You’re Everything I Need: A Forbidden Romance

by Ford, Mia

  I half expect her to get wound up about that, but she tosses her head back and laughs loudly. “Yeah, I can imagine that. I’m sure you’re a much better listener now, but you’re still a workaholic.”

  “I’m trying to be better. You know that I’m trying to be better.”

  Her expression softens, I think she realizes how much this means to me. “Yeah, I know you are.”

  I brace myself, knowing what I need to say next is going to shift the whole mood in the room. I hand her a glass of wine and suck in a couple of deep breaths before I speak out once more.

  “So, Lexi, I know we haven’t talked about it yet, but I think we should…”

  “You want to know about Trent? I know you do. I’m sorry I haven’t said anything yet.”

  “It’s okay, I know it must be hard for you. If it helps, Cassie has told me a bit.”

  “She has?” Lexi opens her eyes wide to me. “What has she said?”

  “That Trent was in a motorcycle gang.”

  “Oh God.” She groans and flings her head into her hands. “You must think I’m a real mug.”

  “I don’t think you’re a mug. You were obviously very young when you first met him.”

  “I was. But I don’t know if that’s any excuse for what happened.”

  “So… what happened?”

  I don’t know if I want to hear this. I want to block it out for a little while longer. But I’ve started this conversation now. The train is on the tracks and it's going to speed along, no matter what I want.

  “I don’t know, it’s hard really. It’s difficult to remember everything without the emotion.”

  “It’s okay, just tell me as you remember it.”

  “I… I… well, I met Trent when I had just turned eighteen years old, and I fell for him because he was a little bit older and cooler than me.”

  “Cooler than you?” I can help but laugh. “You’re one of the coolest people I know.”

  “Well, yeah, but you’re a nerd. You don’t know any cool people.”

  We both laugh for a moment, enjoying this little moment of bliss before it all gets hard again.

  “So, yeah - things moved quite quickly with me and Trent. I knew that he had a bike and that all his friends did too, but I naively didn’t realize that it was a gang until it was far too late. He manipulated me, I don’t even know how really, looking back it’s hard to pinpoint all the ways he got me away from my friends and family.”

  “That’s how manipulators do it, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. It was his temper, a lot of it. I started to learn the easiest ways not to piss him off because when I wound him up it made life really challenging. So, I suppose that was a big part of it and because I knew that no one liked him, it seemed easier to keep it separate. Too separate in the end.”

  “Right.” I gulp down. “And the criminal stuff…?”

  “I like to tell myself that I didn’t know, but really I turned a blind eye to it because I didn’t want to know.”

  “That’s very honest.” I wasn’t expecting her to say that.

  “Yeah well, we’re having an open and honest friendship, aren’t we?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “This must be hard for you to hear, I know that. It’s hard for me to say.”

  “It isn’t. I thought it would be, but it isn’t. I understand how you got yourself in that situation. You were young, you got swept off your feet by someone without knowing that person properly.”

  “It’s no excuse though, is it?”

  “No excuse for what?”

  “For letting all those things happen. I feel so bad.”

  “You shouldn’t feel bad. It isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything.” I reach over and rub her shoulders. “You can’t blame yourself for the things that other people do.”

  “I still feel bad.”

  “I know you do. But that’s because you have a big heart.”

  “Like, what if I went to the police before? Once I realized what was going on. Could I have saved lives?”

  “There’s a chance that you could, but you also could have made things worse. Gang culture is weird. Not that I know much about it, but you could have created some real issues.”

  “True. I suppose so.” She glances up to me. “How do you always have a way to make me feel better?”

  “I think you’re just too hard on yourself, that’s all.”

  “Hmm, maybe.”

  “You are. You don’t seem to see yourself for the amazing and powerful woman you are.”

  “God, I sure as hell don’t feel that way at the moment, with all of this going on, I feel like shit about myself.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t. You’re doing really well, Lexi, trust me.”

  “I will. Or I’ll try.”

  We share an intense moment of eye contact, and my heart skips about ten beats. It’s even harder to keep away from Lexi when she’s in my house, I didn’t think about that when I offered for her to come and stay, but this has been the most challenging moment of them all. Looking at her like the way her eyes are glazed over, begging me to lean in and kiss her almost destroys me. I so want to, but rationality disagrees.

  We’re supposed to be friends, I’m supposed to be helping her. Kissing her won’t do that.

  “So, erm… I think I better head to my room.” Thank goodness she backs off. I’m not sure I would be able to walk away if she didn’t. “Get some sleep because it’s, well not late, but I’m shattered.”

  I nod slowly. “I know, yes.” She isn’t. She just wants to get away. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She takes a few moments but finally she breaks away from me and she walks towards her room. I watch her go, agony stirring in my stomach. It’s killing me not to touch her, but it’s the right thing to do. Once she’s left the room completely I lean back in my chair trying to process everything. The truth definitely isn’t as bad as I had it in my mind, but I do feel like Lexi is holding back a little bit. I don’t think she’s holding back information necessarily, she was definitely very honest with me. I think it’s just fear.

