Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3)

by Lily Morton

  “Thank you Charlie.”

  “No really,” he says earnestly. “You’re the best. I don’t know why he doesn’t see it, why he won’t let himself see it, because you’re perfect for him.”

  I’m very uncomfortably aware that Bram is listening intently and staring at me while Amber huffs and wanders off to examine the CD’s in one of the racks, so I try to lighten the situation. “Who’s he? Chris Hemsworth?”

  “Hah hah.” Charlie sways alarmingly.

  “I tell you what mate,” Bram says loping over and propping him up. “How about we have a nice shower and you can clear your head? Borrow some clothes from me and then we’ll see about getting you back to Mabe.”

  Charlie flails his arms. “You two are the best friends that I ever had.” He looks at Amber and sneers. “You not so much.”

  Bram snorts and manhandles him out of the room and I follow, reluctant to stay with Amber and wondering why she still feels that it’s okay to be here. We make it into Bram’s room a place I haven’t been since the night of the overdose, and I valiantly try to look unconcerned while also not catching his eye. Bram props Charlie against the wall and looks at him contemplatively. “You know I think it’d be best if I showered with him.”

  I smile sweetly. “Will you be taking both of your clothes off while you have the shower?”

  “Well no I think …” he starts obliviously and then catches on. “Oh fuck off!”

  I laugh. “Go on then, go have your little shower. I’ll sort him some clothes out. You’re about the same size aren’t you?”

  He smirks. “My cock is obviously bigger but there’s nothing that can be done about that.”

  “I’d have thought it would have been worn down to a tiny little stub by now,” I sniff and he flinches.

  “Fuck Alys don’t say things like that.”

  I wander over to the door leading to the dressing room and open the doors getting a wonderful close up smell of grapefruit and sandalwood which seems to permeate the whole room. Seeing what seems to be hundreds of pairs of jeans hanging on one wall I slip a pair off the hanger and then grab a Ralph Lauren polo shirt. I spend as little time as possible in his underwear drawer, just long enough to grab boxer briefs and socks and definitely not long enough to sniff the underwear.

  When I wander out I can hear a lot of grunting and cursing and then Bram appears dragging Charlie with him. I gape. Both of them are fully dressed and soaking wet. Bram pushes Charlie cavalierly onto the bed. “I’ll dry him off and get him dressed babe.” He pauses and then I realise that he’s waiting for me to leave.

  “Oh you kill joy,” I moan and he shakes his head at me.

  “No way Alys. You are not seeing him naked.”

  “Okay okay, I’ll go and clean up the bathroom.”

  “Hang on.” I turn back expecting to be asked for something and then stand open mouthed as Bram makes quick work of stripping out of his clothes and then stands completely naked running a towel haphazardly over his body and hair. Heat rushes through me as I look at the beauty that is Bram O’ Connell all wet. Moisture glistens on his chest and well-muscled legs and glistens in the hair around his cock. I try valiantly to disguise my reaction but manage to look like an idiot when I drop the towel as he tosses it to me. He smirks at me cockily. “What? I said you couldn’t see him naked. I never said anything about me.”

  I shake my head. “I have no words,” I murmur and turn with his laughter echoing in my ear. When I’m out of sight I lean against the wall for a second taking measured breaths and trying to calm my racing pulse. I cannot allow myself to look at him as a potential partner. That has to stop but I don’t know how to switch off this deep seated awareness that I have of him now. I can’t look at him as a friend anymore but I have to because that’s all that is left and after the weeks of silence I miss him so much that I’ll shamefully take anything, even being his friend. Mind made up I push away from the wall and start tidying.

  I’m in the bathroom for longer than I thought I would be because it looks like an army showered in here, not two inebriated rock stars. Water is everywhere, up the walls and all over the floor and Bram must have gone through every towel in the flat. Finally when I’ve mopped up and the bathroom is tidy again I emerge into a quiet bedroom with no sign of the men. I make my way downstairs to find only Bram sitting on the sofa and staring into space.

  “Where’s Charlie?” I ask making him jump.

