Bearing Secrets (High House Ursa Book 1)

by Riley Storm

  Blinding white pain cut through his haze a second later.

  I guess I can still feel pain after all.

  “Kirell? Kirell, can you hear me? I’m here.”

  Natalia.

  He screamed again as more pain erupted through every nerve ending in his body, or so it seemed.

  Then, mercifully, he blacked out.

  34

  She’d never seen someone so badly injured still manage to live.

  Kirell lay on his giant bed, swathed in bandages, what skin was exposed covered in nasty-looking bruises. As a testament to his mutation, many of them were already turning from black to various shades of purple. The healing process had begun the minute the attack stopped, and everyone she’d talked to had told her he would recover, though it may take a day or two for him to regain his full strength.

  It had been close, though; she’d also learned that by listening to various whispers from the Priest and his attendants. If the guard hadn’t stumbled upon them and raised the alarm when he did, Kirell would be dead. As it was, his skull had been fractured in numerous places, leading to sustained brain damage.

  Nobody knew if he would be himself when he woke.

  Now she waited for that inevitable moment, pacing back and forth in straight lines, ovals and weaving around the furniture in patterns, trying to distract herself, to kill some time, anything that would help her keep her composure without having a breakdown.

  Returning to the bedside, she stroked his upper arm, glad to be able to touch skin in at least one place. There was something reassuring about the contact with him, the pair of them connected without any fabric in the way. She drew strength from it, hoping that somewhere, his body knew it was her, that he could respond the same way.

  “You have to get better, Kirell,” she whispered, looking down at his battered visage. “Please. You have to.”

  His chest rose and fell, but he didn’t awaken.

  Natalia sat still for several minutes, eyes closed as she gently rubbed his arm. Without warning, something hot and wet splashed onto her arm. Opening her eyes, she tried to look through the haze to see what it was. Oh.

  She was crying.

  Stop it. Pull yourself together. Crying isn’t going to help the situation.

  Sometimes, Natalia hated her inner voice. It was often cold and brutally honest with her at times she didn’t want it to be. Like now. Right now, she wanted to dissolve into a bubbling mess, but it was holding her together, though she couldn’t figure out why. It’s like it was refusing to acknowledge something as well, keeping its own secrets that even she couldn’t figure out.

  Fine. Be that way.

  Wiping her eyes, she adjusted one of his bandages slightly, ensuring it stayed in place. Kirell wasn’t bleeding anymore; those wounds had all closed, thankfully, but she didn’t want to go ahead and rip the dressings off, just in case they were serving some other purpose. There was still so little she knew about shifters, she didn’t want to start making assumptions.

  From somewhere in the huge room, she heard a noise.

  Her head snapped around, scanning the suite, even as she crept off the bed to the far side, fetching a knife from the side table. She’d found it in one of his drawers while looking for fresh clothes for him to be dressed in, and she’d kept it out. If this was the attackers come back, they weren’t going to find her defenseless. She would protect Kirell.

  Crouching over his body like a mother lion prepared to defend her clubs, she kept looking around the room, waiting for whoever had caused the sound to reveal themselves. The lights may have been dimmed, but there was still enough to see with, and the space near the bed itself was completely devoid of furniture. Nobody was sneaking up on her.

  “Come on,” she hissed. “Let’s do this.”

  Who the hell do you think you are? If this is a shifter, you don’t stand a chance, idiot. Your best bet is to run for help.

  Natalia politely told her inner voice to shut the fuck up. Kirell had suffered enough; she wasn’t about to let him be hurt any more. Not if she could do something about it.

  There was another noise. Her ears were able to pinpoint it this time. It was coming from the wall panel, the one that was a secret door leading to passageways through the walls of the house.

  Tensing, she watched and waited, until the panel popped open a bit. Then, without so much as a noise, she slid off the bed and ran at the door as silently as possible, knife held low and to the side, ready to sink it into the gut of whoever was coming through.

  “DIE!” she screamed as a shadowy figure emerged, thrusting the knife forward, hoping her shout caught them by surprise, slowing their reaction time until she could do fatal damage to the attacker.

  The reaction time may have been slowed, but not by anything close to enough. An arm blurred, something like steel clamped around her hand and she cried out as her arm was wrenched around painfully. The knife clattered to the floor and Natalia sunk down to try and grab it with her free hand, but fingers closed around her neck, halting her movement.

  “Do not move,” a deep male voice warned, speaking with such utter conviction that Natalia did her best impression of a statue, not wanting to test their resolve. “I will break your neck.”

  “At ease,” a familiar voice said next. “She is no threat to us.”

  Natalia croaked out a greeting as the Queen pushed her away into the room over the objections of the other guard travelling with her. Then she turned to Natalia and frowned in the dim light.

  “I said at ease,” she said icily. “That means let her go before you squeeze the life out of her. Do I make myself clear?”

  The hand dropped immediately. “Yes ma’am.”

  Natalia fell to her knees, gasping for air, noting as she did that while the guard let her go, he did bend over and pick up the knife, giving it a once-over before glaring at her. Feeling a surge of her old self return along with some much-needed oxygen, Natalia winked at him. It served nothing more than to earn her a growl, but it was worth it.

