Junie B., First Grader

by Barbara Park

  Hurray for Barbara Park and the Junie B. Jones® books!

  “Park, one of the funniest writers around … brings her refreshing humor to the beginning chapter-book set.”

  —Booklist

  “Park convinces beginning readers that Junie B.— and reading—are lots of fun.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Park is simply hilarious.”

  —America Online's The Book Report

  “First grade offers a whole year of exciting possibilities for Junie B…. As always, Park is in touch with what kids know and how they feel.”

  —School Library Journal

  “Junie B.'s swarms of young fans will continue to delight in her unique take on the world…. A hilarious, first-rate read-aloud for the first-grade classroom.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  “Junie B. Jones is a likable character whose comic mishaps … will elicit laughs from young readers.”

  —The Horn Book Magazine

  “A genuinely funny, easily read story.”

  —Kirkus Reviews

  Look for all of these great books by Barbara Park

  Picture books

  Psssst! It's Me… the Bogeyman

  The Junie B. Jones series

  #1 Junie B. Jones and the Stupid Smelly Bus

  #2 Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business

  #3 Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth

  #4 Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying

  #5 Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake

  #6 Junie B. Jones and That Meanie Jim's Birthday

  #7 Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren

  #8 Junie B. Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed

  #9 Junie B. Jones Is Not a Crook

  #10 Junie B. Jones Is a Party Animal

  #11 Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy

  #12 Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy

  #13 Junie B. Jones Is (almost) a Flower Girl

  #14 Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentime

  #15 Junie B. Jones Has a Peep in Her Pocket

  #16 Junie B. Jones Is Captain Field Day

  #17 Junie B. Jones Is a Graduation Girl

  #18 Junie B., First Grader (at last!)

  #19 Junie B., First Grader: Boss of Lunch

  #20 Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder

  #21 Junie B., First Grader: Cheater Pants

  #22 Junie B., First Grader: One-Man Band

  #23 Junie B., First Grader: Shipwrecked

  #24 Junie B., First Grader: BOO … and I MEAN It!

  Top-Secret Personal Beeswax: A Journal

  by Junie B. (and me!)

  Barbara Park's many middle-grade novels are listed at the end of this book.

  To “Jodi B.” Reamer, who, I am convinced,

  is Junie B.'s big sister in a parallel universe.

  Thanks for your friendship, your advice,

  and—most of all—your laughter.

  Contents

  1. Secrets

  2. Candy Corn

  3. Squirty

  4. The Halloween Store

  5. No Squirty

  6. Trick-or-Fruit

  7. Dumb Cinderella

  8. Candy

  9. Welcome Home!

  1

  Secrets

  I put down my pencil and thought about Halloween some more. Then I did a little shiver.

  On account of last year, a boy named Paulie Allen Puffer told me five scary secrets about that day. And he said I am not allowed to tell anyone. Or else a witch will turn my head into a wart.

  I made a sick face. And I tried not to think about that situation.

  Only how can you not think about a situation if you're trying not to think about a situation?

  I tapped my fingers very frustrated.

  Then, all of a sudden, I saw my journal on my desk. And a good idea came in my head. 'Cause sometimes if you write your problems in a journal, it makes you feel better about things.

  I heard that on the Home Shopping Network. They were selling journals, I believe.

  I quick opened the pages. And I started to write.

  I put down my pencil again. And I read over the secrets.

  That candy corn one is shocking, I tell you.

  Writing my problems did not make me feel better.

  I put my head on my desk. And I covered up with my arms.

  Just then, I heard my teacher's voice.

  His name is Mr. Scary.

  That is a good Halloween name, I think. Only he actually uses it for the whole entire year.

  He said to please take out our arithmetic books.

  I kept on staying covered up.

  'Cause how can I do arithmetic when there's scary secrets in my brain?

  All around me, Room One got out their books.

  I took my sweatshirt from the back of my chair. And I tucked it next to my ears.

  Sweatshirts help block out classroom noise.

  Pretty soon, I heard my teacher again.

  “Junie B.? Are you all right back there?” he asked.

  Only before I could even answer, a tattletale girl named May started blabbing her head off!

  “No, Mr. Scary! Junie Jones is not all right,” she said. “Junie Jones is not paying attention again … as usual.”

  She thought for a second.

  “And Junie Jones has been doing other bad stuff lately, too,” she said. “Like yesterday she ate half a sandwich from her lunch box during silent reading. Only I couldn't even tattle on her. Because you said if I keep on tattling, I'll get a note sent home. And so thank goodness that you were finally on the ball today.”

  After that, Room One got very silent. And Mr. Scary didn't say any words.

  I felt shaky inside.

  He was thinking of a punishment for me, probably.

  Finally, I raised my head. And I peeked one eye at him.

  He was sitting at his desk writing a note.

  I did a groan.

  It was to my mother, I think.

  I started to hide my eye again.

  Only just then, Mr. Scary stood up very calm.

  And he came to the back of the room.

  And gave the note to May!

