Stand-In Wife

by Debbie Macomber

  “Why did it take your parents so long to say something?” The concerns Elizabeth raised were valid and should have been voiced sooner, in Leah’s opinion.

  “I asked my dad the same thing,” Paul told her. “He said they’d just thought of all this.”

  “Well, I’m glad they did—for the children’s sake.”

  Paul merely nodded.

  * * *

  Paul glanced nervously at his watch. He only had an hour for lunch and Leah was already five minutes late. He knew something must have detained her, since she was as punctual as she was honest.

  Pacing the hallway outside the licensing office in the King County Courthouse, he thought over the changes of the past two days. For the first time in nearly a week, he’d slept soundly. The erotic fantasies centering on Leah that had cost him several nights’ sleep had eased. When he went to bed, he closed his eyes, half-fearing she’d stroll into his mind. A vision of her had made nightly appearances since he’d kissed her. She’d smile seductively at him, and then his imagination would take over, tormenting him for hours on end.

  But it hadn’t happened since Leah had agreed to marry him. Perhaps that was because he knew it was only a matter of time before he made love to her. He’d made sure the night of his parents’ visit that Leah understood theirs would be a real marriage.

  There’d been a time, not all that distant, when he would’ve pleaded with God to help him, pleaded with Diane to forgive him and wallowed in guilt for even thinking of making love to his sister-in-law. He felt an acceptance now, an inevitability.

  He needed Leah. Not for the physical release her body would yield him, although that was part of it. He needed her the way a man needs the substance of life. Air. Water. Food. Just as she was vital to his children, Leah was vital to him. He woke in the morning, and his first thoughts were of her. During the workday he often found himself looking at his watch and calculating how long it would be before he could go home—to her and his children. He wasn’t sure when all this had started to happen or even if it was a good thing. All he knew was that it was happening.

  Did he love Leah?

  Paul didn’t know. Certainly what he felt for her was unlike his love for Diane. In the months since her death, Paul had become more objective about his marriage to Leah’s younger sister. He loved Diane, heart and soul. He’d never experienced deeper grief than when he’d lost her. She was an unselfish woman, and he knew she wouldn’t have wanted him and the children to live alone. He genuinely believed Diane would have approved of his marrying Leah. Of Leah raising her kids.

  To Paul’s way of thinking, if he were to marry a second time, Leah was the perfect choice. For the obvious reasons, yes, but for less obvious ones, too.

  In marrying Leah, he’d still be able to hold on to Diane, remain emotionally faithful to her. The two sisters would be forever linked in his mind, his heart. Leah shared his love for Diane, and that alone averted the potential resentments and problems of a second marriage. Leah wouldn’t make unreasonable demands in an effort to force Diane out of his life.

  Less than a month ago, if anyone—his father or any of his brothers—had suggested he remarry, Paul would’ve resisted it, regardless of the proposed partner. Even Leah. He hadn’t been ready, emotionally or in any other way.

  “Paul!” Leah hurried down the courthouse corridor. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

  She looked nice, Paul observed. Her hair was held back on either side by silver clips, and she wore a simple linen dress that skimmed her figure.

  “I hope I haven’t kept you waiting,” she said.

  “No more than five minutes. Don’t worry about it.”

  “The babysitter was late, and then I couldn’t find a parking place and—”

  “You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

  She placed her hand over her heart as though to calm its pounding, and Paul ignored the urge to put his arm around her. He found himself looking for excuses to touch her, but so far had managed not to. His fear was that once he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop. A touch would lead to a kiss and a kiss would lead…who knew where.

  “We apply for the marriage license over here,” he said, directing her through a pair of doors.

  She nodded, then paused before entering the office. “You’re sure you want to go through with this?” she whispered without looking at him.

  If either of them was going to entertain second thoughts, the time was now. Yet Paul didn’t hesitate. He knew what he wanted; he wanted Leah. “Positive. What about you?”

