Sexy and Funny, Hilarious Erotic Romance Bundle

by Mimi Strong

  He ran his fingertips up and down the spot between my legs, wet and swollen for him. He stopped on my nub and rubbed it in a circle as he leaned down to kiss me. As our tongues touched, I felt pressure on my opening.

  He moaned into my mouth, a sound that seemed like a question.

  His fingers kept circling, sending wave after aching wave of pleasure through my body.

  I responded to his wordless question by grabbing his ass with both hands and pulling him into me.

  As his whole erection slid easy into me, filling me, I gasped and started to come immediately.

  He rocked gently in and out, still working me with his finger, and soon I was moaning into his soft lips, shuddering with pleasure, from the inside of me where he was, and all the way to the back of my skull.

  He started moving faster and harder, both of us sweating and grunting now, and with a gasp, he paused and then shook, coming inside me.

  I held him against me.

  The space between us was gone.

  After a moment, I took his hand from between us, kissed his fingertips, and then placed his hand on my back. We hugged, holding each other tighter and tighter, me with my legs wrapped around him.

  My life had just changed.

  “We're together,” he whispered.

  “Together.”

  I got a serious case of the giggles as I put my clothes back on, picking my bra off the top of a miter saw.

  “Look at that,” Devin said as he swiped some sawdust off the back of my thigh.

  “Disgraceful.”

  “Girl, you make me crazy. I see you buttoning up that dress, and I want to take it back off again.”

  I pretended to be prim and proper. “Sheesh. Maybe you should buy a girl dinner.”

  He grabbed me in a hug, still shirtless, his skin so hot under my hands. “Every night,” he said. “I will buy you dinner every night, forever.”

  “Except for when it's my treat, which will be half the time.”

  He pulled back and stared into my eyes. “Not if you keep mailing checks back to clients.”

  My body felt strangely loose and tense at the same time, but his beautiful skin and eyes were turning me on again.

  I said, “You're not going to cash that check, are you?”

  “You earned it, and I don't need it. You're an excellent coach. I'm seeing that guy, the therapist, and he's not half as good as you, but I'm not staring at his hot body and getting all distracted, so… there's that.”

  He reached into a cupboard below where I was sitting and pulled out two bottles of a pink, sparkling drink. The bottles were cold.

  “Mini fridge,” he said.

  “It's almost as if you planned this.”

  He stammered, looking embarrassed. “Feather, I swear I didn't. I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again. I thought you hated me, and sending that check back was your way of telling me to fuck off forever.”

  I shook my head and joked, “Oh, Devin, why can't I quit you?”

  His eyes brightened and he leaned in to examine my necklace.

  “It's a feather,” he said. “That's the coolest thing I've ever seen, but now I'm angry.”

  “Why?”

  “Because now what am I going to get you for your birthday? I don't even know when your birthday is, but I want to go back in time, buy up all the feather necklaces in town, and surprise you on your birthday.”

  “You have a time machine?”

  “Yes, I've been spending a lot of time down here in the shop, tinkering away at one. My plan is to go back and see the dinosaurs, of course.”

  “Oh, of course.”

  He retrieved his shirt and put it back on, which only made me want to tear it off.

  “October,” I said. “My birthday's in October.”

  “Mine's in November.”

  He slipped his arms around me and drew me in for a kiss, a lingering, closed-mouth kiss that felt as hot as any passionate kiss I'd had.

  When we pulled apart, I said, “My middle name is Katharine.”

  “Mine's Arthur.”

  We kissed again.

  I told him, “I'm a college dropout.”

  “I play a lot of video games in my free time.”

  I giggled as he crushed his lips into mine again. This kiss was longer, sending heat down between my legs.

  “My best friend's name is Steph, and I tell her everything. I may have broken the confidentiality rule just a bit.”

  “I can't wait to meet her.”

  “She gave me the necklace.”

  “Good!” He examined it again. “I'm glad it wasn't some guy.”

  “Do you have a best friend?”

  “I have two best friends, and they're good guys.”

  “Maybe I'll meet them. Maybe some day we'll leave this basement.”

  “Not yet,” he said, and he started unbuttoning my dress again.

  We did leave the basement of the hotel… eventually.

  He had to stay and work, helping with some interviews, but before I left, we made a date for the next day, Sunday.

  I rushed home and got changed for my other date, the one with my mother.

  Since the day she'd brought over the croissants and been so sweet to me, we'd been getting along better. I could still only handle her in limited doses—no more than three hours—but things had been going well.

  Occasionally, she'd say something rude and my hackles would go up, my system flooding with stress chemicals. I'd been practicing biting my tongue, though, and it was paying off. When I failed to respond to one of her little “digs,” she'd actually talked herself down, arguing with herself and then eventually apologizing to me for the original comment.

  That Saturday night, she was having a dinner with two of her oldest friends, Lacey and Bev, both of whom I used to call “Aunty” when I was small. Both had moved to other cities within the last five years, but they'd come up with this new plan where every August, they'd meet in one of their three cities for a girls' weekend.