  I could not believe my eyeball!

  “Please take this home to your parents,” he told her.

  May's whole mouth came open at that shocking news.

  “No, Mr. Scary! No, no, no! Please don't make me take a note! Please! Please! Please! I wasn't tattling! I promise I wasn't! I was just saying that I'm glad you're on the ball today! That's all I was saying. I was saying that I am glad for you.”

  Mr. Scary smiled. “Thank you, May. You're very kind,” he said.

  Then he bent down next to her. And he stuck the note in her backpack.

  I reached over and tapped on him.

  “That note was long overdue,” I said.

  Mr. Scary sucked in his cheeks at me.

  “Please sit up, Junie B.,” he said.

  His voice did not sound happy.

  “Now,” he said.

  I quick sat up.

  “Okey-doke. I'm sitting. See me sitting, Mr. Scary?” I said. “Plus also, I am going to get out my arithmetic book, I think.”

  I found it in my backpack.

  “Yessiree! Here it is. I've got my book.

  And so I am all set to do arithmetic now,” I said.

  Mr. Scary kept on standing there.

  I looked up at him.

  “All rightie. You can be heading on back to your desk,” I said.

  He still did not move.

  I waved my fingers.

  “Keep in touch,” I said.

  Mr. Scary bent down next to me. And he talked real serious in my ear
.

  “You need to pay attention in class, Junie B.,” he said. “I shouldn't have to tell you that.”

  I did a sigh.

  Then I leaned over. And I whispered to him real private.

  “Yeah, only I've got something in my head that's bothering me today,” I explained. “On account of scary Halloween is coming tomorrow. And I don't actually like it that much.”

  Just then, May's ears perked up.

  That girl has X-ray hearing, I tell you.

  “Hey, everybody! Junie Jones is scared of Halloween!” she shouted. “I just heard her say it! Junie Jones is a scaredy-cat baby about Halloween!”

  All of Room One turned around and looked at me.

  “Really?” said my bestest friend named Herbert. “You're scared of Halloween, Junie B.? I didn't know that.”

  “I didn't know that, either,” said my other friend named Shirley. “How come you're scared of Halloween?”

  Just then, a boy named Sheldon jumped up at his desk. And he talked real loud.

  “Well, I'm not scared of Halloween. That's for sure!” he said.

  He stood there a second.

  Then he did a little frown.

  “Except for last year, Daniel Delmonte dressed up like Mr. Potato Head. And he jumped out at me from a bush. And so I had to drop my bag and run.”

  Room One laughed and laughed.

  Sheldon frowned bigger.

  “It wasn't funny,” he said. “I had to start my candy from scratch.”

  May rolled her eyes.

  “Who cares, Sheldon?” she said. “The thing is that Junie Jones is scared of Halloween this year! And that makes her a scaredy-cat baby.”

  She leaned across the aisle at me.

  “B-A-B-Y spells baby,” she said.

  I crossed my arms at that girl.

  “Oh, yeah? Well, T-A-T-L-T-A-I-L spells tattletale”, I said back.

  Mr. Scary looked down at me.

  He shook his head no.

  I thought for a second.

  Then I tried again.

  “T-A-T-A-L-T-A-L-E spells tattletale,” I said.

  Mr. Scary did a wince.

  I tapped my fingers on my desk.

  Then I took one more crack at it.

  “T-A-T-A-L-T-A-I-L spells tattletale?”

  Mr. Scary closed his eyes.

  I put my head back down on my desk.

  He covered me up with my sweatshirt.

  I appreciated that.

  2

  Candy Corn

  That afternoon, I zoomed to my house from the bus stop. And I ran in my front door as fast as lightning.

  “TATTLETALE! T-A-T-T-L-E-T-A-L-E SPELLS TATTLETALE!” I hollered.

  After that, I used the word in a sentence.

  “TATTLETALE … MAY IS A BIG FAT TATTLETALE!”

  I heard my grandma's voice.

  “Junie B., honey? Is that you?” she called. “I'm in Ollie's room! Come back and see us!”

  I circled my hands around my mouth.

  “OKAY!” I hollered again. “O-K SPELLS OKAY!”

  After that, I hurried back there very fast. And I hugged my grandma real tight.

  “Did you hear me spell tattletale?” I said. “I looked that word up in my dictionary at school. On account of May tattletaled on me today.”

  Grandma Miller was changing Ollie's clothes. She shook her head at that news.

  “Oh, dear … not more trouble with May,” she said. “Honestly, Junie B. You're just going to have to ignore that girl.”

  I crossed my arms.

  “Yeah, only how can I even ignore her when she calls me a scaredy-cat baby?” I said. “She told all the children that I am scared of Halloween, Grandma! Only if May knew what I know about Halloween, she would be scared, too.”

  Grandma looked curious at me.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked. “What is it that you know?”

  I swallowed very hard. Then I made my voice quieter.

  “I know five scary secrets … that's what I know,” I said. “Only I'm not even allowed to tell anyone. Or else my head will turn into a wart.”