  Her smile was sweet. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  Applying for the marriage license took barely five minutes. Paul was glad that Leah had left the kids with a sitter. For the first time since she’d moved in with him, he had uninterrupted time alone with her—away from the house.

  “How about lunch?”

  His invitation seemed to surprise—and please—her. “I’d like that.”

  There was a popular bookstore off First Avenue with a small restaurant in the basement. Paul ate there often and enjoyed the feel of the place. It wasn’t fancy, or even close to fancy, and it certainly wasn’t where a man would take a woman he wanted to impress. But it was a restaurant Paul knew Leah would love.

  They stood in line to order, then found a table at the back, next to an old brick wall hung with bookshelves and pieces by local artists.

  “This is perfect,” Leah said, glancing eagerly around.

  “I thought you’d like it.”

  She smiled shyly. “I have some exciting news.”

  “Oh?”

  “Kelsey took her first step this morning!”

  Leah looked as proud as if his daughter had flown to the moon and back on her own power.

  “I’ve been expecting it any day,” he said, smiling back at her.

  “The boys were as excited as I was.”

  “I remember when Ryan and Ronnie were that age.”

  A waitress delivered their chicken pot pies and hot coffee.

  Leah reached for her fork. “Who walked first, Ryan or Ronnie?”

  “Ryan. He wanted his blankie, and since I was holding it out to him, the most expedient way to collect it was to take a few steps in my direction. As I recall, Ronnie refused to allow his brother to outdo him and walked almost immediately afterward.”

  “It’s hard to remember the boys at a year old,” Leah said with a happy sigh.

  Paul nodded, then said, “Leah, let’s not talk about the children.”

  Her gaze shot up, and her eyes, which were a vibrant green today, reflecting her pale green dress, revealed her bewilderment. “Why not?”

  “Because we’re going to be married soon.”

  “You…want to discuss that?” She sounded worried.

  “No. But at some point in the future the children will be gone and there’ll be only the two of us. We both love the children. That’s a given. We’ve agreed to get married for our own individual reasons, but in the end it’ll come down to the two of us. We need to build a relationship.”

  “A relationship,” she repeated, as though the words felt awkward on her tongue.

  “If you prefer, we could call it a friendship.”

  Leah nodded. “You’re right, of course.… It’s just that I’m not very good at this sort of thing. You’ll probably need to help me.”

  Her confession touched him. After all that Leah had done for him and the children, it gladdened his heart that he could assist her in some small way. He’d make this as easy on her as he could, guide her whenever possible, encourage her to feel confident in her own emotions. If he’d been forced to identify any fault of Leah’s, it would be her stubborn self-reliance. He recognized it because he was fiercely independent himself. As the oldest of five children, he’d learned early in life that he had to be.

  “What shall we talk about?” Leah asked softly.

  “Anything we like.”

  An earsplitting silence followed. They’d li
ved together for nearly two months. They’d agreed to marry. They planned to spend the rest of their lives together. Yet when Paul took the children out of the conversation, they had nothing to say.

  “Oh, dear,” Leah said, her eyes filled with alarm. She set down her fork. “This is more difficult than I realized.”

  “Do you want to tell me about your garden, Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary?”

  Her eyes brightened, but after a moment the enthusiasm drained away. “What’s there to tell you? It’s growing nicely.”

  “My parents keep a garden,” Paul volunteered.

  “Do they grow herbs?”

  “Not to my knowledge.”

  “What about zucchini?”

  “Enough to feed the entire state,” Paul said. His dad routinely dropped off huge quantities of the vegetable. Paul hadn’t the heart to tell him he’d rather eat gravel than zucchini. At least Diane had found a recipe—zucchini chocolate cake—that made it tolerable.

  Their conversation got off to a slow start, but by the end of the hour, Paul felt they’d made some real headway.

  When they’d finished their lunch, Paul walked Leah back to where she’d parked the car. Although he was late getting back to the office, he found himself reluctant to leave. He’d be home in a matter of hours, but he wanted to hold on to this time alone with her.

