Cassidy James

by Ashley Wilcox

  Immediately, my mind was running wild with possible ways to work around this. Maybe I could split my time with both? Yeah, it kind of sounded a little slutty, and maybe a bit selfish, but I really wanted to go with Connor and I really didn’t want to ditch Graham.

  I’ll be vague; flirt with the idea.

  Me: Kind of, why?

  Biting down on my lip, I waited anxiously for his reply. I wasn’t lying, just noncommittal. Though for some reason my mind was already running with the idea of not going with Graham. He didn’t want to go in the first place. Honestly, I had to practically beg him to go. I wonder if I told him the situation he would just step back anyway? Maybe he’d be relieved.

  My knee jumped out of control and I tried to do everything in my power to not start chewing uncontrollably on my nails. They’d look horrendous for later if I did! But my body was literally consumed with a ridiculous amount of anxiety. This was insane.

  My phone chimed with another message. I was nervous to look, but super excited at the same time. I wanted him to ask me. My childhood prayers would be answered, but then I’d be forced to do something I didn’t know if I could physically or mentally do.

  I looked.

  Connor: I was an ass for assuming last night—will you go with me?

  Apparently, Connor didn’t care about the kind of part of my reply. He took it as a no. I loved it and hated it at the same time.

  Oh, Cassidy. What to do? What to do?

  I could see Abby behind me in the mirror, clueless of the situation brewing. Typically, her being my best friend, I’d confide in her and see what she thought I should do, but after her accusation this morning, I’m pretty sure I knew how that conversation would go. Not well. Which, hadn’t thought about that yet, she’d probably be majorly ticked off at me if I went with Connor over Graham. At some point she took Team Graham to the next level, and seemed anti-Connor literally out of nowhere. Would she even want to go with me if I chose to go with Connor?

  Ugh! This was literally a once in a lifetime thing.

  Just days ago this would’ve been a no-brainer. Why? Why couldn’t have this happened at the beginning of the week?

  “Sweetie, I’m going to need you to keep your head straight,” Becky said, interrupting my internal struggle.

  I sighed. I totally forgot that I was getting my hair done.

  “Sorry.”

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” I lied. But then it dawned on me. Becky was clueless of my personal life, and would have an unbiased opinion. Maybe she could give me some advice.

  “Actually…” I started, “if you had a major crush on someone. Major!” My eyes widened and my facial expression turned dramatic, clarifying the intensity of the major. “Like for years and years, but nothing ever came of it, then all of a sudden, with the worst timing ever, he came around, wanting to hang out with you, but you already had plans with your best friend… Would you go with this guy who you’ve adored for years, ditching your best friend, or would you say no and hang out with your friend instead?”

  “Hmm…” She tilted her head to the side, thinking. “Well, if this person—the person you already had plans with—was your best friend, they’d already know how much you liked this guy, so I think, being your best friend, that they’d be happy to reschedule with you for a different day, knowing how much you’ve been waiting for this guy to ask you out.”

  My lips immediately started to curl into a smile. That was my original thought…kind of. Maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Graham knew how obsessed I’d been with Connor. And Graham hated dances. He’d probably be more than happy to not go, and to let me live out the dream I’d had since we were super little! It would truly be a dream come true.

  “That was exactly what I thought!” I told Becky, cheerfully. “Thanks so much!”

  Without a second to spare, I looked down at my phone, and texted Connor back.

  Me: Um, of course!

  Becky paused, lifting her hands from my hair.

  I totally looked down again.

  I giggled. “Oops, sorry.”

  Abby and I finished at almost the exact same time. My mood was through the roof, excited now that I had decided to go with Connor instead of Graham.

  “Oh wow,” Abby gushed when she saw how amazing Becky did on my hair. Apparently, she couldn’t see what Becky was doing from where she was getting her makeup done.

  My hair looked beyond gorgeous. Becky literally took the smallest sections of hair one-by-one and spiral curled them, individually. There were so many! How amazing would it be to have someone do this to your hair every day? I needed to be rich!

