Like You Read About

by Mela Remington

  Dream Vacation: When I was little, my dad was in the Army and we traveled all over the world, but I was a child and didn’t appreciate any of it. I’d really like to go back to Germany, but at top of my list is Paris, it just seems like a fantastical place where there is nothing but magic, kinda like the Disneyland but with wine, chain smoking and a pervasive lack of deodorant.

  Cats or dogs: Oh cats, for sure. I live with a cranky old half blind grand dame named Guinevere.

  My nicest quality: Empathy, and the willingness to do whatever it takes to help out a friend or a family member, sometimes to my own detriment.

  Band: I could never pick one, I have a serious iTunes addiction, there is always music playing in my house, my car, the gym. In heavy rotation currently are Coldplay, Carbon Leaf, and Maroon 5.

  Why don’t I own a bike: Well, we moved a lot growing up and you had to live a compact life that could be packed up and moved on short notice. Bikes are bulky and don’t box well. When I finally grew up, had a job and lived on my own, I didn’t feel like I was fit enough to ride a bike, so no bike.

  I consider the Blackberry to be golden handcuffs. I’m not truly essential personnel even though I’m the head of my little department, there isn’t anything I could fix via email if there were a serious issue, so if someone needs me they can call my pretty pink cellphone.

  Okay, here’s a few more, this time I won’t answer. I want to see what you have to say…

  First kiss, favorite childhood memory, what would you do if you weren’t doing what you do, what is your guilty pleasure, and what would people be surprised to know about you?

  Okay, I need to head out to work, or I’ll be late and we can’t have that.

  I did sleep well and had wonderful dreams, I was up before my alarm clock even. I can’t remember the last time that happened.

  Cora

  PS I will buy you your Starbucks fix for a week, if you call Kaelyn Tinkerbelle to her face, and as I never see you without a cup in your hand I know this’ll cost me, but be worth every penny. Are you man enough, Mr. Dan the IT man?

  Click send, snap the laptop shut and out the door for another day in the office, but somehow this was starting to feel less like a chore. Okay, it had only been a few emails, she reasoned to herself, but he’s smart and funny as hell and seems to get her. She didn’t skip today but she did walk with purpose and smile at everyone she passed.

  Chapter 10

  After firing up her computer, getting her coffee and rearranging her action figures, she got down to the business of actually distributing all the money she found. She felt a little like Santa, maybe that’s why she picked the red sweater today.

  Meanwhile upstairs, Joe knocked on Dan’s door, walked in and closed the door behind him. He plopped down and put his feet up on the desk.

  “Please, make yourself at home Joe, I’m not busy. I’ve got all the time in the world for you today,” Dan grumbled. Something was up, Joe might wander in, but he never shut the door.

  Dan and Joe had been friends since they both started here the same week, five years ago. It was just dumb luck that he got the promotion when the position came open two years ago. They were both equally qualified, and Joe didn’t hold it against him, although Dan did seem to buy more rounds when they played pool.

  “So what is up with you and red haired bean counter? First, you get all defensive at lunch, then you hover near her cube on your way out last night, which is not your normal route and Raj says he saw you cleaning off her car last night, so spill it. You’re a good guy and all, but this seems extreme even for you.”

  Dan sighed, open on his screen, which Joe couldn’t see was Cora’s email from this morning, which he had just opened as Joe walked in. “Dude, you are my best friend, and if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will personally remove your nuts with a rusted spoon and tell everyone that you write Joanie Loves Chachi fan fiction.”

  “Wow, you did sleep with her to get money for the department. Dude, thanks for taking one for the team.” Joe ducked as a stapler came flying at his head.

  “So a few months ago I was home, had a few beers and thought it would be a great idea to try internet dating,” he went on to catch Joe up to last night’s email.

  “Wow, but you are anti- the whole work/dating thing, why bite?”

  “I don’t know, I noticed her the first time I started going to the monthly meetings when I got this job. There was something about her, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then last week after the meeting, we were talking and there was some electricity in the room. She was blushing something fierce, I could tell she felt it too, but it’s work, and she got skittish and ran off so I didn’t think too much more about it until Monday morning when I got her email. So am I nuts, should I stop this before it starts? Aww fuck man, I should have talked to you before I sent that email. I did call Maria, and she gave me the green-light, but she’s a girl, so she’s always going to go in hearts and flowers and romance.” Taking a swig from his coffee, he leaned back in his chair to wait for Joe to impart his “wisdom.”

  “When was the last time you got laid? I’m not saying you should pull a fuck and run, I’m just saying you need to make sure that you’re not only thinking about this with your dick.” Tapping his fingers, Joe paused, and thought, then continued, “I know you aren’t that kind of guy, but everyone is that kind of guy when they reach a certain point.”

  “It’s been a while, but it’s not like that, not that I don’t want to, or wouldn’t, because well, something about her, man, she makes me think about possibilities, the future, something hanging in the other closet of my bedroom, last night my bed felt too big. How is all that in my head, she’s been on my radar for about eight minutes?” God, he felt like such a pussy, was he really sitting at his desk talking about feelings?