  “Jesus, Alys give a man some warning.”

  “Where’s Charlie?” I ask again.

  “Amber’s given him a lift home.”

  “What?”

  He looks at me closely. “Is your hearing aid playing up?”

  “It must be because I’m sure that a fuckwit just said that Amber took Charlie home.”

  “Hey!” he says indignantly. “She offered and I’ve had a drink so I can’t drive him. It seemed the best option. She’s okay really. She’ll get him home.” I reach forward and flick his forehead. “Ouch fuck Alys what was that for?”

  “Are you a fucking cretin? That girl is trouble all the way through.”

  He scoffs. “Alys I know women and I’m telling you that it’s fine.”

  I fold my arms over my chest. “You don’t know women Bram. You know women that are by and large easy for you.”

  He looks at me suddenly angry. “Well we can’t all be perfect sanctimonious little nuns can we?”

  I gasp feeling like he’s punched me. “Is that how you see me?” I ask in a small voice and he jumps to his feet reaching for me but I pull away and he whitens.

  “No, fuck no baby, I just said that to hurt you. I lashed out and I’m a fucking twat for doing it.”

  I sigh. “Bram what are we doing for God’s sake? This isn’t us, making these horrible gibes to score points.”

  He looks like he wants to grab me but I maintain my distance. Finally he scrubs his hand down his face. “I know. I can’t bear the way that we are at the moment. I just miss you. Will you at least stay here tonight while we’re on our own?”

  I smile at him softly. “Is that so I’ll clean up?”

  He smiles back relief lighting his face. “Well only if you want to. I know how you girls like cleaning.”

  “Oh we live for it. Thanks for inviting all those complete strangers here just for little old me.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m sure you’d like to cook something too,” he adds hopefully.

  “Only if you help me clear up and then we can watch TV if that’s not too nun like for you.” He flinches. “Too soon?” I ask, and he nods solemnly before cheering up.

  “I’ll get our eiderdown,” he says solemnly like a five year old and suddenly a thought occurs to me.

  “Bram, why didn’t you order a taxi for Charlie? I could have gone with him because I’m sober.”

  He looks slightly shamefaced and scuffs his toe along the rug. “Well I just thought that I could grab the opportunity to spend time with you and try and make up.” I stare at him and he rushes into speech. “It’s just you’ve not been here and I missed you and suddenly you were talking to me the way that you used to and …” He trails off and I take pity on him and start directing the cleanup.

  Chapter Eleven

  Alys

  I wake up late the next morning relishing the fact that I haven’t got to be at university today. I stretch luxuriating in being in my own bed again. Elen has been brilliant over the last few days but her couch is extremely uncomfortable and I really hate putting on people.

  My thoughts turn as they always do to Bram. Last night had been just like it used to but it had the air of a temporary ceasefire. It felt like we could just as quickly go back to being at each other’s throats again, because under the friendship now is a heavy mix of sexual tension and attraction which erodes the foundation of our friendship like water does to a wooden pier.

  We’d lain together as normal trying to watch a film on Netflix but every time I’d moved I’d felt the impact of
his beautiful, hard body against mine, felt his warm breath on my neck and known how close those full lips were to me. I knew he felt it too. Whenever I’d moved against him his breathing had picked up and his large hands had flexed against my ribs as if trying to stop himself from grabbing me harder. I almost wished that he would and pull me over to straddle him so that I could ride him until we both came.

  I know that he’s determined to keep his hands off me, that it’s part of his strong sense of right and wrong. It might seem silly for such a renowned playboy but Bram has a very clear sense of what is right and wrong, and once he’s given his word he’ll move heaven and hell to keep it. He’s a loyal friend who would make someone an ideal husband, but he can’t see that and anyway it won’t be me. However, I don’t know how long this tension can go on before one or both of us break. Now that we’ve had a taste, now that we know just how good it would be between us, it’s like putting Jack back in the box.

  My thoughts are interrupted by a huge bang on the door. I reach for my hearing aid and call out to come in and smile as Matt’s shaggy head pops round the door. My smile dies as I get a good look at his face which is set in worrying lines. “Oh no what’s happened now?” I exclaim.

