Modern Mistress

by Hannah Jay

  A Prada bag costs nearly ten times as much as a Kate Spade bag and style conscious women know that. The effect is that while Kate Spade is certainly practical and tasteful, it lacks the distinction of Prada. Kate Spade may very well sell ten times as many bags – numbers in the fashion business are tough to get – but many (I’d say “all”, but I’m sure my editor would accuse me of hyperbole) of the women who have Kate Spade bags aspire to Prada.

  So how does a mistress become a luxury purchase? How can a girl position herself in the upper echelon of the mistress market? And just what is it that sets the $10,000 a month mistress apart from $2500 a month sugar baby? Obviously, keeping a mistress is not a necessity, and most mistresses earn the sugar baby rate for the city they live in. But, like the luxury goods we just discussed, there exists a small but desirable end of the market for which a higher price signals a more desirable experience. The price indicates that this escort is offering something special.

  One of our luxury escort friends explained it this way,

  My clients only buy the best. How do they tell what is the best? Sure, they look at my website and my pictures; but there are lots of pretty girls in the escorting business. So they look at my fees.

  They are used to paying $750 to $1,000 an hour for their lawyers and their accountants. Their wife has just bought one of those bags which cost as much as a car. My rates are a little shocking, but compared to the bag or the lawyer? Well, as one client told me, “Once in a while you have to treat yourself.”

  I get the occasional call where the prospective client thinks my fee is a misprint, an extra zero. Or they will challenge me to justify my rate compared with the other lower priced escorts. I am beautiful, highly educated, and well-traveled. So I tell them you get what you pay for, and if you don’t like my fee, then call someone cheaper. Many are so darn curious, and impressed at my audacity that they book with me. But the majority of my calls are from gentlemen for whom a couple of thousand dollars is what they might spend on a client dinner or a really good half case of wine.

  Having high fees means that I don’t waste a lot of time with men I really don’t want to see. They take a look at the rates and don’t call. Saves me a lot of time. I want quality not quantity.

  In the escorting world price is a signal, in the mistress world it is a value proposition in itself. When a man has “made it” he feels entitled to the best his world has to offer. He buys a Porsche or a Bentley, he upgrades his watch, he drinks better wines and single malt scotch. His wife gets a bigger house. How does he know he is getting the best his world has to offer? Price.

  Very few very successful men have the time or the inclination for connoisseurship; they know a $150,000 car is better than a $25,000 car, a $400 bottle of wine better than a $40 and so on. They might not get everything exactly right going by price but price is a reliable guide most of the time.

  A mistress negotiating an arrangement needs to keep this in mind. A nice apartment plus an allowance and pleasing gifts are, in fact, expensive. Which tells her patron that he is getting the best he can buy. After all, a man does not need a mistress any more than he “needs” a Bentley; but if he is going to spend the money he wants to know he is getting the best.

  Style

  To move up the luxury ladder even further, take a look at a Hermes handbag. Each one is sleek, understated, predominantly in a neutral colours and without much in the way of ornamentation. They are the very opposite of “bling”.

  Style is difficult to get right, but it is very easy to get wrong. Developing a style, and ultimately a signature style, is the mistress’s first order of business. The fact is that if a mistress she is going to be expensive, she has to look expensive. A glance at Town and Country or Tatler magazine reveals one of the great secrets of the jet set: they wear well-made, expertly tailored clothes, real jewelry, minimal make-up, and great shoes. And they wear it well, with a slender physique, luminous skin, and glossy hair. In other words, they spend time and money taking care of themselves.

  For a mistress wanting to charge luxury rates, cultivating a polished look is critical. It does not have to be expensive, it does have to be impeccable. A crisp white cotton shirt and a Dior-inspired pencil skirt and nipped-waist jacket can be found in vintage and consignment shops. Seek out classic lines in exquisite natural fabrications (silk, wool, cashmere for example), in shapes that fit and flatter. From day to evening; casual to elegant, you will always look well-dressed.

  Details

  Luxury is also about getting the little things right. A great haircut, perfect nails should be givens. Absolutely fabulous accessories like a bold cuff bracelet, a brilliantly bright scarf and, yes, an envy-inciting handbag, are all part of the panache you are after.

  A mistres can learn a lot from the luxury brands leaders and one of the key lessons is that understated looks far more expensive than fussy, complicated and overwrought.

  Let the Luxury Market Find You

  When a man is looking for a mistress, he has all sorts of options as to where to look. If he’s looking, he has already decided to give himself a treat, the question is, will that treat be you?

  Patrons divide themselves into market segments just as ladies shopping for a handbag do. For some patrons, price is the most important factor. They make their selection based mainly on price. These bargain shoppers may be a large part of the market, but the savvy mistress avoids these clients like the plague. Deal hunting defeats the logic of the mistress experience as a luxury.

  A discreet ad can give a gentleman the nudge in your direction he needs.

  Some examples:

  Beautiful, stylish, one-of-a-kind woman seeks sophisticated, charming gentleman with taste and discernment for intimate encounters and more.

