All Our Lives

by Violet Haze

  This time, he meets my gaze, and smiles. “First off, Jocelyn, let me congratulate you. In all the years I’ve been on the force, I’ve never had anyone take me down the way you did. Where did you learn to defend yourself like that?”

  I jerk my head back in utter shock.

  The force? What?

  I look around me, but nobody looks as shocked as I am, so I swallow my questions and answer his question. “Miss Congeniality. She, uh, does the sing demonstration…”

  His eyes light up in understanding. “I am impressed you remembered that enough to utilize it, although it made my job harder.” As I go to ask what job, he holds up a hand.

  “Please, let me finish.”

  “I know I look young for my age, but I am actually fifty.” He grins as my mouth drops open, waving a hand dismissively in the air. “Now, twenty-eight years ago, I had just turned twenty-two and would soon graduate from college. One weekend, I returned home a day early from campus after getting an unexpected day off, and caught my father negotiating with someone on the phone about ‘getting rid of the property.’ I didn’t think anything of it, figuring it was a business deal — until a few days later, when I saw a picture of the suspect in a kidnapping pop up on the television.” He runs a hand through his hair, then puts his hands on his hips as he gazes up at the ceiling. “I knew the woman, having seen her around my father plenty of times, and since he worked in the house the missing child lived in, I became very suspicious.”

  I curl my fingers into fists, resisting the urge to look around and glare at every single person in the room, as I force myself to listen to the rest of Mr. Cain’s explanation.

  “I stopped speaking to my father, telling him I was going to law school across the country so I could enter the police academy. My goal was to become a detective and bust him for a crime I had a hunch he committed, yet had no proof of. A lot of stuff went on that I can’t speak of, but I kept my real identity hidden. When I came back into my father’s life, I lied through my teeth to make sure he trusted me. However, years before this, the woman I knew had taken the child was found murdered, along with her husband. Investigators had no idea what the child looked like, along with no idea what the woman possibly could’ve done with the child in the three years since she’d gone missing. They also had no idea who killed them.”

  He catches my gaze again, walking close and crouching before me, eyes shining. “You’ve no idea how hard its been to maintain a fake identity all these years, Jocelyn. However, six years ago, after extensive searching through adoption records, I located that child — you — and I kept my eyes on you. My father had no idea you were still alive, and I wanted to keep it that way. Because my father worked for the West family, he never blinked when I became their attorney; but to keep him from becoming suspicious, I obtained another high profile client and moved away, claiming the West family didn’t really need my services that often, and I had to follow the money.”

  He stands up again. “I informed Tobias of who I really was, and that I wasn’t really an attorney, but an investigator trying to take down my own father for murder and attempted murder. He agreed to help me, promising me that no matter what, he’d keep what we were doing a complete secret. You see, I needed to catch a killer, and we couldn’t fuck it up.”

  At this, I’ve had enough, but I force myself to listen, feeling sicker by the second.

  “When you and Iris left for college, I followed you to keep you safe. Tobias and your father kept in contact with me, and, along with your grandparents, we all made sure you were kept alive and well.”

  That’s it; at the mention of my father, I can’t stop the tears that fall from my eyes. The knowledge of how far my father went to protect me is the final straw.

  “I didn’t know how to get you back here once college ended,” he continues, “but when your father’s unexpected death had you coming back home to take over the diner, Tobias approached me with a plan to set things in motion. I knew all about the past lives, as my father and I had some pretty bizarre conversations over the years; skeptical as I was, there was no denying my father’s absolute obsession with you in every story he told me. Then, Tobias stated his intentions to get you to marry him, knowing it would be the easiest way to get things accomplished, and as he’d been watching you for as long as I had, I agreed with his plan.”

  I jerk my head up to stare at Tobias, who holds my gaze, blatantly defiant. He knows I’m angry at their deception, but his look says, ‘I did what I had to do.’ Needless to say, I’m the first to look away.

  “When my father saw that picture of you two at your wedding, he grew enraged. ‘That’s her!’ he shouted, forgetting I was there. ‘Why isn’t she dead? That bitch was supposed to kill her!’ I convince my father I’m on his side, telling him the only way we could get near you was to tell the West family you were alive, because you’d end up coming here. Right then, I knew it was imperative we get you into this house so I could finally end it. We tried to find a way to set it up so you wouldn’t get hurt.”

