by Lovy Books
“So why are you dressed like a boy, Maddy? Are you a lesbian or something?” Goldie boldly asked her. No, mincing words with this one, just plain talking. Maddy liked that but had no idea what a lesbian was.
“I feel free in these clothes, not like I do in dresses. In a dress you have to keep your legs crossed, you’re always worried about the bottom flying up, you freeze in the winter time and there’s always some prude wandering around waiting to tell you to act like a lady. Men don’t get treated like that; they can do as they please. I don’t know what a lesbian is but it doesn’t sound good. Is it some kind of swear word or something?”
“You don’t know what a lesbian is?” Goldie asked, shock evident in her voice.
“No, I don’t. Is it someone with a disease?” Maddy was starting to get worried now.
Goldie laughed then, not a mocking laugh, but one filled with wonder and amusement. She patted Maddy’s shoulder and tried to smother her laughter behind her hand, her eyes gleaming in the dark.
“No, silly, a lesbian is a woman that likes other women!” She said in a loud whisper, looking around in case anyone else was hiding out in the dark.
“Likes women? But everybody likes women!” Maddy exclaimed.
“Well, yes, I supposed they do, don’t they, but a lesbian is a woman that wants to have marital relations with another woman. You know, make love, have sex, fuck even.” Goldie blushed with the last word but she enjoyed saying dirty words. Hearing them in her own voice gave her a thrill. She wasn’t as naïve as Maddy but she still didn’t say such words, not around her papa and momma anyway.
“Sex? Fuck? Well I’m glad you said marital relations because I’ve never heard those words before. Hmph, how can two women do that? They don’t have the necessary parts?” Maddy’s confusion was growing but she also felt excitement. Maybe this word would explain the way she was? She felt the world had just opened up and the sky had turned purple, there were words for the things married people did and an explanation of the way she was? Why hadn’t anyone ever told her these things?
“They make up for it in different ways, believe me; I went to boarding school where there were only other girls around. It can be done. But it’s not just about the sex; it’s about falling in love with other women and not a man. Men can do the same thing, be attracted to their own kind. Not everyone is like that, of course, and there are even people that like both men and women. And there are different kinds of lesbians too.”
“What do you mean different kinds?” Maddy asked Goldie.
“There’s the kind that look like other women, the kind that marry men. Some of them even go on to marry and have families, the normal life if you will. Others dress like men, sound like men, even work like men. I’ve heard tales of some even pretending to be men!” Goldie whispered to Maddy, leaning over to whisper it in her ear.
Maddy leaned away from her, shocked by her words even more! “Why, they can’t do that! How could they get away with it? They couldn’t! I think you’re making all of this up Goldie McGraw! You are making fun of me!” She started to stand as she spoke, feeling like a fool for swallowing Goldie’s tale. Women acting like men! Really, who did this girl think she was fooling?
“No, Maddy, I’m not, I swear.” Goldie reached for Maddy’s arm and pulled her back down. “I swear I’m not! It’s all true! There really are women like that. Just because we’re stuck out here in the sticks and your parents have hidden you away from the world, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, Maddy! Why, you should see the sights I’ve seen in New York and Los Angeles! There are even men that dress up like women and perform on stage that are famous in those areas. And Berlin, over in Germany! Oh you would just die if you ever saw the things I’ve seen there!”
Maddy looked over at the woman, seeing a strange look on her face, like Goldie was remembering something deliciously naughty and wanted to relive it. Thinking about it, Maddy guessed there could be more things in the world than she knew about, but men dressing up like women too? She should be shocked, she supposed, but somehow it just sounded like sights she wanted to see, something she wanted to experience. The world was a huge place and she’d never really thought about what happened outside of her own little town, not since she grew too old for school and stopped going to help her daddy do his chores.
“So you’re saying I’m one of these women that likes other women, then?” Maddy asked, her voice shaking.
“No, I was asking if you were. There’s a difference. Only you can decide what you are. I’m not going to judge you. I don’t really care if you like men or women; I just want to know how to be brave like you.” Goldie sounded sincere to Maddy but she wasn’t sure.