  Maybe Trent really is this dangerous man, perhaps she should be worried…

  26

  Lexi

  My head tumbles, my heart races, walking away from Cooper is the hardest thing ever but I have to do it. We’re walking on egg shells around one another, trying to avoid the possibility of falling into one another’s arms, which only gets harder every single day. I lust after him so badly.

  Bleep, bleep.

  I smile to myself as my cell phone beeps with a message. I have a funny feeling that it’ll be Cooper.

  Unknown Number: Where are you? You didn’t tell me you left the hospital…

  Shit, it’s Trent. I’ve kept hidden away in Cooper’s home so I don’t see anyone to try and avoid him coming for me, but now he’s found another way to contact me. Somehow, he’s found my cell phone number. I freeze outside the bedroom just staring at the phone screen, wondering what to do.

  Unknown Number: Don’t you dare ignore me, Lexi. You won’t get away with it. I’ve already shown you that you can’t run. You can’t hide either. I will find you, wherever you are.

  Unknown Number: You can’t ignore me forever. You can’t ignore me at all.

  Unknown Number: I’m warning you, Lexi, don’t be a bitch. Don’t fucking play these games with me. I mean it. You might think you’re being all smart now, but I will make sure you regret it.

  Unknown Number: You are fucking making my mind up for me.

  The messages come in thick and fast, there isn’t any time for me to answer even if I wanted to which I definitely don’t. Either Trent is in a real temper or he’s drunk. Either way I’m petrified.

  Unknown Number: That’s it, I’m not giving you the choice now. You don’t get to be with me anymore. I’m going to fucking kill you. I’m going to absolutely destroy you.

  Unknown Number: I will rip you to shreds. You will
rue the day you met me.

  Unknown Number: I’m going to humiliate you the way you did me. I’m going to destroy your reputation and make you feel as bad as I do. I want you to know what this feels like. I want you to hurt as much as I do.

  Unknown Number: Are you ready to be destroyed, Lexi? Is this what you want? All because you can’t forgive a little bit of fun. One little fuck between mates and you can’t hack it? You can’t say that I embarrassed you because everyone is doing it. You aren’t some little snowflake all alone.

  Unknown Number: You need another fuck from me to remind you of how good we can be? Because I can arrange that. I can find you wherever you are and make that happen.

  Unknown Number: Lexi? I mean it, I swear to God, don’t fucking piss me off.

  Unknown Number: Right, Lexi, that is it. You’ve done it now. You’re dead.

  I can hardly breathe. The more the messages come in, the less I can see the screen. I grip onto the wall tight, trying to keep me standing. As soon as I fall, Cooper will be here. I should call him to get him to help me, I know that he will but something’s telling me that this is wrong. I should face this alone.

  Maybe it’s because he didn’t seem to believe me about Trent being in the hospital.

  Unknown Number: I’m closing in on you. Just know that I’m closing in on you. It won’t be long until I find you. I found you quick enough once before and it doesn’t matter that you aren’t at home.

  Unknown Number: Look over your shoulder, I might be there right now.

  Unknown Number: I’m fucking coming…

  I stagger into the room and chuck my cell phone on the bed. The messages keep on coming but I can’t look at them anymore. It’s too much, I can feel my insides ripping to shreds. I will never escape him, even if I hide for the rest of my life he will search for me. Trent needs to prove himself to his gang no matter what.

  “Fuck.” I shake my head desperately as tears stream down my face. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  The worlds tilts on a brand-new axis, I can barely keep upright any longer. I fall forwards onto the bed and sob into the pillow. I don’t know what I’m going to do now, I need to take action one way or another. The more I hide away here, the more I risk Cooper and Aubrey. The last thing I want to do is hurt them.

  I snap into action, whizzing around the room to pack up all my belongings. Thankfully, I don’t have many things, I didn’t bring much with me, so it doesn’t take me long. I can’t leave right now, I’m too scared to be at home in the dark all by myself, but tomorrow morning I will leave.

  I might even stop by the police station on the way. They want to take a statement from me anyway. I’ve avoided it so far because I don’t want to drag it all up again. But now I need to. I can’t keep shying away from it any longer. I grab my cell phone to turn it off, to block the messages out, but of course I can’t avoid the few that come through as I hit the off button. It’s horrible to see, but I suppose it counts as evidence. That’s something.

  Unknown Number: You fucking slut, I’m going to knock some sense into you.

  Unknown Number: I will rip your intestines from your body.

  Unknown Number: I’m going to slice you to bits and bury you in the woods.

  “Fucking hell,” I mutter sadly. “That’s intense. Too intense for me.”

  This is the worst outbreak I’ve ever heard from him. This is more horrendous than any of his tempers that have come before. I really am worried for my life now, I need help. I can’t do this by myself. Not anymore.

  I lie back in the bed and stare at the celling, wishing I could just get some sleep. I want to block everything out, I want to forget about it all, but it runs through my brains at a million miles an hour. Now all I can see in my mind’s eye is Trent doing all those horrific things he wants to do to me.

  If he gets his hands on me, what happens to me could be far worse than death.