  Leah didn’t seem eager to leave, either. She held her car keys in one hand, glancing down at them periodically.

  Suddenly he felt an impulse to kiss her. But it wasn’t the kind of thing he was comfortable doing on a busy Seattle street. He knew any public display of affection would only embarrass Leah. Diane would’ve spontaneously thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him regardless of where they were or who was watching.

  But it wasn’t Diane he was marrying; it was Leah.

  * * *

  Leah woke on the morning of her wedding day to bright sunshine. Paul had contacted a minister acquaintance who’d agreed to perform a private ceremony at his office, with the minister’s wife and his youth pastor serving as witnesses.

  They’d arranged everything quickly, quietly. They hadn’t said anything to Paul’s family. Leah wasn’t sure Paul intended to say anything until afterward, which suited her fine. Being hovered over by his mother would’ve made Leah more nervous than she already was.

  She didn’t doubt that she was doing the right thing in marrying Paul, but she preferred to do it without formalities. His family would’ve insisted on making a production out of it, which wasn’t at all what Leah wanted.

  She’d purchased a white linen suit for the ceremony. Normally she didn’t wear a hat, but she’d found one she rather liked. The salesclerk had been very helpful, and Leah was grateful for the extra touch of style.

  Diane had always gone with her when she needed to buy something for a special occasion. How ironic that Leah had never craved her sister’s opinion more than she had while trying to choose what to wear when she married Paul.

  The ceremony itself took only minutes. Filling out the marriage license had been more complicated than the wedding itself. They’d decided on plain gold bands and Paul’s eyes, warm and reassuring, had held hers when he’d slipped the ring on her finger.

  It had seemed appropriate to have the children with them; Kelsey stood between the two boys who held her hands, and all three stared wide-eyed as their father married Leah.

  Afterward Paul kissed her briefly. Although his mouth had barely grazed hers, a riot of sensations came rushing at Leah. She trembled in his arms and prayed he hadn’t guessed how strong her response had been.

  When they left the church office, Paul suggested they visit his parents.

  Leah agreed. The children would need their afternoon naps soon, but there was time for a short visit.

  Elizabeth looked mildly surprised when she opened her front door. “Paul, Leah,” she greeted them cheerfully, holding the screen door. “Come in, please.” She took Kelsey from Paul’s arms and set her on the carpet. “I hear she’s walking now.”

  “Just watch. This kid’s headed for the Olympics at the rate she’s going,” Paul said, smiling.

  “Paul.” His father strolled into the living room, looking delighted by their unexpected arrival. “Sit down, sit down.”

  Leah sat on the couch and Paul joined her. The boys hurried to the kitchen and stood by the counter, waiting for their grandmother to offer them the cookie jar.

  Elizabeth complied with a smile, then walked into the living room. If Paul’s parents noticed that he and Leah were overdressed for an early Saturday afternoon, neither commented.

  Paul reached for Leah’s hand, squeezed her fingers with his own, then looked at his parents. “Leah and I stopped by to tell you we’ve taken your advice. We were married about an hour ago.”

  “Married!” his mother cried.

  “Married!” his father boomed, vaulting to his feet.

  Perplexed, Leah turned to look at her husband. Perhaps they’d misunderstood. Perhaps that wasn’t what his parents had meant. But Leah had been so sure.…

  Elizabeth started to weep softly.

  “Mom?” Paul made no effort to disguise his confusion. “Good grief, I’d think you’d be happy.”

  “I am.”

  “Then why the tears?”

  “Because you’re just like Taylor and Christy.”

  “Don’t forget Rich,” Eric snapped.

  “What do the girls have to do with Leah and me?”

  “First, Taylor married Russ in Reno. She didn’t have a single family member there. Not one. Your father and I could’ve flown there in less than two hours. Out of the blue she marries a cowboy she’s known less than three months.”

