Craving Forbidden (Craving Series Book 8)

by Crave Publishing

  The next Sunday, I went to Tessa’s house. Same routine, except this time, I kind of wanted to go.

  Upstairs, I laid in my spot and opened my arms for her.

  She snuggled against me, resting her head on my chest, throwing a flannel-covered leg over mine. “Thanks, Ryder,” she whispered.

  Squeezing her to my side, her soft curves melted into me. I took a deep inhale and smelled her usual berry shampoo. Then I whispered, “I’m sorry about your husband.”

  Saying the five words was risky. She could have flipped out. She could have kicked me out, or called Danny and gotten me fired. Instead, in typical Tessa fashion, she said, “Thank you.”

  I closed my eyes in the dark room, letting myself relax, meditating with the sweet woman in my arms.

  When she spoke to me, I was so surprised that my heartbeat spiked, jolting me.

  “This is what I miss most.”

  I rubbed her waist. “Did he hold you like this?”

  She nodded against my chest. “Every night.”

  “Then he was a lucky man.” I wasn’t throwing her a line. Anyone who got to spend nights with someone they loved was lucky in my book.

  For a minute, she didn’t answer, but I felt the wetness of her tears soak through my shirt.

  “Since it happened, I’m always scared, Ryder. My therapist—”

  The ding from my phone alarm interrupted her, and I wanted to throw the stupid thing across the room.

  She sat up. “Your fee is on the dresser.”

  I reached for her shoulder. “It’s okay. We can talk longer. On the house.” I didn’t want to leave, not when she was attempting to share with me.

  “Thank you, but you should go.”

  Pressing my lips together to avoid arguing with her, I took the money off the dresser and pocketed it. That’s what I was there for, I reminded myself. “Is there anything else you need tonight?”

  Her tiny voice replied, “No.” But as I was about to leave the room, she called me back.

  I spun to face her.

  “I wanted to tell you…” Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. “Forget it. Thank you.”

  “If only I had a dime for every time you say thank you.” With a chuckle, I looked down at her. “What did you really want to tell me?”

  She lifted a shoulder, shooting me a shy look from under her lashes. “That I like you. And I appreciate your time. Thank—”

  “Don’t say it.” I touched her cheek. “I like you too, Tessa.”

  March went out like a lamb, and then April flowers happened, and by May summer teased New Jersey with a couple of hot days. Every Sunday night I went to Tessa’s. By the time the weather changed, I started feeling guilty taking her money, especially since I needed the night together more than she did.

  At some point, I’d grown addicted to my Sunday night hour of peace with the sweet woman in my arms. She’d started talking to me, little by little, about her week. She asked me about my life, and I told her the truth. All through the spring, she never made a move to do more than just be with me. That she didn’t want anything except the pleasure of my company made me feel special, but at the same time, used. I played a role for her—the role of her dead husband. The fact that she didn’t want to know me for me was what made me take the money week after week.

  But I hated when the damn phone alarm dinged that our time was over. I’d actually adjusted it to give us five extra minutes because I grew to dread leaving her. I thought about asking her out so we could get to know each other for real, but whenever I’d try to form the words, I’d stumble on the fact that I was a male escort she hired and she was as pure as gold.

  How could I date an angel when all week, I was the devil, fucking women for money?

  We didn’t belong together, except for our time in her little bedroom on the cul-de-sac. Certainly, we didn’t belong out in the world. So whenever I had the urge to move my relationship with Tessa from business to pleasure, I stopped myself.

  One Sunday night in May after the alarm dinged, I asked her if there was anything I could do for her, like I always did.

  She wrapped her arms under her breasts and twisted, looking around the room. “Well…”

  “What is it?” My words were fast—I was desperate for her to need me. “I’m here for you.”

  “It has nothing to do with your job, but I could use a hand with something.”

  I followed Tessa outside to her car parked in the driveway. She popped the trunk. “I bought this bag of mulch to do some landscaping, but I can’t lift it out. I didn’t want to bother the neighbors, and I took the day off tomorrow to plant, but…oh, forget it.”

