It's All Thanks to Santa

by Kayt Miller

  “Fuck,” he moans. “JoJo, you’re so fucking sexy.”

  “I know.” I sigh then giggle. “Now, chop-chop.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” And he does. He wraps it up and shows me how much he loves me. Twice.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sitting down at my parents’ kitchen table is stressful on a normal day. Today is ten times worse because I’ve got to tell them about Gisele and the quilt. I’ve already seen the damage in the basement. I think Mom, or maybe it was Dad, threw away the worst of it. What remained was several boxes of clothing, jewelry, books, and knickknacks that Gisele decided to shred. What she couldn’t cut, she just broke or tore apart. Mom thought I could probably glue some of the knickknacks back together. She’s delusional. But I’ll take the boxes with me and go through them at Billy’s place. No need to go through all that here.

  “So, something happened with Gisele in the city.”

  “Oh?” my mom asks as she stands up from the table. “Let me get more tea.”

  “Mom?” I look up at her. “Please sit.”

  Without a word, she does as I ask.

  “She did several things, actually. The first happened when Billy and I were out at a restaurant. She approached the table, called me several names that I won’t repeat here, and then she slapped me.” I point to my cheek. “Billy had to take me to a clinic because she’d reopened the scratches.”

  “Oh, well, you look fine.” Mom is taping her long nails on the table now. She’s not going to stick around for much more of this.

  “Then, when we got back to Billy’s place—”

  “Billy’s place?” Mom snaps. “I thought you were staying at Julie’s.”

  “Not yet. I’m supposed to go over to her place tonight.”

  “Oh.” Mom nods.

  “Anyway, when we got back…” I can’t say it. It’s difficult to think about. “She had broken into Billy’s place and….”

  Billy places his hand around my shoulder. “She destroyed JoJo’s quilt. It was in shreds.”

  At the same time, Mom and Dad both speak. They say different things. “My mother’s quilt?” asks Dad while Mom asks, “That old thing?”

  I stare at my mom in disbelief. “It was my most prized possession.” And she knows it. Everyone knows it. It’s why Gisele did it.

  “It was a blanket.” I swear she rolls her eyes. My mom rolls her eyes at me and my quilt.

  “Pam.” My dad stands up from the table. His eyes look red and a little wet. “My mother made that for her. It was the last quilt she made before she died, and I know she put her heart and soul into that blanket for Jo. So, please don’t sit there and pretend you don’t know that.”

  “Stephen, I know you miss your mother, but—”

  “No ‘buts’ Pam. Gisele has gone too far. First she hurts Jo physically; then she destroys her belongings. We just decided to ignore that. But, this—”

  “Gisele is just over stressed from work,” Mom defends.

  “She won’t be for long,” Billy mutters.

  Mom turns to him and glares. I’ve never seen that look before. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, JoJo is getting a restraining order against her later today, and I’ve already notified the senior partners about her actions over the past few days.”

  “How. Dare. You?” Mom yells as she stands up. “How dare you hurt Gisele?”

  “Pam—” My dad doesn’t get to finish.

  “My daughter has worked her tail off to get where she is. She’s won every case—”

  “About that,” Billy interrupts. “She’s lost all but one of her cases.”

  “Lies.” Mom slaps her hand down on the table. She’s now a shade of red I thought only possible in a box of crayons.

  “Pamela.” My dad shouts. “Enough.”

  “Fuck you, Stephen.”

  I gasp. My dad gasps. And I think maybe Billy did too. Mom doesn’t cuss. Especially not at Dad. When Dad’s done glaring at Mom, he turns to me. “You do what you need to do. If I need to go with you to help get the restraining order, I will.” He turns to face Mom. “As for you”—he points at her—“we’re done.”

  Mom’s mouth is opening and closing like a fish. “We’re done? What does that mean?”

  “I’ve spent the better part of this marriage going along with you about Gisele. But no more. She needs help, Pam.”

