by Lily Morton
“So, he’s not the first one,” I say impatiently. “He wasn’t interested anyway, he was just trying to make Mabe jealous.”
Matt huffs. “I’m not sure about that babe. He’s got a bad reputation, that one. I don’t know what Mabe sees in him, but then again he’s her choice. We’re all adults. We’ll just have to get on with him and make nice like grown-ups.”
Charlie walks up and leans over our little huddle. “That man’s a fucking wanker and if he puts his hand on Mabe once more I’m going to break it.”
Matt raises his eyes to the heavens. “Okay, good chat.”
I laugh and he holds his hand out to me. “Come and dance with me sexy lady.”
I stand up and Bram looks slightly panicked. “Will you be okay?”
Charlie and Matt look at him. “She’s going on the dance floor, not paying a visit to Afghanistan you prat,” Charlie says.
He blushes. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that she’s partly deaf and she said that she doesn’t cope well with crowds because she doesn’t know who’s coming up behind her.”
I smile at him. “I’ll be fine Bram. Matt’s with me.”
He looks doubtful but his attention shifts when Sid wanders back. Gone is the agitated man and now he’s full of beans. Leah is in the same condition.
Charlie’s head looks like it’s about to blow up. “What the fuck have you taken now you fucking twat?” he snarls.
Sid smirks and throws his arm around Charlie’s shoulders. “Calm down for God’s sake. You look like you need something Charlie. Leah’s got something if you need it.”
Charlie knocks his arm away and instantly Bram and Seth are on their feet, Seth pulling Charlie away, and Bram with his charming smile front and centre, smiling at the bystanders and diverting attention. Matt pulls on my arm. “Come on babe let’s go and dance. We can’t help.” I steal one last look at Bram and then follow him.
The dance floor is crowded but I motion to Matt and he pushes his way through to the front where the speakers are on the floor sending out a heavy beat and we slide into a space and start dancing. Matt’s a very coordinated, easy person so it’s not surprising to find that he dances well and his broad shouldered figure keeps attention away, and for the next hour we dance our hearts out, pausing occasionally to down one of the bottles of water that waiting staff dressed as zombies are handing out.
I don’t know how long it is before I realise that someone is looking at me but glancing up I catch the eye of Amber the girl from my course who is dancing nearby with a very tall, good looking blonde man. I’ve met her several times now and she’s never unbent but I nethertheless send her a warm smile and give her a wave. I think at first that she’s just going to offer me a version of her superior half smile but at the moment it changes to open mouthed astonishment, and when I feel a warm hard body against me and smell grapefruit and sandalwood I know why she’s so stunned.
“Couldn’t fucking find you anywhere,” Bram shouts, making sure that he’s facing me.
“Here we are,” I shout back. Usually I’m concerned when I shout that I’ve gone too loud but I don’t think it matters here. He sidles up against me his long, limber body moving sinuously to the beat. His hair has fallen out of its ponytail so he’s very recognisable judging by the looks that we’re getting. He’s patently not bothered by this and I realise why when he gets close - he’s very drunk. His breath could power a distillery and he laughs as someone bangs into him and he knocks into me.
Matt catches his arm. “Whoa mate how much have you had?”
Bram wriggles free like an eel and throws himself back into dancing making the universal sign of ‘I can’t understand you’. I smile at him but I start as someone throws themselves at me from behind and hugs me. Out of the corner of my eye I see Bram straighten but then I turn and see Amber who is grinning at me like suddenly I’m her best friend. I can’t make out what she says at first as she’s turned her good side to Bram, but then she turns to me fully.
“Can’t believe it’s you babe,” she shouts in my face. “It’s so good to see you again.” Again as in yesterday I think cynically when you called me Anna and blanked me after that. I don’t get the chance to say anything as she turns into our little group and smiles invitingly at Bram who looks her up and down slowly. My heart sinks, not her please.
She says something to him and he smiles before listing slightly to the side where Matt props him up. He gestures to me, obviously asking does she know me, and she smiles warmly grabbing my hand as if to show him that we’re best friends. I’m so stunned I can’t speak. It’s like an accident happening in slow motion.