  He half smiles but it dies an early death. “Nice to know that we’ve trained you in an ever present readiness for disaster. You could take over as Bram’s assistant now.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way but I’d rather be Simon Cowell’s PA and I don’t like him.”

  “Well at least Bram doesn’t wear his trousers that high or use Botox yet.”

  I smile. “Bram’s life is run way too well for him to ever get a wrinkle.” I move over so that he can lie on the bed next to me and still face me. “Okay what’s happened?” A sudden thought strikes me with the strength of a blow. “Oh my God what’s Amber done?”

  He looks at me in admiration. “How did you guess?”

  “Because I knew it was a stupid idea to get her involved in any arrangements last night, but she’d gone by the time that I came out of the bathroom so I couldn’t do anything.”

  “Yep it wasn’t one of Bram’s best ideas. She took Charlie back to his house, drank with him until he passed out and then proceeded to take all her clothes off, at which point with the worst timing known to man Mabe decided to come home and walked into that.”

  “Fuck! What happened? Is it too much to hope that Amber cleared it up?”

  “Nope. She sat there smirking while Charlie and Mabe had words and kept smiling when John, Mabe’s lawyer friend, burst in and had an argument with Charlie. She was still smiling when Charlie tried to punch him and ended up hitting Mabe by mistake.”

  “Oh my God. Is Mabe okay?”

  “She’s fine but John wouldn’t let Charlie talk to her. Said enough was enough while emotions were running high and he took her to Viv’s.”

  “Well he was right.” He shrugs and I nudge him. “Matt you know that was right. You’d have done the same thing. Charlie had been drinking and it’s best to talk sober when emotions have died down a bit.”

  He makes a face. “I know but you wait till you meet him. He’s a bit of a prick.”

  “Matty!” I’m shocked because this isn’t like him at all. He’s usually so calm and centred and non-judgemental. This John must have really pushed his buttons. A thought strikes me. “Is this John good looking?”

  He shakes his head. “Alys! It’s not about being good looking or ugly. He’s a wanker.”

  I nudge him. “But is he good looking?”

  He looks up at the ceiling. “A bit.” I smile and he shoves me gently. “He’s fucking straight anyway.”

  A thought occurs to me. “Wait how do you know that anyway? When did you meet him?” I look at the dark shadows under his eyes. “How much sleep have you had?”

  He nestles into the pillows comfortably. “Not much babe. Sid rang Bram when it happened. Bram got straight up, rang me and then went over there with Seth and they spent the night keeping Charlie sane and stopping him from forcing his way into Viv’s to see Mabe.”

  I feel a tiny bit hurt that Bram didn’t wake me because a few months ago he would have, but I push it aside. “So when did John come into the picture?”

  “He came round early this morning to see Charlie and set the record straight that he wasn’t seeing Mabe. The text messages that Charlie read were sent to Mabe by mistake and meant for his ex-wife.” He stares thoughtfully at the ceiling. “He’s not a bad bloke I suppose, he’s just got a very forceful attitude.”

  I curl into him while he strokes my hair back idly. “So what’s happening about Amber then?”

  His arm tenses. “Yeah this is the bit that you’re not going to like.”

  I groan. “Tell me quickly then.”

  “Well she witnessed everything last night. She’s been in Bram’s flat loads and slept with him a few times.” My body gets tight and he hugs me. “She doesn’t mean fuck all, you know that.”

  “But why do it Matt? I don’t understand. Jesus I know he has women. You can’t move in this flat sometimes without falling over one of his conquests, but she’s different. She hates me for a start and he knows that. It’s like he’s trying to hurt me.”

  He strokes my arm and hugs me. “I don’t know where his fucking head is at the moment and that’s the truth. He’s fucking off the rails. I’ve tried to talk to him but he’s not listening.” He pauses. “I think he’s fighting his feelings.” I shake my head but he won’t let me speak. “No he is, Alys. I fucking hope so much that he wins over his self-destructive leanings, but honestly I don’t think that he’s going to at the moment. He’s too much in his head and that’s never good because it means that he usually does something very fucking stupid.” He pushes my hair back so that he can fully see my face. “Promise me that you won’t leave him.”