  Mom is beyond angry. I can tell by her steely eyes and gritted teeth. “Gisele is perfect.”

  “Ha!” I shouldn’t have said it, but I did.

  “Get out!” Mom screams at me. “Get the hell out of my house!”

  Shocked but not surprised, I quickly stand up from the table, making my chair fall back onto the floor. Looking at my dad, I give him a small smile. Then, I turn to Billy. “Let’s go.”

  As soon as we pass the threshold of the dining room, I hear my dad.

  “For the record, this is my house. I think you should go stay with your sister for a while.”

  “What?” Mom’s voice has changed. It’s no longer merry and sweet. It’s demonic now. “You need to go.”

  Dad chuckles. “Go stay with Gisele. I’m sure the two of you will have a grand ole time together.”

  “You know what, asshole? I think I will.”

  “Good. Go.” Dad isn’t letting up. I’m surprised. He’s never talked back to her. Ever.

  My visit to my parents’ place was short, but not sweet. At least we got back to the city by three, which gave Billy and me enough time to see if the no-contact order had gotten approved. It had. “They’ll serve her as soon as today. This will be a temporary no-contact order. We’ll have to appear in court for a hearing for the permanent order.”

  At four, I tell Billy, “Welp, I should probably hit the road.”

  “What?” Billy says, startled. “Hit the road?”

  I nod. “I’m having a girls’ night with Julie tonight.”

  “You are?”

  Did I not tell him that? “I am. I told you, right?”

  He shakes his head slowly. “Are you spending the night?”

  “Yes. That’s the plan.” But I don’t really want to now. “You know the deal, chick flicks, wine, and bitching about men.”

  “I’ll drop you off and pick you up in the morning.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to go change then and pack an overnight bag. I need to be to her place by five.”

  “I’m going to get some work done while you’re gone, then.”

  I smile at him. I lean down and kiss his cheek. “Sounds good.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Men suck,” Jules says, drunkenly holding her wine glass up to mine.

  “Most men suck,” I say in reply. What? I’m not about to group Billy in with her asshole ex.

  “Oh my God. You’re in love.” She cackles. “Most men suck?”

  I shrug. What can I say? I’m here to help her through this, not bad-mouth one of the good guys.

  Suddenly, the tears start to fall. “I m-m-miss him so much,” Julie sobs.

  “I know.” I pat her knee. “But he was sort of a douche.”

  “I kn-know.” She sobs some more. “But he was my douche.”

  I guess there’s something to be said there. He was definitely her douche.

  “Maybe I should just call him.”

  “No!” I say quickly. “Do. Not. Call him.”

  “But….”

  “No. You’re drunk. You’ll regret it tomorrow.”

  “No, I won’t. I m-miss him.”

  With a sigh, I take her wine glass from her and set it on the table. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I get her to focus on my words. “He slept with your sister.” Mind you, I don’t feel like I can really get on my soap box about that one since I slept with Billy. Oh, hell, of course I can, my situation was totally different. “He stole money out of your wallet a million times. Remember the time you—”

  “I know. He was a terrible boyfriend, but I loved him.�
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  “Yes, you did. He didn’t deserve you. You want to know who does deserve you?”

  She nods then sniffles.

  “A guy who doesn’t fuck around on you and who has a job. Any job.”

  “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

  I’m waiting for the “but” to come from her lips. But it doesn’t because her cell rings. As she picks the phone up, I look down to see who’s calling her at one in the morning. “It’s him,” she whispers, but she’s drunk, so it’s not really a whisper.

  Just as I say, “Decline the call,” she answers.

  “Hello?”

  She listens for a beat or two, then stands holding up one finger to me in the “just a second” sign. As she walks away toward her bedroom, I hear her say. “I’ve missed you too.”

  And that’s all I need to know this night is over and that the last thing I want to do is sleep on her couch while she makes up with her asshole boyfriend. “Nope. Not gonna do it.” Besides, I want to be in bed with Billy. Finding a pen on her kitchen counter. I leave her a note.