  Jesus. This woman was too much, acting like she was asking me to cure cancer or something. “Of course. Where do you want it?”

  I hoisted it over my shoulder and followed her to the back of the house. A motion detector light turned on, shining on a patio and sizeable yard. She pointed to a bushy area near the fence.

  “If you put it there, I’ll rip it open tomorrow and scoop from the bag.”

  I dropped the heavy bag as carefully as I could. “Do you need help?”

  Her eyes widened. “With my gardening?”

  “Sure. I’m usually free on Monday mornings.”

  “Oh, um…” She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “I don’t know.”

  Shifting my weight, I suddenly felt nervous. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “No, no. It’s just that you’re not in my budget for twice a week.”

  I hated that she thought she’d have to pay me. “Shit, Tessa. Off the books.”

  She paused for a second, studying me, then said, “I’d appreciate the help. Thank you, Ryder.”

  My heart sped up. “Great. And my real name is Massimo. Massimo Constantino. You can call me ‘Max.’”

  She gasped. “All these months I had no idea that you used a fake name. I guess in your line of business that’s wise. I’m an idiot.”

  “You’re not an idiot. Not at all. And I trust you with the information.”

  “Thank you, Ry…Max.” Smiling, she looked up at me. “I’ll have to get used to it.”

  I liked the sound of that. Her getting used to calling me ‘Max’ meant that she’d be using my name in the future. Which meant that Tessa was now a part of my life—my real life.

  Chapter 4

  On Monday morning, Danny held out his hand for the money when I stopped at the office before heading to Tessa’s. I dropped the cash without a word, and he didn’t look up from his ledger.

  “Why did Tessa call last night and request ‘Max’ for next Sunday?”

  Fuck. “I let it slip.” Sort of true.

  He stood chest-to-chest with me, eyes glued to mine. “Did you fuck her yet?”

  I stared at him blankly, hating his crudeness in a question about Tessa.

  “What the hell is going on over there?”

  Still, I didn’t answer, trying my best to put on an air of nonchalance.

  “I’m pulling you.” With that, he spun and sat back at his desk.

  “What? No.” I couldn’t be taken from Tessa, just when I was starting to…to what? I cleared my throat. “I mean, she won’t want anyone else, and don’t you like the money?”

  He darted his dark eyes my way. “You’re getting too close. I can see it. I can feel it. I’m not going to let you jeopardize my reputation.”

  “It’s under control,” I said. “I swear.”

  Danny tsked then turned back to his paperwork, clearly done with the conversation.

  As I made my way to Tessa’s, though, I felt the spring in my step. I arrived exactly on time, with two iced coffees. I had no idea if she even drank iced coffee, but I wanted to show up with something. Being together during the daylight would be new to us, outside the confines of her little room.

  She’d left a note on the front door:

  In the back.

  I jumped off the porch and walked along th
e driveway. Even at the ungodly early hour, the late May sun heated the air. I was glad I wore a light, cotton t-shirt and my loose gym shorts. In the backyard, Tessa was bent over her patch of landscaping, patting the dirt in front of her, that full ass high and on display in a pair of khaki shorts.

  She hadn’t seen me yet. Sitting back on the heels of her bare feet, she wiped her brow and lifted her hair to fan her neck.

  “Hot one today, huh?” I said from behind her, admiring the curve of her neck.

  She looked over her shoulder and smiled, then blatantly checked me out. With her eyes on me, my cheeks heated from something other than the sun. Instantly, I was back in ninth grade, because Tessa looking at me like that, her smile as bright as the sky, I got that adolescent feeling of nervousness that I wanted her to like me.

  “Ry…Max,” she corrected. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  Fuck, that made me sad. “I like spending time with you. I want to help.”

  “Thank you.” She shrugged and waved at the three or so feet between her backyard grass and the fence that separated her from the neighbor. “I’m trying to plant these annuals, and then maybe you can help me dump the mulch around them.”