Matt catches my eye and grabs Bram’s arm which is flailing as he talks to Amber. He motions up to the booth and Bram grins and nods good naturedly before gesturing to me to come with them. At first I think everything is okay and that we’re going to leave Amber behind, but then he gestures lazily at her smiling with his eyes at half-mast, and she whoops and follows us chattering away to me in a way that if Bram was sober he’d know she wasn’t a friend, as she hasn’t caught onto the fact that I can’t hear her.
Somehow she manages to manoeuvre me out of the way and I watch with a heavy heart as they move onwards leaving me behind without even noticing that I’m not there. A warm hand grabs me and I look up to Matt’s sympathetic smile. He leans close to me. “He’s absolutely pissed Alys. I don’t think that he’s even looked at her properly.”
I flush. “Does that make it better Matt? I think that makes it worse for him really.”
He frowns. “No it doesn’t, you’re quite right, but he’s hurting and when he’s hurting he reaches for a drink and a woman. It’s the way he’s always been.”
“I don’t think she’s a very good person Matt. She’s acting like she’s a friend of mine but she’s ignored me all term.”
“Ah, but you’ve got something shiny that she wants Alys. That’s how it works.”
“I don’t have anything Matt.”
“Don’t you?” He smiles at me enigmatically and then pulls me into a loose hug. “How about we have a few drinks and then you can come back to mine and we’ll get a takeout.”
“Really?” I ask. “That sounds lovely Matt. I really don’t want to go back and see …”
“I know, so that’s our plan then?” I nod enthusiastically and he pulls me through the door of the booth. It’s much more crowded in here now and the sound of people talking and shouting is louder, making it difficult for me to distinguish individual voices. Matt pulls me to the bar and while he’s turned away I scan the area for Bram and my heart sinks when I find him. He’s slouched in a leather armchair next to the others with Amber astride him grinding away while they kiss. As I watch he plunges his hand into her mess of blonde hair and I see his tongue slide into her mouth.
Feeling a little sick I instantly look away and catch Seth’s gaze. The big man had been glaring at Bram and saying something to Viv who shrugged and mouthed the word skank at him, but now he catches my gaze and shakes his head kindly as if telling me not to be angry. I shrug helplessly, disliking the feeling of being pitied. I’ve never liked that and I’m damn sure that Bram won’t make me an object of sympathy, and with that thought in mind I square my shoulders and take my drink from Matt and smile determinedly.
“What’s this?” I shout and he clinks his glass to mine leaning close.
“Cherry vodka shots, now shoot,” and as one we down it and then do the universal facial squirm.
“Fucking hell that’s like rocket fuel,” I squeal and he laughs.
“I know let’s do another one.”
Several shots later and I’m feeling no pain as we make our way over to the others. It’s a little quieter here as there’s nobody nearby but the atmosphere seems strained. Bram and Amber are still exchanging tongues but have moved onto almost obscene groping. There’s no sign of Sid. Seth and Viv are sitting closely together and talking as if they don’t see anyone else, while Charlie i
s downing drink after drink judging by the empties in front of him and staring at Mabe who is sitting fiddling with Rob’s phone. Rob passes us as we near with a scowl on his face.
We settle into two seats near Mick who greets us as if we’re the second coming. “Alys, Matty thank fuck for that.”
I laugh. “Is it that bad?”
He grimaces, making his pirate crown list drunkenly on his forehead. He pushes it back with a very tattooed hand. “Have you seen this group? I’ve seen more fucking life in a morgue. I mean look at them. Bram’s up in some tart’s vagina.” He pauses. “Sorry Alys, apparently she’s a friend of yours.”
I shrug. “She’s not a friend of mine babe.”
He sighs relieved. “Oh, okay then I’ll persist with the tart analogy. Sid’s fucked off his face. Seth and Viv are engaged in what can only be termed verbal foreplay, and Charlie is looking to rip someone’s head off.”
“Would that person be Rob,” I whisper and he nods.