“I guess I need to think about that some more then because I’m not sure. I’ve been kissed by boys and it just made me want to run away. It never made me feel all dreamy and lovesick like the girls I went to school with talked about. I just wanted to punch them in the face most of the time.” Goldie laughed when Maddy said that part. Goldie had a sweet, full laugh that actually meant something, not the tittering of Maddy’s friends that made her grit her teeth.
Maddy wasn’t sure why she felt so comfortable talking to Goldie about all of this, maybe it was because she didn’t know the other woman, maybe it was because Goldie just felt open and accepting to her, she wasn’t sure. Maddy felt free and relaxed for the first time in her life. She felt as though she wasn’t a freak or an oddity that needed to hide who or what she was. Now that she knew there was a name for what she was. If that is what she was, she said to herself. Maddy guessed there was a reason she didn’t know any of those words and that they wouldn’t be pleasing to her daddy if she said them. Looking over at Goldie she felt as if, perhaps, she’d finally found a true friend.
“What are you doing out here anyway, Goldie? Shouldn’t you be off at a party or something?”
“Oh Daddy said I spent too much money in Paris so he made me come home. I’ve been cooped up in that house for over a month now and I needed to escape. I used to come here when I was home from school with some friends and thought a swim would help me get to sleep tonight. I’m going to a party tomorrow if you want to come?” Goldie asked with hope in her voice.
Maddy just stared at her. The girl acted like Paris was just a stone’s throw away, not across an entire ocean. And did she just ask her to a party?
“A party? Oh, I don’t know about that. My Daddy would never let me go to some of the places I’ve heard you’ve been to.” Maddy looked away from Goldie, sadness in her voice.
“Then don’t tell him! I’m not telling my Daddy I’m going anywhere, why should you? Just arrange your pillows so it looks like you’re in bed and I’ll meet you back here. Now come swim with me, I need to get some of this sweat off me!” Goldie ran down to the lake, stripping her dress off as she went then dove into the water, confident and beautiful with her long hair streaming out behind her.
That was something else Maddy liked about her, she was dressed in the fashion but her hair was long, running down her back, to her hips. Smiling to herself Maddy stripped back off and ran to the water, diving back in with a laugh. For a while she forgot who she was, what she thought she was and chased Goldie around in the lake. Goldie could swim as well as any fish and they must have spent two hours chasing each other around in the lake before getting out to dry off.
“The sun will be up soon, I guess I should head back to my house. I’ll meet you back here at 11 pm tomorrow night, alright? I’ll wait for you, in case it takes longer but I’ll be waiting for you. It’s going to be so much fun and I simply can’t wait!” Goldie threw her arms around Maddy’s neck then ran down the path, back to her own house in the dark, though the sky was starting to lighten.
Thinking about all of the things Goldie had told her, Maddy fell into her own bed, a smile on her face and hope in her heart. If there was a name for what she was then maybe she wasn’t evil after all? Maye she didn’t have to marry a man and settle down to the life her own moth
er had endured? Goldie offered her more than hope; she offered her a future she’d never known existed!
Over the next two months, Goldie and Maddy spent their nights at glamourous parties all across Georgia, even going to Alabama a time or two. They told her parents she was going to look at wedding venues, even though Jim hadn’t asked her yet, to appease them enough to let her go with Goldie. Their days were spent learning the songs they’d heard on records at the parties, their favourites were the jazz songs and they knew quite a few by heart now. Goldie kept trying to get Maddy to sing them at the parties but she was still too shy.
Maddy and Goldie’s friendship had grown stronger and Maddy was afraid she’d fallen quite in love with Goldie. Her friend never gave any indication that she thought of Maddy as more than a friend however. They never talked about lesbians or fucking again after that first night. Afraid that acting on her feeling or letting on about them would ruin their friendship, Maddy stayed quiet, trying not to let on just how much she adored her new friend.
