Lullaby of Tears

by Becs, Lindsay

  Mitch pulls up to the emergency room entrance and parks the car in one of the two spots there. Turning to look at me, he grabs my hand and squeezes. He gives me the best smile to try to assure me, but I’m still freaking out. “I’m so scared,” I whisper.

  “I know. But I’m here. Let’s go see what’s going on.” With that, he’s out of the car and over to my side before I have my seatbelt off. Opening the door, he gives me his hand to help me out. We walk in hand in hand, and I love that he isn’t embarrassed by me or doesn’t think twice about being seen with me here like this.

  Once inside, he tells me to sit as I begin to rub my belly in pain again. He completely takes over the situation for me, telling the front desk that my water broke about thirty minutes ago and I’m beginning to have contractions. I hear the middle-aged woman ask how far along I am, and when he tells her without skipping a beat, it’s exactly what I needed to help keep my spirits up in this frightening moment.

  The staff doesn’t waste any time getting a wheelchair for me. They take me to a room where they have me lie down to put on a heart monitor for the baby. When the room fills with his heartbeat, I begin to cry again. It’s the most glorious sound I’ve ever heard. I was so afraid I’d lost him. Mitch takes my hand again, wiping my tears away with his other hand. “Shhhh… shhhhh…”

  “Sweetie, we need to get your vitals and do an exam, okay? Now that we are hearing baby, we need to make sure everything else is okay. Here’s a gown. I’ll let you change, and I’ll be back in a few minutes. Do you want dad to stay in with you?” the nurse asks, glancing toward Mitch.

  “If she wants me to,” he responds, looking at me without correcting the nurse.

  “Yes please.” I nod with a smile.

  “Then I’m not leaving,” he says to the nurse.

  “Okay, open the door, dad, when she’s ready.” With that, she turns and walks out of the tiny exam room, closing the door behind her.

  “Thank you,” I say to him before I sit up to change. Nodding, he smiles at me, and I love that smile.

  I start to take my shirt off, and I can see him get nervous and turn around. It makes me chuckle a little. “It’s okay, not like you haven’t seen me naked before,” I say, tying the gown around my neck.

  “I didn’t know what to do. This is all kinda new,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

  Right then, there’s a knock on the door. “Lil? Are you in there?” It’s Lola.

  “Yeah, come on in.” She pushes the door open, and the look on her face when she sees Mitch is priceless.

  “Whatcha guys doing?” she asks with a smirk.

  “I decided I needed proof that she was really with child. So, she made her water break,” Mitch replies sarcastically.

  “Yeah, that’s exactly how that went,” I say, rolling my eyes and pushing my pants down. I think I see Mitch blush a little, and it makes me smile. “Can you let the nurse know I’m ready?”

  “Yeah,” both Lo and Mitch say at the same time, then look at each other. Oh, this is going to be interesting.

  “Ow!” I yell, grabbing my stomach again as another contraction starts, harder than the last. Mitch is right by my side, telling me to breathe deep while Lo is yelling outside the door for someone to get their ass in the room. The pain subsides, and then I laugh at my crazy team of people with me.

  The nurse returns with the doctor. “Hello, I’m Dr. Cook. I need to do an exam to see what exactly is going on. We’ll also do an ultrasound to make sure baby looks good that way as well. Heartbeat looks good, so that’s a great place to start,” he says, smiling at me as he reaches for gloves. “Would you like your friends to step out while I do the exam?” he asks me as he pulls the stirrups out of the exam table.

  “Probably best,” I say, looking at my two friends. I can tell neither of them wants to leave, but they’re also staring at the stirrups like I’m about to be probed by an alien.

  “You sure?” Lo asks.

  “Yeah. It won’t take too long.” I smile before they turn to leave the room.

  “Now, how far along are you?”

  “Almost thirty-one weeks,” I reply as he starts my exam.

  “Well, I’d say you are in active labor. You are about 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced.”

  “No,” I say as fresh tears begin to fall, “it’s too early.”

