Waste of Worth (DeLuca Duet Book 1)

by Bethany-Kris

  He didn’t care that the pain in his ribs took on an almost stabbing quality when he kicked his boxer-briefs off. He didn’t care at all because that first thrust into her body, in the darkness with her skin glowing and his hands holding her tight, was heaven. Her sharp gasp echoed as her thighs fell open wider, letting him push in even fucking deeper. Her heels dug into his back, pressing and urging, while her fingernails scored into his shoulders and held so damn tight.

  Tight like her pussy, he thought.

  He could barely breathe when he was inside Karen.

  It was a natural high, a cloudy sensation that colored up his mind and took focus in his body. A tightening sensation that curled in his gut with every thrust of his hips that demanded a little bit more while she asked to have it a little bit harder.

  He liked that the best.

  Her sweet sounds in the darkness.

  Soft skin.

  The slap of skin and her breath in his ear.

  It made a beautiful melody, and he wasn’t exactly one for music.

  Except for Karen’s.

  She made the best kind with him.

  “God,” she mumbled.

  Another shudder crawled over her skin, and Dino caught her next moan with a kiss, swallowing it whole and keeping that same frantic, frenzied pace.

  He just wanted her to come.

  He wanted her to come, and then he could find his own bliss, too.

  Then maybe, in the morning, he could talk more.

  Maybe the world wouldn’t seem so black.

  It was always bright with her.

  Dino’s hand slid up Karen’s side to her throat, barely holding there before it moved higher to hold her chin and keep her looking at him as he fucked her. It got him off—seeing how her brown eyes shimmered with sin and need while she took every little bit that he gave.

  “Come,” he told her.

  Karen swallowed hard, her response catching in her throat. The very tips of his fingers glided over her wet lips, and in a blink, she had his fingers deep in her mouth, sucking on them as a moan vibrated in the back of her throat.

  “Fuck.”

  She came fast, tasting her own arousal on the same fingers he’d used to touch her with, while her head fell back and every muscle in her body clenched. He felt her teeth bite down on his fingers, and that was it for him.

  The pressure building in the base of his spine released, and the pleasure raced after it as he gave one thrust, and then another before emptying himself as deep as he could manage into her clenching pussy.

  Hot, wet, and tight.

  Her body held him there long after he was done, as her fingers danced up his spine, and her tongue teased along the knuckle of his index finger.

  Dino’s hand splayed over Karen’s cheek, and he turned her face so he could look at her again. A pleased, blissed glimmer stared back in her gaze, her lips smiling in that lax way of hers that said she was happy, and tired.

  She hummed under his weight, her cheek nuzzling into his palm.

  “Don’t ever ask me to go,” Dino said, “and I’ll be as happy as I need to be.”

  Karen nodded, kissing the pad of his thumb as it stroked the seam of her lips. “I won’t—I promise.”

  DINO stared at the ceiling of his bedroom, unwilling to move. Well, part of him was unwilling, the other part simply had no desire to face the day. Eventually, despite the way his body protested and his mind screamed at him to stay right where he was, Dino got up and headed for the bathroom.

  He barely felt anything under the scalding hot water of the shower, and made it quick as to not waste more time than he already had. He wasn’t even in the shower long enough to fog up the mirror—his mistake—so he was stuck staring at his reflection when he got out.

  Depression, Karen had said.

  The men in this life didn’t talk about those sorts of things. And if by chance they did, it was almost always about someone’s wife who popped one too many pills or drank a bit too much at dinner to ignore what was happening around her.

  He understood that depression was more than being stuck in bed or suicidal ideation. It was also wrapped up in a person’s sense of self, or even how they felt physically. Depression couldn’t be summed up in a neat little bow tied around a prescription bottle, despite how too many people thought they could fix depression by doing just that.

  Karen meant no harm by bringing it up.

  Unfortunately, Dino couldn’t get it out of his head.

  It was also why, regardless of knowing he should take another day or two to relax as much as he could before heading back to work and showing his face, Dino forced himself out of Karen’s bed, into his own, and now, to get the hell out of his apartment. He didn’t want to feed into that whispering voice in the back of his head with its what ifs.

  What if he was depressed?

  What would that mean?

  Dino wasn’t willing to find out, if only because he didn’t think it mattered. Feeding into the idea that he had a problem would do him no good in the lifestyle he lived. No one was out to lend him a helping hand, and if anything, something like that would only be another weakness to poke at. A very visible, raw wound that he couldn’t protect from people like his uncle.

  It didn’t matter because it wouldn’t make a difference.

  Feeling worthless was one thing. He didn’t see how being told there was a reason why he felt that way would make it better.

  It wouldn’t.

  Refusing to give his reflection or thoughts anymore time that morning, he headed out of the bathroom, a towel slung around his waist and a smaller one in his hand. He ran the smaller towel through his hair as he stepped into the closet of his bedroom, pulling out one of the three-piece suits hanging on the rack.

