All Our Lives

by Violet Haze

  I glance down at the paper, only to gasp and remove it from his grasp.

  Our wedding announcement is front page news.

  “Oh! I didn’t expect…”

  Mr. Cain quietly exits the room while I peruse the article.

  A picture of us, taken at the small reception, was used. We sat at the table with our arms hooked around one another, about to sip champagne, only to turn to the camera as we smiled brightly. My hair was down, face flush, lips rosy from his random and deep kisses, while Tobias looked as meticulous as always.

  “It’s the perfect picture,” I whisper, turning my face to look at him, smiling. “Thank you.”

  He insisted he should be the one to choose the picture, especially when I declared I didn’t care one way or another — I knew it was necessary, but I wasn’t looking forward to the attention being his wife would get me.

  I know I can’t ignore it forever, but for now, I wanted to simply pretend it would never exist.

  At least for another day or two.

  Folding the paper and placing it on the desk, I stand up and turn to him, popping one of the buttons on my shirt free.

  “You should lock the door.”

  He does exactly that.

  Then turns back to me and pounces.

  His arms circle my waist, tugging me against him as he closes them around me, one hand sliding up my back and into my hair. He removes the clip, my hair falling from the chignon down my back, before wrapping the locks — still damp from my shower and rushed morning — around his hand and tugging, exposing my neck.

  My body responds in an instant; my nipples tauten, poking through my thin bra as they beg for attention while delicious anticipation dances down my spine. He places a kiss by my ear, sending tingles through me; the scratch of his five o’clock shadow against my skin merely adding to the exquisite sensations. Taking the lobe into his mouth, he nips it, coaxing a hiss of surprise from me before he sucks on it, soothing the hurt away as if it never occurred.

  “You’re welcome.”

  With those words, he slides his free arm down to my jean-clad ass, centering his hand as he holds me firmly, lifting up. I put my legs around him instinctively, fusing our mouths with a laugh. Taking a few steps forward, he sits me on top of the desk, stepping close; I tighten my legs around him, unwilling to let him go.

  Even as I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen our kiss, I know we shouldn’t do this here. We should at least go to the room — Tobias’ room, he informed me — we’ve stayed in before. Before I decide whether or not to stop this, he pulls away and gazes down at me.

  Removing his hands from me, he slides a hand inside my blouse, the material nothing against the force of his hand. His fingers slip into the cup of my bra, eliciting a gasp from me at the sweet mix of pleasure and pain as he pinches my nipple between two digits. Moving my arms to where I’m gripping his shoulders, I let my head tilt back a little and close my eyes, wanting nothing more than for him to keep going and never stop.

  My desire isn’t granted.

  “You’re insatiable.” When he removes his hand, I lift my head and open my eyes to find him staring down at me with a wicked grin. “I fucking love it.” He cups my face in his hand, caressing my kiss swollen lips with the pad of his thumb. “You do nothing except look at me with those gorgeous eyes of yours and my cock is ready to go. If I could, I’d keep you in bed all day long; you were made for fucking. Made for me.”

  I suck in a breath, his possessive words belying the fire in his eyes. I don’t even know what to say in reply, but I don’t get the chance to reply even if I wanted it.

  “You belong with me. To me. I’ve waited lifetimes to have you to myself, and I’m never letting you go.” He leans in, possessing my mouth for a few moments with a ferocity that steals my breath away — a first for me — then he pulls back, wrapping me in his arms. “I’ll protect you with everything I have; there isn’t anything or anyone in this world worth losing you over. You’re mine, because I fucking say so, and no curse will keep me from the woman I love.”

  The unexpected declaration catches me off guard.

  “You—you can’t fucking say that!”

  His eyes glint with amusement as I try to push him away and am unsuccessful. “Can’t say what? That I love you?” He touches my nose with his and laughs, low and filled with delight, his breath mingling with mine. “I love you, Joce. Now. Then. When you died for me. And even when you stabbed me through the heart. The heart that beat for you. That still only beats for you.”