  We met at a restaurant that was a little stuffy for my taste, but perfectly appropriate for the group. The two women hugged me and showered me with compliments. I felt a little guilty for stealing all the attention, but my mother didn't seem to mind.

  “Feather's one of the top coaches in town,” my mother said as the salads were served.

  When the main courses arrived, she said, “Feather has a dedicated clientèle who couldn't live without her.”

  Over shared desserts, she said, “Feather's so lucky to have found her gift at such a young age. Look at my gorgeous daughter. She's twenty-two! She's half my age, but she's catching up now.”

  I begged her again to stop with the compliments. “Enough, Mom! I'm not perfect. I was doing some online banking last week and I transferred money the wrong way and bounced my rent check.”

  The three women laughed, and Lacey said, “Bouncing a check is a rite of passage. Like getting a tattoo.”

  My mother frowned. “Don't give her any ideas. She has such lovely skin, I don't want to see a mark on it.”

  That was when Lacey stood up, raised her blouse, and showed us the brand-new tattoo on the inside of her hip bone. It was a cherubic angel, holding a pitchfork.

  Some people around us in the restaurant stared our way as they dabbed at their mouths with cloth napkins.

  My mother put her face in her hands, laughing until two tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh, Lacey, you're so bad now.”

  Lacey tucked her shirt back in and sat down, beaming with delight at having caused scandal at our table.

  “To heck with being a good girl,” Lacey said. “Bad girls have all the fun.”

  After dinner, my mother drove me home, and we sat talking in her car, outside my apartment.

  After ten minutes of talking about crazy Lacey and her tattoos and the younger man she was dating, I asked my mother if she wanted to come up for a cup of tea.

  “No, it's late,” she said, though it was barely nine o'clock. �
�Why, is there something on your mind? Have you made any decisions about school?”

  “School? Oh, no plans yet. It's too late now to apply for this fall, but I may do something part-time.”

  “Really? You seemed so happy tonight. I thought you had big news about school, but you didn't say anything.”

  “Oh. Well, remember that guy I was all sad about? I went to see him today, and I guess we're dating now.”

  She gave me a skeptical look. “Is he a nice boy? He already broke your heart once, Feather. I don't trust him.”

  “It's fine. I'll tell you more about it some other time. Maybe after a few more dates. And then, of course, you'll meet him.” The idea of them meeting made my heart beat faster. “We're taking it slow for now,” I said, though it wasn't exactly true.

  She nodded, one eyebrow arched up.

  Yeah, my mother always could see right through me.

  “There's something else,” she said. “I want to pay for your school. I've been saving for a long time, and I think it's time to start spending the money on things that matter.”

  “Mom, you don't have to do that. I have my own money.”

  She stared straight ahead, tapping her fingertips lightly on the steering wheel. The sky was hazy and pink, with sunset coming soon.

  “I insist,” she said. “All your tuition. And if you need money for rent, I'll see what I can do, but perhaps you should move back in with me if you're in school full-time.”

  I grabbed the door handle and threw the door open, laughing. “Hey, hey, let's not be so hasty.”

  She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “There are worse things than living with your mother.”

  I thought of some snappy comeback lines, but bit my tongue.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  I leaned across the car interior and gave her a hug.

  “And thank you,” she said, her voice choking. “Thank you for letting me in.”

  “Mom, you were never out.”

  She squeezed me tighter. “I'm sorry I wasn't always understanding. I make no excuses for the past. I want you to know how proud of you I am.”

  “Stop it, you're making me cry,” I said, but it was too late.

  “Love you, princess.”

  “I love you too.”

  When I got up to my apartment, I started the bath running and checked my email. There was a forwarded message from my mother, sending me one of those funny pictures with the old-fashioned people on it. Instead of deleting the email unread, I actually opened it. That was how much warmer I was feeling toward the woman who gave me life; I read her dumb email, and I laughed.

  There were a ton of emails. I had three people booking first appointments with me for the next week. At this rate, I'd have to hire an assistant before the year was through.

  Why had I wanted to go back to school again? I already had a growing business, doing what I loved, and if things kept up, I'd be making great money soon.

  Even so, I was worried.

  People came to me with problems I could fix, as well as problems that were beyond my fixing, and I didn't know if I'd be able to tell the difference.

  After messing things up so badly with Devin, I didn't know if I could trust myself. Helping another human being make important life decisions was a huge responsibility. What if I kept messing people up?

  On Sunday, Devin picked me up at two o'clock for our date.

  I opened the door, and he handed me flowers.

  “These aren't extras or leftovers,” he said. “I bought them, just for you, because they're beautiful and I understand that's something guys do when they are courting a lady.”

  Laughing, I took them to the kitchen and put them in the tall, orange teapot. “Courting a lady. Is that what you were doing to me in the hotel basement?”

  He wrapped his arms around me from behind and planted a big kiss on my neck. His touch was incredible, sending a wave of lust through me already. He growled near my ear, a low, rumbling moan that I felt all the way down to my toes, but especially between my legs.

  I kept arranging the flowers, pretending to be unperturbed.

  “Mmm,” he moaned again, his hands running up and down my sides, then cupping my breasts.

