This is Shyness

by Leanne Hall

  Doctor Gregory stops, and holds his hand up to keep his bodyguards at bay. I can’t tell if he’s trying to make me angry or placate me. He holds up the lighter.

  ‘I want you to consider me your friend,’ he says, and throws it to me. I catch it with one hand and automatically put it in my pocket.

  ‘You could come live at the institute. I know more about your condition than you realise. I’m happy to share what I know. There are others of your kind there. I think you would find that comforting. After all, you don’t have anyone left, do you?’

  Others of my kind. Maybe even a cure, or at least an explanation. He’s bluffing, isn’t he?

  The tall bodyguard strokes something at the side of his leg. I stare at his hand until I figure out he has a pair of handcuffs hanging from his belt. They mean to take me with force. The doctor’s smarmy voice rolls on.

  ‘Your little girlfriend’s abandoned you. No parents, no brother…’

  I leap up onto the concrete barricade as swiftly as I can without losing my balance. The trowel drops to the ground and bounces away. I straighten my legs until I’m more or less upright. The parapet is about a foot wide. I keep my arms out for balance, and I avoid looking to my left, at the yawning twelve-floor drop.

  If animal is what they want, then animal is what they’ll get.

  I face the men and growl, with my lips pulled back and my head shaking from side to side.

  Doctor Gregory shouts a quick warning to his bodyguards to hang back. All three men look up at me with expressions that are equal parts horror and fascination.

  ‘Hold on, Jethro—’ the doctor starts, but I’m away.

  I run along the knife-edge of the parapet with the biggest strides I dare. I howl as I run, high and loud as I turn the first corner. I run faster up the next length towards the glow of the doorway. I leap back down, hitting the ground running and hurdle a stack of milk crates that blocks my path. I’m close to the door when—SLAM!

  I run at full speed into the taller bodyguard. He barely stumbles and has time to land a punch in my gut. My vision dims. When it clears I slam my right fist into his chest. I follow up with my left, barely looking at my target. I feel the bodyguard’s skull as my knuckles connect. I don’t stop as he hits the ground.

  I run towards the yellow glow of the only exit. I clock Delany trying to intercept me, and behind him the dark floating smudge of Doctor Gregory. Delany is too slow.

  My feet act on their own, carrying me through the doorway and down towards the stairwell.

  I look back to see Doctor Gregory standing in the doorframe. He watches me go, smoothing his hair with one hand.

  27

  I have the basement door open when I hear it. Reverberating around the stairwell.

  A howl.

  A long, strangled howl that could only come from Wolfboy.

  The sound of him in pain.

  I reverse back up the stairs without thinking, covering a flight before I hesitate. What if it’s a trap? What if I make it worse? I’ll be useless in a fight.

  I turn around and keep going to the basement. Tears start falling and they don’t stop. The metal grate still lies on the floor at the entrance to the tunnel. How long has it been since Wolfboy and I were here? I stare at the square opening. It doesn’t look so appealing now that I’m on my own. I pick the grate up; I can balance it against the entrance to make it look as if it’s sealed. I position myself to crawl into the gap, and pull the grate until it lies along the edge. I slide onto my stomach and push myself in backwards. I hope that I’ll be able to hold on to the edge with one hand, and drag the grate with the other. But as soon as I slide past my ribs I fall all the way, losing my grip. My hands scrape against the tunnel wall. ‘Shit!’ I say, to no one in particular.

  The tunnel is empty, but I don’t feel like waiting underneath the entrance, exposed. I nurse my hands and walk until I spot an alcove in the wall behind a bundle of pipes. I bend down for a closer look. The space is bigger than I expected. Someone has turned it into a cubbyhole, with blankets and cushions.

  My ukulele jams against the pipes, so I slip it off and crawl into the cubby. I sit on a cushion and wipe my face with the corner of a blanket. I am completely and utterly out of my depth.

  I wish I’d hurt my hands worse because it’s what I deserve. I should have gone back but now it’s probably too late. Wolfboy could be lying on the roof, bleeding or unconscious. Doctor Gregory and those men could load him into their car and drive away. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. I’ve got nothing left; my wallet, phone and keys are in Wolfboy’s bag. What am I supposed to do? Walk home and pretend none of this happened? That I didn’t meet him, that he never existed?