  Chills came on my arms.

  “Paulie Allen Puffer told me that,” I whispered even softer.

  Grandma Miller wrinkled her eyebrows.

  “Paulie Allen Puffer?” she said. “Wasn't he the boy who told you that a monster lived under your bed?”

  I nodded my head.

  “Yes. That's the exact same Paulie Allen Puffer,” I said. “He knows lots of scary stuff, Grandma. On account of Paulie Allen Puffer has a brother who's in eighth grade. And eighth grade is almost as old as a grown-up.”

  Grandma did a little smile. Then she finished buttoning Ollie's sweater. And she put him on the floor to walk to me.

  Ollie does not walk that professional.

  He teeters and totters and weevils and wobbles.

  He fell down on my foot.

  Then he patted my shoe very nice. And he said the word moo.

  Moo is Ollie's favorite word.

  He is not the sharpest tool in the barn.

  Grandma bent down to pick him up.

  I touched her softie white hair.

  Bats would love that hair, I believe.

  “I wouldn't go out on Halloween if I were you, Grandma,” I said. “Not with that head of hair.”

  Grandma Miller did a little frown. Then she fluffed her hair very much.

  “Why? What's wrong with my hair?” she asked. “Don't you like it?”

  I zipped my lips shut. 'Cause I said too much already, I think.

  Grandma Miller fluffed some more.

  “Speaking of Halloween, your mother is coming home from work early today. She wants to take you to the store to buy your costume.”

  Just then, more chills came on my arms.

  I started backing out of Ollie's room very slow.

  “Yeah, only I might not want to buy my costume today,” I said. “I might want to buy it tomorrow … or the next day … or never, possibly.”

  I kept on backing up.

  “Okay. Well, I think I will go take a nap now, Grandma. And so when Mother gets home, please tell her not to bother me.”

  I did a salute.

  “Thank you and good night,” I said.

  After that, I turned around. And I ran to my room. And I quick closed the door.

  A second later, I opened it a tiny crack.

  “Yeah, only don't forget what I told you,” I called. “Do not go out with that head of hair on Halloween. 'Cause that is just asking for trouble, Helen!”

  Grandma Miller called back at me.

  She said please do not call her Helen.

  I shut my door again.

  Then I picked up my favorite stuffed animal named Philip Johnny Bob. And I hurried to get in bed.

  “If we pretend to be asleep, maybe I won't have to go to the scary Halloween store with Mother,” I told him.

  Philip quick pretended to snore.

  I tapped on him.

  “Yeah, only she's not actually home yet, Phil,” I explained. “Plus I need to tell you the five scary secrets. 'Cause I can't tell them to real, actual people. But you don't count, probably. 'Cause your ears aren't really real.”

  Philip Johnny Bob felt his ears with his front foot.

  Really? You're kidding me! he said. My ears aren't real? Are you sure? Because they really, really feel real, don't you think?

  I felt his ears.

  “Yes, Philip. They do feel real. But they're just made out of cloth.”

  Philip Johnny Bob kept feeling his ears. And so finally I had to take his foot away.

  After that, I made my voice into a whisper. And I told him the five scary secrets.

  First, I whispered the secret about the monsters and the witches.

  Then I whispered the secrets about the pumpkins and the bats and the cats.

  And finally, I whispered the secret about how candy corn is not actually corn.


  His mouth came open at that one.

  No! he said. That can't be true. Candy corn has got to be corn. It has corn right in its exact name. Plus it even looks like corn, kind of. And so if it isn't corn, what kind of vegetable is it?

  I did a shrug. “I don't know, Phil,” I said. “It can't be peas. 'Cause peas are roundish and greenish.”

  Right, said Philip. And it can't be carrots. 'Cause carrots are longish and crunchish.

  We thought some more.

  Then both of us looked at each other.

  “Maybe Paulie Allen Puffer's big brother is wrong about the corn,” I said.

  Yes. He's got to be wrong, said Philip. Candy corn is definitely corn. There's nothing else it could be.

  I nodded. “But the other scary secrets are true, I bet. You can just tell they're true by the sound of them. Like why would a real, actual monster put on a costume if he already looks like he's wearing one?”

  I know, said Philip. And the pointy, sharp pumpkin teeth make sense, too. 'Cause what good are pointy, sharp teeth if you can't eat feet?

  “Right,” I said. “And you know the bat and cat secrets are true, too. 'Cause what bat wouldn't want to live in Grandma's softie hair?”

  And witches' cats can definitely claw you into shreddle, said Philip.

  He looked up at me.

  Maybe you shouldn't go trick-or-treating this year, Junie B., he said. Maybe you should just stay here with me … all safe and sound … right in your own house.

  I hugged him very tight.

  That elephant is very supportive.

  3

  Squirty

  Me and Philip Johnny Bob took a real nap.

  It was an accident.

  'Cause both of us are too old for naps.

  But sometimes naps just happen.

  After we woke up, Mother came in my room. And she kissed my cheek hello.