Hard To Stay

by S. Jones

  “I’m fine, besides I’ve already missed too much work as it is.”

  “Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself. If you feel worse, don’t hesitate to leave work a little early. Those pansies you work for are capable of scheduling their own damn appointments if they have to.”

  I rolled my eyes. He hated what I did for a living, but I couldn’t blame him. He’d never once asked me to quit though (like Colton would have done). He just teased me about it from time to time. I would probably feel the same way if he worked with a bunch of lingerie models.

  “If I start feeling worse, I’ll leave early.”

  “Good. I’ll check in with you later. Tell Abby I said thanks for staying with you and walking you to work.”

  I bit down on my bottom lip, deciding that I wouldn’t tell him she was passed out on the couch. I knew he was worried, but it wasn’t like Colton was a mass murderer. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that I didn’t need a bodyguard or a babysitter. I could take care of myself.

  “You have a good day! I love you.”

  “I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll be home in two days.”

  I smiled into the phone and mentally started counting down the hours. “I can’t wait.”

  After hanging up the phone, I tried to ignore the ache in my chest over missing him. I just had to keep myself busy and get through the next couple days. I picked out my clothes and started to get ready for work.

  I wandered into the Dunkin Donuts a block away from my office, craving a glazed donut. After placing my order, I scrolled through my phone and checked my messages. I grabbed my breakfast off the counter when they called my number and headed towards the door. As I was passing through the exit, I bumped into someone, causing me to spill the scorching hot coffee all over my hand. “I’m so sorry.” I apologized, lifting my head to the stranger.

  Then I froze.

  “Hello, Alexis. No escort today?” His smile was as bright as the morning sun even though his soul was as black as the night sky.

  I tried to step around him but he grabbed my arm, stopping my movements. I tried not to panic. “What do you want?”

  I swallowed nervously while glancing around the tiny cramped restaurant. I was relieved to see that it was buzzing with the morning breakfast crowd.

  “Let’s find a table, shall we? We need to talk.” I hesitated, not sure what to do. Colton cocked his head to the side sensing my reluctance. The asshole smirked at me.

  “I only need a few minutes of your time. Then you can be on your merry little way. Besides.” he lifted his arm to look at his Rolex. “You have to be at work in 18 minutes.”

  I wouldn’t let him know how much his comment rattled me. Brad would kill me for this, but I was so sick of running from this creep. We sat down at a table by the window, barely big enough for both of us. I slinked back into my chair and folded my arms. “Let’s get this over with.”

  He looked annoyed by my comment. “Why do you insist on fighting me?” He paused, “or should I say us?” He gestured his hand between us.

  This guy was proving to be slow on the uptake. “There is no us. There hasn’t been an us for quite a while.”

  His nostrils flared. “As long as I’m breathing there will always be an us.” He slanted his head to the side. “Are you still pissed about me fucking your sister?”

  I no longer loved him, but it stung every time I thought about the two of them together. It was more about my sister’s betrayal than his infidelity.

  “Oh, we were over long before that, but fucking my sister was the icing on the cake.” I deadpanned.

  A small sliver of regret flashed through his features. If I wasn’t paying so close attention, I might have missed it.

  Colton ran his hands down his face. “Alexis, I know I fucked up. I had a bad moment. It shouldn’t erase everything we’ve been through.” His voice trailed off, and he looked away. He shook his head and returned his gaze to me. “I know I’m not perfect, but you’re not either. I gave you everything. I’ve spent almost an entire decade loving you. I know I’ve done things to hurt you, but I’ve also given you more than I’ve ever given anyone. All I asked in return was loyalty and understanding during my moments of weakness.”

  “Weakness, Colton, that’s what you call it? You beat me, terrorized me and forced yourself on me.”

  He blanched at my outburst! Good!

  “I have apologized to you a million times. Christ, Alexis.” He plowed his hand through his wavy brown hair that curled at the ends. His bruises from last week had already started to heal. He was back to looking like the All American Boy next door.

  “I was in a bad place then. My father was up my ass about his campaign for Senate. You kept pulling away from me. I was a drowning man, Alexis and when I needed you, you weren’t there. So yes, I acted out. I did some things that I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. Please forgive me and come home.”

  This was what he did: he fucked up, pled for forgiveness and apologized profusely. Miraculously, his problems were always my fault, and he was always the victim. My brain pondered how to handle him. There was a small part of me that felt sorry for him. I knew there was tremendous pressure put on him, but it was the way he dealt with that pressure that got us here in the first place.

  Colton wasn’t always the monster he was today. The man that I once knew was charming and larger than life. He always had a strong personality that liked to impress others. But perhaps I was a bit naïve about how much pressure he was under to make a name for himself. I was so blinded by his charms and his good looks that I missed all the warning signs. Flashes of the man I once knew breezed through my mind. I had to believe that man still existed somewhere in his deep, dark soul.

  “Colton, I’m sorry that you feel like I somehow failed you, but you failed me, too. Yes, I gave you ten years, but I wasn’t happy. You obviously weren’t either. Brad makes me happy. He is the one I want to be with. There is nothing you can say that will change my mind. It’s over.”