  “Then,” he laughs, throwing his hands up in the air, “you walk down the steps and head to the kitchen, making me hide in a closet so you don’t run into me. I call Tobias, telling him what I’m about to do as it’s the perfect opportunity to grab you, only to have you end up fighting back. I knock you out, trying not to hurt you by doing so, and take you back to my father, only for him to become enraged that I’ve knocked you out. When I go into his kitchen to make a drink, I come back out and find him gone. I rush into the room to find him choking you, but he’s so focused on hurting you he doesn’t see me. I pick up the nearest thing and slam him in the head, knocking him out. I was making sure you were still breathing when Tobias and Ivor showed up, and they immediately took you to the hospital.”

  “You see, one day when he wasn’t home I rigged his house, so everything he said to you was recorded.” He shoves a hand through his hair, his shoulders slumping as he finally takes a seat. “Thanks to you, he confessed to the murder of the woman and her husband, as well as conspiring to kill you when you were an infant. Turning it around on him had been absolutely fucking brilliant, albeit highly dangerous as well, since he would’ve succeeded in killing you had I not been there.”

  The room falls silent, and I stand up.

  “There’s one thing you forgot, Mr. Cain.”

  Everyone turns to look at me, and he raises his brow expectedly.

  I point at him, then Tobias, Ivor, and finally at my grandparents, before pointing at myself. “You forgot that all of you lied to me for years, messing with my life, with no regard for my feelings. And because of that, no matter what your reasons, with the exception of Iris and Dexter, you can all go fuck yourselves.”

  I storm out of the room, making it safely to my room before I burst into tears, wondering how fast I can get the hell out of here.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Six Month’s Later

  The only good thing about having perfected looking dowdy is the fact I’m back in my diner, working in my hometown, without anyone the wiser to my identity.

  My grandparents — although they lied to me right along with everyone else — had really done a great job of protecting my personal identity, before, during and even after the announcement.

  Nobody connects Jocelyn Bates with Juliette West, and I am damn glad for it.

  As I sit in my office doing paperwork, I sigh at the ding of my cell phone, indicating I have a message from Tobias.

  Glancing up at the clock, I notice he’s right on time, as usual.

  Every day, without fail since I left my grandparents’ house and returned home, his message would arrive at nine a.m. sharp.

  Today’s message: ‘I’m sorry. Please forgive me, love. Have dinner with me tonight?’

  It never varies much.

  And each day it becomes more difficult to stop myself from responding to him.

  Most of my anger has dissipated over the last few months.

  After a
ll, I understand they all did what they had to do to keep me safe; my grandparents especially, who even after discovering I was alive through Mr. Cain when I was a teenager, had to continue missing out on my life in order to avoid disrupting my life. Their only connection to my life was through any information he could give them. Their reaction to seeing me in person for the first time had been real, as they were truly happy I was okay.

  They were the easiest to forgive, and when I told them I needed some time to myself, they understood. They simply asked that I keep in touch, a promise I have kept, even though I know they hope I will return there.

  I moved back in with Iris and Dexter, who had also been left in the dark, but things weren’t the same.

  Our friendship hadn’t changed, but I had.

  Because I felt more deeply than ever before in my life, and there were some nights Iris would hold me as I cried myself to sleep, wondering out loud when the pain would go away.

  Then, this morning Iris told me perhaps the only way it would happen was if I talk to him, see what he has to say.

  And I hate the fact she is right.

  I know Tobias didn’t lie about our history, proven by the fact my dreams were very real, and in the end, I helped them catch a killer.

  The problem is, I’m not sure how much was him playing a part, and how much of him truly cares for me.

  And as much as I want to hold onto my anger at him, it isn’t fair to either of us.

  I’ve forgiven everyone but him, and I can no longer deny how much I miss him.

  Taking a deep breath, I type a reply: ‘Okay. Hotel at 7 p.m.’

  Not even a minute passes before he responds: ‘Are you sure you want to have this discussion in a public place, love? Come to the house, I’ll behave, promise.’

  I think about it for a second, admitting he has a point.

  ‘All right. See you then.’

  Then, I send Iris a message: ‘Taking your advice. Having dinner with him at 7.’

  ‘Yay! Love you,’ is all she says.

  I sigh, putting the phone aside, and get back to work.

  ~*~

  Pulling into his driveway, I don’t even make it out of my car before Tobias opens his door.

  As I walk closer, he stands there motionless, hands in pockets, his dark gaze focused on my approach.

  Stopping in front of him, we’re both silent as we stare at one another.

  In that moment, I want to do many things. The part that misses him wants to touch him, hug him, kiss him, then fuck him.

  But before I even think about it, the part that wants to yell at him has me reaching up and slapping him across the face.

  He lifts a hand to rub his cheek, saying, “I deserved that.”

  He steps back, indicating I should come inside with a sweep of his hand, which I do after taking a deep breath.