Goldie had turned into a completely different person since meeting Maddy. Instead of the spoiled little rich girl, she was a kind, caring person now, even going so far as to donate some of her unused clothes to a local charity. She wasn’t perfect, she still had her moments where she wanted things her own way, but her friendship with Maddy had shown her there was more to life than greed and parties. There was certainly more than fleeting pleasures to be had. She shone with a new light and Maddy was proud that she’d had a hand in that.
Staring at her friend, laughing up at some man standing at a piano she thought how much they’d both grown. Goldie had bought her new clothes, all of them trousers and blouses of silk and linen, but she only wore them when they went to a party out of town. She kept her hair short but in a feminine way that highlighted her own pretty face. She didn’t want to rock the boat too much; this was the South after all. She knew what happened to people that rocked the boat too much down here.
She took another sip of the champagne in her glass, smiling as the alcohol surged through her veins, making her feel as though she were floating. She was in love with life now, not just Goldie, she thought to herself. What a wonderful life it was turning out to be. As long as she could hold Jim and her father at bay. It was September now, still plenty of time.
Standing up, she wobbled over to Goldie and the man, noticing she was a bit tipsier than she thought she was. Reaching her friend Maddy smiled and spoke to the pair.
“And who’s this handsome devil, my little minx? Is he eating out of your palm yet?” She asked with a giggle.
“Oh, Maddy, you are always teasing me. Really! This is Josh Akres, he’s down here from New York City, and he came to see his cousin Billy. He’s agreed to play a song on this piano for us, if you’ll sing along with him. Please?” Goldie looked up at Maddy, only a few inches taller than she, with a pleading look that Maddy just could not turn down. Plunking a kiss down on Goldie’s head Maddy agreed.
“But this time only, that’s it. What are we singing then?” Turning, a bit unsteady on her feet, she faced the man. He was handsome but she simply wasn’t interested. They discussed the song and she stood by the piano, waiting for the right time to start the words.
At first, the sweet sound of Maddy’s voice was drowned out by the conversations going on around them. But as her bell-like voice grew louder, the groups quietened down; turning to stare at the wonderful sound they were hearing. Maddy knew the song well, it was one of her favourites and she sang it from the heart, watching Goldie as she sang it. She was singing the song for Goldie, to Goldie and in her inebriated state, she let the love she felt for her friend shine through in her face and in the song. The song finished with a long note, held perfectly by Maddy as the crowd cheered and whistled in front of her, but Maddy only had eyes for Goldie.
Goldie rushed to her when the song was over, hugging her friend, and laughing gleefully. “That was wonderful, Maddy. I knew you’d break a heart or two with that one! Wonderful, my darling, wonderful! Don’t you agree Josh?”
“Ladies, I think we need to have a meeting tomorrow. Miss Maddy, if you agree, I’d like to take you to New York when I leave in two days and make a record with you. That was one of the most impressive voices I’ve ever heard. Meet me back here tomorrow at lunch and we’ll discuss the matter. I do believe we can make you a star, Miss Maddy Stewart. A star like no other, indeed.”
“What? New York? I can’t go to New York!” Maddy stuttered.
“Well, sure you can, I’ll get your train tickets, put you up in a hotel and all you have to do is sing. We’ll sort the contract on the way up to New York, but for now, you just meet me tomorrow and we’ll discuss it more. Bring Miss Goldie here with you, she’ll keep me honest.” With a wink the man disappeared into the crowd, leaving Maddy stunned.
“This is it Maddy, this is our chance to get out of this place and go see the world together! Oh, sweetheart, you’ve done it! You’re going to be famous!” Goldie actually squealed as she hugged Maddy again.
“Not if your parents have a say in it.” Maddy said. Over the last couple of weeks they’d started to notice how much time Goldie was spending with Maddy. They weren’t happy about it and had started to make a bit of noise about all of the time the two were spending together. Oddly though, Maddy’s own parents had been quiet on the matter.
“Well, we’ll just have to work around them won’t we? I’m going with you… if you want me to that is?”
Seeing Goldie doubt herself for a moment was almost endearing, Maddy thought.