  * * *

  “Pancakes okay for you?” Cooper asks in his dead sweet tone of voice. “With syrup? That’s how you like them, isn’t it?” He places a plate in front of me. “Lexi? Is that okay?”

  “Hmm, sorry?” I snap back into the present moment. “Oh sorry, thank you. That’s nice of you.”

  “Are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself this morning?”

  “I didn’t get much sleep.” That’s the simplest way to put it. “That’s all. I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure?” He narrows his eyes at me, seeing right through me. “Nothing you want to discuss?”

  I could tell him. It would be so easy for me to just spill the beans and tell him everything. I could lighten the load and get some help from him, but I’ve spent all night telling myself that I need to deal with this alone and I’ve convinced myself that’s the truth. I shake my head and shut him out of my issues.

  “Well, I’m headed into the office this morning, but I can come back later on?”

  “Would you mind dropping me off to the station on the way?”

  I give him a look, trying to communicate without saying too much. Not with Aubrey in the room. I don’t want her to pick up on anything wrong with me. I know that her mom died when she was very young but I’m sure she’s a perceptive kid. I bet she knows a whole lot more than anyone gives her credit for.

  “Oh!” His eyes widen in surprise. “You want to go today?”

  “Yeah, I think it’s for the best. I can’t put it off forever.”

  “Okay, well I can come in with you…”

  “No, no, that’s fine. This is something I need to do alone.”

  “Beeping!” Aubrey interrupts with a blissful, ignorant expression on her face.

  “Oh yeah, I can hear that. Is it your phone, Lexi?”

  I left it in my room hoping to avoid it for a while, but apparently there’s a lot of echo in this place.

  “Oh, maybe.”

  “Aren’t you going to get it? It sounds like someone is desperate to get hold of you?”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “What if it’s your mom though? I don’t want to make her worry.”

  I’m not going to be able to get away with this without acting weird, so I slide out of my chair and make a gesture towards the room that I’m going to answer the phone. I don’t trust myself to actually speak. My footsteps towards the room are slow and painful, my body reacts violently, all I want to do is stop. But I need to go and shut my phone off quickly before Cooper gets hold of it. I just need the messages to keep on coming so I have more to show the police. It really is a double-edged sword.

  Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep…

  My phone doesn’t stop, it’s like a bomb waiting to go off. I reach forward, trying not to touch it but at the same time, needing to touch it badly. I’m going to have to, I can’t avoid it.

  Unknown Number: I have a knife. I’m outside your apartment. Don’t come home.

  Unknown Number: Okay, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to kill you, I want to be with you.

  Unknown Number: Lexi, please just message me back…

  Unknown Number: Lexi, I love you. It’s always been you.

  Unknown Number: For fuck sake, Lexi, this is too much.

  It has to be temper. It can’t still be drink all these hours later. Well, I don’t think so anyway. Temper is almost worse because he’s in control of the situation. He hasn’t lost his mind, he doesn’t regret his words. He really means everything he says. He might even be outside my home with a knife, I wouldn’t put it past him.

  I turn my phone to silent and squeeze my eyes shut. My heart pounds loudly, I can feel it against my rib cage; fear cools me down but makes my blood run burning hot at the same time. My whole body trembles desperately; I can almost feel him all over me, around me. In this moment, it doesn’t even feel like Cooper can save me.

  “Are you coming, Lexi? The pancakes are getting cold.”

  “Y… yeah, I’m coming.”

  “Nothing to worry about on the phone, is it?”

  Ye
s, I need your help, please save me. I need you.

  “No, nothing at all.”

  It doesn’t matter. I’ll be in the police station anyway. I can get the professionals to help me. They will know exactly what I need to do next. I can finally get this weight off my chest. It’ll be great to let some of this off me. I’m aware that I might end up in trouble too, that’s why I’ve put this off for so long. Because I might get in shit for turning a blind eye, but if I’m going to get in trouble, then so be it. It’ll be worth it to take him down.

  “Right, Lexi,” I tell myself. “Just act normal for the rest of this morning, then sort it out. Do it for Cooper, do it for Aubrey. Then, my bag is already packed so I can leave them alone. Keep them out of this.”

  I nod to myself before plastering that all-too-familiar fake smile on my lips. I spin on my heels, leaving my now silent phone on the bed.

  27

  Cooper

  The drive to the police station is silent. I’ve tried to make conversation a couple of times, but she isn’t responding. I guess everything that she’s been through is going around in her mind and she can’t handle it.

  “Did you want to talk things through before you get there? Make sure you know what you’re saying.”

  “Well, they’re going to have a lot of questions for me, aren’t they? I’ll just answer them.”

  “Are you going to tell them about your… suspicions when it comes to the poisoning?”

  “It isn’t suspicions. He came to see me at the hospital, remember?”

  “I haven’t forgotten, It’s just… I don’t know, you haven’t said a lot about it since.”

  I know why, it’s because I haven’t shown her any real evidence that I believe her and while I feel bad about that, I’m still not one hundred percent convinced it wasn’t a dream. I just think if someone like Trent was going to do that to her, he would still be coming after her. More would have happened.

  Then again, I still haven’t come up with another suitable explanation.