  Living life in the fast lane? No time to smell the roses? Enjoy the finer things in life with a gorgeous, sensual Masters student with time to teach you the erotic arts. Downtown loft, but willing to join you for travel adventures by yacht, jet, or other elegant conveyances.

  Tall, leggy blond model moonlighting as mistress for a selective gentlemen. Looks great on the arm of a tuxedo, brilliant at dinner or cocktail conversation, and can make your heart race faster than your Porsche.

  Sheep from Goats

  For a girl looking to become a mistress in the luxury end of the market, raw numbers mean very little. To provide the luxury experience she will likely meet a dozen men before the right one surfaces.

  A luxury mistress is never in a hurry to get to business. A fact which she makes a virtue of. A mistress will usually meet a potential patron, often over a meal, on a no obligation basis. Although this takes time as the mistress has to be dressed up, made up, and entirely entrancing for what is almost certainly a no cash encounter. But for the luxury mistress this is time well spent because each meeting has some potential.

  The preliminary encounter almost always take place at an elegant café or charming, quiet bar. The mistress will have told her prospective patron to leave his name with the maître d' or hostess so that when she arrives, always exactly on time, she is lead directly to her prospective patron’s table.

  And so she assesses. Does he rise to meet her? Does he shake hands? If he does, does he have the firm grip of a successful man or is it a bit weak? Not a deal breaker, but she notices.

  Ring finger? It can be one of three things: wearing a wedding ring, having a telltale ring “tan”, or bare. The ring tan is a flaw but not a fatal one. It suggests that the potential patron is concerned that you will know he is married. Which suggests either naiveté (doesn’t he realize that many patrons are married?), or a lack of confidence in the discretion and worldliness of a mistress.

  Years ago, one would check a man’s watch for the unmistakable signs of both wealth and taste. Now many men do not wear watches, using their phones for time-keeping and, sadly, there are far more counterfeit Rolexes than real ones. The watch is now more about the gentleman’s refined taste than an indicator of status. The mistress
can probably tell more about him by looking carefully at his shoes. Even the most casual outfit brings with it footwear and the state of his shoes, their polish, condition, and style will often reveal much more about the man than the outfit itself.

  What is her prospective patron wearing? Again, years ago, the suit and tie were de rigeur and still are in some cities and professions. However, in many others a T-shirt and blue jeans may be the indicators of the entrepreneur or an artsy or high-tech industry. The actual outfit is less significant than the quality. Ralph Lauren does casual wear, so does Costco. One of these things is not like the other, to quote Sesame Street.

  On a less superficial level, the mistress takes in everything from her prospective client’s appearance, to his demeanor, to how he interacts with the service staff, and, of course, with her. Since she has already done the online vetting any mistress will do with a prospective patron, now she wants to get to know the man. Rather obviously, she does not pull out a clip board and check list. Rather a mistress will guide the conversation in directions which will give her a picture of who she is dealing with. Generally, people like to talk about themselves if they are comfortable in the environment and open-ended questions offer a lead to conversation. Vacations, sports, movies, favorite cuisines and restaurants – all give a glimpse into the prospective patron’s interests and personality. In all you say, you should make it apparent that you respect his privacy. If he offers information about his business, fine. If not, you might ask a general question like what type of work he does, but never in a prying sort of way. And a well-mannered gentleman will always give the woman the opportunity to talk about herself as well.

  The power dynamic in a vetting encounter is a delicate balance. On the one hand, she is interviewing a prospective patron so is very much in charge; on the other, she is being judged as being either suitable or unsuitable. She is both the seller and the merchandise, offering the promise of performance and pleasure by way of a very expensive and exclusive service. She is putting herself on display before a buyer.

  Like any other appointment, the preliminary interview has a time limit frame: forty-five minutes to an hour is more than enough time for both parties to form an impression.

  Closing

  Some potential patrons, and some potential mistresses will fail their audition. For one reason or another it isn’t going to happen. A graceful exit can be achieved by nothing more than smile, a handshake, and a thank you. Conclude the conversation without any drama or hurt feelings. You are both adults. It’s a big, wide world.

  One luxury girl I know is very much a master of this.

  “I have a little daybook in my bag and a pretty Mont Blanc ladies pen. If I decide to take a man on my roster, I get out my book just as we are at the end of our first drink and say something like, ‘Thank you so much for the drink. I’d very much like to see you again in more intimate surroundings.’ Then I uncap the pen and open my book, ‘How would this Thursday around 5:00 work for you?’”

  “The best part about this is that the gentleman is now on the spot, but still in some control. He can make the date, suggest another one, or demur altogether. But if he hesitates I almost always strike him off the list. I don’t need indecision in my business. Once he is booked, I give him my pretty card with the time and date.”

  Luxury Mistress

  Once a girl sets herself up to be a luxury mistress with a patron or two and a very handsome allowance, she enters a rather rarified world. The expectations are a sky high, the money is delightful and the actual work is usually congenial.

