Between the Shadow and the Soul

by Susanne Winnacker

  “What about an incantation?” Nela asked distractedly, her eyes glued to the still bleeding cut.

  “Some spells require incantations, and some wizards require the spoken word to give their magic focus and strength. It depends if the magic you’re performing comes easy to you.”

  She nodded and tried to imagine that the energy in her fingertips wandered into Darko’s palm and sealed his cut. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead when the edges of the cut began to draw together, but then it stopped. She gasped for breath and then again from pain. Her back felt like it was on fire. Her tattoo was punishing her. Darko frowned at his palm. “Maybe we should have started with a bruise.”

  Was he joking? Nela tried to ignore the pain in her back. She watched as Darko closed his own cut. She could tell it didn’t come easy to him. The wound was closing slowly and Darko was grinding his teeth. A pink scar remained when he was done. “That’s it for today,” he said.

  She nodded, then flinched from the pain the movement sent through her shoulders.

  “What’s the matter?” Realization crossed Darko’s face. “Your tattoo?”

  “Yeah. I think it’s been getting worse since the thing with the cat.”

  “It won’t get better. It’ll spread.”

  “I know.” She could tell that he wanted to ask her to change her mind about removing the tattoo, but her expression seemed to stop him.

  ***

  In the next few weeks Nela and Darko met several more times. He cut himself almost every time until eventually she could heal his wounds without leaving a scar. He also taught her how to heal her own injuries. She couldn’t bring herself to cut her palm, but she always had blisters from wearing her beloved high-heeled boots and practiced on them. At home she even tried to stop her tattoo from hurting with the same magic, but without success. By now the letters had spread toward both her shoulder blades. It was a slow process but the pain in Nela’s back was getting worse with every magical spell. It was close to unbearable.

  Darko had been trying to convince her to let the guy he knew remove her tattoo and she’d finally caved and agreed to meet him. Darko picked her up around the corner from her house after midnight and they drove to the alley they’d used the last time they’d visited the Chandelier hall. Darko drew the pentagram on the ground and moments later Nela found herself back in the underground bar. It was more crowded than last time and yet less heads turned their way. Maybe she looked like she belonged after weeks of practicing magic.

  Darko bought them two mugs of Dragonblood, despite Nela’s protests, and led them toward a table in the corner that was occupied by a man with sunglasses and shockingly white-blond hair and chalk-white skin.

  The man nodded toward Darko, then lifted his glasses and fixed Nela with an unsettling look. “What brings you here?”

  Darko sank down on a chair and Nela followed his example. She took a deep gulp from the mead, even if it left a trail of fire in her throat. She was glad for something to do.

  “Nela is interested in a tattoo removal, Mikael.”

  “I just want to ask a few questions. I haven’t made up my mind yet,” she protested.

  Mikael cocked his eyebrows. “Are you practicing magic?”

  Nela glanced at Darko who gave a nod. If he trusted Mikael, she supposed she should give it a try as well. “Yes.”

  “Then I don’t know what you’re waiting for. Unless you like pain, the tattoo removal is your only option. Not to mention that your tattoo will be hard to hide at some point, especially if you’re interested in certain kinds of magic.”

  “So the tattoo reacts to magic differently?”

  The man smiled knowingly. “Haven’t you noticed yet?”

  He was starting to unnerve her. Of course she’d noticed. She’d been practicing healing magic for weeks and yet her tattoo had only spread an inch because of it. But one accidental act of necromancy had produced the same result. Dark magic definitely had a bad influence on the tattoo. “Have you removed my mother’s tattoo?”

  His face was an empty page. “Why would I know your mother?”

  She narrowed her eyes. Her mother had to get her supplies somewhere and if she frequented the black market, he must have seen her before. There weren’t that many witches in Cologne. And he’d recognized Nela’s face when he’d first seen her, she was sure of it. His expression broke into a smile. “You’re good,” he said. “But I never worked on your mother’s tattoo.”