  It was only after he was dressed and tying the laces of his black dress shoes did Dino finally feel like he might be able to handle getting through the hell the day was sure to bring. While the bruising on his face had gone—he still had a bit of yellow under his right eye—the pain from the rest of his beating was still very much there.

  This was how Ben’s game was played.

  No one ever questioned why Dino would disappear for a week—his uncle always had some excuse at the ready. Dino was, by Ben’s belief, expected to come back to life when he was ready to do so with his lesson learned, and his mouth firmly shut.

  It was never easy.

  It had gotten harder and harder to do over the years.

  But as Dino strolled out of his bedroom and made his way to the kitchen to grab a coffee before heading out, he was reminded of his reasons for being stuck like he was in this terrible fucking life and situation.

  One of those reasons happened to be sitting at his kitchen table.

  Theo worked at the table, the dismantled pieces of a handgun spread out across the wood. Piece by piece, he picked up the metal and buffed and shined, cleaning each one until they all gleamed a bright black under the kitchen light. He seemed thoroughly involved in his work, not once looking up to greet Dino as his brother made himself a coffee.

  Dino thought it odd that his brother was there.

  Theo rarely came around to his place. He had better things to be doing, or so he always said. It didn’t help that the brothers couldn’t stand to be in each other’s presence for too long before they started snapping at one another about the smallest fucking thing.

  Something else they could blame on Ben, honestly.

  “Morning,” Dino said as he took a seat at the table, opposite of Theo.

  His brother didn’t look up as he began reassembling the handgun. “Morning.”

  “I thought I told you the key you have was for emergencies only.”

  “Define ‘emergency.’ I probably have a different meaning.”

  Dino resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “What’s up, Theo?”

  Finally, Theo glanced up, his familiar brown gaze traveling over Dino’s form quickly, up to his face, and then stopping on the yellowed bru
ise under his eye. Just like that, Theo dropped his gaze and went back to his gun as if nothing was wrong.

  “I’m fine,” Dino said, knowing what his brother was thinking without even needing to be told.

  “Sure. Now.”

  “I was fine all week, Theo.”

  Theo frowned, but didn’t look up. “When?”

  Dino sighed heavily, putting his cup down before he scrubbed a hand over his face. “We don’t have to get into the details.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “No, why did it happen?” Theo asked, sliding bullets back into the gun clip one at a time. The clink-clink-clink sound as the bullets filled the clip was almost soothing in a way. Dino wondered if that’s why his brother found himself repeating the ritual of cleaning his gun twice, if not three times, a day. “Because how old do you have to be exactly before it’s enough for you, Dino?”

  Well, he was not expecting that question.

  Theo might be surprised at the answer.

  “If he’s fucking with me, then he’s leaving you alone. Right?”

  Theo’s head snapped up, his gaze landing on Dino once more. “What?”

  Dino wasn’t surprised that the concept—or rather, the rationalization—he offered was foreign to Theo. They weren’t friends, and they barely liked one another. Years of being manipulated and used to hurt the other one had really taken its toll on whatever closeness the brothers might have shared when they were younger.

  However, that meant very fucking little to Dino.

  Theo was still his brother.

  He’d look out for him, no matter what. It was the best he could do after the way they had grown up.

  “It’s not about what I am or am not willing to take before I say enough is enough,” Dino said, his attention going to his coffee cup instead of his brother.

  It was easier that way—easier to speak when he’d rather just stay quiet and let Theo draw his own conclusions. That was probably a great portion of the trouble between the two. Dino let Theo think what he wanted, and sometimes, that meant his brother thinking he was a fucking cocksucker who didn’t give two shits either way.

  “It’s never been about that,” Dino added after a beat of silence.

  “Then what?” Theo asked.

  “Most people in the Outfit had the luxury of choosing to be where they are. They wanted to be a part of this thing—the mafia. We were never given that choice, not really.”

  “I chose this,” Theo said quietly.

  Dino stared hard at his brother. “Do you really believe that?”

  Theo didn’t answer.

  Dino figured his brother didn’t really have to.

  “This was pushed on me—on you, too—and even Lily, though I gave her a way out, at least for a little while,” Dino continued on when Theo stayed silent. “And there’s not a fucking soul in the Outfit who gives a single shit what goes on within the DeLuca family as long as we’re making money and paying dues to the boss. That’s all that ever mattered. So yeah, Theo, I’m here because I can take it. Because I’ve taken it for years. It’s easier for me to be the fuck up—the one person in the DeLuca family that toes Ben’s line of what’s okay. Then, he’s not coming for you.”

  Theo opened his mouth to say something, but Dino beat him to it.

  “And he’s also not going for Lily,” Dino finished quieter. “You don’t have to like it at all. Shit, Theo, you don’t even have to like me, and you can blame me for whatever you want. I’ve been dealing with that for years, anyway. It’s nothing new. But don’t ever think I’m weak because I don’t walk away. Stand in my shoes, make a different choice than the ones I’m still having to make, and then you can tell me what I am or should be doing. Got it?”

  Theo wisely chose not to say anything after that.

