by Bennett Cerf
TRY AND STOP ME is still rolling along at about 7000 copies a week. It’s over the 135,000 mark now and its distribution by the Book-of-the-Month Club as the next dividend won’t hurt either. Unfortunately, Simon & Schuster will soon have to drop it because of the paper situation but, by that time, it will be around 180,000 and then Van Cartmell wants to do it at $1.40. I still think this would have been an excellent book at the original 25¢ price that was intended for it.…
…
The next great piece of literature to bear the name of Cerf will be the Pocket Book of Jokes. Copies should be off press in a couple of weeks and I will rush you a few. If you think the stories in TRY AND STOP ME were corny and old, wait until you get a gander at this new lot. The newest one was pulled on the opening day of Queen Victoria’s Diamond Jubilee.
The war news is almost too wonderful to be true and I feel in my bones that Klopferless days at Random House are rapidly drawing to an end. By me that’s perfect!
Love and kisses from me and a provocative wiggle from that magnificent creature who is typing this note.
As ever,
Bennett
March 30–45
Dear Bennett—
Just received your letter of the 23rd of Feb—that took a long time to get here. You’ve gotten back from the good Florida vacation now and I’m sure all of you are much better. When I get back I want to take one myself. It’s not that I’m working too hard or anything like that. It’s the fact that there is no break in the week—each day is like the other and I’ve had almost 18 months of this overseas stuff now. I’m extremely healthy—yet I want to get off somewhere with Pat and learn how to live a civilized life.… I’m the only one in my whole section who has never spent a day in the hospital or missed a day of work. So I don’t really mind it—but I want a change. I assure you it’s much worse when we don’t work steadily—that’s the only saving grace—the work. I’ll really be loaded for bear when I get back to Random House—that is if any one is any good after three years in the Army!
The war news is wonderful—we won’t be of use around here much longer—then I’m crossing my fingers to get sent home.…
Donald
April 27, 1945
Dear Don:
Congratulations on the Presidential citation. I have a horrible feeling that by the time you come home you will be covered with so many medals and ribbons that you will look like a table of smorgasbord in a Swedish restaurant. My only hope is that this won’t give you an unfair advantage with Jezebel who, in her half-witted way, is always ready to swoon at the sight of anything in uniform from Bobby Heller to the doorman at the Roxy Theatre. Incidentally, Bobby Heller is getting out of uniform on Monday and I figure that if Heller comes, can Klopfer be far behind? The official announcement today that the Russian and Allied troops have joined up, coupled with all the other news from Germany, would seem to indicate that the end cannot be far off no matter what those fanatical Nazi idiots may still have up their sleeves.
Both Random House and Grosset are running smoothly and I have only gotten hell from Bob for interrupting him three times in the past twenty-four hours; MGM has bought Red Lewis’s new novel for 150,000 bucks (Random House’s share, nix); and Ed Snow has delivered another swell book to us for Fall publication. We are going to call it THE PATTERN OF SOVIET POWER. Sweet jumping Jesus, what a list we are going to have this Fall. Better come home quickly, my boy, and help us worry about where in hell we are going to get the paper for it.
My deep love to you.
As ever,
Bennett
P.S. Try as we will, that magnificent and lengthy feud between your distinguished bride and myself seems to be degenerating into a beautiful love. This may be one more reason why you’d better hurry home. Also, Eddie Rosenwald is sore at me for neglecting him. You will be able to fix that up too, I know.
May 6–45
It’s all over but the shouting as far as this theatre is concerned but how long I’ll have to sit on my ass around here, I don’t know. It’s mighty deadly—we haven’t flown in ten days or more and we’ll soon start the big educational program if we get permanently stood down. That will be ducky!
The gov’t ought to give us paper to manufacture ML books for the forces in the east. Boy, they’ll need it!
Enclosed herewith a picture of RH’s contribution to the war effort!
Love,
Donald
May 18, 1945
Dear Don:
God knows where you are at the moment and whether this letter will ever reach you, but anyhow.…
1. Heartfelt congratulations on the Croix-de-guerre and all the other little doodads you’ve acquired. Everybody in the office is really so proud of you that we are busting.
2. The Book of the Month Club has taken Red Lewis’s CASS TIMBERLANE for their October selection. This is the first single choice we’ve had since you got out of diapers.
3. The Literary Guild has definitely accepted the Bedside Book of Great French Stories. The contract isn’t signed yet, but it’s in the bag.
4. For God’s sake, hurry up and get home. Things are popping around here and you’ve had a long enough vacation.
My deep love, Bennett
May 17–45
Dear Bennett:
Cancel all letters, books, etc. I’m probably sailing for home the beginning of June and should be in by July—unless things are changed before we get on the boat.
Love,
Donald
