with our lives.” Dez paused. “If you love Phil like you say you do, why can’t you do the same thing for her?”

  Thick emotion slithered down Sage’s throat. “I do love her. Fuck…so much. But—” The sound of the garage door cut off the rest of what she wanted to say. She swallowed. “Listen, I gotta go. Phil is back.”

  That fact alone made her want to do cartwheels.

  “Okay…” Dez’s sigh blew harshly against the phone receiver and into Sage’s ear. “Just be good to Phil. If you don’t want her, let her go find happiness with somebody else.”

  Somebody else? The very idea twisted the rusty knife of jealousy already buried in Sage’s gut. Then she thought about Zachary Baxter and his hand on Phil’s that day in the restaurant. Her queasiness got worse.

  “I gotta go.” Despite the burn of tears, she managed to see enough of the phone screen to end the call.

  What the hell was she turning into?

  “That a private conversation?” Phil stepped into the living room, still in the sleep clothes she’d left the house in. She looked tired. “Is that why you ended the call so fast?”

  She came close enough for Sage to smell her. No scent of sex. No cheap floral soap from Crystal’s bathroom. The relief almost made Sage lightheaded.

  �
�Nothing private. At least not in the way you’re probably thinking,” she said, although she wasn’t entirely sure what Phil was thinking at this point. “It was just Dez.”

  Phil slid her a look laced with suspicion then hummed a non-committal response as she walked through the living room and to the kitchen. Out of sight, Sage still tracked her movements through sound. The fridge door opening and closing, a glass clicking against the countertop. The gurgle of juice of being poured. She came into the living room with a glass of pineapple juice, no ice, and sank into the couch. There, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes on a sigh.

  What happened out there with her and Crystal?

  “So…”

  Phil opened one eye but said nothing. She just waited.

  Despite what her nose told her, the question spilled out anyway. “Did you and Crystal…?”

  Slowly, Phil straightened in the couch. “What if I did?”

  “Well, if you did, it would be okay. It’s only fair.” Sage carefully weighed her next words, wondering how exactly to phrase them.

  Phil made an impatient noise. “Why don’t you just ask the question that’s really on your mind and stop dancing around it.”

  Fine. “Did you sleep with Baxter?” There, the question was out now.

  “If I said yes, does that mean you’re done with me?”

  Weeks ago, the answer to that question would have been “hell yeah,” but now Sage wasn’t so clear. Other reasons for her anger, real reasons, were crowding into her consciousness and she just couldn’t ignore them.

  Still…

  “I just don’t want things to change between us,” she said. As she spoke, she remembered Dez’s words from before, about change being necessary. But she refused to believe that, not about her and Phil. “Before you…confessed, our life was perfect.”

  “Your life maybe, but not mine.” Phil’s soft words echoed dully for a moment.

  But they cut like the sharpest of knives.

  “That’s so not true. You were happy. Just forget about that whole dick thing and stay with me. We’re good together, you know that.” Sage was so close to begging, she felt pathetic. But she was finally accepting that, no matter what Phil wanted, she was the woman she wanted. Phil just had to…stay.