  He sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. I watched him across the table. He seemed so composed, so unaffected, so void of human emotion.

  “Is this about him?”

  “This is about me.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes.” I wasn’t going to lie to him. He needed to hear the truth.

  Colton dragged in a deep, powerful breath. “I was afraid of that.”

  He leaned over in his chair, pulling out a manila envelope from his bag and slid it across the table. Something churned in my gut. “What’s this?”

  Colton leaned back and crossed his legs, looking every bit of the politician’s son that he actually was. “Open it.” He gestured, then ran the pad of his thumb along his bottom lip. Nerves swirled inside my stomach.

  He was looking too confident, too smug.

  My shaky hands unfastened the clasp and pulled out a stack of 8x10 photos. What I saw disgusted me. There were dozens of photos of that night where he showed up at my apartment. There were close-ups of his bloodied eye swollen shut, and a lip that looked busted. There were also pictures of Sawyer and Lucas dragging his helpless body out of my building and shoving him into the back of Sawyer’s Jeep. As I flipped through the remainder of the stack, there were several images of Brad pinning Colton to the wall as a uniformed officer stood in the background and watched. They were from that morning when he ambushed us. “What is all this? Where did you get these?”

  Colton leaned in. His powerful gaze swept over me like a winter cold front and I couldn’t help but feel like my world was going to get flipped upside down.

  “Well, Lexi, let me tell you something.” He never called me Lexi. “That.” He pointed to the pictures. “Is one hell of a lawsuit for the state of New York. You see… I haven’t felt all that safe since I’ve been here. I’ve actually been quite worried about my safety. When I came to peacefully talk to you at your apartment the other night, I was a little surprised when you invited me in
to talk. I soon realized that you had set me up to be ambushed by that animal cop you say you’re in love with. I made no aggressive moves as the photos clearly show, yet he continued to pummel a defenseless man into a pile of mush. I was so worried about being attacked that I asked a private investigator to photograph our encounter through the balcony window of your apartment.”

  I sat there speechless and sick to my stomach. Colton leaned over and smacked a newspaper down in front of me. I jumped.

  “Have you had a chance to read the Times this morning? I doubt you have.”

  On the front page above the fold was a picture of Senator Hunt, flanked by the Commissioner of the NYPD and the Mayor. They were standing in front of an older building in Harlem, now called the Hunt house. It had been recently renovated into a shelter for abused woman. My hand flew to my mouth. Oh my God! He was so fucking sick. I pushed the paper out of the way when I saw the article quoting Senator Hunt championing for abused women.

  Colton seemed pleased by my reaction. “Pretty good picture of the old man, isn’t it?” He smirked.

  Everything inside me rattled. I was shaking. “I don’t understand.”

  “I know you’re new to New York, but you recognize who my dad’s two buddies are in the picture, right?” He pointed to the photo. “You see my dad and the Mayor are old friends. They go way back. College actually. It turns out Mayor Decapio is Dad’s little fraternity brother. So, of course my family agreed to give very generously to the Mayor’s campaign because he’s up for reelection soon.”

  “I guess that explains how you were able to get the charges dropped.” I said feeling everything inside me snap.

  His grin was wide and his eyes were dark. “It’s good to have friends in high places.”

  “What are you going to do with these pictures?” I didn’t want to ask the question because I was afraid of what the answer would be. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly where this was headed.

  “Now, that is entirely up to you. You see there isn’t a lot of love lost between the Police Commissioner and the Mayor. And seeing how much respect the Mayor has for my family he wouldn’t give ending the career of your lover boy or his goons a second thought. In fact,” He flattened his hands out and dramatically spread the photos across the table. “I think there is enough evidence here to send your boyfriend to prison for a few years. We all know how much the inmates love a dirty cop. He would certainly be a fresh piece of meat for the boys.”

  My heart was beating so fast I thought I might have been having a heart attack. “You’re blackmailing me?”

  His eyes narrowed. “Blackmailing is such an ugly word, Alexis. I didn’t come here looking for trouble. I only came to win back the woman I love. I actually think it’s quite romantic.”

  “Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you?”

  He set this whole thing up. Every move, every step and every minute was planned. He was sick and sadistic. My brain was searching for a way to end this nightmare. I couldn’t let him destroy Brad along with everything good in my life. But I had no other choice but to comply. Colton wouldn’t stop until the man I loved and everyone he cared about was finished.

  “I know you still love me. You just don’t realize it. You don’t spend ten years of your life with someone and not care about them. I need to get you home where you will be reminded.” He said, in a sick attempt to rationalize his warped way of thinking.

  The only thing I felt for this man was a visceral hatred and disgust. Georgia was no longer my home. My home was here with Brad.

  “I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re forgetting that you attacked me and threatened me. We’ll get the best lawyers money can buy and we’ll fight this.”

  “Really?” Colton said in feigned shock. “Where are your injuries? Did you record our conversation? Do you have any proof? I have documentation of three separate occasions where your boyfriend threatened my physical health. Even if Mr. Morgan is able to avoid jail time, my father has assured me that the Mayor will see to it that the careers of all those involved will be finished. By the time I’m done, they won’t even be able to find work as mall security guards.”