  I’ll wait for ten minutes, or what I guess ten minutes to be. I don’t want to go back out there. I don’t want this to be the way it ends.

  My eyes aren’t closed long before I hear someone landing in the tunnel. I’m too tired to consider fighting so I just sit and wait. A face appears under the pipes.

  Wolfboy looks as bad as I feel, but relieved to see me. ‘Hey,’ I say, as he squeezes into the cubby. I raise two fingers in the peace sign. ‘Magic Happens.’

  Wolfboy crawls across the floor and falls into me, burying his face in my neck. I have to bite my lip so I won’t cry again. And then, embarrassingly, I do.

  I cry for way too long in a very hiccupy and undignified fashion before pulling away to look at Wolfboy. His hair is mussed up and he has a scrape on one cheek. The fight has gone from his eyes.

  ‘I didn’t get the card’ is the first thing he says.

  The card is the furthest thing from my mind. I can scarcely believe that he’s here, alive. I heard him howl like someone was stabbing him through the heart with the trowel.

  ‘I don’t care about that. You’re safe. Did you get your lighter?’

  He nods.

  ‘That’s good.’ It’s reassuring that we didn’t do this for nothing, but the lighter seems less important now. ‘I’m so sorry. It was my fault we got trapped.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid. It’s no one’s fault.’

  Wolfboy’s hand is grimy with dust and blood. ‘Are you hurt?’

  He follows my gaze. ‘It’s not my blood.’ His hand trembles under mine, and I realise he’s as shaken up as I am. I touch his cheek. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  I wipe my tears away again. I must look like shit. My glamour days are definitely over. ‘What happened?’

  ‘Doctor Gregory…’ Wolfboy struggles for words. ‘There’s something really wrong with that guy.’

  ‘He’s a total creep. How did you get away from them?’ ‘I didn’t know what to do, so I leaped up on the wall. Ran around the edge howling like a madman.’

  ‘You what?’ I try to picture the wind grabbing at Wolfboy, the enormous space above and below.

  ‘I ran around howling and they all watched me like I was a nature documentary.’

  So that was the howling I heard. Some of the tightness in my chest dissipates.

  ‘And then?’

  ‘I made a break for the door. And then I took the stairs.’

  ‘They let you go without a fight?’

  Even as I’m asking I realise I already know the answer. Wolfboy’s face flames with more than just the graze on his cheek. ‘No. I took care of them.’

  ‘Meaning?’ I look at his bloody hand again.

  ‘Meaning, I punched one of them in the head so hard I don’t think he’ll wake up until next year. And I head-butted the other one. Doctor Gregory watched me do it.’ Wolfboy’s hands wrap around his head as if he’s trying to hold the pieces of his skull together.

  ‘I think I heard his nose break.’

  ‘They were trying to hurt you,’ I tell him, rubbing his leg. ‘You had to.’

  ‘It was like I was outside my body, watching myself do it. It was easy. But now I feel sick.’

  ‘Because you’re a good person. That�
��s why. You didn’t have a choice.’

  He’s still cloudy with doubt. Whenever there are fights at the Commons, the fighters always seem so proud afterwards, even if they’ve lost. It’s never occurred to me that they might go home and feel ashamed.

  ‘And you didn’t see the Elf?’ I ask.

  When I came off the roof I was ready to do battle with my gardening fork, but the Elf was nowhere to be seen.

  ‘No. I was so worried he would be waiting for you in the stairwell. When I saw the grate had been moved I knew you’d made it. And once I was in the tunnel I saw your ukulele.’

  Wow. That was real smart of me. Maybe I could have flown some kind of welcome flag and let off a flare while I was at it. ‘What do we do now?’ I ask.

  Right now the only thing I want to do is curl up and sleep for a few hours, but we’re still under the evil empire, and not that well hidden. At least a few Kidds must know about these tunnels.

  ‘I think we should see where the tunnel takes us.’