  “You didn’t?” Nela hadn’t expected that answer. “Are there others?”

  “Not that I know of, unless she goes to another city.”

  “So about the tattoo,” Darko said impatiently.

  Mikael took a sip from his mug, then pushed it over to Darko with a crooked grin. Darko sighed but picked up the mug and got a refill for the man.

  “What do you want to know?” Mikael asked.

  “How does it work? Will it hurt?”

  Mikael seemed amused by her second question. “The tattoo will be burnt away by magic. That’s the only way to erase the magic ingrained in the ink. It’s a painful procedure. No pain no gain, eh?” He took a deep gulp from his mug.

  “Will it still look the same?”

  “No, not quite. The magic of the tattoo can’t be removed without a sign. Here let me show you.”

  He loosened his shirt, lifted it up and turned his back to her. The tattoo was still visible but black instead of red. His had spread down his spine and over his shoulders before he’d removed the magic.

  “So everyone will know what I did? The Brotherhood will know I did something to the tattoo.”

  “They would if you showed them your back, but if you’ve been practicing magic your back will be proof for your crimes anyway. The procedure will stop the tattoo from burning or spreading.”

  “How much?” Darko asked.

  Nela stared at him. “I haven’t decided yet.” Had he forgotten what they’d discussed? She hadn’t made up her mind yet and wouldn’t let anyone, least of all him, pressure her into a decision.

  He rolled his eyes. “Your tattoo will spread. This is your only option.”

  “I need more time to think about it.”

  Mikael took his mug and rose from the chair. “I’ll leave you two to your squabbling.”

  The moment he was gone, Darko hissed. “Nela, why are you being so stubborn? You need to do this. Your tattoo will kill you if you don’t.”

  She knew he had a point, but somehow this seemed like a final decision. Of course she’d decided her path the first time she’d performed magic on purpose, but this was something else entirely. And she wasn’t sure what to think about Mikael. She didn’t trust him enough to let him perform magic on her body. “I’ll decide soon.”

  Darko shook his head. “Soon.”

  ***

  Nela could barely keep her eyes open. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept through a night. If she wasn’t meeting Darko for magic lessons – which was the case twice a week – she couldn’t sleep because her back was burning or because she was worrying about her mother who snuck out to heal people. Tonight Darko wanted to meet her later than usual. She rubbed her arms as she waited for him around the corner. Usually he was always on time, but she’d been waiting for him for fifteen minutes.

  Had something happened to him? She was surprised by the worry she felt. She still didn’t trust him completely, was confused by his true reasons for teaching her. Sometimes she wondered if maybe he was lonely and looking for someone to connect to.

  Someone turned the corner, and the long black coat and his long strides gave Darko away. Nela walked up to him. “Where’s your motorcycle?”

  “I walked,” he said. His voice was hoarse and his eyes sunken in as if he’d been awake for two days straight. “Hey,” she whispered, touching his arm. He didn’t pull back for once. “Are you okay? We don’t have to practice tonight if you don’t feel up to it.”

  “No, I’m fine,” he said quietly. “A
nd I need this. I…” He shook his head.

  She waited. He looked like he wanted to say more, like he might finally be willing to open up to her. She still didn’t know anything about his family or why he was in Cologne, or even what he did all night that made him look so exhausted all the time.

  “I thought we could do something a little different tonight,” he said eventually.

  It wasn’t exactly what she’d hoped he would say, but she nodded. “Okay. And what do you want to do?”

  “I want to show you something. We’ll have to travel by shadow though. It’s quite a distance from here.”

  “Travel by shadow?”

  “Come on,” Darko said as he led her toward a part of the sidewalk that wasn’t illuminated by the streetlamp. They stood close together. “I have to gather the shadows around myself and they will carry me the distance I need to go.”

  “But won’t it take long?”

  “No, the shadow path doesn’t exist in this reality. It’s a place between this and the netherworld, a place that defies logic and time. And it doesn’t require a pentagram unlike other forms of travel.”