  I sigh. “I can’t promise that Matt. I just can’t. I have nobody and I need to look after my feelings at the end of the day because no one else will. If he hurts me too much I will go.”

  He looks sad. “I know. I won’t blame you for it. I will blame him though.”

  “Don’t babe. Please keep being his friend.”

  “Oh I will. That’ll never change but I might hit him a few times.”

  I laugh sadly. “So back to the subject. What exactly is happening to Amber now that she knows everything? I’m hoping that she’s being banished to the Isle of Wight but I’ve got a feeling that this isn’t how it works.”

  He shakes his head. “Charlie’s going to pay her off babe so that she can’t talk. He doesn’t want Mabe’s name dragged through the mud. She’s coming here as apparently it’s neutral territory, but I think it’s more to do with wanting to rub your nose in it so be warned. John’s drawn something up this morning. She’ll sign it and then hopefully she’ll fuck off out of our lives never to be seen again. Bram wants you downstairs if you will.”

  “Oh my God Matt that’s bloody ridiculous. She’s a fucking bitch and she’s making money from it now.”

  He shakes his head. “I know but what she’s asked for is a drop in Charlie’s ocean and we’ll never see her again so it’s win, win in a way.”

  Another thought occurs to me. “I hope Bram’s not getting the blame for this.”

  He smiles at me. “Why?”

  “Because it’s not his fault. It’s hers for taking advantage.”

  “You don’t think that a bit of this is his fault?”

  What I actually think is that he’s trying to rile me for some reason but I don’t rise. Going into the bathroom I brush my teeth and put some light make up on. Then I pull on a pair of yoga pants with a bright yellow slub top which has a floppy neck so I layer a white vest top underneath it. I leave my hair loose and try to breathe deeply but it’s no good because the thought of Amber taking advantage of people and getting paid for it and Bram getting the blame for her behaviour means that I’m still steaming mad as I make my way downstairs.

  Bram


  I slump against one of the kitchen cabinets and catch Sid’s eye. He’s watching Charlie carefully who is sitting slumped on a kitchen chair biting his nails. I raise my eyebrows and Sid’s eyes close briefly and then he shakes his head slowly to indicate concern. He’s right, I’ve never seen Charlie like this before, so devastated and still. Normally he’s so full of life and never stops moving, a real frontman.

  “This is my fault,” I say suddenly, voicing what I’m sure they’re all thinking.

  “What?” Sid looks at me in consternation.

  “This is my fault,” I enunciate, pointing at Charlie and then at me. “If I hadn’t sent him home with that bitch we wouldn’t be in this position.”

  “Bram,” Sid begins. “The only person who’s to blame for this shit storm is Amber, and possibly Charlie for getting into such a state in the first place.” I wince but that’s Sid, honest to a brutal fault sometimes.

  Seth nods emphatically. “He’s right Bram, you just sent him home.”

  “Yeah but I should have gone home with him. It’s my fault.” I pause and then keep going. “I just needed to spend some time with Alys.”

  Charlie finally stirs. “Pip for fuck’s sake I’m nearly thirty. I don’t need a fucking babysitter today and I sure as fuck didn’t want one last night. You were a good friend and you and Alys talked some sense into me. It’s my fault and my fault alone. I chose to walk out on her without talking to her. I chose to get drunk and stay drunk. Just because some bird on the make chooses to manipulate the situation doesn’t mean there would have even been a situation to manipulate if I hadn’t made the wrong choices. So fucking shut up about it.”

  Seth looks at me. “I have to say that something is your fault though Pip.”

  I wince. “Okay what?”

  “Alys.”

  “What about Alys?” I can hear the defensiveness in my voice.

  He looks at me like I’m an idiot. “She’s absolutely amazing but you’re going to end up pissing her off and she’ll leave and where will you be then Pip? On your own again with just Matty propping you up and assorted women. Not a brilliant existence if you ask me.”