Between the Shadow and the Soul

by Susanne Winnacker

  He didn’t say anything, simply stared intently at the candle. Nela looked around at the other graves. In the farthest part of the witch cemetery, she could make out a plot without gravestones or flowers. A metal plaque gleamed on the ground.

  “It’s where witches and wizards are buried who were burnt at the stake –

  or what’s left of them anyway. It always happens at night.” Darko nodded toward the far right, close to the stonewall where the earth was disrupted and grass hadn’t grown yet. “That’s probably the woman we saw at the stake.” His voice was hollow, not at all what she was used to. She searched his face but he gave nothing away. The tingling in her skin had grown increasingly worse and the more she focused on it and on the people buried around her, the stronger the pull seemed to get. It was almost as if she was connected to the dead by an invisible line. She wondered what would happen if she tugged at those lines. She quickly drew back from this thought. She couldn’t risk it.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked quietly, turning away from his sister’s grave to face her. They were both still kneeling, their legs touching.

  She couldn’t tell him what she’d been thinking, not while they were next to his sister’s grave. What if she’d woken her by accident? The memory of the whining cat still haunted her. How much worse would it be with a human?

  “Nothing,” she said quickly, but that was stupid thing to say. She exhaled and leaned her forehead against Darko’s shoulder. “No. I don’t know if I want to go home tonight. I don’t know if I want to see my father after what he did today.”

  “He’s probably worried about you. I think it would be good if you tried to talk to him again. He’s your family.” It almost sounded as if he’d wanted to say ‘your only family’ and Nela’s stomach tightened at the realization that it could become the truth if she didn’t find a way to save her mother.

  “Talk to him, and I’ll ask my Master if he knows a way to get your mother out of the Witch Tower, or any other way to save her.”

  Nela nodded. He was right. She couldn’t run away from her father forever and they could both get in trouble if their Brotherhood guard noticed she didn’t come home. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and switched it on. She’d turned it off before the trial and hadn’t looked at it ever since. She had eight missed calls and four new messages. Seven of the calls were from her father. The other missed call and the messages were from Finja, asking her to call her back and wanting to know if she was alright. She’d been a bad friend to Finja in the last few weeks. She’d been wrapped up in her mother’s trial and Darko.

  “Okay,” she said. She straightened. Darko glanced at his sister’s grave once more. “I can call a taxi. You can stay here if you want.”

  “No,” he said. “I should bring you home.”

  Nela could tell that he needed some time alone at his sister’s grave. “Honestly, Darko. I want you to stay here. I’m a big girl. I can find my way home alone.” He peered up at her. She couldn’t quite read him, but there was tenderness on his face that much she could tell. She gave him a quick smile and a peck on the lips before she slipped away. When she arrived at the end of the path, she glanced back to him. He was bent forward, his face buried in his palms. She hesitated, contemplating to go back. Then she turned and hurried away. He needed a moment to himself, and she was too weighed down by her own worries to be much of a consolation anyway.

  And the selfish part of her hoped he’d go to his Master soon. Darko always talked about the man with so much respect and reverence, maybe he knew something about the Witch Tower that would help them.

  She hailed a taxi, ignoring the way the man eyed her. “Human?” he barked suddenly, startling her.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Are you human?”

  She stared back at his unshaven face in the rearview mirror. “Yes,” she said evenly. The lie slipped easily from her lips. She was glad that witches weren’t forced to wear any symbols openly that gave them away. The man narrowed his eyes briefly before he finally drove off. She looked out of the window. If she kept her attention on the taxi driver, she’d lose it. She shouldn’t have to lie about who she was. Why did he even care?

  But she’d heard it before. These things were happening more often. People like him were the reason why her mother would burn at the stake. She sucked in a quick breath. Magic was tingling in her fingertips. She had to reign it in, even if she wanted to lose control, wanted to see what she was capable off now that the tattoo didn’t hold her back.

  Eventually, they pulled up in front of her house and she got out. The Brotherhood guard was leaning against his car on the other side of the street. She wasn’t sure why they were still bothering. After all, her mother’s trial was over. They couldn’t do worse than sentence her to death. Unless they were looking for a way to get Nela and her father into the Witch Tower as well.