  “Are you sure your due date is right, Lily?” Dr. Cook asks me with a look that’s a little off-putting.

  “I think so. The other doctor I see always says I’m a little big, which is unusual since I’m so young. But that’s about all.”

  “Okay. I’m suspicious that you are further along than you think,” he says, looking up at me. “I’m going to measure your belly, and we’ll check on the ultrasound. But I think you are closer to thirty-five weeks.”

  “O…okay…” I stutter. “Can my friends come back in for that part?” I ask.

  “Of course.”

  The nurse opens the door to ask for them. They both rush to either side of me, concern all over both their faces as they see my fresh tears. “Are you alright?” “How’s the baby?” “What’s going on?” They both ask on top of one another.

  “Lily is in labor. We are going to look at the baby to see how big he is now,” Dr. Cook answers for me. I appreciate that. “Have a seat.”

  But instead, Lo holds one of my hands while Mitch holds the other. Dr. Cook smiles and nods as he lifts the gown to expose my belly. I squeeze Mitch’s hand, knowing this is a lot to take in. He squeezes back and bends down to kiss my head. I smile as I close my eyes, feeling a sense of calm from him that I need right now.

  My eyes then shoot open when I feel another contraction start. I squeeze both their hands.

  “Lily, breathe. In and out, nice and easy. Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth. In and out. You got this,” Dr. Cook coaches me. I open my eyes a few seconds later and give him a small grin. “You ready to continue?”

  I take one last breath. “Yes.”

  Dr. Cook measures my belly first, then squirts the gel on my stomach to begin the ultrasound. As soon as he puts the wand on my belly, I see him. I see my baby boy and instantly smile. I can see him wiggling and moving, I can hear his heartbeat, and I have a calm come over me.

  “Wow. That’s incredible,” Mitch breathes out. The look on his face is pure astonishment.

  “It’s so different from the first one,” Lola adds, looking equally amazed.

  Dr. Cook continues to move the wand around, taking measurements and making notes. After a few minutes, he looks up at me with a smile. Smiles are good.

  “Okay, bad news.” I feel my face drop, then he adds, “You don’t have as long to get ready to meet this boy of yours.” He pauses and pats my foot. “Good news is, I truly believe you are between thirty-five and thirty-six weeks along. Meaning, you are still early, but not scary early.” At that, he smiles at me.

  I smile back. “Thank you, Dr. Cook.”

  “I haven’t done anything yet. You have the hard part still ahead. I’m going to admit you since it’s early and your water has broken. But I want you to try to rest as much as you can.” Of course, right then I get another contraction. He pats my foot again and gets up to leave the room.

  Once it passes, I look at my friend. “Lo, I need you to call my parents. My mom is going to flip that she’s missing this.”

  “I can do that. Do you need anything else?” she asks.

  “Can you go to my house and pack a bag for me? Toiletries, clothes, the baby’s outfit. You know the one, right?”

  She smiles at me. “Yes. What else do you want?”

  “Pillow, music, suckers.”

  “Done.” She leans over to hug me. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “Thank you, Lola, for being here.”

  “I wouldn’t miss this. You—” she turns serious and points at Mitch—“you take care of her.”

  “Of course,” he says, looking at me.

 
Once she leaves the room, I take Mitch’s hand in mine. “Thank you for everything. For bringing me, for staying, for being you.”

  “There is nowhere I’d rather be,” he says, kissing me on the head again.

  “Oh no!” I gasp.

  “What? What’s wrong?” he asks, concern all over his face.

  “I ruined the night you had planned.”

  He laughs. “It was just dinner and a walk. Besides, I think we are still going to have a pretty epic night.”

  I rub my belly, smiling. “Yeah, I think so too.”

  * * *

  After fifteen hours of labor, one epidural, five pushes, two amazing friends to coach me and one frantic grandma at the end, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Easton James weighs six pounds, five ounces and is nineteen inches long and is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He has ten fingers, ten tiny toes and blonde curly hair. He looks nothing like Case, and I could not be happier.