  “Dan, I’m not much for the dating advice. I married Lynn right out of high school, she is the only woman I’ve ever had sex with, or ever wanted to, and you want to know why? Because I knew it, from the moment she sat next to me in Physics junior year—I knew it. She took a little more convincing but I just think that sometimes when you know, you know. Nut up, dude, ask her for coffee, ask her on a date, this email flirtation although probably a lot of fun, is for the birds, how long do you think you need to keep this up until you’re ready for the next step?”

  “I need a few days. I need to sort it all out in my head, moving on something like this could be a big deal, what happens when it goes bad? With Sascha it went bad, and how, I don’t want either of us to have to leave if it gets ugly.”

  “Really? Do you hear yourself? Because I do, Sascha was ten years ago, man. From what you tell me, you were green and she was a hot piece of ass who also turned out to be bat shit crazy. Do you think Cora is bat shit crazy? Do you think Cora would screw someone else on your desk and leave his boxers on the floor under your desk? Key your car? That woman probably wouldn’t hurt a fly. She holds the door open for everyone. She runs the charity drive. She probably goes home to a cute little apartment at the end of the day, eats dinner in front of the TV and reads books or knits blankets for the homeless, before she goes to sleep alone in her double bed which probably had a frilly lace quilt on it, she is SO not Sascha.”

  Scrubbing his hand over his face Dan sighs, “I know she’s not Sascha, but I’ve got to be honest, Joe, this whole thing has me shaking in my shoes a little. I haven’t felt like this since the first time I asked a girl to a middle school dance.”

  “That’s your answer then.” With that, Joe plops the stapler back on the desk and shuffled along on his way.

  Okay, he should SO not be doing this as he had actual work to do, but whatever.

  To: shesbythenumbers@netmail.com

  From: DantheITman@netmail.com

  Date: January 17, 2008 10:00a.m.

  Subject: The Lightning Round already?

  Cora,

  First kiss: Lisa Riccio, who from what I understand is now doing time for solicitatio
n. I think I might have dodged a bullet on that one.

  Favorite childhood memory: My grandfather taking me out into the country to look at the stars and teaching me the constellations.

  What would you do if you weren’t doing what you do: Giving guided tours of the Grand Canyon.

  What is your guilty pleasure: World of Warcraft, don’t judge. I have a job and don’t live in my mother’s basement… anymore ;-)

  What would people be surprised to know about you: I was drum major in my college band and play the clarinet, which is not the manliest of instrument, so keep that under your hat, please.

  Describe where you live, be vivid and detailed. Answer those questions you asked me, tell me your favorite color, what is your most prized possession?

  I live in a two-story bungalow. Three bedrooms, a master and two smaller, the master has an en suite bath (that is the fancy term my Realtor used) with the original fixtures and tile work, including a claw foot tub I just had re-glazed. There’s a Jack & Jill bath (also a Realtor term) between the other two bedrooms, and that’s the upstairs. Apparently, bathrooms can sell houses. The front door and its side panels have the original stained glass. The first floor has all the original woodwork which the previous owner had beautifully restored. They showed me before and after pictures; it was amazing. It’s all a beautiful honey maple, built-in shelving and cabinets, your standard craftsman type home. I really lucked out finding this place. The front of the house is a living room and then that opens to the dining room. Most of the furniture I’ve bought so far is Mission style (according to the lady at the furniture store). Okay, I’ve bought that style for two of the rooms so far, a dining room set and a king sized bed with matching dressers and stuff; it was a package deal. For the living room, I bought a really_comfortable_sofa. The back of the house has this amazingly sunny kitchen, it’s the one room I’m not doing any work in, the cabinetry is all original white bead board and the walls are yellow; my sister called it buttercup. It isn’t a manly kitchen, but the fridge keeps beer cold and the microwave works just fine. Out behind the kitchen is a small deck, where I’ll put a grill and a small fenced in yard, nothing too big, but enough to have some friends over on a nice summer night.

  Wow, could I sound any more like a girl waxing poetic about my house. I need to go scratch my nuts or spit or watch some sports on TV and burp really loudly before all testosterone drains from my system.

  Enjoy your day and make sure to smile, and if you aren’t smiling, know that someone on the fourth floor is enjoying learning about you and maybe that will make you smile.

  Dan

  Okay, back to work for him, not sure what possessed him to gush about his house, but he was proud of it, it was a find and it was currently his most prized possession. Hadn’t Raj joked that owning a home, and a cat made him a catch? He was starting to think he might want to be caught.

  Chapter 11

  Kaelyn had a doctor’s appointment at lunch so Cora decided to eat at her desk, watch a little TV online and maybe check her email, you know, in case something important was there that required attention. He emailed her during the workday, he sat in his office and used company property and resources to chat her up, and somehow that was a heady feeling. After reading and re-reading the email, she couldn’t get the bed out of her mind, it was just like the one in her fantasy at the DoubleTree in Norwalk.

  To: DantheITman@netmail.com

  From: shesbythenumbers@netmail.com

  Date: January 17, 2008 12:36 p.m.