“Why, of course I’d want you to go with me! Who else would I take? But wait, that means I’ve agreed to go. Oh wait, I need to sit down. I do believe reality just settled in. Reality, or that champagne!”
The girls spent the rest of the night discussing the matter and finally snuck back into their own beds around two in the morning. Maddy went to sleep, dreaming of singing to Goldie in European nightclubs. She wasn’t sure she was all that great of a singer, but if they said she was and people would pay her for it, she’d sing until her voice ran out.
Maddy had her bags packed with the few belongings she was taking and had them piled by the door, waiting on the car Mr. Akers was sending for her. She’d left a note on her dresser because her parents were out. She’d planned it that way, she didn’t want to face them and maybe have her father talk her out of going. Or worse. She didn’t want to face Goldie with a bruised face, but if she had to she would.
She heard a car and walked to the door, thinking it was Mr. Akers’ car. It was but her parents were returning home too. Oh no! She grabbed up her luggage and hurried out the door, hoping she could get into the car before they got on the porch.
“Madeline? Where are you going, child?” Her mother called to her.
“Madeline, you get those bags back in that house this instant! I don’t know what you’re playing at girl but nobody gave you permission to leave this house!” Her father came trotting up, anger starting to redden his face.
Calmly she looked at the driver, who nodded his head surreptitiously, as if he knew he needed to protect her and wanted her to know he would, which gave her the confidence she badly needed. Turning to her father she looked at the man, serenity on her face.
“I am going to New York, daddy. I’m going to be a singer and travel the world. I’ll send you and mother money as and when I can.” She said quietly
The slap did not surprise her but the speed of the driver getting around to this side of the car did. The man grabbed her father’s hand and shook his head before throwing Bart’s hand away from him.
“That’ll be the last time you slap this girl, sir. Now say your goodbyes so we can catch our train on time. Mr. Akers is waiting for her and he’s not a patient man with abusive fathers.”
“This is my daughter!” Her daddy spluttered “I’ll do what I damn well please with her and damn your Mr. Akers! She’s not going anywhere.”
“I am, daddy. You can’t st
op me. Goodbye. I love you, momma. I’ll write to you, I promise.” And with that she stepped into the car and asked the driver to drive away. She didn’t look back, she didn’t look at her mother, whom she could hear sobbing as she stepped into the car and she didn’t look back at her ranting father. She stared straight ahead, feeling the miles between them grow as a new feeling overtook her.
Pride, she thought, I do believe that feeling is pride.
Chapter Three
Maddy’s triumph did not last long as she stood on the train platform, waiting on Goldie to make an appearance. She knew her friend had been having problems with her parents. As the conductor started calling for passengers to board she bit her lip, looking frantically in every direction she could.
“If she’s not here in the next two minutes, Maddy, we’ll have to go without her. I’m sorry. We just can’t miss the train if we want to stay on schedule.” Josh Akers told her.
Looking up at the man, she was about to agree with him, her heartbreak shining clear through her eyes, when she heard her name being called.
“Maddy, I’m here, I’m here Maddy!”
Maddy looked around and saw Goldie, only one bag in hand, running as fast as she could up the platform, a bruise on her face and tears streaming from her eyes. She waited, letting Goldie run into her arms and then rushing her onto the train together. Mr. Akers had paid for sleeper cars so she found their spaces and settled Goldie in. Getting a drink from a porter, she brought it to Goldie and sat down beside her, taking her hand and offering the still tearful woman a drink.
“I ran, Maddy, I ran the whole way here! I told momma and daddy where we were going and they forbade it! He said if I tried to leave he’d send me to Europe for a year and wouldn’t let me come home! Daddy actually hit me, Maddy! He hit me and locked me in my room. I snuck out, only managing this one bag; I don’t even know what’s in it! But I brought the money I’ve been saving, so we have that until you get some of your own, it just might be tight for a while. But I’m not going back there, not after the things he said to me, or the way he treated me. I’m never going back, Maddy, never!” With her final word she threw her arms around her friend and cried herself out.