  “I know. Doesn’t it look amazing?” I agreed.

  “Yeah, I love it,” she said, walking around me, admiring every angle.

  “And, your makeup!” I pointed out. Abby looked stunning. Like, really insanely gorgeous!

  She rolled her eyes like it was no big deal, but she was grinning. A grin that told the truth of what she really thought of it.

  “You want a personal makeup artist, don’t you?” I joked.

  She shrugged her shoulders with a devilish grin before admitting, “It wouldn’t be the worst thing to have at your leisure…”

  We both laughed out loud. She did have a girly side to her!

  As quickly as my excitement came, anxiety replaced it. I had to break the news to Abby. Well, I had to break the news to Graham. I was waiting until my hair was done to call him. Stalling, I suppose. This was going to be the dreadful part.

  “So, Connor texted me,” I spit out, switching gears.

  Her eyes squinted, puzzled. “Yeah?”

  “He asked me to the dance tonight.”

  Abby’s eyes widened with shock. I wasn’t sure what kind of shock it was— awesome news shock or you told him no, right? shock.

  “You’re going with Graham, Cassidy,” she reminded me in a very authoritative tone.

  Clearly, it was you told him no, right? shock.

  I bit down on my lip nervously. She was going to be insanely mad at me. I could feel it. I gulped back the knot in my throat.

  “I said yes,” I whispered. I literally could feel the tears welling in my eyes. I was letting my best friend down. This sucked soo bad, but my dream! Going to a dance with Connor Blakely had been my dream for so long!

  “I can’t even believe this.” She practically spit as she spoke.

  “You know how much I’ve dreamt of this happening,” I tried to explain, reminding her.

  “What did Graham say?”

  “I haven’t told him yet,” I admitted, feeling two feet tall as I did. “But I’m going to call him right now. I was just wait—” I tried to finish, but she turned and started walking away from me.

  Seriously?

  “Where are you going?” I called out from behind her, still in the same spot. I couldn’t believe she just walked away from me. I had a feeling she would be mad, but this was way more over the top than I expected.

  What the heck was with her and Graham lately? She was weirdly obsessed with everything pertaining to him.

  “I’m over it, Cassidy,” she said as she opened the door, not even giving me a second glance.

  I stood there, stunned. She literally just walked out on me. She was livid. I’d never seen her this way. To me, on top of it!

  I was just walking up to the florist when my phone rang with Cassidy’s ringtone. I rolled my eyes as I answered. I could only imagine what she needed this close to go time.

  “Hey, where are you?” she asked, her voice not nearly as bubbly as this morning. I pulled the phone from my ear and checked the screen to confirm that it was her. Strange.

  “Town, why?” I asked as I opened the glass door to the flower shop. Something was different, and I was intrigued.

  There was brief silence.

  “So, I have good news for you,” she said almost apprehensively.

  The florist walked over to the counter to help me, but I
kindly held up my finger, pausing her, and stepped to the side. I had to hear Cassidy’s so-called good news first.

  “So, you don’t have to bring me tonight,” Cassidy said, her voice kind of going up in pitch as she said it.

  My stomach turned, and my hand immediately ran through my hair, pushing it back. I didn’t know what to say. I looked at my watch; it was now after three. She was ditching me three hours before the dance? This was supposed to be good news? I was a mix of emotions. I didn’t know how to feel.

  “What? Why?” I was so confused. A few days ago she was begging me to go with her, and now just a few hours before…she didn’t want me to go anymore?

  Not that I was overly excited about going in the first place—it was a fucking dance—but fuck, I had everything ready and spent a shitload of money already on this damn thing.

  “Aren’t you happy?” She sounded confused. “You sounded like I was asking you to climb Mount Everest when I asked you to go in the first place. You’re off the hook!”

  It was obvious that Cassidy was dodging my question, but then it dawned on me.