  “Okay. Put me to work.”

  She took a coffee and pointed me to a tray of colorful flowers. “Make these look pretty around the bushes?”

  “You got it,” I said.

  We worked in silence for a while, sipping our drinks. Every once in a while she’d glance at me, or I’d glance at her, and our eyes would meet. When the ground was looking decent and colorful, she stood and stretched. “How about a break?”

  I followed her to the back patio. She disappeared into the house and returned with two bottles of cold water. She sat next to me, her under the umbrella, me under the sun.

  After I thanked her for the water, I took a sip. “I have a question.”

  She met my gaze and smiled.

  I rubbed the back of my neck. “What’s with the frogs? I noticed them in the front, but they’re all over the place back here too. It’s kind of creeping me out.”

  Giggling, she gave my shoulder a shove. “You have something against frogs?”

  “Oh, uh, no. But they’re all staring at me. Judging me or something.”

  “Well, I think that’s more your issue than theirs,” she said, smirking over her water bottle.

  “Touché.” I held up my water bottle to her in a fake salute.

  She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. “Why do you do it, Max?”

  “Help damsels in distress plant their summer flowers?”

  She faked a laugh. “Seriously, though.”

  I took a deep breath. We’d never talked about my job, but I knew someday she’d ask. “I guess for the same reason anyone does. Money. To support my family.” She knew about my mother, sister, and nephew.

  Relaxing back into her chair, she crossed her arms. “I bet you earn a lot.”

  My gaze darted to hers. “Tessa!”

  She sat up and covered her pink cheeks with her hands. “I mean…it’s just…you’re…” she looked me up and down, taking in my legs stretched out in front of me, “…very good-looking.”

  “Thank you.” I lifted my bottle to her. “As are you.”

  Hiding her face, she groaned. “I’m an absolute mess.”

  I pulled her hands off her eyes and met her gaze. “Right now, yeah. We both are. But usually, you’re exquisite, Tessa. How could you not know?”

  Tessa stood and took a few steps, looking to the sky. “I started collecting frogs when I was a kid, and ever since, people always want to get me more. Now I don’t find them, they find me.”

  “Have you kissed them all? Maybe one’s your prince,” I teased.

  “I had a prince already.” She grinned. “Maybe I’m not looking for a prince anymore.”

  “Good answer.” I stood up next to her and held up a hand. “One more question.”

  She bit her plump, bottom lip, and lifted her eyebrows, waiting. It may have been the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

  “What made you call Danny? I mean, I know you miss him, but what made you actually dial the number that day?”

  She paced the small patio. “That first Sunday was our anniversary. Would have been married two years. I just wanted to…pretend a little.”

  My mouth opened, but I couldn’t think of the right words.

  “I’m not crazy or anything—”

  “Of course not,” I interrupted. “How did you feel after? Did it help?”

  Her faced dropped. “Not really.”

  “Oh.”

  “Well, nothing against you, you know, it’s just…you feel different.”

  “Well, yeah, I guess I would.” I stood and moved to her, taking her hands in mine. “You’ll never find someone who feels exactly like him again.”

  She huffed, her lips forming into a sad pout. “I know that now.”

  “Where do you get the money?” I asked.

  “He left me a fortune.” I glanced at the house, mentally calculating how much she’d spent on me already. She continued, “He always wanted to move out of here, but this is the house I grew up in. Felt better to stay.”

  I looked down at our joined hands. She pulled hers away and twisted them in front of her. “Maybe we should call it quits for today.”

  “No, don’t do that.” I lifted her chin with my thumb. “Don’t shut me out. You can tell me anything.”

  She smiled and my heart fucking melted. Her face turned pink again, and her eyes darted anywhere but mine. “Thank you.”

  “Let’s work. There’s mulch to be spread.” Sensing her shyness resurfacing, I let her out of my space, and she headed back to the lawn. “Hey,” I called after her.