  After Lola called my parents at their getaway, they sped back home to see their first grandchild be born. My mom was in a tizzy when she flew through the door. She was there for the last hour and got to see Easton’s birth. She even cut the umbilical cord. I was so happy she had made it and was there to see him come into this world. Not to mention, you are never too old to want your mommy.

  Lola was amazing. I didn’t expect anything different, but she really is my rock. Whenever I’d start to panic or needed a distraction, she was there. She kept all my favorite cheesy movies playing while we waited and was all smiles, like a proud aunt, when we heard that beautiful cry.

  Mitch was the big surprise of the day. I expected him to bail when things got intense, but he never did. As long as he stayed by my head, I was happy he was there. He rubbed my legs and back, got me ice to eat, wet rags for my head and let me squeeze the shit out of his hand while I pushed. As soon as Easton was born, he kissed me on the forehead and was all smiles, and I even saw some tears shining in his eyes. He hasn’t left my side this whole long day.

  He waited patiently for my parents and Lola to have their turns holding Easton, but once they all left to get coffee, he jumped at the chance for his turn. He was so excited to hold a baby, one who isn’t even his, and my heart couldn’t possibly swell anymore with adoration toward him.

  “I can’t believe you’re still here. You have to be starving and exhausted. And probably a little traumatized,” I laugh. I’m in my hospital bed watching Mitch hold Easton. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of him since he sat down with him in the chair next to my bed.

  “He is so amazing. You are so amazing, Lily. Thank you for letting me stay with you. This whole day has been the most incredible experience of my life,” he says, still looking down at Easton with a smile.

  “I’m glad you were here. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  At that, he finally tears his eyes away from my son and looks up at me. “You are so strong and brave, Lily. You could do anything. And getting to watch you take hold of your strength was an honor.”

  “Geez, you’re making me blush,” I say as I put my hands on my now hot cheeks. “Stop being so serious.”

  “My bad,” he says with a smirk. “Bet you’re glad he doesn’t look like Case.”

  “Yeah…” I trail off. Because once Dr. Cox said that my due date was off by a month, I knew Easton wasn’t Case’s. Now that I see him and he has a full head of curly blonde hair, I know exactly who his dad is... Luka. The guy I hooked up with outside of Whitey’s.

  “Where’d the curls come from though? You don’t have curly hair.”

  “His dad,” I whisper, not ready to have this conversation.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It was a one-night stand. He was the only other guy I slept with. He had blonde curly hair. Hell, he actually looks like he could be yours. The nurse might really believe you now,” I try to joke to cut the tension in the room.

  He stands and walks to lay Easton in the bassinet and pauses a second to close his eyes. “Please tell me that was all a joke,” he grits out as he turns to look at me.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, but it’s so quiet I don’t know if he even heard me. “I understand if you want to go. There is only so much I can ask of you, Mitch.”

  “Yeah, I need some time to think.” He closes his eyes and is quiet for a second before asking, “Do you need anything before I leave?” He’s so sincere, and yet I know I just threw another huge brick at him, crushing him again.

  Easton starts to cry and squirm. “I think he might be hungry. Can you bring him to me before you go?” I ask with a sniffle, knowing that I just hurt him again.

  Mitch picks him up so gently and holds him while I get myself situated to try and breastfeed again. He just keeps staring at my son, and I want to know what he’s thinking, but I know I need to give him space. “Okay, I’m ready.”

  I reach up and take my son, but as I try to be discreet and stay covered, the blanket I have draped over me falls and exposes my engorged breast. Easton is crying harder, and I’m having a hard time getting him to settle so he can latch on. Without missing a beat, Mitch sits on the bed next to me and holds Easton up to my breast so I can use both hands to try and get him to feed. We are like a well-trained team, and it works. Easton begins to suck and stays on. It’s the best he’s latched and fed since he was born a few hours ago.

  I feel a tear fall down my face. “Thank you,” I say as I sniffle again.

