by Lily Morton
He listens avidly, laughing loudly in places and interjecting astute comments here and there and I can see why Bram values him so much. The pair are like him and Matt, more like brothers than just friends. They finish each other’s sentences and crack each other up with silly memories.
The time passes so quickly that I’m amazed when the girl comes to collect us to leave. We stand up and Bram fusses about passing me my jacket and bag and checking whether I’m hungry. In the middle I catch Sid watching us and when he sees me notice he gives me a measured look and then a very sweet smile, but as we turn to go and Bram has reached the door he grabs my arm to pause me, pulling me into a loose embrace. I look at him in astonishment. “Look after him,” he says clearly but so that Bram can’t hear him.
I relax. “Of course I will,” I reassure him, pressing his arm that is wrapped around my waist.
“No,” he stresses. “There’s going to come a time with him when he pushes you away. I know it. It happens every time anyone gets close and you’re closer than most. He’ll do something or say something and when he does, remember this conversation. He’s one of the best men that I know. I would do anything for him, anything, and I want to see him happy, but for some reason he can’t see that for himself. So when he pushes, hold on please Alys. Hold on with everything that you’ve got.”
I stare at him as he looks at me pleadingly and then Bram breaks the spell by striding back to us. “Anything the matter?” he enquires lightly but his eyes are searching and dark with some strange emotion as he looks at Sid’s hand which is now holding mine. That unnamed emotion flares brighter and stronger for a second, and then he blinks and it’s gone in a flash and he has his amiable face on again like nothing had been there before. “Sid, no trying to capture the visitors. You won’t be able to trade her for stuff from the tuck shop.”
Sid laughs and the moment is gone.
***
However, I’ll remember those words over the next few weeks as Bram slowly seems to draw away from me even more than before.
At first I don’t notice it as he’s always been busy but one day I wake up and realise that I haven’t spoken to him in days. There’s no longer any of those cosy chats that we always had and he doesn’t seek me out anymore the way that he did before. It’s almost as if something spooked him and I’m devastated to think that he might be drawing away for good. When I do speak to him he appears almost nervous and rarely meets my eyes.
That’s why I’m surprised when he seeks me out in the laundry room. I’m sorting out darks from lights and idly wondering if he ever wears underwear or whether women just shred his boxers with their teeth as I never seem to wash any, when there’s a whoosh of air as the door opens. I jump, holding my hand to my chest in surprise and then hastily putting it down again when I realise that I’m clutching a pair of lime green Brazilian panties.
Bram’s eyes seem fixed on my hand but where normally he would have said something funny, now he just stares until I’ve thrown the knickers in the tumble dryer. Silence stretches until I stir. “Are you okay?” I ask and his head shoots up, a determined smile crossing his face.
“Yeah fine babe. What are you doing?”
“Erm the laundry,” I finally offer looking at him in disbelief and he shuffles, laughing awkwardly.
“D’oh of course you are.”
I stare at him wondering if an alien has abducted my formerly ebullient housemate and replaced him with this version, and then he looks up at me gifting me a glimpse of his eyes that are a deep sludgy green today. “I mean tonight,” he finishes hurriedly.
“Why?” I ask cautiously. This could mean anything and after living with him for this long it quite frequently does.
“There’s a band playing that I want to take a look at with maybe a view to them supporting us next year.”
“You’re touring again?”
He rubs his hair. “Yeah that’s the plan but obviously it’s conditional on Sid being okay. If he’s not then …” He shrugs.
“Is he okay? I meant to ask you but making you stop long enough to have a conversation lately is like pinning an eel down.”
He looks momentarily ashamed. “Yeah I’m sorry.” He rubs his hair again which I’ve learnt means that he’s nervous. “I just …”
He falters and I carry on the sentence for him making sure that I hold his eyes. “You just thought that you’d ignore the elephant in the room until you were ready. If you don’t talk to me then you don’t have to talk about the fact that you haven’t been yourself around me since you had your hand down my knickers.”