  She slipped into her home and closed the door. Her father didn’t have to worry about it. He was squeaky clean. The lights were still on in the living room and Nela considered hurrying upstairs before he could notice her.

  “Nela?” he called. She lingered in the hallway. “Finja is here.”

  Nela rushed into the living room, half expecting it to be a trick, but her best friend was indeed sitting in an armchair, watching a quiz show on TV with Nela’s father. The scene was so absurd that laughter threatened to bubble up. She swallowed it. “What are you doing here?”

  Finja crossed the room and threw her arms around Nela. “I was so worried about you. You didn’t pick up your phone. I had to see you.”

  “But it’s so late. Won’t your parents worry?”

  “It’s only 8.30.”

  Nela’s gaze darted to the watch in surprise. She would have thought it was close to midnight. Her body felt as if it were that late. She could feel her father’s reproachful gaze on her but she avoided looking his way.

  “We’re up in my room,” she said. She led Finja upstairs. Her father didn’t try to stop them. Part of her was worried, but mostly she felt relieved that she wouldn’t have to confront him tonight. It had been a long day.

  She and Finja sank down on her bed, and for a while neither of them spoke.

  “You smell weird. Like herbs and something sharper,” Finja whispered.

  Nela tensed. Reflexively, she wanted to reach for her back instead she pretended to brush away her unruly hair. She couldn’t tell Finja about the tattoo. “It’s just something to calm my nerves.”

  She could tell that Finja didn’t buy the lie. “Were you with Darko?”

  “Yeah. I had to get away from my dad.”

  “You could have come to me,” Finja said quietly, a hint of hurt in her voice. Nela wrapped her arm around her friend. “I know, but I didn’t want to get you in trouble. Your family is already risking so much by staying in contact with us despite everything. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “What about Darko? He could get in trouble too.” Nela heard the unasked question too. Why are you choosing him over me?

  Nela laughed. “He’s been in trouble long before he met me.”

  “I don’t want to lose you. You’ve been so quiet lately. I know you’ve had a lot on your plate but I feel like there’s a lot you’re not telling me.”

  “I want to protect you.”

  Finja frowned. “I don’t need protection.” She paused. “How are you? Your dad talked to my parents this afternoon. He told us everything. I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t know how I feel,” Nela admitted. “Angry, mostly. And terrified. I can’t believe they want to burn my mom.” Her chin began to quiver. Finja nodded jerkily, tears filling her eyes. She hugged Nela. “I wish there was something we could do. It’s so unfair.”

  “I won’t let it happen,” Nela said in a bare whisper.

  Finja drew back. “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing.” Nela wiped away her tears.

  Finja was still staring at her. “There’s nothing you can
do, you know that, right?”

  “Of course.” This lie wasn’t as good as the one she’d given the taxi driver.

  “Nela,” Finja said in an imploring voice, grasping Nela’s hands tightly. “You have to promise me not to do anything stupid.”

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  “It would be madness to try anything. You’d need an army to free your mother.”

  An army of dead maybe.

  Chapter 27

  The Master didn’t say anything. He was sipping the last of his ox blood, peering at Darko over the rim of his mug. Darko knew his Master was furious at him for wanting to help Nela.

  “I told you to reign in your emotions,” Master Valentine said in a hoarse voice. The shadows beneath his eyes had darkened even more and he had trouble walking. “You have come to care for the girl. For our medium, even though I warned you not to!”

  Darko knew he shouldn’t care about Nela. After all, she was just a means to an end. He’d tried to tell himself that so often, but the words sounded hollow.

  “Will this be a problem for us?” The Master pushed himself off his chair, clutching at the workbench for balance. His pale eyes bored into Darko like spears.

  “No. It won’t. You know I want my sister back more than anything in the world.” That was at least how it had been ever since her death, but a couple of hours ago when he’d been with Nela at his sister’s grave something had changed.

  “Do you really think this thing between you two could last? There’s too much darkness in you, Darko. Eventually she’ll realize it and flee. And what have you then? Nothing. Don’t risk our plan for this girl.”

