Just Drive

by L. A. Witt

  He kissed under my jaw and moaned again as he slowly pushed back in. “My God . . .” He lifted himself up and looked down at me, blinking a few times as if it was a struggle to focus his eyes. Then he dropped a soft kiss on my lips before he pulled out. “Turn over.”

  Well, I wasn’t going to argue with that. We shifted around, and in seconds, he was inside me again. I couldn’t see him or kiss him, but he felt so good right then, I didn’t care.

  With his body weight, he guided me down, all the way down, and I relaxed onto the mattress. He paused, adjusting his position slightly, and then he started moving again. Faster. Harder. Oh fuck. I closed my eyes, pressing my forehead onto the mattress. Being fucked was amazing enough, but the added friction of my dick rubbing against the sheet was unreal.

  I clasped our fingers together and held our joined hands against my chest, keeping him as close to me as possible. Sean’s stubbled chin burned against my shoulder, and he groaned as he forced himself as deep as I could take him. His thrusts knocked the breath out of me, and if I could’ve, I would’ve rocked my hips to encourage him to fuck me even harder. Maybe it was just as well—if this got any more intense, I’d probably turn to ash.

  Sean touched his forehead to the back of my neck. “Oh God . . .” He gripped my hand tighter as he pounded me even harder. “I’m gonna come.”

  I moved my hips a little, and that must’ve been exactly what he needed, because he sucked in a breath and shuddered. The way he gasped and shook, how his rhythm fell apart like he was just too overwhelmed to maintain it, was sexy as fuck.

  He buried his face against my neck and sighed as he relaxed on top of me. “Jesus.”

  “Feel good?”

  “So good,” he murmured. “If I’d known what I was missing, we’d have done this a long time ago.”

  I laughed. Tonight was the perfect time. He was ready for it. Any other night, he might’ve been edgy and uncertain, and it wouldn’t have been this good.

  “Still have to make you come.” He kissed the side of my neck as he pulled out. “Back on your back.”

  Sean barely gave me a chance to turn over before he descended on my cock. Jesus. Yes. His lips were magic. I kneaded his scalp and closed my eyes as he took me deeper in his mouth.

  He wasn’t done, though—he put his weight on one arm, and my heart sped up when I realized he now had a free hand.

  Oh yes.

  He nudged my thigh, encouraging me to spread my legs.

  Oh yes. Yes, please.

  Two fingers slid into my well-lubricated hole, and before I’d finished shivering from that, he fluttered his tongue around the head of my cock.

  “Fuck,” I moaned. “Oh Jesus.” I was afraid I’d get too enthusiastic and push his head down on my cock—fucking hated it when guys did that—so I moved my hands to the sheets instead.

  His fingers crooked inside me, and I gripped the sheets tighter. My spine arched off the bed and the darkness behind my eyelids turned white and everything was spinning, spinning, spinning, and he didn’t stop. His lips and tongue, his fingers—he just did not let up, not until I started to come back down and everything was suddenly too intense, and I pleaded, “S-stop.”

  Sean wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and as soon as he was within reach, I grabbed him and kissed him. My heart was going wild, my whole body still shaky and tingly, but my lips knew what to do with his. Kissing him was as easy as breathing—didn’t require any focus at all.

  After a moment, I broke the kiss and met his gaze. “Don’t know if I ever mentioned this,” I said, struggling to enunciate, “but your mouth is amazing.”

  “You seemed like you were enjoying it.” He grinned and added, “So you think we should stay here all night?”

  “Absolutely.” I kissed the tip of his nose. “I’ll have to bust out of here by about seven, though.”

  “Work?”

  “Tee time.”

  Sean laughed. “Of course.”

  “But I’ll make sure to wake you up before I go.” I winked. “Nothing kicks off a round of golf like some morning sex.”

  “If you can still play eighteen holes of golf after I’ve fucked you, I’m doing something wrong.”

  I laughed. “You’re more than welcome to try.”