There’s a flurry of movement and I hear Matt say ‘fuck sorry’ as he moves off sharpish. We’re silent for a second and then almost simultaneously we break into laughter.
“Fuck!” Bram says finally, banging his head against the wall gently. “I’m in for a lecture now. Matt the Dad will be gearing up.”
“Well I’m going to give you one now,” I say sharply. “I thought that we’d said everything that needed to be said when it happened. We were okay and I’m confused as to why you suddenly felt the need to cut all contact. If you don’t want me here then I can move. I don’t want to out stay my welcome.”
“I do want you here,” he says passionately.
“Well you could have fooled me. The last few weeks you’ve hardly been able to look at me, like you were frightened that I was going to leap on you and ravish you if we spoke at all.”
“I never acted like that,” he says angrily and in a rush. “If anything it was the opposite and I was afraid that I’d …” He falls silent and although I’d love him to finish that sentence which sounded remarkably like he was afraid he’d leap on me, one look at his truculent expression and I know that there will be no more confessions today.
I sigh. “So you were saying about the concert?”
His head shoots up. “Yes, I want you to come with me and Charlie and Matt.”
“Bram I don’t know. Concerts are difficult with my hearing and this whole situation …”
“Please. I know it’s awkward and that’s fucking killing me but maybe if we just act normal then eventually we will be normal.”
I hold up my hands. “Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me, but Bram we can’t keep going on like this.”
“I know,” he says hurriedly. “We’ll sort it out yeah?”
Ten hours later I’m not sure whether this is even possible because despite the slight inroad that we made this morning it seems gone again. The concert was great I think. It’s a bit hard to tell as I had to turn my hearing aid off halfway through, but it was nice to be with the boys even though Charlie is in a funny mood and Bram … I sigh feeling sick to my stomach and try not to look down the bar where we’re currently drinking and at where he’s leaning into a very pretty redhead as she giggles madly at something that he’s saying. I sigh again and then flush as I realise that Matt has come to stand next to me.
He turns to face me. “Would you like to talk about what I overheard this morning?”
I shrug. “I’d rather peel my own eyelids back with a cocktail stick.”
He wrinkles his nose and then glares down the bar at Bram. “This is not going the way that I hoped it would.”
“What?”
“You and Bram.”
“There is no Bram and I.”
He sighs unhappily. “Not when he’s being such an unmitigated twat at the moment, no there isn’t.”
I choke out a laugh. “Say it like it is Matty.”
He shrugs. “I have done to him and now I’m talking to you.”
I twirl my drink idly. “What did he say when you tried to talk to him?”
“He stonewalled and prevaricated like you’re doing right now.”
“There’s no point in talking about it Matty. It was an accident and it didn’t mean anything.”
He flails his arms slightly. “Oh it was an accident. What, did he just trip and fall over with his hand in your knickers?”
&n
bsp; “I’m not talking about this now,” I hiss, smiling determinedly at a group of men who are standing nearby and have all now stopped talking.
“Well I want to talk about it,” he says insistently. “Alys please let me try and sort this out. The two of you …”
I never get to hear the rest of his sentence because a drunken voice interrupts. “Oh, are you trying to talk sense to a woman. Well don’t fucking try Matty. You know what, I think you’ve got the right idea. Being gay has got to be easier when you want to have a fucking civilized conversation.”
“I beg your pardon,” I squeak glaring at the tousled, blonde haired, lead singer who is currently almost face down on the counter.
“Charlie,” Matt sighs. “You’re fucking drunk mate. How about we not have any more to drink?”
Charlie’s head comes up indignantly. “No Nanny McPhee how about we fucking have loads more. I can go all night you know. I may not be a fucking lawyer but at least I’m a fucking rock star and I can go all night.” He swings his empty glass around, the momentum unfortunately carrying his body until he lurches and almost falls off his stool. It’s only Matt slinging one arm around him that stops him face planting on the floor.