  “Then Christy married Cody,” Eric went on. “In Idaho, no less. She flies to a neighboring state to get married for fear her family might find out about it.”

  “If you’ll recall,” Paul added wryly, “she was still engaged to James at the time. She felt she had no other choice.”

  “She didn’t even let Taylor in on what she was doing, not until much later.” Elizabeth wiped the tears from her face. “If it wasn’t bad enough that your sisters married without family present, Rich had an ordinary judge marry him and Jamie.”

  “That’s because they were planning their divorce shortly afterward,” Paul said, defending his brother. “Besides, we were married by a minister, not a judge, if that’s any consolation.”

  “Wait. He was planning a divorce?” Confused, Leah whispered the question in Paul’s ear.

  “I’ll tell you later,” he promised.

  Vaguely Leah remembered Diane describing the details of Rich’s marriage to Jamie Warren. As she recalled, the couple had originally gotten married for the purpose of having a child. Diane had explained that they’d planned for Jamie to be artificially inseminated, but when she did become pregnant, there hadn’t been anything artificial about it.

  “You’re upset because we didn’t invite you to the ceremony?” Paul asked his parents, who shared an incredulous look.

  “Yes.” His father’s loud voice echoed through the house. “What is it with you kids? Don’t you have any idea how badly your mother and I want to attend a wedding in this family? We have five children, four of them now married, and we’ve yet to be invited to a single child’s wedding.”

  “Dad, Mom, I’m sorry,” Paul said, sounding genuinely contrite.

  Leah felt terrible. She should’ve encouraged Paul to mention their decision to his family. She hadn’t done so for selfish reasons. She was afraid Elizabeth would make a fuss, something Leah had wanted to avoid.

  “I apologize, too,” Leah said meekly.

  “It’s done now,” Eric said, tight-lipped. Then he made an effort to relax. “But you’re making a habit of this, son,” he muttered, referring to Paul’s first wedding in Alaska.

  “I promise if I ever get married again, I’ll make sure you and Mom are there for it.”

  Although she knew Paul was jo
king, Leah felt a small twinge of anxiety and possessiveness.

  “Jason’s our last hope for a family wedding,” Elizabeth said, dabbing her eyes with a tissue she’d taken from her pocket.

  “Jason,” Paul repeated, barely holding back a laugh. “I hate to disappoint you, but I can’t see Jason ever getting married. He’s too set in his ways.”

  “God’s going to find that son of mine a wife,” Elizabeth said. “I can’t believe the good Lord would give me five beautiful children and then cheat me out of the pleasure of putting on even one wedding.”

  “I’m sure everything will work out for the best,” Paul said in a soothing voice.

  The boys started squabbling, and Leah knew it was because they were tired and hadn’t had their lunch. Kelsey was about to fall asleep, as well.

  “We should be going,” Leah said, turning to Paul. “I feel really bad that we disappointed you,” she added to the Mannings. “I hope you’ll forgive us for being so thoughtless.” She stood, reaching for Kelsey. The little girl laid her head against Leah’s shoulder and yawned sleepily.

  “Where are you two going for your honeymoon?” Eric asked.

  Paul and Leah exchanged shocked glances. “We hadn’t planned a honeymoon,” Paul replied.

  “I certainly hope you intend to get away for the night, at least.”

  Paul frowned apologetically at Leah. “Actually I …we hadn’t discussed it.”

  “That’s no excuse,” Elizabeth said immediately. “Leave the children with your father and me, and the two of you take the rest of the day and tonight for yourselves.”

  Leah wanted to object, but was immediately cut off. “But—”

  “There’s no but about it. You’re family now, although I’ve always considered you part of our family anyway. Now it’s official. And I won’t allow this cantankerous son of mine to deprive his bride of a honeymoon.”

  “What about the children’s things?”

  “You can bring them over later. I’ll give them lunch and put them down for a nap and everything will be just fine, won’t it, boys?”

  Spending time with their grandparents had always been a special treat, and the twins were eager for the opportunity.