  As he closes the door behind me, I’m reminded of the first time I came here, under completely different circumstances in what seems like a lifetime ago.

  He leads the way into the dining room this time, seating us at the table where hot food is waiting.

  I can’t resist a smile as I see what he’s prepared: filets, with loaded baked potatoes — exactly what I ordered the night I slept with him as Luna.

  I don’t comment, picking up my utensils, and taking a bite.

  Neither of us talks as we eat, and I try to avoid staring at him, especially since I haven’t laid eyes on him in six long months.

  Problem is, our gazes lock near the end of the meal, and I’m unable to keep the tears from springing to my eyes. “I’m angry at you.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want to be angry anymore.” A tear slides down my cheek and I brush it away, whispering, “Was any of it real?”

  “Yes.” He clenches his napkin, the fierceness of the grip matched by his eyes. “I never lied about my feelings.”

  “D-did your family know? Were they in on it, too?”

  He shakes his head. “The only people who knew were the ones you know about. Everybody else had no clue.”

  “I feel like you didn’t trust me.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  “I know I didn’t know about our history at first,” I say as I rise from my seat, crossing my arms over my chest, “but once you knew I remembered things, why not tell me? Why keep me in the dark?”

  He stands as well, but doesn’t approach, grimacing at my question. “It was necessary to keep you in the dark. We needed you to play the part, as fucking scary as that was for the rest of us. I wanted to tell you, love, I truly did.”

  My heart skips at beat at knowing he wanted to tell me.

  But I still have questions I need answered. Something that has been bugging me in particular has me asking, “Was I ever in any danger of losing the diner?”

  “No. All the financials were made up.”

  I nod. “And the marriage? The pre-nup?”

  He moves toward me at this point, so close that if we one of us reaches out, we’ll be in the other’s arms. “Yes, we’re married. No, the pre-nup wasn’t real.”

  “So, if I walk away right now?”

  He pushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear, before cradling my face in his hand. “Are you going to walk away, love?”

  At the strokes of his thumb against my cheek, our lips inches from each other, desire flares back to life between us.

  It’s the moment I’ve been waiting for.

  I’ve got my answers, and I have to decide if they are good enough.

  I breathe in, a deep steadying gulp of air, only to feel his arms close around me. Bringing our bodies flush together, he holds me as he has many times before, his words gentle and firm.

  “Look at me.” As our gazes lock, he says exactly what I need to hear. “I love you, Jocelyn. If you walk out that door, I’ll let you go, but I’ll never stop fucking loving you. But if you don’t, and you stay, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Loving you. Fucking you. Loving you while fucking you. Whatever you want.”

  Laughing through my tears, I stare up at him, as I say what I came here to say. “I’m here tonight because I was finally ready to hear the answers to my questions. I was angry at first, at everyone, but I understand; I really do. And…I missed you. More than I’ve ever missed anyone. I…”

  My chest aches. I breathe deeply once more, closing my eyes while taking a leap, making myself vulnerable to another person like I’ve never done before.

  Tears spills over, his face blurry as I say something I’ve never said to any other man. “And I love you. But, if you ever, ever hurt me like that again, I’ll never fucking forgive you.”

  He crushes me against him, capturing my mouth with his, kissing me deep and long before dragging his mouth away. “I won’t, love. I promise.”

  “I’ll also ban you from my diner for life.”

  “Oh god, now you’re just being cruel,” he groans as I wrap my arms around his neck. “You know that’s one of my two favorite places to eat.”

  “What’s the other?”

  “I’ll show you.”

  With a naughty grin, he swipes an arm across the table, knocking everything to the floor before laying me upon it.

  No pun intended.

  THE END

  Thanks for reading!

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  Violet Haze is a pseudonym of contemporary romance author C.S. Janey who simply desired to keep her erotic romances separate. She is a big fan of romance - writing and reading.

  The mother of one, she currently spends her days writing, reading, procrastinating, and protecting her son from himself as he pretends that he is a superhero.

  Luna is
her first erotic romance series. Look for more stories in the near future!

  She hopes you enjoy the glimpse into the naughtier parts of her mind.

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  Also, if you enjoy this, perhaps you’d enjoy my contemporary romances under C.S. Janey, titled Surrender To You and Love Renewed.

  Thanks again for reading!

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thank you to Dana Leah, Jennifer Bush, Danielle Taylor, Dasarae Dibella for all your feedback while I wrote Luna’s story.

  Thanks to everyone who has read Luna and loved her story!

  I can’t wait to start a new story to share.

  You all are the best.

  <3 <3 <3

  Now I need a nap.

  PS: sorry this book was a day late.