  Connor Fucking Blakely.

  “Is Connor taking you now?” I asked. I couldn’t help the dry, irritated tone to my voice. Always! He was always stepping on my fucking toes…since grade school!

  There was a brief silence again, and I knew damn well that she was biting down on her lip, nervous. She was afraid to tell me, but she wanted to go with him so fucking bad that she followed through with it anyway.

  Dammit!

  “Yeah, he just texted me. He thought…”

  “He asked you to go with him through text message?” I asked, disgusted. The guy was a real charmer.

  “Text is the new phone call.”

  I shook my head, appalled. That didn’t even make sense.

  Even though I was raging, and felt the need to just flip the fuck out on her, I shook my head instead. It wasn’t worth it.

  “All right, well, have fun, I guess.”

  Cassidy’s voice turned back to bubbly. I wasn’t going to lie, it was like pouring alcohol over an open wound.

  “Thanks, Graham!”

  “Yup.”

  On that note, I hung up the phone.

  “Did you need help with something, honey?” The florist returned to the counter just as I slid my cell phone back in my pocket.

  I looked up blankly. I didn’t even know why I was there anymore.

  The corsage!

  Fantastic.

  “Uh yeah, pick up for Graham Wagner,” I said, less than enthused.

  “Sure.” She smiled before walking over to the refrigerator with the clear glass doors.

  I waited as she skimmed through the tags on all the clear containers. There were a bunch.

  What the hell was I going to do with this corsage?

  I wasn’t about to keep it.

  “Is there an order under the name Connor Blakely?” I asked, not believing what I was thinking.

  She peered over her shoulder.

  “What name, honey?”

  “Blakely,” I repeated. “Connor Blakely.”

  “Let me check,” she said before turning back to the fridge.

  After a few minutes of searching, she answered, “Nope, not that I see.”

  Of course not.

  I sighed.

  “I tell ya what,” I said. “Scratch my name on the one I ordered, and if a boy with that name comes in for one, tell him that this one is for him.”

  She stared at me, puzzled.

  “I’ll pay for it and everything.” I waved it off. “Just give it to him.”

  I knew damn well that Connor wouldn’t make the effort to find out what color Cassidy’s dress was, or know that her favorite flower was the gerbera daisy. He wouldn’t know not to get baby’s breath in it, because he wouldn’t know that she doesn’t like the way it smells. No, he wouldn’t know any of that because he didn’t know Cassidy like I knew her.

  The lady still looked confused as hell, but did as I asked before meeting me back at the counter to cash me out.

  I let out a deep breath as I hung up with Graham, feeling guilty. I was through the roof excited about going to the dance with Connor, but I hated the way Graham reacted when I told him.

  Graham sounded pissed, which I guess I should be used to since that was the common reaction I’d been getting lately from both him and Abby, but it still sucked. I really thought Graham would be happy that he didn’t have to go. That he’d understand how much going with Connor would mean to me.

  It was starting to make me angry, actually. I was always the one who cared about everything. I always put everyone else before myself. I never liked to hurt anyone’s feelings, and would do everything in my power to avoid it. I was finally putting myself first and doing something that I really, really wanted to do.

  Why couldn’t they just be happy for me?

  As I waited for the manicure and pedicure lady to call me over, I pulled my phone out to text Abby. I was kind of getting mad at her now. Like Becky said, if these people were my best friends, they should be elated for me. They should be all about me getting this once in a lifetime opportunity. Especially Abby. She should be jumping up and down with joy for me like she would any other time.

  Me: Why are you acting like this?

  I was super impatient waiting for her reply. She was completely rude and out of line. Not to mention, incredibly embarrassing.

  Abby: You just don’t get it, do you?

  She finally wrote back. I stared at the phone, clueless.

  Get what?

  Me: What are you talking about?

  There was a long pause. I sat there and tried to think of any and everything that she could be talking about. It made no sense. What could I not get? Nothing happened that I would be oblivious to.