  Jules,

  Heading home. I hope things work out. Call me tomorrow. Xoxo Joey

  I could call Billy. I’m sure he’d pick me up, but it’s late and no doubt he’s in bed by now. Waving down a taxi, I hope I’ve got enough money in my account to pay for the ride home. After giving them Billy’s address, I sit back and stare out the window as the lights of Chicago pass me by. When the taxi pulls up to the front of his building, I can’t help noticing the red sports car parked on the street. “Gisele.” Her stupid car is right there. It’s not an uncommon car, but she’s got personalized plates with her name right on them, so I know for sure it’s her. “What are you doing here, Gizzy?”

  Paying the man through the credit card machine, I slide out of the car with my bag and quickly get low to the ground. If my sister’s in her car, I don’t want her to see me. Like a chubby ninja, I move low to the ground and let the cars in front of my sister’s protect me. When I get close, I use a side mirror on a Mercedes to check out Gisele’s car. I don’t think she’s inside, but there is someone in the passenger seat. Mom. Which means Gisele’s either lurking somewhere on this street or—I look up at Billy’s building—ten bucks says she’s up there.

  Working back the way I came, I get to the sidewalk in front of the building. Holding tight to my bag, I make a run for the front door hoping my mom doesn’t spot me. Inside the grand entry of his building, I look around the space for any sign of my sister. When the coast is clear, I press the elevator button and wait for it to arrive. Once inside, I enter the code for his floor 0-7-1-0. Thankfully, I remembered the number, which is honestly, a miracle after the day I’ve had.

  When the doors open, I decide to peek out into the hallway to make sure she’s not there. I don’t want to walk into an ambush. The coast is clear. At his door, I’m about to use the fingerprint reader when I hear her voice. She’s loud, yes, but she has to be near the door for me to hear her that clearly. Without thinking, I pull my phone out and dial 911. I know this isn’t going to end well. After I call in that we’ve got an intruder, I hit record. Better safe than sorry.

  “I noticed you dropped her off with her shit. Didn’t take you long to get sick of her.”

  She followed us? Holy shit, the woman is cray-cray.

  I can’t hear him. He must be farther back.

  Gisele laughs. “I knew you’d get tired of her. She’s the world’s biggest loser.”

  “I’m not a loser,” I whisper to myself.

  “It’s not too late. We can patch things up and show the partners we’re a real couple.”

  “No,” he says just loud enough for me to hear.

  “No? You’re saying no?”

  His voice is getting clearer. “That’s right. No. You’re unstable.”

  Oh, shit. Don’t antagonize her, Billy.

  “Did you have to destroy her quilt?”

  “Oh my God!” she shouts. “That stupid, fucking quilt. It was ugly as sin. I did her a favor.” She scoffs. “Granny Foster always liked her best.”

  So, she was jealous of me and Grandma Foster? Typical.

  “You broke into my place.”

  “No, I used my fingerprint. You had me programmed in the system.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “I noticed. You let me in instead.”

  “You need to leave.”

  “Why? You’ve dumped my sister—”

  “No, I haven’t. She’s staying with a friend for the night.”

  “You’re still seeing my sister?” Gisele’s voice has gone up an octave. That’s not a good sign.

  “Yes. I’m in love with JoJo.”

  Oh, shit.

  “You’re what!” Gisele the banshee screams. “How long have you been fucking her?”

  “Since the night we met at Dingus’.”

  “And you love her?” I can’t stress enough how scary my sister’s voice is. What is Billy doing? She’s probably got a knife on her. At the very least, she’s got those pointy nails.

  Then, I hear the sound of loud thumps and one masculine yelp. She’s attacking my Billy. I can’t wait any longer. I press my finger on the reader and listen for the click of the door. When it disengages, I turn the knob and pull it open in time to see Billy on his back and Gisele on top of him, and yep, she’s got something in her hand and Billy’s got red seeping into his shirt.