  I leaned back against his strong body, arching my back and pressing my buttocks into his crotch. There was definitely some blood-rush going on down there for him, as well.

  “Turn around,” he said. “I want to kiss you.”

  As soon as I turned, he grabbed me tighter.

  Gasping, I said, “I can't breathe.”

  He loosened his grip. “Sorry, I just… I don't want you to get away.”

  “Then don't ever let me go.”

  He shook his head. “I won't. Not again.”

  As we kissed, my heart fluttered, and I felt as nervous as ever. Devin's pulse was pounding as well, and I knew he felt it too, but it was the good kind of nervousness.

  We stood making out in my kitchen, both of us getting warmer and warmer, until I was tugging at his clothes.

  He pulled back and said, “When I walked into the coffee shop that first time for our meeting, I almost walked right out again. You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Aw, don't be mean.”

  “I'm not being mean. You were just so… devastatingly beautiful. I was expecting some middle-aged woman.”

  “And you were going to kiss her? Dirty boy.” I grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and tugged it up so I could kiss his bare chest.

  He moaned as I flicked the hard buttons of his nipples with my tongue.

  “No, I wasn't going to kiss some random life coach lady. I thought she'd talk some sense into me, talk me out of my silly… oh, you wicked girl, what are you doing to me?”

  “Just kissing your chest,” I said, peering up at him through my eyelashes. “Making sure you don't have a phobia about that.”

  “I came over to take you out, and now you make me want to throw you over my shoulder and haul you up that spiral staircase.”

  “I'd like that.”

  He looked so sweet when he was surprised. How could he be so surprised? He'd walked into my loft, where we were alone together. He should have asked to meet me in public if he didn't want me to show so much… interest. I returned to licking and sucking on his nipples. He moaned, and seemed to be enjoying the diversion, so I added my hand on his crotch, massaging the thickening rod inside his jeans.

  He reached around me and grabbed my pussy from behind. His boldness startled me, but I liked it.

  After a few minutes of grabbing each other through our clothes, I pulled back and said, “I can't remember if I've ever given you a full tour of the loft.”

  He smiled and played along, saying, “I definitely haven't seen where you sleep.”

  He pulled the hem of his shirt back down, hiding his chest from me.

  I tried to pull the shirt up again, but he was playing hard to get.

  Running my hands up and down his thighs, I said, “There's a sleeping loft right above us.”

  “I don't believe it,” he said. “You'll have to show me.”

  Both of us grinning like idiots, I led him up the spiral staircase to the sleeping loft and my bed.

  “This is where I sleep,” I said.

  “Looks comfy.” He jumped on my bed, rolled onto his back, and moved his arms like he was making a snow angel.

  I stood at the edge of the bed and slowly unbuttoned my blouse. I grabbed the remote control and turned on some mellow music, the sound wafting up from the stereo on the main floor. Devin watched with great interest as I swayed back and forth to the song. I unfastened my bra and let it drop. He nodded for me to keep going. I'd never done something like this, but he made me feel beautiful. Still swaying, I slowly unfastened the button of my jeans.

  He said, “If you're trying to torture me, it's working.”

  For a little variety, I turned my back to him and wiggled my hips as I slid down my jeans, and then my panties.

  I turn
ed around and froze, because of the strange look on his face.

  “What's wrong?” I asked. I'd seen that look before. He was going to run for the door.

  He shook his head. “I'll tell you what's wrong. If you don't come over here and lay that beautiful body on top of me, I might explode.” He grimaced and rearranged the crotch of his jeans. “Actually, I may explode either way.”

  “We can't have that.” I got onto the bed and crawled along his body, pulling up his T-shirt with my teeth, and then using my hands to help him out of it.

  Soon, I had his jeans and underwear off, and I hungrily popped the head of his cock into my mouth.

  “Woah, slow down,” he said. “I'm not exactly an expert.”

  I did ease up, taking my time and enjoying the musky scent of him as his flesh filled my mouth.

  “Let me touch you,” he said, so I shifted my body to lie alongside him, with my feet near his head. I shifted onto my side and bent the knee of the leg on top to afford him access.

  He ran his fingers up and down my thigh, and then he explored my folds, stroking through the slick center and spreading the warmth up and across my clit.

  I returned the gesture by putting his manhood back in my mouth, and he pleasured me as I gave the same to him.

  When I was reaching my plateau, and his cock was incredibly hard, he stayed where he was, and I moved so I was over him, my hair dangling down in his face. I rocked my hips forward and back, the head of his cock rubbing up and down my pussy. Once we were both slick, I eased up and then pushed down, swallowing him inside me.

  I sighed happily as he filled me. His hands moved up and down my sides and then settled on my hips, where he pushed, encouraging me down further.

  This position was the best one for my pleasure, and I wasn't able to hold back or slow down at all, not now, not after wanting him for so long. I didn't know if I'd ever get enough of him, but I was going to try.

  I rocked my hips and shifted my body up and down, sliding him in and out of me. He started to sweat, looking anxious, but in the good way. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his scent and heat and the sound of his breathing.

  Toes curling, I started to come, and he wasn't far behind. Both of us writhed together as one.