  “Fuck,” Mitch sighs and falls back on the bed with his head resting on my pillow. “Oh shit, I just swore in front of your kid. Dam-ang it! Twice… and a half.”

  “It’s okay. He doesn’t understand any of that yet,” I laugh, rubbing my wet cheek on my shoulder.

  “Thank God.”

  “I think I’m good now. You can leave if you want to.”

  “Well, you threw me off with the whole dad thing, but then I saw your boob. I don’t think I can leave now.”

  “I was trying to feed my son, you perv!” I joke with a disgusted look on my face.

  “I’m sorry!” He laughs with his hands up in surrender. “It’s just, you always had nice boobs, but now…yowza!”

  “You are so disturbing,” I say, shaking my head.

  “I’m going to go get some food really quick. You have to be starving. You want me to bring something back for you? Burger and fries?”

  I smile big because he knows my favorite food. “Yes, please.”

  “I’ll be back in a few,” he replies, kissing my forehead.

  I look up at him, and when our eyes lock, it’s like everything stops. He bends down and puts one soft, sweet kiss on my lips before he turns to walk away, leaving me sitting in pure bliss.

  I look down at my sweet new son. “I wish he was your daddy, buddy. He’s pretty incredible.”

  16

  Mitch

  Being there when Lily went into labor was scary as hell. And that was just how I felt. I have no idea how she did that. She was incredible. Terrified or not, she pulled a strength from within that was the most insane thing to witness.

  Not to say that it wasn’t all a little gross and uncomfortable at times—like when her mom showed up and saw me—but I’m so glad I got to be there. To see the miracle of her bringing a new life into this world, even if she did almost crush all the bones in my strumming hand.

  Her beautifully exhausted face looking down at her son for the first time was an image I’ll never forget. It was breathtaking. And I got to see that. Not many can say that because while her mom and Lola looked at the baby, I couldn’t take my eyes off Lily.

  When I did finally get to hold him, he was this tiny little body in my arms with a squished-up face. An ugly little miracle that was beautiful because it came from the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

  But when she told me that Easton’s father wasn’t Case but some other guy—a one-night stand—it gutted me. It was the same feeling I initially had after she told me she had slept with C
ase in the first place; then again when I found out she was pregnant.

  God help me for falling in love with a girl who seems to want everyone but me. I’m no saint, but I thought what we had between us at this point was special. She may not be sleeping with anyone now, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to hear.

  I want to be something more to her than just a friend or shoulder to lean on. I want to be the one who makes her heart beat fast and takes her breath away, the way she does me.

  Is it enough? Am I enough?

  Lily

  As the day finished, I was so tired. I had my parents there, along with Lola and Mitch all day. I loved that they were all with me, but I really needed some sleep. Since the little man was now fed and sleeping, I told my parents to go home and get some rest. They reluctantly agreed, with the promise they would be back in the morning.

  I told Mitch to do the same. He’s been a rock throughout the day, but I know he has to be tired and ready for a shower and real non-hospital food. He, too, reluctantly agreed, kissing me on the head before he kissed Easton too. It was so sweet and made my heart melt a little more for him.

  “Like hell I’m leaving,” was Lola’s response. I shouldn’t have expected anything less. She told me she brought her own bag when she brought mine and was going to stay with me for the next two nights while I was here. As much as I told her she didn’t need to, I was thankful not to be alone quite yet.

  Lo curled up with me in my hospital bed, and we now are just lying in silence, watching Easton sleep. It’s so mesmerizing to watch a baby sleep. “I got accepted into beauty school,” she says, breaking the silence a while later.

  I turn to face her with a big smile. “That’s amazing, Lola. I’m so happy for you.”

  “I’m really excited. I have to move to the city though.”

  “I’ll miss you, of course, but it’s not like you’ll be that far.”

  “I can’t believe it’s all happening.”

  “When are you looking for a place?” I ask, hoping selfishly that it isn’t too soon.