  “How is he doing?”

  She turned to see the Queen standing at Kirell’s bedside, looking down at him.

  “He’s healing. Physically. Nobody knows about his mind.” She almost went into more detail but didn’t.

  This was the Queen of High House Ursa. One of her Title Holders had been beaten within an inch of his life. There was no way she didn’t already know everything there was to know about his status and the attack itself. So why was she here, now, and with such secrecy as well?

  “Who was it? Who did this to him, and why?” It was the only question worth asking in her mind.

  The Queen paused. “There is no evidence to prove who did it. Nothing to convict the person behind it. Whoever it was used the back passages and stayed out of the cameras. We have no evidence, though some are still looking into it.”

  Natalia shook her head and walked over to the bedside. “Do not touch me,” she spat at one of the guards as he tried to step between her and the Queen.

  “She’s not a threat,” the Queen repeated, gently pushing her guard aside when he refused to yield. “Let her come near. This is Kirell’s mate.”

  Shooting a glance at the Queen, Natalia played that statement back in her head several times, wondering if she’d imagined the slight hesitation before the Queen had spoken the word mate or not. What the hell did she mean by that? Was she having a hard time referring to the two as mated all of a sudden? It wasn’t like she was unaware of the fake arrangement. Just like that though, it didn’t matter. There was only one question that did.

  “Who do you think did it?” she asked quietly.

  “I’m not in the habit of making guesses,” the woman said primly, a reminder that, as Queen of the House, she had to be above said things.

  Natalia started nodding, more to herself than anyone, but then the Queen continued.

  “But if I did, I’d bet that bastard Klebra was behind it, and if I find a single shred of evidence that he was,
I’ll see him drawn and quartered,” she said with a malevolence that surprised Natalia.

  “I’ll help,” she said quietly, standing next to the most powerful woman in the house, the two of them looking down at Kirell.

  “If it weren’t for the bandages, the blood, the bruises and the cuts, I’d say he actually looks peaceful.”

  Natalia snorted. “If only he always slept this peacefully.”

  The Queen looked over at her. “Peacefully?” she questioned in a knowing tone.

  “Silently,” Natalia said, amending her previous statement.

  “I know your pain. My late love, may he rest in peace, was not a quiet sleeper either.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” Natalia told her quietly. “I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling.”

  The Queen looked down at Kirell. “And I hope you never do.” There was a slight quaver in her voice, but she smothered it and continued. “You’re a good person for staying.”

  “Uh, yeah.” She felt distinctly uncomfortable at the way the conversation had so suddenly shifted onto her. “He had the keys.”

  The Queen snickered. “I can see now why he cares for you.”

  “Pardon me?”

  “Kirell. I’m starting to see why he has developed feelings for you. You’re loyal, honest, and you have a quick enough wit to give him trouble. All things he needs in his life.”

  “I think you’re reading way too much into it, Your Majesty.” The formal title felt odd to say. For the most part, Natalia was trying to just avoid addressing the Queen at all, but it wasn’t always possible.

  “Please, in private like this at least, call me Kaelyn. I was just a regular person like you once. I’m not as fond of these trappings as you might think.”

  “Regular person? I can’t change into some sort of monstrous bear on a whim. That’s kind of a big difference.”

  The Queen—no, Kaelyn—smirked knowingly, like she had a secret, but didn’t elaborate, choosing instead just to nod. “Perhaps. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that he does care for you.”

  Natalia looked away. “If you say so.”

  “You needn’t be afraid,” she said quietly, reaching out to place a hand on Natalia’s arm. “It’s not a bad thing to care for one another.”

  “We don’t care,” Natalia murmured quietly. “You know that. You know the truth.”

  Kaelyn smiled. “Indeed, I do. The question is, do you?”

  Natalia rocked back on her heels, forced to consider something she’d expressly forbidden herself from thinking about.

  On the bed in front of them, Kirell stirred slightly, a pained groan faintly audible before he collapsed back into his sleep, or unconsciousness, whichever it was. Natalia didn’t know, because she was too busy trying to deal with the sensation his movement had awoken inside her.

  Fear. But why was she scared? If this was a sham, as the two of them had discussed and agreed it would be, why was she scared he might not make it through? Could she blame it all on the fact she wouldn’t get her Green Card? As much as she wished to, that seemed like a stretch. A big one.

  Maybe it was borne from the fact that she wanted him to get better. That made sense of course. He was a good person, and she didn’t want to see him crippled or killed. Just like anyone.

  It’s more than that.

  “How can you know?” she asked quietly, still staring at Kirell.

  “I didn’t. Not until you attacked me, and I saw the way you looked at him as he lay on the bed. You might be lying to yourself, but to someone who knows what to look for, it’s plain as day, Natalia.” There was a lengthy pause. “Have you told him how you feel?”

  “Of course not.” She fidgeted with the comforter. “I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know how he feels.”

  Turning away, she walked across the room, stopping short of the wall before spinning and heading back. “You’re sure he…cares… for me?” She was reluctant to use any stronger word.