  Now, isn’t that a luxury!

  Chapter 4 | Seeking Arrangement

  There are a vast variety of ways for a girl to be compensated for her time and favours. While the by the hour, multiple client model is preferred by the girls who advertise on the Backpages and similar sites or work through agencies, the "by arrangement" model can be just as lucrative with many of the risks and difficulties removed.

  A typical arrangement has a well off man pay a girl an allowance in exchange for her company. But, truth to tell, there are no "typical” arrangements; rather there are negotiations which lead to informal contracts.

  What characterizes arrangements is that they are usually for several months if not longer and involve, at least, a fixed monthly fee.

  While some people will describe this as a "sugar daddy/sugar baby" set up I prefer to use the more old fashioned terms "patron and mistress". This is not accidental. The "sugar" world is tied tightly to what I'd describe as bling culture. The sugar relationship lasts only as long as it takes the baby to grab the bling and the daddy to find his next babe. Fine if you like that sort of thing but it is more "Lunch at Walmart" than "Breakfast at Tiffany's".

  The Mistress Equation

  An arrangement between a patron and his mistress is an all together different enterprise. First off, if bling is involved it is high end and delightfully elegant. Good diamond earrings, pretty gold bracelets and discretely designer clothes; but these kind gifts are not the point. The point is to have an allowance large enough to cover rent, bills, walking around money and, after a few months, a car and vacations as well.

  The logic of mistresshood is summed up in this wonderful line, "Money is the tribute age pays to beauty."

  At a certain age and level of success a man has options. He has the house, the other house, the cars, the kids in prep school or college, his wife busy with her own life, his business humming along. He may not be the one percent, but by God, he's in the top ten percent. And yet he's, somehow, not quite there, a bit bored, a little tiny piece of him is asking, is that all there is?

  To reach his level he has a lot of drive. When he is unsatisfied he does not let the itch go unscratched. Now he's looking around.

  The dumb ones put the squeeze on their secretary or an intern. But, in these enlightened times that is a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen. Worse, the terms of trade are terrible: she'll want to be his girlfriend or to replace his wife and that is a 50% of net worth proposition. Divorce is ugly and expensive if you have substantial assets.

  Philandering, having an affair, is an intelligence test for a well-off man. The smart ones pass the test by staying the hell away from girls whose main chance is to become the next "Mrs X". Far too much to pay for what is likely to be a fling.

  For fun they might, occasionally, spend some quality time with a very high end, very discreet, escort. The only problem being, as Mr. Spitzer found out, even the highest end, most expensive, girls can be compromised. Their agency gets busted, they hit a rough patch, someone leans on them; doesn't matter why because the gentleman's cover is blown.

  Even if a gentleman is a regular client of an escort their encounters are, by definition, transactional. He is buying a set amount of her time and enjoying her favours along with twenty or thirty or fifty other men on a monthly basis. Even the best escorts, over time, tend to see all of their clients as a bit of a blur. The personalized attention a successful man is used to is just not on the menu.

  Keeping a mistress is entirely different because the relationship is protected by simple, easy, subterfuge.

  First off, you can't "book" a mistress through an agency. Which means there are no incriminating paper trails. Rather, a man seeking a mistress has to find her himself. Second, a girl seeking an arrangement has a wide variety of ways to find the arrangement she's looking for. She can advertise, join one of the many websites which put mistresses and patrons together or simply place herself in environments where wealthy me are likely to be found.

  A mistress's primary qualification is that she is an available woman who chooses to look for money rather than love and commitment. While she may very well want a white picket fence and babies she does not want his fence or his babies.

  A great mistress ad might read:

  A Muse

  At 27 I am accomplished, clever, sensual. I love my books, my work, my lovely vintage lingerie.

  I am seeking an arrangement
with a smart, older, discerning, gentleman with taste, savvy and discretion.

  For me life is about conversation, learning and pleasure. I want to be led a little while I inspire.

  I am entirely discreet. Private. Your secret.

  -----

  If there is a picture with the ad it is best that it is nothing but a pretty dress. A mistress is never wholly revealed, let alone on first sight. What your ad, profile is designed to elicit is response. Most responses will be hopeless. And you must be brutal. If you don't like the response there is no point in chatting. The right patron will have the words to reach you.

  And there is another difference between an escort and a mistress: a mistress is hugely choosey. She is be delighted to be paid for her favours but not just anyone can buy them. In this sense a mistress is much more like a girlfriend.

  For a girl seeking an arrangement there is a balance between cash and chemistry. There is also, in many cases, an element of mentorship. Looking for a patron who can be helpful, whether by steering business in her direction or getting her a good day job, only makes sense for an ambitious young woman.

  Negotiation

  The exact nature of the patron/mistress relationship is always the subject of negotiation and will evolve as the relationship progresses. But there are a couple of constants. First, the patron will want to see his mistress once or twice a week. Chances are very good that he will want intimacy as a part of each encounter. In most cases these encounters will either be at, or end up, in the mistress’s apartment or condo.