  Deep down I always knew this day would come. I didn’t want to believe it; I didn’t want to acknowledge it. My past was colliding with my future and right now Colton had the upper hand.

  “What am I supposed to tell Brad?” I struggled, keeping my tears back. I refused to give him the emotion he wanted. He would only use it to control me further.

  “Tell him whatever it is you need to tell him. Just make sure he knows it’s the end. You have one week.” He stood up, picked up his bag off the floor then walked out.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Brad

  I grabbed my bag out of the car and picked up the bouquet of flowers off the passenger seat. As I drove closer to my apartment, a sense of peace settled over me. I couldn’t wait to wrap her up in my arms, inhale her scent and kiss the hell out of her. It had been 72 hours since I last saw her face. Three days where I hadn’t been able to sleep next to her. Minutes and hours lost that I couldn’t wait to get back.

  “Honey, I’m home.” I hollered, throwing my keys into the bowl by the door. I set my bag down on the floor and started to move through the room. My eager strides could not get to her quick enough. I needed to see her like I needed air to breathe.

  I walked into the bedroom and froze when I saw Lexi sitting on the bed with her shoulders hunched forward. Tears painted both of her cheeks and her eyes were swollen red as if she had been crying all morning long. I rested my hand on the door handle while trying to settle my pulse.

  “What’s wrong?” I stepped forward, noticing her entire body was shaking.

  I’m so sorry.” The sob that came from her chest tore through me. My body made it to hers quickly. I threw the flowers on the bed and pulled her into my arms. She clung to me like it was the last time she would ever get the chance to again.

  “Sweetheart, talk to me.” My hands cupped her face as I gently began to wipe away her tears.

  “God. I can’t do this.” Her voice sounded flat, lifeless and unconvincing. Something was seriously wrong here. She stood up from the bed, with a vacant look in her eyes.

  “Can’t do what?” I asked, as she reflexively pulled away from me when I reached out to her. I quietly followed her into the living room and that’s when I noticed her packed bags sitting by the door. How the hell did I not notice them when I walked in?

  Lexi slid onto the couch. She looked like she was shutting down. There was so much confusion rolling around within me. I didn’t know what to do with it.

  She closed her eyes and took two deep, cleansing breaths. “This isn’t working.”

  My eyes widened as I tried to keep my voice calm and steady. “What’s not working?”

  “Us. We are not working.”

  “What are you talking about? Where did all this come from? Talk to me.” I felt like Babe Ruth had taken a home run swing at the side of my head. How long had she been feeling this way? How did I not see this coming?

  “I’ve had a lot of time to think about us while you were gone.”

  “Okay.” My trembling hand covered hers. She looked like she was breaking apart right before my eyes and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.

  “I really do love you and I appreciate everything you have done for me.”

  Her words started to stall in my brain and my vision blurred. I tried to keep my voice leveled. “Would you mind telling me what this is about? Because it sounds to me like you’re trying to break up with me.”

  “God, this is so hard. I’ve been over this a million times in my head since you left.” She looked away from me. “I can’t do this anymore, Brad. This relationship isn’t working. I feel like such a coward. You deserve so much better than this.” Confusion swept over me. I was so beside myself I couldn’t even think. “I’ve had my doubts since that night you saw Emily at the club.” She s
aid, closing her eyes as my hand fell from hers.

  My fingers yanked on the ends of my hair in a desperate attempt to avoid punching a fucking wall. My pulse was racing. “We have been over this, Lexi. You told me you believed me when I said I was over her.” I put my head in my hands, trying to process what the hell was happening.

  “I lied!”

  I snapped my head up. “Excuse me?”

  “I wasn’t being honest with you. I know you believe you are over her, but there is something not allowing me to believe it. No matter how hard I try, I keep coming to the same conclusion. Your being gone did me a lot of good.”

  “We will have to agree to disagree on that fucking statement.” The bitter words poured from my mouth as I was about to lose my shit.

  “I know you love me, but I still feel like I’m second place in your life… with everything. With her, with your job.”

  “My job?” I sputtered out. I felt like I was living in the twilight zone. What the hell could have possibly happened while I was gone? My mind buzzed with a million questions. I stared at her, looking for a resemblance of the woman that I thought I knew. This wasn’t the same woman I had fallen in love with. I didn’t know who this woman was, but she wasn’t the same woman I had spent the last couple months with. She felt foreign to me and there was no reasonable explanation for this to be happening.

  She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “Yes, your job will always come first. You will always have to jump when you are called. Every time you walk out that door I worry that you won’t make it back.”

  My head was spinning. Her ramblings made absolutely no sense. “Lexi, forgive me. But you are all over the place right now. I’m going to ask you one more time. What is going on?”

  She turned her head away from me. “I’m moving back to Georgia.”

  I jumped off the couch in a panic. Fear took over in my chest. “Over my dead body you are!” There was no way I was letting her leave. Losing Emily was one of the worst experiences of my life. Losing Lexi would end me. Gut me completely. I would not be able to bounce back from that.