  “Sounds dangerous,” Nela said softly.

  “It would be if we lost our way. But I’ve done this many times. Nothing will happen.”

  Darko reached for her and pulled her toward him. This time she didn’t resist like she did when he first traveled with her to the Chandelier Hall. He wrapped his arms around her waist. She stared at his chest, resisting the urge to lean against it and close her eyes. Maybe she would finally find sleep like that. “Hold onto me. It wouldn’t be good if I lost you along the way.”

  She nodded, then tensed as she watched the shadows actually move, slithering over the ground toward them like snakes, gathering around them until darkness was all that was left. The ground dropped away beneath their feet and Nela gasped. Shadows swirled around them as they were tucked into all directions. She could hardly breathe. It felt like she was in a free fall tower, only that it moved in all directions all at once. Her stomach tightened. She pressed her hands against Darko’s chest to steady herself. She could feel his heart beating against her palms. It was steady and calm. She forced herself to focus on the feel of it. The air, if it was even air, was cold around them and it hurt in her lungs. Her feet hit the ground and her legs gave way. Her stomach dropped and for a moment she was sure she’d throw up but Darko didn’t let go of her. She was glad; she wasn’t sure she could have stood.

  “Nela?” he asked gently, trying to glance down at her face.

  She raised her head. “I’m…”

  “Don’t say fine,” he said. “You look horrible.”

  “Thanks,” she said with a weak smile. She pressed her eyes shut. “Just give me a moment. That was horrible.”

  He pushed a few strands out of her face and they both tensed. She looked at him and he quickly stepped back but held onto her arms. “It’ll get better in time. The first time I tried this, I puked. But it’s the fastest way to travel.”

  “Maybe you could teach me,” she said. Even if she didn’t even want to think about doing it again, she knew it could come in handy at some point.

  Darko let go of her arms but remained close. “I don’t think that will work. To call the shadows upon yourself you need to harbor darkness.”

  She frowned. “What does that mean?”

  “Let’s just say, you need to have experienced more pain and loss and hatred than you want.” His voice had gone rough and he wasn’t looking at her.

  “And you have?” He didn’t react at first, then he turned to her with a frozen smile. “Let’s not talk about the past right now. I want to show you something.”

  They were on a small hill overlooking a vast expanse of land. The lights of a village lay below. Behind them ragged stones rose up, like giants against the night sky. The moon was bright and it reflected off the dark stone. “Where are we?”

  “It’s the Teufelsmauer.”

  Nela frowned. She wondered if he meant something by taking her to a place called the Devil’s Wall. “I’ve never heard of a place like that before.”

  “We’re in central Germany, and the rock formation is called Teufelsmauer. It’s an important place for witches. But I suppose the Brotherhood doesn’t like our kind to talk about it.”

  Darko headed for narrow steps that led up the rocks. Nela followed him until they reached the very top. The view from there was even more breathtaking. Darko sank down on a flat stone at the edge of the rock formation and Nela sat beside him. “What happened here?”

  “A huge battle went down near the Teufelsmauer.” He pointed at the land below, between the village and the rock formation. “It was the only time that the Brotherhood had been defeated on a bigger scale. Ever since that day the victorious group of witches has been living in the village bordering the rock formation.”

  “That’s where the lights are,” Nela said.

  “Yeah. It’s called Weddersleben. A town that’s inhabited by our kind only. Nobody that doesn’t belong can set foot into the village. It’s protected by heavy charms and it’s one of the few places where witches live freely. Of course they live completely secluded from humans and others of their kind. They’re living in their own small bubble of peace.”

  From their point of view, the village looked perfectly normal. Nela couldn’t believe she’d never heard of Weddersleben. You couldn’t tell that it was a magical community. Why weren’t more witches living there?

  “Why don’t they grant asylum to more witches? They could save so many.”