  My eyes fill with tears, my chest with sudden anger. “Stop!” I smack at his shoulders. “Let me go. Now!”

  Tobias lets me go easily, stepping back, his lips still quirked in amusement. “Too soon, babe?”

  “Fuck you.” I glare at him, my hands shaking as I button my shirt up. “You don’t play fair.”

  “You’re damn right I don’t.” His mirth slips into a full-fledged grin. “You’ll get used to it.” He moves between my legs once more, murmuring, “And if that fucker, whoever he is, thinks he’ll get anywhere near you, he’ll have another thing coming.”

  I look away, ignoring him and his declaration with the only weapon left in my emotional arsenal: silence.

  Moving his mouth next to my ear and his hands to hold my waist lightly, he says in a soft tone, “Don’t be angry, Joce. Six lifetimes — seven if you count this one — where I’ve loved and lost you. All I can tell you is how I feel, so you never have to guess where I stand. I want you. For now and for always. I know you don’t know how you feel about me; that you’re conflicted. But I’m here, and I’ll wait.”

  A tear slips out at his sweet words, calling to me somewhere deep inside; a place I didn’t even know existed until now. A place I’m not ready to examine, for many reasons I’m sure I can’t voice aloud to myself at this point, let alone to him.

  “Don’t cry.” He turns my face to his, locking his gaze with mine. Using his thumbs to brush away the evidence of feelings I can’t cope with, he brushes his lips against mine. “After all, I’ve every intention of fucking you senseless when we get home.”

  Unable to resist, a laugh escapes me and he smiles against my mouth.

  A few minutes later, we’re on our way so he can fulfill his promise to me.

  Even though I know sex won’t get his words off my mind.

  The only thing that will do that is me figuring out how I feel.

  Which means it’s time for a talk with my two best friends; the only two people in the world who know me better than anyone else.

  CHAPTER SIX

  I thought a return to normalcy would be just what I needed.

  I was wrong.

  It’s Monday morning. I’m sitting in my office, going over the paperwork done over the weekend, when Molly walks in.

  “Your husband is here.” Her cheerful emphasis on the word has me glaring at her as I look up from my task. “And he brought a friend. A gorgeous, huge man who looks like he can break me in two simply by looking at me hard enough.”

  “I’m sure you’re exaggerating this friend’s attributes.” Standing up, I head toward and out the door, Molly on my heels. “As for Tobias…you’d think the man gets enough of me at home.”

  Molly laughs as we pass through the kitchen doors; I’ve no doubt her mind went straight into the gutter at my comment. “The man is smitten with you; it’s written all over his face every time he lays eyes on ya.”

  I’m glad she can’t see my face. I can’t prevent the wince at her words, reminding me of the declaration Tobias made on Saturday. He hasn’t said it again; as he acknowledged, he knows I’m not sure how I feel. I appreciate him trying not to freak me out too much.

  Instead, I glance over my shoulder and roll my eyes at her, teasing, “You’re such a romantic. Keep it up and I’ll fire you.”

  Her eyes widen. “Watch—“

  I walk straight into a brick wall.

  Well, okay, not really. It just feels like one.


  My upper arms are grabbed as I whip my head around and discover a giant standing in front of me.

  Nope. Molly wasn’t embellishing at all.

  He’s tall — taller than Tobias by about four inches — which puts him at about six and a half feet. And built. Really built. As in, there’s no question he could snap me in two if he desired it, and I stiffen instantly in his grasp at the thought.

  As my eyes reach his face, a stunned gasp escapes as I gape at him.

  Curly black hair frames a breathtakingly handsome face; one that has eyes strikingly similar to my own gazing back at me.

  “Who—What—“ I take a deep breath as his lips curve in amusement at my obvious bewilderment. “Let go of me. I’m perfectly capable of standing on my own!”

  “I’m sure you are.” His voice is deep and accented, ’you are’ said as ‘yar,’ as he does as requested. “Steady, yeah?”

  A chuckle has me ripping my eyes from the strange man at the same time I realize Tobias has been standing beside him all along.