“What is he going on about being a lawyer for?” I hiss. “Is he thinking about taking adult education classes?”
Matt laughs despairingly. “I think that it’s something to do with Mabe. Apparently she’s seeing a new bloke and this …” he indicates Charlie who is now gazing blearily but still seductively at a group of women. “This is the result. Oh no mate we’re not going there.” He grabs Charlie who has just made a come hither gesture at a woman who is standing with one of the largest men that I’ve ever seen who is now glaring at Charlie. I’m almost afraid to see how interested the woman looks and so is Matt as he grabs him and levers him up from his bar stool. “I’m going to take him to the loo and throw water in his face until he sobers up and loses the opportunity to have his intestines removed through his nose. Will you be okay?”
I look down the bar at Bram who has now moved from conversation to running his fingers along the redhead’s shoulder and I feel acid move in my stomach. “I’ll be fine.”
He sighs. “When I get back we’re talking, okay?”
I nod weakly and then watch as they stagger off. I become aware of someone standing next to me and looking around I see a very good looking dark haired man with a quizzical expression on his face.
Looking at him I raise my eyebrow and he laughs making his blue eyes gleam. “You’re very pretty,” he shouts, luckily into my good ear. He looks me up and down admiringly. I’m wearing a very short black and white striped t shirt dress with my black Converse hi tops and my black leather jacket and I’ve left my hair down and wavy with a small side plait which I’ve pinned back.
“Thank you.”
“No really you’re one of the most beautiful women that I’ve ever seen.”
“You don’t get out much then.”
He laughs flinging his head back and his shoulders shaking and I smile because I love watching someone properly laugh when their whole body gets into it. Bram does … I shut that thought down straightaway and instead smile at him.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Alys. Yours?”
“Andrew.”
“Well Andrew nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out and instead of shaking it he holds it loosely, moving his body into me.
“Nice to meet you too. Very nice.” Then he laughs. “Sorry that sounded like a real creeper come on.”
I laugh. “It did a bit. I hope your next conversational opener isn’t going to be to tell me to put the lotion on my body.” We break into peals of laughter which are abruptly broken when a wall of heat hits my side and it doesn’t take inhaling the spicy sweet scent to know who is there. Turning my head I see Bram glaring at Andrew like he wants to rip his head off.
Andrew prudently takes one step back out of reach. “Can I help you mate?” he asks cockily but there’s a flare of recognition in his eyes that makes me wonder whether he’d recognised Charlie and Bram and is one of those men that get off on fucking women connected to stars. Trust me there are many like this and I’ve already met a few. However, he might have met his match with Bram who is almost bristling with anger.
“Yeah you can help me by taking your fucking hand off her now mate.”
Andrew shrugs. “Don’t see how I’m doing anything wrong. She’s not yours is she? I mean you’ve been practically eye fucking that bird down there for the last hour so I presumed that this one was free for the taking.” He startles me and I jump as he pulls me into him running a hand down my shoulder and then lightly cupping my breast.
“Excuse me,” I squeak, pulling away and looking around hastily for Matt who to my relief I see forging his way through the crowd dragging a swaying Charlie with him. However, he’s too late as Bram steps forward and with an economy and grace of movement that’s almost scary he punches Andrew full in the face. The man proceeds to go over like a domino leaving me teetering until Bram pulls me gently to one side before hovering over Andrew’s prone form shouting something that I thankfully can’t hear.
I stare open mouthed at Bram as his normally easy going face is full of an animal like rage. The crowd seethes and broils around them as his friends start shouting and someone knocks into me almost sending me flying, and then he’s there wrapping his arm round me to steady me and shoving the culprit back into another man who promptly turns round and punches the shover, and then it’s anarchy as a bar fight breaks out.
Bram shields me with his body, pushing me towards the door where Matt and Charlie are waiting and leaving the brawl behind. “Are you alright?” Matt shouts and I stare in disbelief as Bram laughs, his face full of unholy glee.