  She spun around.

  “Why’d you keep calling for my services after that first night if I couldn’t give you want you wanted?”

  Pausing, she held my gaze for a beat. “There was something about you.” When I smiled, she pointed to a bag of mulch. “Now spread that for me.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I answered.

  As we worked together on her yard, I felt important, needed, part of a team. Considering I made a living by giving women what they wanted, that was the first time I ever felt like I was getting what I wanted too.

  Fucking my way through the rest of the week was a challenge. All I wanted to do was get to Sunday so I could see Tessa again. Feel her in my arms. Wednesday with Nellie proved to be especially trying.

  After our session, Nellie, lounging on the bed, propped herself on her elbows and watched me get dressed.

  “Who is she?” she asked.

  I played dumb. “Who’s who?”

  “The woman.”

  “You jealous?” I snarked, conjuring up my Ryder attitude. “Didn’t take you for that type.”

  She laughed. “Just noticing that your heart doesn’t seem to be into our fucking lately.”

  “Who said I have a heart?” I chuckled, acting as douchey as I could muster. “I’m just doing my job, Nel. If you want someone else, you can talk to Danny—”

  “Wow,” she interrupted. “You must have it bad for whoever she is.” She stood up and walked to me, sweat still glistening on her naked body. Tapping my cheek with her well-manicured hand, she smiled. “You deserve love, Ryder. Don’t do this escort shit forever.”

  My resolve softened. I gulped down an asshole response.

  “But until you’re brave enough to leave, I’ll continue requesting you for Wednesday nights.”

  I appreciated her words, but for the sake of the business, I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Nellie. See you next week.”

  I practically ran out of the house and sped away from Crestfall Court in minutes.

  Unfortunately, as soon as I got down the block, Danny called.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “Nellie called. You forgot the cash.”

  Fuck.

  “What the hell is up with you?”
he yelled. “You’re supposed to be the one I don’t have to worry about.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I’m turning around right now. I’ll meet you first thing in the morning.”

  He hung up as I K-turned and headed back to Nellie’s. She met me at the back door, laughing as she handed me the cash. “So cute, Ryder. I hope she likes you too.”

  I rolled my eyes and stuffed the cash in my pocket.

  Knowing I’d have to make amends with Danny, I set my alarm for early Thursday morning and drove to the bakery. I bought him a double slice of tiramisu with my Nellie earnings.

  At the office, he cursed when I gave him the money and the dessert. “Don’t forget the money again, asshole. It’s a good thing it was Nellie, who seemed to be understanding, or I’d have to waive the fee.”

  My palms started to sweat. In our five years together, Danny had never been angry with me. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re just an escort. I don’t get paid, you don’t get paid, remember?” He pushed the bakery box to the side and counted the cash. “I know your family depends on the money you make. Be a shame if you had to support them by working at the gas station, right?”

  It was a threat, but a well-deserved one. He knew he had me by the balls. I had no skills, except in the bedroom, and Ma and Lucia depended on me. I stood taller. “Understood.”

  Putting the cash in a pile in his drawer, he opened the bakery box and picked up the plastic fork inside. “You have two more this week, and then I’m giving you the weekend off.”

  I froze, thinking only of Sunday. Of Tessa. I couldn’t show Danny that I was upset, though. Especially not after my fuck up with Nellie.

  He took a bite of the tiramisu. “Oh man, this is good. Not as good as your Mom’s, but still.”

  I cleared my throat. “What about Sunday night?”

  Studying the dessert, he murmured. “Didn’t call. She’s done, I think. You can have your Sundays back.”

  Gulping, my chest tightened and bile rose to my throat. Done? With Tessa? All I could manage was, “Okay.”

  I left Danny to his dessert and didn’t breathe until I got into my car. Had I offended Tessa on Monday in the garden? Why wouldn’t she want to see me? Could it be because of money—either me taking it, or her not having any more? Maybe she thought I was getting too close?