  “Well, look at that,” I declare, crossing my arms over my chest. “You’re no longer the biggest man in the room, husband. Who’s the giant?”

  He steps forward, leaning in to give me a swift kiss on the lips, placing a hand on my lower back. “Let’s go into your office.”

  “Molly—“

  “Yep!”

  Glad I don’t even need to finish my request for her to take care of things up front, I turn and head back the way I came. Once we’re inside, I sit behind the desk, awaiting an answer to my question.

  “Joce, meet Ivor.” Tobias pronounces it ‘ee-vawr’ and takes a seat across from me. “He’s your bodyguard.”

  I suppose I should’ve seen that coming.

  I purse my lips before shaking my head. “I don’t think so.”

  “It’s not up to you.” He frowns at me. “He will follow you everywhere. Most of the time, you won’t even know he’s there. It’s a safety precaution.”

  “But—“

  He shakes his head, cutting off my objection. “No. I told you I would protect you, but I can’t be around all the time. Ivor will take excellent care of you. And if you don’t tell me where you’re at, he will. So, don’t forget.”

  “Is he my bodyguard,” I return with a scowl of my own, “or my babysitter?”

  Completely ignoring my attitude, he stands up and walks around the desk, pulling me into a hug. “Play nice. I have to get back. I’ll see you after work.”

  “Oh! That reminds me.” Deciding we’ll discuss this later in private, I smile up at him. “I’m going to see Iris and Dexter for a little while after I’m done here.”

  He inclines his head, lowering his lips to mine for a brief kiss before saying softly, “Text me when you’re on your way home then. And don’t forget to take Ivor with you.”

  “Umm…” I cast a glance at Ivor. “Will you excuse us for a moment, please?”

  The man nods and exits without a word.

  “Does he know why?” I focus on Tobias once more. “And do I know him? I mean,” I lick my lips and his eyes narrow as he tugs me closer, “did I know him? He looks familiar.”

  “You could say that. In case his hair and eyes didn’t give it away, he was your brother. And yes, he’s aware.”

  My jaw drops. “Really? But he’s so huge compared to me!”

  “All the better to protect you, my dear!” He winks at me before diverting my attention with his mouth and hands.

  After a few moments, he leaves me wishing we were at home as he says goodbye, and my new shadow comes back into the room, ready to begin his duties.

  “Please,” I say, waving a hand at the chair, “take a seat so we can chat for a few moments.”

  The moment Ivor sits he’s leaning forward, hands folded on the edge of my desk as he grins at me. “You look well.”

  My head jerks back a bit at his words. “What?”

  “Jórunnr.” He stares at me, his eyes speculative as mine widen at the name I heard in one of my dreams. “Yeah, that’s it. Last I saw you, you stole my knife and sliced your own throat.” Dropping his gaze, he scrutinizes my neck — no doubt looking for the mark we both know is there — and nods. “Like I said, you’re looking well.”

  Then he stands up and exits the room without another word.

  Leaving me to wonder how I’m going to explain his presence to my friends later.

  With a sigh, I push those thoughts aside and get back to work.

  ~*~

  I knock on the door to my old apartment, feeling awkward.

  Ivor has agreed to stay outside and out of sight after I informed him that his presence would be difficult to explain to my friends, who were not aware of my apparent prior lives. For some reason, he laughed when I said this, but didn’t say anything else.

  I know eventually I’ll have to come up with a reason as to why he’s always around, but for now, I’m safe.

  After all, I have a more pressing issue on my mind.

  Iris opens the door and rolls her eyes at me. “We let you keep the key so you could just let yourself in.”

  “I know.” I smile self-consciously as I step inside. “I feel weird about it though. This isn’t my place anymore.”

  She scoffs. “You know my home will always be your home. So knock it off and gimme a hug.”

  Throwing her arms around me without waiting for a response, I laugh. Moments later Dexter walks around the corner, joining in on the hug.

  “Okay,” I breathe out as they squish me between them, “I’ve something I need to talk to you two about.”

  With that statement, they let go and shuffle me off to the living room.