  ‘Okaaay,’ I say.

  ‘I thought you were fine with being underground.’

  ‘You didn’t like it at first either. What if we’re wandering around for days without food and water?’

  ‘And in fifty years’ time they’ll find our skeletons, one of them with a bony hand extended in despair?’ Wolfboy does a pretty hot impersonation of a grasping skeleton.

  ‘Exactly. I could figure out the direction of the tunnels between the buildings in Orphanville, but once we go beyond that I have no idea.’

  ‘We’ll work it out. The tunnels will take us somewhere.’

  I look into his eyes. I can only see their shine and not their colour in this light. I’m so glad he doesn’t blame me.

  I don’t know why I cried so much. It’s not like me at all.

  ‘And are you okay?’ It’s his turn to ask.

  ‘I’m just relieved.’

  Wolfboy looks a million times better than when I first met him. I know what lies underneath now. His patience. The way he’ll make a joke and then look like he wants to take it back. How he listens to me, really listens. How he’s survived the terrible things that have happened to him.

  He stares back, and we really see each other. Wolfboy touches me on the tip of my nose with one finger, making me smile. I move closer, very slowly. His breath is hot and short against my cheek. I close my eyes at the last minute, and feel his lips against mine. Soft. I let my lips rest on his for a few seconds and then I pull away. He gently pulls me back in.

  twenty-eight

  The ceiling is still high enough to walk upright, but the tunnel has narrowed noticeably. The walls are lined with orange styrofoam in parts.

  ‘Is there any chance the Elf knows we’re using the tunnels?’ Wildgirl asks.

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  I suppose while we were on the roof he could have followed our trail here, but I don’t think it’s likely.

  ‘Blake said he could climb.’ Wildgirl is anxious. ‘I keep imagining I’m going to look behind us and he’ll be crawling on the ceiling like a spider.’

  There’s a comforting vision. I stop and face her. It’s too easy to get spooked in the Darkness. You have to keep on top of your more paranoid thoughts. ‘I think he went to find the rest of the Six-Sevens,’ I say. ‘He would have won big points with Doctor Gregory for luring us to Orphanville. That would have been enough. He won’t bother us anymore.’

  Tonight at least, I think, but don’t say. We pulled the grate back over the entrance and secured it to some pipes with the rope I had in my bag. Of course there’s the basement entrance in Seven and more in other buildings, but the acoustics are so good down here we’d get fair warning. There’ve been no obstacles so far and we’ve made good progress.

  ‘Was that what this was all about? Luring us to Orphanville?’

  I hold my arm over a low part of the ceiling while Wild-girl passes. She has something blue and spangly wrapped around her head like a turban. No one else could get away with it. She looks beautiful.

  ‘I don’t know what to think.’

  Doctor Gregory had done his research. I was his mark, and he thought he knew how to get me.

  ‘We walked right into their trap.’

  ‘Yeah. They knew I wouldn’t let the lighter go easily.’ The problem was, I almost did let it go. If it wasn’t for Wildgirl I might have. It turns out I’m more of a coward than they thought I was. ‘Maybe they didn’t expect me to do anything about it tonight, but—’

  ‘Why didn’t they just ask for the card? I would have handed it over. Why go to all that trouble?’

  ‘I don’t think the card has anything to do with it. The Kidds only saw you with it at Little Death—after they stole the lighter. They didn’t know about it when they mugged us.’

  ‘Then why?’

  I sigh. Doctor Gregory knows too much about me. The way he stood there and fixed his hair, watching me leave. He didn’t look worried about letting me go. He looked like a man who was biding his time.

  ‘I think he wants to collect me, like a specimen in a jar,’ I say eventually, even though I’m sure it’s more complicated than that. Somehow Doctor Gregory got what he wanted, even though I got to leave with the lighter.

  ‘If they didn’t give a shit about the card I wish they could have let me keep it.’

  ‘And have you run around spending their money? I don’t think so.’

  The tunnel broadens again and we follow it to the right. So far we haven’t reached any intersections. That’s when things will get tricky.

