From That Moment

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Other than that, I hadn’t heard a word from Prior.

  I needed space and time to heal, but I still wanted to thank him.

  And I had no idea what I was going to say when it was time to do that. It wasn’t like I was good at this whole thing. I hated being in debt to anyone, and I knew I was going to be indebted to Prior for the rest of my life for what he had done.

  Because if he hadn’t been there…?

  No, I didn’t want to think about that. Of course, my dreams let me think about that enough. I didn’t need to obsess while awake, as well.

  “Do you need help in the shower?” Dakota asked, and I looked at her before holding back a laugh.

  “That sounds like the start of some very good porn.”

  “Honey, if it was the start of a porno, I’d already have you in the shower,” Dakota said it so deadpan that I burst out laughing, and then groaned as I held my side.

  “Stop making me laugh. It hurts, it hurts.”

  She winced and helped me hobble over to the bathroom.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t help it if I’m amazing.”

  I smiled then, looking at the woman who was like a sister to me. Even if that gave me a little pang to think about, it was the truth.

  “Thank you.”

  “Aw, I love you.”

  “Do you love me enough to take the next place in the pact?” I asked out of the blue. She tripped over her own feet, and thankfully, I was already leaning against the doorway so I didn’t get hurt.

  “What?”

  “What?” I countered.

  “Where on earth did that come from?”

  “I honestly have no idea. Other than the fact that I told Prior that I was giving up on this whole dating thing. So, we tried, I’m done. Now, it’s your turn.”

  An odd look crossed her features, and she shook her head. “No. As soon as you’re up to it, we’ll find you a nice date.”

  “No, we won’t. I mean, the last time you found me someone, the man wanted me to join his wife in bed. And while that might’ve been fun and kinky, it wasn’t what I was looking for.”

  Dakota burst out laughing, and I grinned.

  “You would have joined in?”

  “I’m still young. Ish. A little banged up, sure, but no…probably not with them. You never know, though.” I winked, and she grinned.

  “Now that we know that that might be on the table, we should add that to our notes for the next person.”

  I flipped her off. “No. I want a good date. Not only a fling or a man or woman who’s going to take me to bed with five others.”

  “Five? Wow, a little adventurous, aren’t you?”

  “Shut up. You know what I mean.”

  “Maybe not. Now I’m just picturing a sixsome, or is that an orgy at that point? When do we know when it’s an orgy? Like how many people have to be involved? And do all these people have to touch for it to be an orgy, or is it a form of -some. Like a threesome or an eightsome?”

  “I have no idea, but now I have weird sketch drawings in my head of stick people trying to stick each other.”

  Dakota wiped tears from her eyes as I smiled, shaking my head.

  “You’re back up to your normal dorkiness level. Looks like you’re feeling better.” She was silent for a moment, and I hoped she wasn’t going to bring it up.

  I wasn’t that lucky.

  “You called out your sister’s name again. Have you talked to your therapist?”

  “Over the phone, yes. Myra was in the other room, and she forced me to do it.”

  Dakota grinned. “Well, Myra has a talent for forcing you to take care of your mental health. And your physical health. She’s our friend for a reason.”

  “She’s as pushy as the rest of you, but I love you guys. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. The dreams keep coming, just like the nightmares of what happened in the parking lot. Maybe if they found the guy who did it, it would make things better. But I don’t think so. My subconscious is a bitch.”

  “You said yourself that you’re a bitch, so aren’t you used to that?” Dakota asked, looking sweet as sin.

  “Bitch.”

  “I’m learning my bitchiness. I’m a mom. I’m usually only bitchy when I’m in mama bear mode.”

  “Maybe, but I think you hide your bitchiness under all that sweet cream and sugar.”

  “And that could be why I do not have a date.” She held up her hands before I could speak. “And it’s not my turn. You may say you’re done with dating, but we both know that’s not the case. You want happiness. Hazel found hers, and it’s our turn. You’re up first. And then I guess it’s Myra, and then I will take up the charge at the end.”

  “What did we get ourselves into?” I asked, frowning down at my hands.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think we had any idea what we were getting ourselves into. I thought it would be easy to have fun on a single date. It clearly isn’t.” Dakota winced. “Not that I’m saying that it’s your fault or anything.”

  “Thanks,” I said, sarcasm lacing my tone.

  “I’m only saying that dating is hard, and I don’t want to go to apps or online dating. I want people to introduce me to happy people who will make me happy. Or, I don’t know, someone who likes me for more than my baked goods.” She paused. “And baked goods is a euphemism, yet isn’t in this case.”

  I laughed at that. “Good to know. Though I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat your baked goods again.”

  She crossed her eyes, and I laughed.

  “Go take a shower. I’ll get you something to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry,” I said quickly.

  “I don’t actually care. You haven’t eaten since last night, and you’re going to eat now. So get over yourself.”

  “Is this what you say to Joshua every morning?”

  “Sometimes. This morning, he was off to school quickly because he had a school project that he wanted to show off.”