“Fucking awesome man.” He shouts something else that I can’t hear and then Matt grabs him around the collar scuffling him out of the door.
We erupt onto the pavement and stare at the lit windows of the bar and even I can hear the sounds of smashing and shouting. Bram laughs. “Wow!” he exclaims throwing his arm out. “Did you see that bloke go down like a sack of fucking shit? One punch, boom!” He then dances around singing what appears to be the ‘Rocky’ theme and kissing his biceps.
Charlie sways alarmingly. “Shall we go and get another drink?” he slurs and makes as if he’s going back in the bar.
“Oh no mate,” Matt says, grabbing him. “You’ve had enough Charlie. You go in there and you’ll need a lawyer to get you out.”
Charlie straightens pointing at Matt which might be threatening if he was actually looking at Matt rather than a lamp post. “I don’t need a fucking lawyer. There’s too many lawyers in this world don’t you agree Al… Aly. Fuck I can’t say your fucking name.”
I squeak as he grabs me gifting me a lovely whiff of his expensive aftershave and a feel of his hard warm body, and then I shriek as gravity overcomes him and we lurch towards the pavement. “Hey,” shouts Bram and suddenly he’s there shoving Charlie. “You’ll fucking hurt her Charlie. Don’t you fucking touch her ever again you understand.”
Charlie staggers back holding his hands up. “Sorry Bram I forgot. Must not touch the Al … Al … the Ally.” Unfortunately he staggers back too far, trips over a rubbish bin, and after doing a graceful pirouette he passes out in a gorgeous, drunken heap on the pavement.
We all stare at him for a second and then Matt sighs. “Oh spiffing,” he mutters and I get a sudden attack of the giggles. “No really, what a fucking fantastic night. Bram, help me get him up before someone realises who he is and gets their phone out.”
The two men wrestle him into a horizontal position and then swing him up, Matt taking his feet and Bram taking his head and shoulders. “Come on,” Matt orders. “Let’s get out of here before the police get here.” They take two staggering steps and then come to a halt as a beautiful brunette woman steps in front of them.
“Excuse me,” she says. “But are y
ou Bram O’Connell?”
Bram sighs. “I might be,” he mutters and then tries to move again.
“Can I have an autograph?”
Bram pauses in obvious disbelief. “What now?”
She looks at him seriously. “Yes, is that okay?”
He looks down at Charlie and I hastily pull his beanie down over his distinctive face.
Bram hesitates. “I’ve not really got a hand free at the moment,” he says but she doesn’t move, staring at him and twirling her hair flirtatiously while completely ignoring Charlie’s prostrate form.
Matt sighs and lowers Charlie’s legs. “Might as well,” he says long sufferingly.
Bram groans and puts Charlie down and reaching into his back pocket he produces a sharpie and signs her chest which she quickly exposes for him. “And a selfie?” she asks quickly and Matt and I slump as we watch her take what seems like a thousand photos. Finally done Bram grabs Charlie’s shoulders and he and Matt lift him up, and that’s when she seems to notice him.
“Is that a friend of yours?” she asks in a high voice.
Stone faced Bram stares at her. “No, I don’t know him.”
She looks vaguely surprised. “What are you doing with him then?”
Bram winks at me and then turns back to her. “I’m just taking him home for sex.”
“Oh my God,” she shrieks and runs off, her high heels clopping on the pavement.
Matt sighs. “Stop hiding behind the cloak of homosexuality Bram.”
Bram laughs. “Fuck I can’t believe she fell for that. I’m fucking Bram O’Connell. If I was gay I wouldn’t be picking up comatose randoms. I’d be doing someone really hot.”
I stare at him and Matt stops walking. “Like who?” he smirks.
Bram considers it. “Erm well Charlie Hunnam or that Joe Manganiello. He’s a strapping bloke. I think he could handle me.” He looks sternly at Matt. “No slapping the salami over that one Matthew.”
“Ew!” I shriek and Matt sneers. “Why not?”