  Kaelyn looked her straight on. Almost. The head of the Ursidae was a few inches taller than her, but it was close enough. Amber met jade and they locked on, looking deep into one another.

  “What do I do?” she asked at last, feeling confused, and more than a little scared.

  On the bed behind them Kirell stirred again, making more noise.

  Kaelyn smiled. “I’ll leave that up to the two of you. You have much to discuss. What you do from there, however, is entirely up to you, you understand? Nobody can force you to do anything. You’ll have to make that choice yourself. I just needed to ensure you were seeing all sides clearly.”

  Natalia curtsied a little less clumsily than the first time and received a polite nod in return, then the Queen was gone, disappearing back through the wall panel from which they’d come. As the trailing guard passed her by, he handed her the knife, handle first.

  “Next time, keep quiet. You were closer than you think.” Then he too was gone.

  “N…” Her eyes shot back over to the bed as Kirell made a coherent sound. “Na—”

  “I’m here,” she said, clutching gently at his upper arm, wishing fervently she could hold his fingers but they had all been broken. “I’m here, Kirell.”

  “Natalia,” he said, forcing the word out from between his broken jaw and mangled lips. “Natalia.”

  “Right here. I have you.”

  She stayed by his side as he slowly returned to consciousness. It took him the better part of an hour, during which she clung to him. The Queen was right, she realized as she watched him heal literally before her eyes. I do care for him. A lot.

  It scared the hell out of her to admit that, even silently to herself. She’d tried her best to remain detached, to treat it as a business deal with a side of physical pleasure, but despite that, she’d failed. She’d allowed feelings to form for him. That was the worst. What was she going to do, stick around?

  That was impossible of course. One day, Kirell’s real mate would show up, and then there would be all hell to pay as the lie they’d concocted unravelled around them. She couldn’t risk doing that to him, and to Kaelyn. No, Natalia had to bury her feelings, to scorch the earth between her and Kirell to prevent pesky things such as attraction from causing trouble for everyone involved.

  It would be for the best, she decided, if she left. Just took all her things and left. No more Kirell, no more Kaelyn. Say goodbye to the manor and to shapeshifters and magic and this whole entire world she’d stumbled into simply by agreeing to go out with her friend one night.

  Yes. I have to do what’s best for you, Kirell.

  She waited until he slipped out of consciousness once more, and then gathered up her purse, stealing the keys from the bedside table and leaving.

  It hurt to leave him like that, but she could see him healing, and knew that he’d be okay now. She’d done her part, waiting that long before going. Now she had to put some distance between them, so they could begin to heal, returning to living their own lives, independent of one another.

  It was for the best; that’s what she kept repeating to herself, even as she fired up the car and drove off. Kirell would understand, it was what he needed as well. He would put the House before himself, she was confident of that.

  She was the one she worried might have a weak resolve. Which is why she needed to get away from him now. To start moving on.

  To go home. All the way home.

  35

  “Natalia?”

  He returned to full consciousness suddenly. The haze and blur that had filled his mind before was gone, leaving him with clear thoughts. Memories started to come back to him, recollections of the attack.

  How badly was I hurt? How long was I out?

  He looked over at the clock to his right, forced to turn his head all the way because his right eye was covered in bandages. It read as being around twelve.

  Judging by the light around the edges of the curtains, it wasn’t midnight, and he highly doubted it had only been a coup
le of hours since he went down. Therefore, it was at least noon of the day following his attack.

  Slowly at first, he tested his limbs, seeing how they responded, and how badly each one hurt. His arms obeyed his commands, as did his fingers. Mostly. He could feel several on each hand forcefully restrained, and a quick check showed that they were indeed splinted to some metal, to better help them heal.

  Nervously, he tried his legs, but they too worked like normal. He yanked the IV lines from his arm, wincing at the pain, but compared to what he’d experienced, it was nothing. Kirell needed to get up, and to move around. He had to find her.

  “Natalia?” he called, more strength returning to his voice as he used it again. Energy was starting to course through his body as he returned it to full wakefulness.

  There was still no answer. Angrily, he ripped the bandages from his body, eyeing the latticework of scars and threads still in his skin from the stitches. There were a lot of them.

  You nearly died, remember? Of course, they had to rip you apart to patch you back up again. That’s what you get for walking into a trap just like a moron.

  That didn’t answer his question of where Natalia was, however, but a quick check of his belongings showed the car keys were gone. Had she taken off again? A wave of loneliness swept over him, tiring him out as he tried to adjust to the fact that she’d left him while he was unconscious.

  “Well, shit.” He snagged a pair of baggy sweatpants and a sweater, not feeling like putting anything more constricting against himself just yet. Even getting those on was a chore, his body stiff, sore and protesting at having to move in so many directions. Thankfully, he healed fast enough that the stitches weren’t at risk of tearing, but it still hurt.

  Some thoughtful soul had left a few things to eat on his nightstand, things that wouldn’t spoil. He ate the first energy bar slowly, giving his stomach time to adjust to having food in it for the first time in over a day.

  The only response from his body was a ravaging desire for more. It was eating up the nutrients like crazy, and twenty minutes later and as he was still gnawing away at the second, he felt the burst of energy spike both his brain and his body.