  She practically said that through her teeth, and I reached out to grip her hand. “What?”

  “He had to interview a new and fun person in his life, and he picked Macon.”

  “What’s wrong with Macon?” I asked, honestly curious.

  “There’s nothing wrong with him, other than the fact that he’s not Joshua’s father.” Some other emotion filled her eyes, but she pushed on quickly before I could say anything. “And I don’t know if I like the fact that Joshua’s clinging to him as much as he is. Even more so than any of the other Brady brothers. There’s just…I don’t know, something I don’t like. But I’m going to have to deal with it for now because I don’t want to break my little boy’s heart. However, if Macon does that, I will have to castrate him.”

  “Ouch,” I said, not sure what else to say.

  “He’d deserve it. Nobody hurts my son.”

  “Has he?”

  “I don’t know him well enough to tell. But I don’t think so. And that’s what worries me. Anyway, enough about me. Go shower, I’ll get you some food, and then we will focus on your next date.”

  “I already told you, it’s your turn. I’m not going on any more.”

  Dakota ignored me. “Hazel and Myra both have half days today and will be here soon, so you can just get right over yourself and start thinking about what you’re looking for on a date for real. Because that is our new brainstorm.”

  “Dakota.”

  “Don’t Dakota me. We can’t fix anything else right now, so we’re going to fix this. You are friends with three fixers, and you, my friend, are the worst of the bunch. So, go get showered, get all pretty or whatever you want to do because you’re always pretty, and I kind of hate that, and then you’re going to come out and eat some food, and then we’re going to set you up on a wonderful date.”

  She turned on her heel and stalked out of the bathroom, and I blinked at her, shaking my head.

  I did not want to go on a date. Not even a little.

  Add in the fact that so
mebody’s face that I shouldn’t even be thinking about flashed in my mind at that thought, and it told me I was already headed into dangerous territory.

  I gripped the edge of the sink and let out a breath, controlling my pain and my mind, telling myself that it would all be okay.

  When I looked at my reflection, for an instant I saw the little girl that had screamed, but then I was back to being me—dorky, sarcastic, and possibly a little bitchy Paris.

  I didn’t know who I would be if I had grown up in a happy family. If Tracey were alive today.

  I would have been able to watch her grow and help her figure out life while I figured out mine. I might have become a completely different person.

  I might be happy.

  I didn’t know where that thought had come from, and I quickly threw it from my mind.

  Maybe I kept having to go on these dates as penance. Or perhaps it was because I didn’t know what I wanted.

  I for sure did not want Prior Brady.

  I needed to focus on the future. And that meant maybe another guy or girl, just somebody who made me happy.

  Who thought about me and put me first and didn’t make me feel like I was doing something wrong.

  I wanted a future, I wanted happiness.

  While all of this tangled in my mind, I still wasn’t sure it could happen if I didn’t know who had attacked me. It had crossed my mind a couple of times that it could have been my mother or father.

  Detective Buker had been firm that he knew where both of them were during the attack. He had been the one to go after them and check on their alibis.

  It hadn’t been them. It hadn’t been Benji either, even though for an instant, I’d thought it might have been him.

  There were no cameras in the parking lot, something that was going to be changed.

  And according to Hazel, I had Prior to thank for that, too.

  So, I didn’t know who had attacked me, and I might not ever know. If it wasn’t attached to my past, and it wasn’t Benji, then who was it? Maybe one of the dates that I’d been on before? I didn’t know. I didn’t think so, though.

  Maybe whoever it was only wanted my purse.

  They hadn’t taken that, though. Instead, they had hurt me, bruised me, and gave me nightmares.

  I still didn’t know who it was or who it could be.

  The one name that kept coming to my mind no matter what, was the person who had been there when I needed help.

  Prior had been there.

  And I didn’t know what I was going to do about that.

  I would have to face him soon. I needed to thank him and figure out what to say.

  And all the while, I’d have to do my best not to think about him in any other way.

  He wasn’t mine. He was someone else’s.

  Maybe that was exactly why I needed to go on another date. To put Prior out of my mind. And the nightmares, too.

  As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I didn’t think I would be able to forget anytime soon. The bruises would fade, and my ribs would heal, but my nightmares would remain—like always.

  No matter how far I looked into the future, my past was always there to haunt me.

  Always.

  Chapter 9

  Prior

  “Paris is back to work today, right?” Nate asked as we turned the corner, the sun coming up in front of us.

  I nodded, let out a breath, and panted a bit since we were jogging. I hated talking while I ran. Nate loved the exercise, and since he was the one who wanted to jog this morning, and I needed to clear my head, I had to deal with the chatting. “Yes. I don’t think she’s working a whole day.”

  “Your boss is letting that play out?” Nate asked.

  “Yes,” I said, my chest burning. I was running way too fast, trying to keep up with Nate. It wasn’t that I wasn’t an okay runner, it was more that Nate was fucking good and could do this for hours. I liked to run a couple of miles and call it a day. Nate could probably run marathons if he tried.