  “I will.”

  “Promise?”

  “You bet.” He grinned. “For now . . . shower?”

  “Shower.”

  Under the hot shower, I wrapped my arms around Sean and kissed him. His body was warm and slick against mine, his kiss lazy and gentle. We’d soaped and rinsed, but surprise, surprise—neither of us was in any hurry to get out of the shower. Typical.

  Eventually, though, every shower had to end, and we finally made our way back to the bed. There, we faced each other under the sheets.

  Sean laughed softly.

  “What?” I asked.

  “How are we going to make this work?”

  I shook my head. “I have no idea.”

  I’m still wondering if it’s even possible.

  “We still can’t tell anyone.”

  “No, definitely not.” My stomach tightened. Secret relationships were a recipe for disaster. Now that we’d taken a pretty significant step forward, I couldn’t help wondering if the inevitable was right around the corner.

  But Sean just kissed me again and smiled. “Well, don’t know how this is going to work. All I know is I want it to. So, we’ll find a way.”

  You have no idea how much I want that to be true.

  “That’s enough for me.” I kissed him gently.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  We settled in to go to sleep. Sean turned on his side, and I molded myself to him. In no time, he was out cold.

  Me? Not so much. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. Lying there in the dark motel room, trailing my fingers up and down his arm and listening to him breathing, I was wide-awake.

  Somehow, today had gone from I need to see you to I love you. It made sense, but it still blew my mind.

  And for that matter, made me wonder if I was being a complete fucking idiot.

  What am I doing?

  I liked to believe I wasn’t stupid, but I wouldn’t deny I could be fucking reckless. Being reckless with a billion dollar aircraft was one thing. With a twenty-plus-year career? Two twenty-plus-year careers? Not to mention Sean’s emotions?

  This had gone beyond reckless. There was no more pretending this was something to do until the Navy inevitably torpedoed it. No, we’d gone and gotten ourselves a lot deeper than we should’ve.

  But . . . how had we gotten in this deep? We shouldn’t have had this kind of connection. He was too young. I was too old. There were too many professional reasons I didn’t have any business being close to him, let alone this close to him.

  I couldn’t have stopped it if I’d wanted to, though. It didn’t matter how or why he’d gotten under my skin—he had. Whatever this was, it was nothing like any of my previous relationships.

  Well, of course this was nothing like my previous relationships. Those had all been based on things that should’ve had no place between two people. Marriages to keep the gay rumors down. Boyfriends who looked at my rank and saw dollar signs, or who were willing to be paraded around as a political statement until that novelty wore off. If all of my relationships had one thing in common, it was the bullshit. There was always some ulterior motive. Smokescreens. Statements.

  There was none of that with Sean, though. If this came out, my career was fucked and so was his relationship with his father.

  And we’d already let things get too deep. The longer we let it go on, the deeper it would get, and there’d just be more and more opportunities for someone to find out.

  But lying here with Sean against me, my head still light from the day we’d had and the sex we’d had, I couldn’t justify walking away. I wanted to see where this could go. Consequences be damned, I wanted to know what it was like to be i
n love with someone for no other reason than, well, being in love with him.

  This connection—it was terrifying, and amazing, and addictive, and if I had a brain left in my head, I’d walk away. But I knew damn well I wouldn’t.

  Jesus. No wonder we both kept forgetting about our age gap—he was wise beyond his years, and I was the idiot who wouldn’t man up and be the voice of reason. It should’ve been me saying, Look, there’s too much on the line, or, As much as I’d love to do this . . . But whatever angel of maturity sat on my left shoulder was muffled by the devil on my right who kept reminding me how much I’d been missing someone like Sean in my life.

  I held Sean a little tighter and kissed the side of his neck. He murmured in his sleep and pressed back against me, but didn’t wake up.

  I didn’t know how in the world we’d make this work.

  I just knew we had to.

  All the way home from the motel the next morning, I felt like shit.