  ‘Wait, Wolfie!’ Wildgirl pauses and looks directly upwards. ‘Did you see this?’

  I join her. I missed the barred hole with fresh air flowing through it. The night sky is visible. I brace my arms against the walls, and then step up on some pipes, so that I’m closer to the ceiling. I can’t see anything more, but I can smell fresh air. It’s quiet above ground.

  ‘Do you think we can get the cover off?’ Wildgirl asks. I run my fingers around the edges of the hole, and it feels like the bars are cemented in.

  ‘No. It’s good though because it means we’re close to the surface. We should look for another exit close by.’

  ‘Are we far enough away from Orphanville?’

  ‘Yeah. I have a feeling we’re near the memorial gardens.’ We keep moving forwards, passing a circular tunnel. ‘What am I looking for?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I say. ‘Another grate, or a ladder, or a manhole.’

  I reverse a few steps and look down the tunnel. It’s pitch-black and oozes damp air.

  ‘Do you think there’s something down here?’

  I shrug. I have a hunch, that’s all.

  ‘Hey,’ Wildgirl says, ‘let me into your backpack. I’ve got a light on my keys that I totally forgot about.’

  I turn my back to her and feel her fumbling with the zip of my pack. It’s a lot lighter now.

  ‘I’m glad you hung on to your bag. I would have had to kick your ass if you lost all my stuff.’

  I probably wouldn’t mind that, although if I were given a choice, I’d opt for another kiss. It’s the first time I’ve been so close to someone since I’ve changed. Kissing felt better than I remembered, but it also felt like it was something I had to be careful about. It never felt that way before.

  Wildgirl’s keyring throws off a surprisingly strong beam. She stalks into the old tunnel, sweeping the light back and forth. After a few minutes lingering in the one spot, she calls out. ‘Wolfie, come look at this!’

  Wildgirl illuminates the side of the tunnel, which gives way to a narrow room. At the back of the room is a rusty spiral staircase.

  It’s hard to see where the staircase leads, but it can’t be far. Wildgirl holds her keyring up as high as she can, but the dark eats up all the light. The staircase is big enough for only one person at a time.

  ‘What if it doesn’t go anywhere?’

  ‘Let’s find out. I’ll go first.’ She takes my
bag and soon I can see only her legs, leaving me to climb in darkness.

  I reach out to get my bearings, and find the walls wrapping closely around the staircase, as if we’re climbing a smoke stack. My arms and legs don’t straighten fully, and the narrow steps are more like rungs on a ladder. The black is so complete I can’t see my own hands.

  I’m confused after a few metres. How can we be climbing so far when we’re just below the surface?

  ‘I’ve reached the end.’ Wildgirl’s voice is stifled.

  ‘Can we get out?’

  I hear Wildgirl fumble with my bag. ‘You’ve got a spanner in here, right?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘It’s locked.’

  There’s a dull clang as Wildgirl bashes the spanner against the lock. She swears and puts more force into her blows. ‘Got it!’

  Her feet disappear. She laughs above me, but the sound fades weirdly, as if she’s falling upwards.

  First air, then moonlight floods the staircase. I see a square of starry sky above, then I half-fall, half-crawl out of the hole. The ground is further away than I think it’s going to be, and I tumble over with my arms shielding my head. When I come to a rest Wildgirl is at my feet, laughing and pointing. I look behind me.

  We’re in the middle of an empty pond. Behind me is a fountain decorated with cherubs and a horse. I recognise the fountain as the one at the centre of the memorial gardens, but I don’t remember ever seeing the small door set into its side, a metre or so above the ground.

  When Wildgirl stops being amused at my expense, I let her climb onto my shoulders while I stand on the stone rim of the pond. Only a few of Orphanville’s towers are visible above the trees, but it seems like every light is on. Our escapades haven’t gone unnoticed.

  I lower Wildgirl carefully. She’s starting to shiver despite her jumper and jeans. Even my breath is misting in the air. It’s late. The night is always coldest before dawn, even though the sun won’t rise over the gardens.

  ‘What is that thing on your head?’

  She takes it off and shows me.