  “Stop!” I shout at my sister.

  I’m not sure if it was the right thing or wrong thing to do, but what it does do is take her attention away from Billy and right on to me.

  “You!” she growls. “I’m going to end you. I should have done it twenty years ago when I had the chance.”

  I chuckle. “God, you’re absolutely crazy, Gizzy.” No, I’m not being glib. I’m just trying to get her away from Billy.

  “You’re fucking dead, bitch.” She’s now standing and moving toward me.

  I raise my hands and gesture for her to come get me. “I’m ready, psycho.”

  Screaming at the top of her lungs, Gisele raises the sharp shiny thing in the air and starts to charge toward me. I’m prepared with the door. The plan is to open it and step out into the hallway so Billy can shut the door to protect himself, but that’s not what happens. Instead of doing that, Billy reaches out and wraps his arms around one of her legs as she’s moving toward me, causing her to lose her balance. Like in slow motion, I watch Gisele’s arms swing around and her face contort from anger, to fear, back to anger, all while falling forward. I move to her left, away from her right hand that’s wielding the weapon. She’s reaching for me, attempting to get that knife as close to me as she can, but as she falls, she isn’t able to move the knife away from herself. When I hear her hit the ground, her scream is bloodcurdling. The knife has gone into her shoulder. I can see it from here as well as the blood that’s begun to appear on Billy’s pretty hardwood floors.

  “Gisele?”

  Billy and I turn to the voice. My mom is standing in the open doorway staring down at my sister. Running to her, she gets on her knees to see to Gisele. But what she says next is more than I can take. “What did you do, Josephine?”

  Billy places a hand on my shoulder. When I look at him, he shakes his head. I guess he wants me to remain silent. I can do that.

  “Gisele?” Mom says, leaning over my sister.

  “I told you to stay in the fucking car, Mother.”

  “I know. But you were gone so long. I was afraid….” Her words are stopped when the elevator doors open and two uniformed police officers step out. Since the door is open, Mom moves out of the way quickly.

  We all stare as they approach the open door. “Police,” one of them says in a deep voice.

  The other one asks, “What’s happening here?”

  My mom is about to say something stupid. Pointing at me, she starts to say, “They—”

  “No.” I shake my head. “We didn’t do a damn thing.”


  I step over to the cop in front. “When I got home, she”—I point to my sister—“was on top of him with a weapon.” I point to the cuts on his shirt and the blood still seeping. “He needs an ambulance.”

  “So do I,” my sister whines.

  I ignore her. “When I came in, she turned and came for me. Billy grabbed her foot, and she fell on whatever she’s got in her hand.”

  The cop looks at my mom. “And you are?”

  “An accessory,” says Billy loud enough for everyone to hear.

  She glares at him. “I was in the car.”

  Well, she didn’t help her case there.

  “She said she was just coming up to say hello,” Mom tries to explain.

  I snort then release a cackle-like laugh. “Right.” I roll my eyes. “You’d better stop talking, Mom.”

  “That’s your mother?”

  “Yes.” I point at Gisele. “And that’s my psycho sister. I’ve got a no-contact order against her.”

  “Right,” says cop number one. “Ambulance is on the way. As soon as they’re checked out, we need to start from the beginning.”

  “Right.” Damn, this is going to be a long night.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “I may never get over watching my mom get handcuffed.”

  I’m in bed with Billy after a very long night first with the police, then at the emergency room. Billy’s wounds were superficial, but Gisele’s required surgery. Unfortunately for her, they took Mom into the station while they transported Gizzy to the hospital.

  “Your dad was pretty upset.”

  “I feel sorry for him. I know he loves my mom, but things have gotten strained. I blame myself.”

  “Nope. You’re not doing that. This is all on Gisele. She’s done all of this herself. You’re the victim. In a sense, so is your mom.”

  “I can see that.” I sigh. “Dad is going to try to bail Mom out, but he isn’t going to help Gisele out of this one.”