Making Mistakes
The Sequel to Playing Games
Candace Wondrak
© 2019 Candace Wondrak
All Rights Reserved.
Book cover by Victoria Schaefer at Eve’s Garden of Eden – A Cover Group
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Chapter One – Kelsey
Chapter Two – Levi
Chapter Three – Kelsey
Chapter Four – Levi
Chapter Five – Kelsey
Chapter Six – Levi
Chapter Seven – Kelsey
Chapter Eight – Kelsey
Chapter Nine – Levi
Chapter Ten – Kelsey
Chapter Eleven – Levi
Chapter Twelve – Kelsey
Chapter Thirteen – Kelsey
Chapter Fourteen – Levi
Chapter Fifteen – Kelsey
Chapter Sixteen – Kelsey
Chapter Seventeen – Levi
Chapter Eighteen – Kelsey
Chapter Nineteen – Levi
Chapter Twenty – Kelsey
Chapter Twenty-One – Kelsey
Chapter Twenty-Two – Levi
Chapter Twenty-Three - Epilogue – Kelsey
Chapter One – Kelsey
Crying was so…gross. Your nose got stuffed up, your eyes got all puffy and watery, and when you breathed you sounded like you were hyperventilating. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I felt like such utter shit—worth less than the actual dog crap you frantically try to scrape off the bottom of your shoe after you accidentally step in it.
I fucked my best friend’s crush while in love with another guy.
I was a terrible person, it was simple. A terrible, horrible person who didn’t deserve to have friends at this point. No friends, no love, no happiness. I should be miserable forever and always for this.
God, I’d known that dick was wrong when it was in me, but now…now I knew just how wrong. I knew, and I hated myself more than ever for it.
I’d been thrown out, basically. Which was fine, I understood why none of the other guys wanted to look at me. After all, how could I be Ash’s best friend while fucking one of the guys she liked? Declan brought me to the dorm, let me get my stuff, and then I was out of there, trying to hold it together. Trying to keep it together. Trying with a desperate, frantic heart to not break down as I made the long drive back home.
It’s where I was now. Home. My car was off, the lights off too. It was dark, but I’d driven through most of the night, so dawn would arrive soon, gracing the world with its light and extra warmth.
I could really use some warmth right about now, because I just felt so utterly cold after what I did.
I stared at the dashboard of my rust bucket, the one reliable thing in my life, my beaten-up, shitty car. Go fucking figure. My family and friends I couldn’t count on, nor could I be there for them because all I ever did was fuck up. I couldn’t count on Levi, because he was an ass, like the rest of them.
Damn it. Why’d I have to go and complicate things by falling in love? I didn’t want love. The last thing I wanted was to fall head over heels for someone, so hard and so fast that every breath I took reminded me of them.
My eyes were watery, and I was waiting for them to get their shit together—AKA get my own shit together—before getting out and going inside. Mom and Dad were probably still sleeping. I couldn’t help but wonder if they each claimed different rooms in the house now that they were divorcing, or if one of them was already in the process of looking for another place to stay.
Shit, shit, shit. No, don’t think about that. Think about something else. That’ll only make you more upset.
It was easy to tell myself to think of something else, a lot harder to actually force my mind away from my problems. I reached for my phone, and through blurry eyes, I texted Ash that I’d made it home. I doubted she’d respond. She hadn’t responded to any of my other texts or calls so far, not after she told me she went home with someone, that she couldn’t even look at me right now.
Not once in my life had I ever felt this awful. I knew I made mistakes in the past, making mistakes was kind of my pastime, but this? This was on a whole different level. This was the very definition of a shitty friend.
I, Kelsey Yates, was a shitty friend and an even worse girl for any guy to be with. Maybe I should just keep my legs closed.
Where the hell would be the fun with that, though? Sex was awesome. It was fun. It was a good stress release when you had nothing else to do. But, apparently, it was only awesome and fun and all that shit when you did it with someone who wasn’t caught in a fucking love pentagon with your best friend. Who knew?
I heaved a sigh, leaning my head back on the headrest. I’d pretty much bawled my eyes out on the drive back, not that I was proud of it, so my head throbbed like a bitch. I really needed some Advil and some sleep—although what I needed above all else was a time machine, so I could stop myself from making such a stupid mistake.
Guilt. Not once in my life had I ever felt guilty for doing the things I did. I just did them. I was the wild child, the friend who went off the rails. I did shit without even blinking, but this…this was on another level. This was so much worse. To say I was wallowing in self-loathing would be the year’s biggest understatement.
It was utterly ridiculous. I didn’t wallow, I never hated myself.
I did now.
It was funny, in a more ironic sort of way, how time could change you. Time was unyielding and unstoppable, and it changed everyone, even me.
Fuck. I felt really, really bad, and I knew this feeling wouldn’t go away anytime soon.