  However, he was my baby brother, and I had to at least try to keep up with him. It was the principle of the thing.

  Nate had always been this way, though. The best athlete of us all. And it didn’t escape our notice that while he might be the best athlete, his twin sister was the one who was the sickest of us all, lupus trying to take her from us every time she got ill.

  I frowned, pushing those weird thoughts from my mind. I didn’t know why I was getting all philosophical when it came to the family. Maybe it was because I was trying not to think about Paris and the fact that I was going to see her today.

  I didn’t know why it should bother me. I kept thinking about her screaming, and what would’ve happened if I hadn’t been there. What would’ve happened if I had been two seconds late, or perhaps two seconds early? Would she have been as hurt if I hadn’t gotten there on time? Or maybe I should have walked her to her damn car so she wouldn’t be hurt at all.

  I kept thinking about it, over and over again, but I couldn’t push it from my mind, even though I should.

  I couldn’t fix this. I couldn’t help her.

  “Prior?”

  We turned into my driveway, and I leaned forward, resting my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath.

  “What?”

  “I asked if your boss is okay with Paris working half days. Are you okay?” “Fine. Just out of breath. You’re faster than me.”

  “I’ve always been faster than you. And I have better endurance. And I’m prettier.”

  “Whatever you say,” I said, flipping him off.

  “You’re an ass, but because you’re a hero, I guess you’re allowed to be.”

  I cringed, hating that word.

  “I need water, a shower, and coffee. And don’t call me that.”

  “Why?” Nate asked.

  “Because I’m not. Paris still got hurt.”

  “ you were still there for her. Paris is one of us now. Even if she weren’t, you would’ve helped her, any of us would have, but you were there, and you did your thing. You protected her. She’s practically family now that Hazel’s going to be part of our clan.”

  “And we always take care of family,” I said, walking into my house and going towards the fridge so I could chug water. I got down two glasses, poured a couple of waters, and chugged the contents while Nate did the same before we went for more.

  “You know, we’ve always had a decently big family with the five of us kids and Mom and Dad, but now with Arden marrying, and Cross being with Hazel, things keep getting bigger.” Nate frowned and looked down at his glass.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Just thinking about how some things have changed, and I felt like we weren’t really ready for it.”

  “Why would we need to be ready for our siblings to get married? Mom and Dad have never once pressured us to get married.”

  “You’re right. It’s just...I don’t know. Ignore me.”

  “No, I won’t. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. I guess I got a little light-headed from the run.”

  I let him lie because Nate never got dizzy from his runs, but I poured him more water, and then I leaned against the counter, staring at my baby brother.

  Nate was generally loud, like me. Cross and Macon growled more than we did and tended to be a little quieter. Arden was the mediator between the four of us, and we were her protectors. Though in the end, sometimes—or most of the time—she protected us, too.

  Nate had his secrets. I didn’t know what they were, though. He was cagey on occasion, even though I didn’t think others noticed. Or maybe they did. Perhaps we were all so good at protecting each other that we let ourselves guard our individual secrets.

  If he was hurting, though, he would tell us. And even though I like to needle him because he was my baby brother, I would let him have his secrets. After all, I was keeping my own.

  Like the fact that I thought I liked Paris.

 
Fuck. I shouldn’t. Not only was she my coworker and part of the whole crew now, and dating anyone within the group would make things tricky and unmanageable, but it was also just wrong.

  Allison had used Paris as her scapegoat to cheat on me and to push me out of the relationship that I was already trying to get out of on my own.

  And I didn’t like the fact that Allison might’ve been right. Even in the vaguest sense of the word.

  “I need a shower. You showering here?”

  “Um, I know that you’ve been through a lot losing Allison and everything,” Nate began. I didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence, but I let my little brother go on.

  “I don’t want to shower with you. Although you could probably get the places on my back that I have trouble reaching, that whole incest thing gets complicated.”

  “Please, for the love of God, never ever say incest when it has to do with our family again,” I said, and Nate laughed.

  “Sorry. I started with a joke, and then it got creepy.”

  “Very, very creepy. I would hit you, but I need the energy to work.”

  “Need the energy to sit behind a desk all day?” Nate asked, and I leaned forward and smacked him on the side of the head.

  “Hey. No violence. You just said you needed energy.”

  “I suddenly got the energy,” I said deadpan and then ducked out of the way of Nate’s fist as I made my way to the master bath.

  Nate went to the guest room, and I figured he would at least shower and change into the clothes he’d brought.

  I liked that our family was so close. We weren’t spread across the US like so many others. It’d be nice if our parents lived closer, but our dad’s job had transferred him, and now they were happy out there. I didn’t get to see them enough, but at least I had my siblings.

  I showered quickly, knowing if I didn’t move my ass, I wouldn’t be able to have a cup of coffee before I left for work. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. It wasn’t like I didn’t see Paris often. Was she making me nervous? What were we going to say to each other when we saw each other next?