  Silently, Dino drained his coffee, wishing the caffeine had done something for him.

  It hadn’t.

  He was still fucking exhausted.

  Not that it mattered, Dino knew, as he still had to make face with his uncle later in the day for a meeting of sorts because it was tribute. No Capo could miss tribute, not unless they wanted the boss coming after them looking for their money.

  If he wasn’t completely drained of energy now, by the time he had to play nice with Ben DeLuca, he certainly would be.

  Dino stood, walking over to the sink to rinse his cup out. He’d just put the cup in the sink when he heard Theo’s words behind him.

  His brother still hadn’t moved from the table.

  “Have you ever thought that a bullet might fix everything?”

  Dino hesitated on replying, if only because he wasn’t sure of the answer Theo was probing for. “It’s not that simple, man.”

  Theo made a noise under his breath. “It could be.”

  “But it isn’t.” Dino turned around to find his brother was watching him. “We both know that all the Outfit needs is a reason to turn on one another—just one single reason to go for the throat. If only one family’s faction thinks they have even the slightest chance to wipeout another family’s faction to get themselves closer to the top—closer to the boss’s seat, they’re going to take that chance, no matter who it kills in the process. So I take care of one problem, but how many more is that going to leave us with then, Theo?”

  “You don’t know that would be what could happen.”

  Dino was positive that was exactly what would happen.

  He knew the Outfit all too well.

  He’d been stabbed in the back by it one too many times.

  By the men who turned their cheek when a brother went after a brother, but also managed to kill the man’s wife—nothing was done. By the same men who then turned their cheeks and closed their hands to the children who were left orphaned in the mess of it all. And again, by those same fucking men who pretended like they didn’t know the pain happening behind closed doors for years.

  The Outfit was not about honor and family.

  It was death, blood, and power.

  That’s all it ever was.

  That was the only thing the men in the Outfit wanted to achieve.

  “You could think about it,” his brother pressed. “I wouldn’t blame you.”

  Dino didn’t even blink. “I have thought about it. Often.”

  Theo looked surprised at that. “Then why not act on it?”

  “We’re not at the right place yet,” Dino answered honestly, “and we still have a ways to go yet to be in a position where we can fight back once it all starts.”

  War, he meant.

  Dino didn’t need to spell it out for Theo. His brother would figure it out well enough on his own. War was the only thing that would happen when one of the family’s highest ranking men, and the head of an Outfit faction was taken down. Should that family then be seen as weak because of their lack of standing or control in the Outfit, another family would likely come along, determined to pick up the remaining pieces, or wipe them out forever.

  That’s just how it went.

  It was like a game.

  The DeLucas were not in a good position to be taking out one of their own—it would be like cutting off a nose to spite the face.

  It would do them no good.

  “You let me worry about what I’m doing,” Dino told his brother, managing a smile though he was sure it looked cold to Theo. “And you worry about what in the hell you’re doing.”

  “Apparently what you’re doing is getting the hell beaten out of you by our uncle at twenty-nine years old because you don’t want to do something about it.”

  Theo could think that if he wanted.

  That was fine by Dino. He certainly wasn’t about to explain to Theo that the moment Dino decided to kill Ben, there would be an expiration date on his life, and even Theo’s. Neither brother had the power behind them to make it out of a situation like that alive—it just wouldn’t happen.

  No, far more chips needed to fall into pl
ace first.

  And should one of them be able to make it out alive, Dino wanted it to be Theo. He needed to make sure of that, too.

  Dino strolled on past his brother, clapping an aggravated Theo on the shoulder as he passed. “Believe what you want, Theo. You always did, little brother.”

  Dino didn’t wait around to hear Theo’s response, and he let the door slam to say he didn’t care if his brother even had one.

  It was easier this way.

  That was what he was going to keep telling himself.

  DINO was all too aware of the fact he was thirty seconds off being late for tribute when he opened the door to the downtown pizzeria owned by another Outfit Capo. Traffic had been a bitch mid-city, and he had broken just about every road law he could to get there in time.

  If somebody had something to say about it, fuck them.

  Ignoring the gazes falling on him as he strolled through the restaurant, heading for the large office in the back, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, feeling it buzz. Karen’s number lit up the screen.

  Deja-vu, he thought as he opened her message.

  Are you coming around today? Supper?

  Dino hated to respond with a negative on that, but he had no other choice. He knew Theo had taken care of business while he was on the mend the week before, but that didn’t mean he could afford more time away that what he’d already taken.

  It was more likely that someone would notice his distractions.

  Karen was a big distraction, no matter how much he liked it.

  Still, he felt guilty as he typed back, No.

  Then just as quickly, added, Sorry, soon.

  Karen responded almost instantly, but Dino was already shoving his phone back into his trouser pocket, his attention on the man standing just outside the office door with a cell phone pressed to his ear. Ben didn’t miss the sight of Dino strolling down the hallway, but he barely even gave his nephew a second glance before he was back to his call.

  Dino didn’t care, already walking into the large office where the family Capos waited to hand over the dues to their boss.