  Subject: Would you rather play $64k Pyramid?

  Dan,

  First kiss: Edward Brooks, we were 14, totally in love and he had braces. It was awkward at best.

  Favorite childhood memory: Going to stay with my grandparents in Rhode Island between wherever we were stationed. They had a yellow house with a lot of rooms and a really big dining room table and my grandpa always bought the biggest Christmas tree he could find, even if he had to saw three feet off the top.

  What would you do if you weren’t doing what you do: I’d be a librarian, or own a little book store.

  What is your guilty pleasure: Currently it’s emailing this IT guy, but the other is my Kindle, you can read any kind of book you want on there and no one knows what you’re reading. ;-)

  What would people be surprised to know about you: I failed math in high school—twice.

  My favorite color is green and my most prized possession is my emerald ring; it was my grandmother’s. When she started to show signs of Alzheimer’s, she gave it to me, she wanted to make sure she remembered giving it to me and that she could remember the story behind it before she forgot the story, and the ring, and me… Okay, now I’m crying at my desk, thank god for the hidden cube.

  I live in a small second floor apartment. I have a sunny living room with a giant chair and a half with an ottoman and two other wing chairs I’ve picked up at yard sales and reupholstered. I have a TV that would make most men jealous. I, too, have a sunny yellow eat in kitchen with lots and lots of counter space. I decided to become more adventurous in my cooking endeavors over the last two years and some days, even cooking for one, I use every square inch. I’ve got a small bedroom with slanted walls and ceilings painted a calming blue, heavy blue drapes and a brass double bed which is currently covered with two comforters and a blue, green and yellow lacy quilt my grandmother made me, even with all those blankets I am almost always cold. I have an old bath as well, a nice deep tub and a view of the house across the driveway from me. I never leave the bathroom curtains open as there is a pervy old man who lives next door who I’m pretty sure uses binoculars to try to watch me take a bath. It’s not too big, and not too small, it fits Guinevere and me just fine. You said you were firmly team cat, do you own one; does it have a name?

  Okay, it’s time for me to get back to work, I’ll come up with some questions later.

  Smiling on the third floor,

  Cora

  Chapter 12

  Another week went past, at least a dozen emails a day, they were both addicted to it. He had a cat, named Lancelot (freaky), she learned about the time his sisters dressed him up and put their mom's make up on him. Each one a little flirtier than the last, but neither ever took it too far, and as an internet-dating veteran, Cora appreciated that more than Dan could ever know. They were no longer strangers, or work acquaintances, they were becoming friends, with possibilities.

  Joe popped his head in the door, cautious of flying desk supplies, “Can I come in?”

  Dan waved towards the guest chair as he closed the window with Cora’s latest email. She was spouting the merits of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and how it was really a well written show that no one ever took seriously, it had much smarter dialogue than most stuff out there. Apparently, Buffy was a strong female character.

  “What can I do for you, Joe?”

  “I’ve given you a week, I haven’t hounded you, or hacked in to your computer to find out what’s going on, which I can totally do by the way, but as your friend, and someone who would like to see you get laid before the decade is over I’ve come for a status update. Have you gone out on a date yet? Where did you take her?”

  “No, no date, but dozens and dozens of funny flirtatious emails. Man, she’s something else. Yesterday I spent five minutes trying to plug in a monitor into the wrong port, she’s invaded my brain.” Leaning back, Dan ran his hands through his hair, a nervous tick for sure.

  “So you’re obviously still interested in her, or you wouldn’t keep this up. Are you liking what you’re learning about her?”

  “Everything about her is interesting to me. She’s quiet, but we knew that. She really is funny, she reads, is a music fiend and loves movies. Except for the movie thing, I think we match well, and I can deal with the movie thing.” Dan stopped to take a drink from his ever present coffee. “Lynne likes movies, do you know if she’s seen ‘Say Something’? It’s apparently her favorite and a chick thing, I was told I wouldn’t understand. I l
ike how she’s sometimes a little feisty.”

  “Yeah, it’s ‘Say Anything’ and you’re screwed. It’s Lynne’s favorite too, guys like you and me cannot compete. That’s it, you either set up a date or I will hack into your email and set one up for you. You are never going to know if this is going to go anywhere if you just keep pussyfooting around.” Joe was pointing repeatedly at Dan, enough that Dan was kinda scared and leaned back a little.

  “Okay, I will come up with a plan and ask her by the end of the day, scouts honor, any suggestions?”

  “I’ve been married 17 years, I’m happy with a dinner without the kids at Applebee’s and some sex before someone wakes up for a glass of water or had a nightmare. You need to bring some serious game.”

  Dan set about scouring the internet looking for the perfect restaurant, casual, but not too casual, a place where they could sit and talk, and a movie. She’d love to see a movie, blargh, there was crap playing as far as he could tell. How about an activity; just dinner wasn’t enough time with her. Bowling, at Kings over near Berklee. Yup, that’s the plan.

  That’s right, he not only asked her on a real date, but did it through run of the mail email at work. If he was doing this he was doing this whole hog. He started a new project, pretending not to be anxiously awaiting her response.