  I should have been grinning like crazy, giddy over knowing Paul loved me. Not to mention spacing out as my mind replayed all that incredible sex we’d had last night and this morning.

  But no, I felt like shit.

  We were leading each other on, and I knew it. He had to know it too. It didn’t matter if we were in love, or if he could make me come harder than any man on the planet, or that sleeping next to him was the most perfect thing ever. He was still my dad’s commanding officer, and this was still something that couldn’t happen. Or . . . well . . . keep happening.

  I shook myself, gripping the wheel as I followed the familiar roads on autopilot.

  Now what?

  Now we . . .

  Fuck, I didn’t know. I knew what we should do, but what we were going to do? Anyone’s guess, since apparently “the thing we’re supposed to do” wasn’t always the thing we did.

  I pulled up in front of the house to my usual parking spot, and my throat tightened. Dad was still home. Shit.

  He wouldn’t question me for being out all night. It wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. But my guilty conscience was wide-awake and nagging at me now, reminding me with every little twinge that I’d been in bed with Dad’s CO last night.

  You knew better. What the fuck were you thinking?

  Dad had no way of knowing, but that sure didn’t stop me from worrying that he’d suddenly catch on. It took all the concentration I had to nonchalantly pour myself a bowl of cereal and eat it while acting like nothing had happened last night that would cause anyone any problems if someone found out. Christ, I hadn’t even been this nervous the first time my dad had picked me up from base security when I was twelve. Or the third time, when they’d been threatening me and a friend with felony charges for smoking weed in base housing.

  I managed to play it cool, though, and finally, I was finished with my breakfast. After I’d rinsed my bowl, I headed for the stairs. I was home free. Thank—

  “Hey, Sean?”

  I stopped.

  Be cool. Play it cool.

  I turned around. “Yeah?”

  Dad tilted his head slightly and motioned for me to come back into the kitchen. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  I joined him, and gulped. “Sure. What about?”

  He pressed his hip against the counter and folded his arms loosely across his chest. “You’ve been seeing someone, haven’t you?”

  Funny you should ask.

  “Uh, yeah.” I fought the urge to fidget nervously and give myself away. “Why?”

  He studied me, letting the silence linger to the point of excruciatingly uncomfortable before he finally spoke. “Listen, your personal life is your business. I’m not asking you to bring him over so I can meet him until you’re ready for that.”

  I shuddered at the thought, and instantly regretted it when Dad’s forehead creased.

  “I’m serious,” he said. “But you’ve been acting weird, and I’m worried.” He chewed his lip. “The guy you’re with—is he treating you all right? I mean, is there something you need to talk about?”

  I dropped my gaze. That was probably incriminating as hell too, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. And my conscience didn’t need anything else to bitch at me about, but now I got to add “Dad’s worried sick and thinks your guy is abusing you” to that hot mess.

  He pushed himself off the counter and stepped a little closer. “Sean, you’re an adult, but I’m still your dad, and I know when something is wrong. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

  I forced back the emotions trying to rise in my throat. Being reckless with careers was bad enough. Making my dad feel like this? Fuck. “I’m not with anyone who’s hurting me, okay?”

  “Then what’s wrong? Because you haven’t been yourself.”

  “Nothing’s . . . nothing is . . .” God, I sounded pathetic. “It’s just a little . . . I mean, things are kind of . . .”

  “Sean.” He put a heavy hand on my shoulder. “Look at me.”

  It took some effort, but I did, and the palpable worry in his eyes cut me right to the core.

  “Talk to me,” he said. “Please. You’re scaring me.”

  Jesus. This was a man who’d seen boots-on-the-ground combat. He’d listened to mortars falling without knowing where they’d land and which of his people—himself included—might die. He knew what fear really was—he still had the nightmares and flashbacks to prove it had never fully gone away—and now he was scared for me. Because I’d been acting weird, because I was involved with someone I never should have touched.

  Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “He’s your CO.”

  Dad froze. “Come again?”