  Darko’s expression darkened. “Some say the village doesn’t have any room for more inhabitants, others say the witches of Weddersleben made a pact with the Brotherhood; they would be left to their own devices and not prosecuted if they didn’t take in more witches and if they helped the Brotherhood occasionally.”

  “Help the Brotherhood?” Nela asked. “With the spells in the tattoos? I thought those were created by witches under torture.”

  Darko shrugged. “Who knows? Some people think this place is called Teufelsmauer because the witches of Weddersleben made a pact with the devil – the Brotherhood – to protect themselves. Most humans, of course, think it’s because the witches made a pact with the devil to defeat the Brotherhood. It’s all a matter of perspective.”

  Nela looked at the beautiful lights of the city with new eyes. Where those people traitors? Or just recluses out of necessity? “Do you really think the witches of Weddersleben would betray their kind and work for the Brotherhood? How could anyone do that?”

  “It’s the only thing that makes sense. Someone has to provide them with food,” Darko said quietly. “And they wouldn’t be the first witches who’d betrayed their kind to save their own hide or get a favor from the Brotherhood. People are bad, witches and humans alike.”

  “Not all of them. Some people would rather die than betray the ones they love. I would.”

  Darko faced her. “Fear changes things. Few are strong enough to resist. Many don’t even try.”

  “And what about you? Do you think you would have the strength to resist if the Brotherhood got their hands on you?”

  “I know that I would never help them. No matter what they did, I’d never betray our kind.”

  “You sound sure. Why are sure you can resist but doubt me? Do you think I’m weaker because I’m a girl?” She knew the Brotherhood and also the majority of witches believed women to be the weaker sex.

  “It’s got nothing to do with you being a girl and me being a guy,” he said fiercely. “But I went through hell once and I didn’t break. There’s nothing the Brotherhood can do to me now that could be worse.”

  Nela couldn’t speak. There was so much pain in his eyes. What had the Brotherhood done to him? What had they taken from him? She reached for his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Darko swallowed. “No.” He squeezed her hand and his voice softened. “I can’t. Not yet.”

  “It�
�s okay,” she said quickly. They gazed at each other for a moment, then they turned back to the stretch of land and the village below them. Nela’s eyelids felt heavy and she put her head down on Darko’s shoulder. Some time later, his head touched hers and his breathing evened. Then she, too, fell asleep.

  When she woke, a few hours must have passed because the sun was rising. Darko’s head wasn’t resting on hers anymore, and at some point hers had moved down to his leg. Darko was stroking her hair. He stopped as if he knew she was awake and she had no choice but to sit up. “I’m sorry for sleeping on your leg,” she said, embarrassed. His hair was a mess and his eyes hooded with sleep.

  “Actually,” he said in a surprised voice. “I slept too. I woke a few minutes before you did. I can’t remember the last time I slept without nightmares.”

  “Me neither,” she admitted. The sky glowed orange and yellow above their heads. Suddenly they were so close, minds still sluggish with sleep. Nela knew they had to leave soon. She couldn’t risk her parents noticing that she wasn’t in bed, but for now she wanted to relish in this moment of peace. Who knew how many more there would be in the future?

  Chapter 15

  Nela took her second helping of pancakes. She wasn’t hungry anymore, but her mother looked exhausted, probably from a long night of helping people, and Nela wanted to make her happy. Even her father wasn’t hiding behind his newspaper for once, instead he, too, was digging in.

  “It’s delicious, Mom,” Nela said.

  Her mother gave her a tired smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her skin looked ashen. She was doing too much. Nela would have to talk to her later when they were alone. Of course it was kind of hypocritical of her to tell her mother to stay in bed at night and get some sleep when Nela herself was spending two nights per week awake, practicing magic with Darko.

  The bell rang. Today wasn’t a school day, so it couldn’t be Oskar or Finja. Her father rose from his chair, but whoever was at the door was impatient. They hammered against the door as if they were going to take it down. “Get the door, please,” Nela’s mother said tonelessly.