  He averted his eyes. The Master was right. He wasn’t a good guy. He’d killed many men because his Master had told him to. He’d killed for revenge too. He was a monster, or he wouldn’t still be considering sacrificing her. “I won’t risk our plan. I want my sister back.” And even if he wanted Nela more than he wanted his sister, that wouldn’t change the fact that he still had a debt to pay back. He owed it to his sister. He couldn’t live with himself if he gave her up because of his sudden feelings for a girl he barely knew. Guilt flowed through him but he squelched it. “Can you at least help me find a way to free her mother? I need to show Nela that I care about her or I might lose her trust.”

  “I don’t see how saving her mother would help us.”

  “Please, Master. The death of her mother might cause her to do something irrational. We could lose her.”

  “Even I can’t do anything about the Witch Tower as you very well know. I could maybe break the magical wards or at least disrupt them if I was in control of a demon, but I’m not.”

  “There has to be another way. What about when they take her to the cathedral?”

  “There are too many people around the stake. You won’t get away. And the magical wards around the Cologne cathedral make magic near impossible.”

  The Master slumped back down on his stool, stroking his pointy chin with a contemplative expression. “When the guards leave the Witch Tower with her mother, before they board the car that takes them to the cathedral, that might be a good moment. Still highly unlikely to succeed. If you got yourself caught, I’d not only lose my apprentice but also the medium for my ritual and thus my life.”

  “We won’t get caught. I wouldn’t risk it.”

  Master Valentine looked doubtful. “If she were a trained necromancer, your chances would be better. But as it is, the two of you against at least three guards and possibly more who will come out of the Witch Tower to help.” He shook his head. “I don’t see how you could manage it. You can’t attack them with magic since they’re protected by charms. You could try to shoot them. But it’s difficult to get guns, especially for our kind, and neither you, nor the girl have ever shot a gun, so you’d probably end up shooting her mother by accident. You’d need to attack them with knives to make sure you hit your target, but you’d need more people for that. I really don’t see how you could get close to the guards and her mother without getting yourself and the girl killed. It would be foolish to go through with it. You better try to stop her.”

  Darko knew there was no way he could argue Nela out of saving her mother. She didn’t care about the risk to her life.

  ***

  Nela lay awake in her bed. She’d hoped Darko would have sent her a message about his talk with his Master by now. Finja had left two hours ago and it was now way past midnight, but she didn’t feel tired. She couldn’t stop thinking about Finja’s comment about an army.

  The air changed and the pentagram she’d painted on the ground glowed blue. A moment later, Darko appeared in it. His eyelids were heavy and he didn’t smile. She sat up in bed. “And?” it burst out of her.

  Darko quietly slipped out of his shoes and jacket, and lay down beside her. “The Master doesn’t think there’s a way for us to succeed.”

  Nela felt her hope deflate. “But there has to be a way.”

  “He thinks our only chance would be to take the guards by surprise when they’re leading your mother from the Witch Tower to their car. But we would need more people to fight them since we can’t use magic.”

  “An army,” Nela said more to herself than to him, but he propped himself up on his elbows.

  “An army?” His dark brows drew together. She leaned forward and kissed him, her mind briefly flashing to the contraception potion hidden in her coat pocket. “We could use the dead.”

  Darko sat up. “Nela, you’ve never raised a person before. It requires an extraordinary amount of control, which you’re lacking. And I can’t teach you. I’m not a necromancer.”

  “Maybe we don’t need humans. I already brought back a cat.”

  “I don’t think cats are going to help us with armed Brotherhood guards.”

  “We could use dogs. If we choose big dogs, they could injure the guards seriously and they would distract them.”

  “An army of dead dogs would definitely scare those bastards shitless.” A dark smile curled Darko’s lips but then he looked at Nela. “But where are we going to get so many dead dogs? And how are you going to control them? You couldn’t even control one cat.”

  Nela lowered her face. “I know. But maybe we could practice. There’s a pet cemetery nearby. We could go there and let me practice on smaller dogs first.” She had to suppress a shudder at the thought. What if the same thing happened as with the cat? “And we could steal a few carcasses where you got the cat.”

  Darko seemed to contemplate that. “It could work, though it still sounds insane. How long do we have until your mother’s burning?”

  Nela flinched. “I don’t know. They didn’t say at the trial.”