“Fuck yes. He’s been looking for an excuse for weeks. I don’t think he’ll have to look too hard tonight.”
“He really doesn’t like him?”
Matt shakes his head.” He could be Prince fucking Charming and Charlie wouldn’t like him.”
Mick nods enthusiastically. “You get the drift Alys,” he says jostling my shoulder in a friendly way which only succeeds in knocking me into Bram and Amber.
Bram breaks away from her with a start of surprise and looks at me blearily until recognition dawns. “Alys,” he exclaims delightedly. “Where’ve you been? I missed you.” I look at his lipstick smeared mouth and feel slightly sick as Amber gives an indignant huff.
Matt pushes his arm. “Go back to what you were doing mate. You’re fucking drunk.”
“I am not,” he slurs and then tries again. “Fuck I am. I’m fucking wasted.” He looks at me morosely. “Where’ve you been Alys? Get off with any men down there?”
“Bram, fucking stop it,” Matt declares but Bram ignores him.
“I mean I was only down there for a bit and there were men eying you up all over the dance floor. Why aren’t you with anyone Alys? Are you like an ice queen or something?”
Amber laughs and I flush. I’m completely bewildered as to where this slight aggression is coming from but I’m getting angry too. I stare at him. “I’m not an ice queen Bram, just a bit discerning.”
He leans forward nearly dumping Amber onto the floor who saves herself by grabbing onto Mick’s arm. He promptly dislodges her with a twist of his normally good humoured expression. “What does that mean? Am I not discerning enough for you St Alys?”
“Fuck off Bram. That’s uncalled for,” Mick says angrily.
“Get fucked Mick. I mean look at her with her perfect hair and her fucking perfect body. Why isn’t she with anyone?”
Matt starts to pull me to my feet. “Come on babe. Time to go.”
Bram gestures angrily as Amber resumes sucking on his neck. “What the fuck Matty? Why are you cross with me?”
Matt sighs. “I hate it when you get like this.”
Bram looks confused. “I’m always like this.”
“No, you’re not Bram. This has been building lately. I know you’re upset over stuff but this isn’t the way, getting fuck faced and banging any old tart.” ‘Hey’ Amber says crossly but they ignore her. Matt continues, looking sad. “Stop this now Bram before you damage something that could be the making of you.”
Bram stares at him his brow furrowed and opens his mouth but he’s interrupted by Mabe’s exclamation. We all look at her to see her holding Rob’s phone and staring at it dazedly.
“What is it?” Viv asks sharply and Mabe holds it up. I get a glimpse of some blonde with her breasts out under a text message before Charlie gets to his feet and snatches the phone off her.
“He cheated on you,” he roars staring at Mabe who makes calm down gestures at him.
“Apparently so,” she says and before she can say anything more Rob, with the worst timing known to man comes back to the table with an armful of drinks and Charlie launches himself at him taking him down to the ground in a flying rugby tackle.
Conversation stops immediately as drinks fly everywhere and I squeak as I get a pint of lager down the front of my dress, but then the men roll into the table trading punches and we all scramble to get out of the way.
In the melee I lose Matt’s hand and as Rob rolls into me he catches my dress and I stagger as my feet go out from under me, falling to the floor and just missing a pile of broken glass. I hear someone shout Alys and then Bram’s there his face white. He shoulders the men out of the way giving Rob a vicious shove and then pulls me to my feet moving us quickly out of the way. “Are you okay a thaisce?” he mutters turning me to face him. “Are you hurt anywhere?”
I stare at him confused and in the background I see Amber glaring at me. “I’m fine,” I mutter. “Just a bit wet.” He stares down at my breasts now covered in beer and his eyes seem caught there his pupils dilating quickly. I stare at him for a second and then become aware of the lipstick all over his mouth and the scent of heavy perfume on him and I feel suddenly old and sick. Why am I here with him when I’m nothing to him?
Sensing my shift in mood even through his drunkenness he looks almost hurt as he moves away and then Amber is there drawing him to her and planting a kiss on the side of his mouth, but he continues staring at me even when her mouth works on him and for a second I can’t look away. Then I get the strength and step back and it seems to break the spell as he puts Amber gently to the side and then leaps into the fight which is still going on, grabbing Charlie as Seth hauls Rob back.