  Once we’re sitting down — I’m in the middle of them — I glance at Dexter, then at Iris, before looking down at my hands.

  “Don’t freak out, but…” I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I ask, “what does love feel like? You know…the romantic relationship kind?”

  I wince as Iris squeals, “What? Oh my gosh!”

  Dexter doesn’t say anything, yet I catch him smiling as I sneak a peek at him.

  I hold up a hand as Iris goes to embrace me again. “It’s not like that. I’m not sure what it’s like, that’s all. I want to know.”

  “Oh,” Iris claps her hands in excitement. “Love is amazing. The best thing in the world.”

  “The best? Even better than sex without love?” When she nods her head, face lighting up with what I’m sure are thoughts of her relationship with her boyfriend, I scoff, “Sorry, I don’t believe that’s possible.”

  Dexter busts out laughing. “I’m not sure we can explain it to you, Jocelyn, especially when you’ve never felt it.”

  “Well, what’s love to you?” I ask, turning my face to focus on him. “What does it feel like?”

  He lifts a brow. “You sure you wanna know?” I nod, and he shrugs. “I’m a guy, so I don’t know how it feels to a girl, but for me…it’s wanting a specific girl like no other. I’m fascinated by her in every way; by her personality, her intelligence, her body. How alluring she is, and how much I want to figure out what makes her seem so mysterious even though she’s open. And if she makes me happy — when the mere thought of her brings a smile to my face — I know I’m in trouble.”

  I tilt my head to the side, studying him for a moment, examining his words even as I acknowledge nobody has ever made me feel the way he’s described. I turn back to Iris. “How about you?”

  Her eyes grow dreamy. “You know about when I met Garret. I was giddy and wanted to spend all my free time with him. I found him funny, smart, kind, and well, he’s hot. I wanted to kiss him, and hug him, and fuck his brains out, all in one.” She grins as both Dexter and I laugh. “I just wanted to be around him, talk to him, see him…all the time. Even now, we’ve been together two years, and I feel the same. I adore him! It’s like…lust and affection and devotion, all in one. I’d do anything for him and he’d do anything for me.” />
  “Yeah…” I bite my lip as I think of the right words to use, releasing it to ask, “but how do you know you’re in love?”

  The way they both look at me makes me feel as if I’m strange. I know it’s not a question most people ask, but for some reason, I’m not sure how to decipher what such a feeling would, well, feel like.

  It’s Iris who questions me. “How do you feel about Tobias?”

  “I dunno.” I shrug when she glares at me. “I don’t. I guess I never think about it.”

  “Well, think about it right now. How does he make you feel?”

  I say the first thing that pops into my mind. “Frustrated.”

  Dexter busts out laughing while Iris rolls her eyes at me.

  “Seriously,” she remarks, frowning, “examine your feelings. Do you hate him?”

  “No.”

  “Do you like like him?”

  “Huh? ‘Like like’ him? What kind of question is that?”

  “There is like, for friendship.” She points at herself, then at Dexter, before smiling at me. “You care about us, right?”

  “Of course! I love you guys.”

  “Exactly. You care about us; you’re attached to us. You don’t want to murder us.”

  “I might if you don’t get on with it.”

  With a giggle, she reaches out and takes my hand in hers. “Look. Do you like him more than a friend? Do you respect him, find him interesting, and think he’s someone you want around for a long time?”

  “Respect him? I suppose so. He’s a hard worker, takes care of his family, has always been straight forward, and—”

  “Okay, okay,” she interrupts with a grimace. “Not what I meant. How about when you first had sex with him, you came home and basically told both of us that Luna was no longer. Was it him?”

  Right. I take a deep breath because I’d never told them why I wasn’t going out as Luna any longer; I simply said I’d become bored with it.

  Looks like it’s time for the truth, no matter how much I don’t want to say it out loud.

  “Yes. We had sex, and the way he knew exactly what I wanted…I…” When I pause, her nod gives me the encouragement to blurt out, “I was scared. He scared me. The way the sex blew my mind, I panicked and I ran.”