  I slouched against the counter and exhaled. “He’s . . . I’m seeing your CO. Sort of.”

  “‘Sort of’?” He took his hand off my shoulder. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “I mean, we . . .” Oh, there was no explanation of our relationship that wouldn’t take all day, and Dad definitely wouldn’t have the patience or time. So I just sighed and shook my head. “I’m seeing him. I’m seeing your CO.”

  He stared at me for a long moment. Jaw slack, eyes wide, he watched me as if he were waiting for the punch line. When I didn’t deliver it, he threw up his hands. “For fuck’s sake! Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what could happen if something like this comes out?”

  Resentment simmered under my skin. Yeah, I knew. Yeah, I’d done it anyway. And yeah, I was kind of fucking tired of reining in my personal life because of the Navy. “Dad, I—”

  “What happens if I make master chief this year, huh? Captain Richards signs my fit reps. You don’t think anyone might wonder when a guy makes rank while his kid is dating the CO? You don’t think that’ll look like a favor handed down for—”

  “I get it.”

  “Do you?” He exhaled hard. “I have never interfered with your love life. Never. You’re a grown man, and who you date is none of my business. But this time—” He shook his head. “For God’s sake, what are you thinking?”

  That Paul pushes all my buttons and checks all my boxes in ways no other man ever has?

  “Look, I’m—”

  “It doesn’t even matter, honestly,” Dad said through his teeth. “This is the kind of thing that could cost him his career and screw me out of making master chief. Stay away from him, Sean.” He paused, tightening his jaw. “Does he know who you are?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “You mean, does he know who you are?”

  He glared at me. “You can split hairs all you want. The fact is, he’s my commanding officer.”

  “I know. I know and—”

  “Jesus Christ, Sean.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, then dropped his arms to his sides again. “There aren’t enough guys in this town? You have to find one who’s on the goddamned base, and in my chain of command? At the top of my chain of command?”

  “So now I can’t date military guys?”

  Dad scowled. “If you do, you can’t exactl
y be surprised when it causes problems.”

  “Oh, I’m not surprised.” I glared at him. “Well, at least when I do date military, I’m already used to the bullshit. I know what can come my way. If he goes off on a combat deployment, I’ve got plenty of practice with losing sleep and avoiding the news.” Those memories sent a queasy chill through me, but I refused to let it show. “The only difference is I won’t be a kid wondering if his dad’s going to come home alive—I’ll be a grown-ass man wondering if his boyfriend will.”

  Dad drew back a little. “I’m . . .” His Adam’s apple jumped.

  “I’m sorry.” I lowered my gaze. Jesus. That was so out of line. What was wrong with me? I was pissed at the Navy, not at him. He didn’t deserve me lashing out, never mind throwing that in his face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean . . . It’s . . .”

  “I know,” he said quietly. “And it’s not that I would ever oppose you dating someone who’s military, but he’s my CO. And it’s not only my career. It’s his too. What do you think will happen if anyone finds out he’s dating my son?”

  I looked at him again. “How would they find out?”

  He said nothing.

  Fresh anger tightened my chest. “Are you threatening to have him strung up for this?”

  Dad’s eyes narrowed. “What would you like me to do?”

  I tongued my back teeth, letting that center me and pull my concentration away from how close I was to snapping at him or breaking something. Didn’t help me come up with a solid answer, though. There wasn’t one. We both knew there wasn’t one. Pissed off as I was, I couldn’t pretend Dad was wrong. Or that I was surprised this had finally blown up in my face.

  “Sean . . .” He exhaled hard. “Look, you need to really think about this. It isn’t just about what I would do or what I would put first. If your relationship with him does come out, do you really think Captain Richards is going to give up a career like his over something that’s a few weeks old? You’re half his age. He’s an Academy grad. He wants to make admiral. That’s not a man who takes his career lightly. Mark my words, Sean—the first sign of trouble, he’s going to let you go before he risks tarnishing his career.”