  And then I got an even crazier reply.

  Abby: He loves you!!!!

  What?

  I froze. Literally froze. I couldn’t move. My hands, legs…my entire body was stiff with shock.

  Me: Graham?

  I texted back without any thought. I had a good idea that’s who she was talking about, but it was just too crazy to believe. I had to be sure. Clarification was a necessity. Not to mention, air. I needed air. I was freaking out. I could barely breathe. But then my phone chimed again.

  Abby: Yes!!

  Abby: Of course Graham, you dope.

  He loved me?

  Graham?

  How could this even be….

  Oh my God!!!

  It hit me.

  Oh my God!!!

  All this time I ignored the signs. Everything Graham has done for me…. I washed it aside, thinking he did it because we were just friends. Never once had I thought that he did it for any other reasons. Oh my God. Flashes of it all flooded my head. Graham always being there for me, always dropping everything to make sure I had a ride home, taking me home before practice, dressing up with me on Celebrity Couple Day, bringing me to the dance, being my shoulder to cry on, lifting my spirits on days when I didn’t think happiness was possible, always making me smile….

  Graham was so much more than just my friend. He loved me. Tears streamed my face with the realization. He loved me, and I’d been throwing the whole Connor and me thing in his face. He loved me, and I just ditched him for someone I had just started talking to. He loved me.

  Oh my God, how could I be so dumb…so blind!

  Abby: Makes sense now. Doesn’t it?

  “Cassidy,” I heard my name called. “You can come back now, Honey!”

  I looked up at the lady and half smiled in acknowledgement, but quickly typed a reply back to Abby.

  Me: I’m sorry.

  As much as everything in me ached and I felt like the worst person in the world, I couldn’t just blow off the evening because of it. I’d already committed to going to the dance with Connor. I already ditched one guy today and I wasn’t about to do it to another one. I had to suck it up and finish out tonigh
t even if all I could think about was running home and crying into my pillow.

  Graham loved me, and I had no clue how I felt about it.

  Six o’clock rolled around, and I was pacing from one corner of my bedroom to the other. A few times I stopped to throw my Nerf ball at the basketball hoop hanging on the back of my door. I couldn’t sit down, and there wasn’t anything that I could do— everyone I knew was either going to the dance or working. I tried to think of what I would’ve done with myself had I not agreed to go in the first place, but my mind was redirected to where I wanted to be. At the stupid dance with Cassidy.

  It wasn’t so much that I wanted to be there with her; it was that she would be there with him. I still didn’t trust him. As much as I wanted to be happy for Cass, since she was clearly happy with him, I couldn’t be. And maybe because even though Connor hadn’t yet done Cassidy wrong, in my gut I knew he would eventually.

  I sat down at the end of my bed and stared at my freshly-tailored and dry cleaned suit hanging on the outside of my closet door. Why I was contemplating putting it on, I didn’t know. I sure as hell wasn’t going to the dance by myself. But yet, here I was contemplating it.

  My cell phone buzzed next to me, shaking me out of my daze. Inwardly I had hoped it was her, but…it was just Troy.

  Shit—Troy!

  I completely forgot to call him earlier to fill him in, to let him know that he’d have to suck it up and be at the dance by himself. I snickered when I saw his text.

  Troy: Where the hell are ya?

  Yeah, he wasn’t happy, and just as I picked my phone up to reply, there was a knock on my door. I sighed, thinking that it was my mom again. Little Mother Hubbard was treating me as though my world had shattered, and felt the need to baby me. It was driving me bonkers. I was fine.

  It wasn’t like Cassidy was filing for divorce and we’d never see each other again. We hadn’t even been together, so it wasn’t a legit breakup. She was just going with someone else to a dance that I hadn’t wanted to go to in the first place. I was good. My beautiful little heart, as she referred to it, was fully intact and by no means broken. But, to my surprise, it wasn’t my mom. It was actually the last person that I ever would expect at my door.