I see his lips moving, saying something to Charlie but I can’t grasp it as Charlie pants heavily, glaring evilly at Rob.
“You’re a fucking piece of shit cheating on her, you’re a fucking idiot for fucking that up. You were the luckiest bastard in the world and you’re an idiot for not seeing it,” Charlie shouts.
I see Mabe raise her hand to her mouth but Rob just laughs. “You’re just jealous you pathetic twat. It’s under your nose but you can never grab it can you? You won’t let yourself.”
Seth says something and manhandles Rob to the door and the waiting security staff. Bram talks quickly into Charlie’s ear until he slumps against him and then Bram lets him go gingerly. He instantly goes to Mabe and grabs her, pulling her towards the exit.
“Party’s over,” Seth shouts and everyone mutters and starts to retrieve their belongings. I stand for a second in the chaos watching Bram as he wanders over to the barman who smiles and passes him three shot glasses. Bram stares at them for a second and then downs them quickly. Making a face he turns and catches my stare. For a second we look at each other and then Amber glues herself to him. His attention distracted, he smiles down at her and I seize my chance and catching sight of Matt I catch his attention. Holding his hand out to me he asks me if I’m ready to go and I nod gratefully. We’re halfway to the door when Bram races after us and catches my arm.
“You’re leaving? Are you going home?”
I hesitate. “No, Matt and I are going back to his.”
His slightly frantic smile dims. “Aren’t you both coming back to ours?”
I look at Amber holding his hand, and smile steadily at him feeling more like it’s a grimace. “No, not tonight Bram, but you go on.”
Matt claps him on the shoulder. “Sure you don’t want to come back with us mate? Ditch the …” He pauses and then obviously changes his words. “Ditch this party and come back? We can get a takeaway.”
Bram stares at me his gaze heavy on my face, but I ignore him focusing instead on the people leaving. Out of the corner of my eye I see his shoulders sag and then he mutters something to Matt that I can’t catch and grabbing Amber’s hand he tugs her with him, leaving me with the impression of her triumphant smile and his departing back.
Matt’s place turns out to be a gorgeous flat in Covent Garden. It’s decorated in m
asculine tones of white, beige and slate grey but the leather sofas are the most comfortable thing that I’ve sat on. I plop down on one and stare at Matt as he takes the takeaway bag into the open plan kitchen. He looks up and smiles at me. “Why don’t you go and have a shower babe and wash that make up off? I’ll pop this in the oven until you’re ready.”
He shows me where the bathroom is and after handing me a couple of clean towels he disappears and I step under a powerful stream of hot water. I pinch some of his expensive shower gel and shampoo and wash all the makeup and powder off with a sigh of relief. When I’ve dried myself I pull my knickers on, wrap the towel round myself and poke my head round the door spying Matt opening a bottle of wine.
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
He smiles. “Of course you haven’t. Well don’t worry you can have an old t-shirt of mine.” He disappears into his bedroom and comes back with an old Linkin Park t-shirt. I pull it on over my towel, pulling the towel off when I’m decent and he laughs.
“You’re so tiny, that reaches your knees. At least it’s covered up all your indecent bits.”
I snort. “Like you’re bothered.”
He wrinkles his nose. “There is that. I’m not much for the appearance of a vagina.”
I’m curious and after getting to know him over the last month I feel close enough to ask him anything. “Have you ever been with any women?”
He wanders over to the sofa handing me a large glass of red wine. “A couple of times when I was a teenager. It was part of how I knew that I was gay.”
“How did your family react? Was it hard telling them?”
He sighs. “It was hard because they’re devout Catholics and coincidentally, no it didn’t go well.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry babe.”
He ruffles my hair. “It was a long time ago now. They’re okay now but we’ll never be close again. That’s why my friends are so important. Home was so hellish that my friends became my family.”
“I’ve noticed how close you all are.”
“Yeah, Bram was actually the first person that I told.”