  “Usually, you get a written notice. It should arrive tomorrow morning at the latest. That’s how they usually do it.”

  “Okay. I’ll ask my father.” So far she’d managed to avoid him, thanks to Finja’s presence and her own ability to pretend she was fast asleep. “So we’re going to practice tomorrow?”

  “We will,” he promised, then yawned and let his head fall back on her pillow. Nela was too excited about their new plan to fall asleep but she snuggled against him and put her head on his chest.

  His breathing evened and she let her own eyes fall shut when he suddenly spoke into the darkness. “I didn’t tell you everything about the day they killed my parents.”

  Nela propped herself up, staring down at him. It was hard do make out much with only the moonlight streaming through the drapes. His muscles were taut under her fingertips.

  “I know,” she said simply. “But you can tell me.”

  “I’m a monster, Nela. I’ve done horrible things and enjoyed them. You will hate me if I tell you.”

  She brought her face close to his and between kisses she whispered, “Tell me. Nothing you did will make me despise you, I promise.” She realized it was a promise she couldn’t give.

  Darko had to know it too because his body became rigid. He stared up at the ceilin
g for a long time until finally the tension leaked out of him as if he was surrendering himself to his fate. She traced his jaw with her fingertips but he caught her hand and pressed it against his chest. “Don’t,” he said softly. “Or I can’t tell you.”

  She rested her chin against his shoulder, but he wasn’t returning her gaze. His eyes were focused on the ceiling, or maybe something way beyond.

  “Remember how I told you that I saved my sister and myself from drowning that day?”

  Nela nodded, though she wasn’t sure if he even noticed. He seemed too far away. His voice grew even softer. “When I was down there on the ground with all the cold water around me and I saw the shapes of all those people hovering above the surface, watching us die, I felt a fury I had never felt before. It was almost painful but at the same time it felt exhilarating, empowering. It was as if I could feel my magic multiplying in my body. I was sure I would burst from the pressure, but instead the chains binding me to the rock started burning and exploded. I only had a few scratches and as I hovered in the water, I saw my sister floating in front of me, eyes closed. She looked almost peaceful. I swam toward her and destroyed her chains. It was as if my anger made them crumble and then I swam to the surface. My sister hung limply in my grasp. The villagers were still gathered around the lake and they were shouting at us. They were like an angry mob. Furious that we wouldn’t die like they wanted us to. Three of them were coming our way in a boat. For a brief moment I thought they’d changed their mind and would help us to the shore. I was so stupid.” He laughed but it was shaky. Nela curled her fingers to a fist. She wanted to touch his cheek, but knew he wouldn’t want her to.

  “But there were new chains in the boat and people started shouting. They wanted to burn us. They thought we’d survived because water couldn’t kill demons. I let them pull my sister and me onto the boat and then I embraced the darkness that wanted to consume me. I remembered my parents’ cries, the smell of their burnt flesh, and I focused all that emotion on the three men in the boat with us. One of them burst into flames on the spot and went overboard. It took a while before his screams were drowned out by the water. The other two tried to smash my head in with an iron rod, but instead the rod wrapped around the older man’s neck and crushed it. And the last man, I choked him with the chain he wanted to tie me up with.” He licked his lips. “My sister was coughing. I hadn’t even realized she was conscious. But I ignored her. I steered the boat toward the shore. Most villagers had fled by now, but a few men with torches were left. I crushed their bodies with my anger. They fell to the ground, every single bone in their bodies broken. But two of them were still alive, choking on their blood. I walked past them and followed the other villagers to their houses. I killed them all. Only the small children I left alive. Then I returned to the beach where my sister was waiting among the crushed bodies of the men. Her eyes were vacant, but I didn’t realize back then that my actions had caused that look on her face. I felt relieved. I didn’t feel the slightest bit of pity for the people I’d killed. I still don’t regret killing them. I don’t even know how I did it. I’ve never done this amount of dark magic again since then. But I would do it again if I had to. They got what they deserved. But I regret that my sister saw me like that. It broke her. It’s my fault she killed herself.” He fell silent for a moment, then he finally met her gaze, his eyes like black mirrors in the dark of her room. His walls were up. “I told you I’m a monster.” He began to untangle himself from her and the blankets.