It was as the beginning hints of dawn graced the skies, the black, starry night sky slowly giving way to lighter purples and blues, that I heaved myself out of the car and grabbed my bag. I still wore the same outfit I wore last night, my cheap devil outfit.
Well, if the horns fit…
Not that my outfit had horns. I wasn’t that into it. Halloween could fuck off and never return, and I’d be just fine.
Once I got my key out, I slowly moved to the front door, my head pounding. If I slipped inside and made it to my room without waking anyone, that would be great. Fewer questions to answer—though it was the weekend, so my parents both had off. They’d surely ask me questions once I was able to get up.
Fuck it. Maybe I’d just sleep the entire day away, and then, super late tonight, I’d have Mom drive me back. It was Sunday, so I did have classes tomorrow. Classes my parents would not be happy to know I was missing.
The only good thing about fucking up so badly was it sobered me up completely. The only reason my head pounded right now was from the crying. I hated being so emotional, such a fucking mess. If I could’ve slapped myself and told myself to get over it, I would have.
Things were not so easy, though.
With my bag over my shoulder, I inched inside the house, closing the door behind me and locking it as quietly as humanly possible. It was still early; too early for my parents to be up, no matter what their sleeping arrangemen
ts were. My feet drew me to the steps, and I tiptoed up, not making a peep as I found my way to my old room.
My room. Like it’d been ages since I’d been in it. Totally an exaggeration, since it wasn’t that long ago I’d tried to come home, only to leave again when I heard that my parents were divorcing.
If you wanted someone who made good decisions, don’t come to me. I made bad ones all the time, and at this rate, it didn’t look like I was going to stop.
I dropped my bag near my bed, collapsing on top. It took far too much energy for me to get my lazy, tired, weary ass under those covers after kicking off my shoes. If I could blot out the entire world and pretend everything was fine and dandy, that’d be great. Alas, I didn’t have such superpowers. Didn’t have any superpowers, actually. I was lame. Lame and stupid.
I tried to shut my mind off, to sleep away this throbbing headache that threatened to escalate into a full-blown migraine, but my mind refused to ceasefire, even with blankets piled over my head, a world of darkness around me. The sun would fully rise in an hour or so, but under these thick blankets, I wouldn’t know the difference.
Mom and Dad would see the rust bucket parked outside, so they’d know I came home. Hopefully they wouldn’t barge in and demand to know details—they’d never been quite like that as parents, but I was starting to realize I might not know my parents as well as I thought I did. I thought they were happy, but they weren’t. Maybe they were nosy but just didn’t know how to show it.
I didn’t want to think about Mom and Dad, and I sure as shit didn’t want to think about what I’d done. There was no safe place for my mind to roam, so I settled on something, someone, I shouldn’t.
Levi.
Things were too messy. We’d both made mistakes, and some of those mistakes you couldn’t come back from. How he hurt Mel…that wasn’t something you could just forgive. I could handle it when I thought he’d taped us together—I was pissed, but I could’ve maybe worked through it—but finding out everything with Dean, how Mel had nearly killed herself last year because of what happened, I just couldn’t.
There was no coming back for us. No me and him. Some mistakes weren’t meant to be forgiven or forgotten. I would not be that chick who got together with a guy who obviously hurt other people like it was nothing. Levi was no better than Dean.
And Dean…ugh, don’t even get me started on that fuckboy. He needed to get a swift punch in the dick, and then some. Frankly, a dick punch wouldn’t be enough. There was no amount of pain that would ever right the wrongs that one had committed.
Who knew college was as full of drama as high school? Here I used to think that once I started college, the cliques and all the useless shit that made up high school would be a thing of the past. But you know what? People didn’t change, and neither did the way they acted. There would always be dickwads out there; their faces just got a little more handsome with each passing day.
I must’ve eventually dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I heard my door creak open, soft footsteps on the carpet as someone entered my room. “I’m surprised you’re back so early,” my mom’s voice filled the room, causing my aching head to pound even harder. “Do you want some breakfast?”
Breakfast? It’d only been a few hours then. Shit, I really needed to close my eyes and go to sleep, get this growing migraine to head for the hills, and cleanse my brain of last night’s events.
“No,” I muttered, not hungry. So unlike me, I knew, but the mere thought of stuffing food down my gullet made me want to puke. Or maybe that was just the stress mixed with the bit of alcohol I’d drank last night. I didn’t even drink that much, I didn’t think.
Then again, clearly I wasn’t the best judge of things, so I supposed you should take that with a grain of salt.
“Okay,” Mom spoke, sounding as if she didn’t really believe me. “Well, if you change your mind, just let me or your father know, okay?”
Though she couldn’t see me, because I was still under the covers and refused to leave them, I rolled my eyes. I knew my way around the kitchen. I might not be a chef, I might barely know how to boil water, but hey, if I was that hungry, I’d find something. I didn’t need their help. The one thing I wanted right now was to be alone—was that too much to ask?
My mom didn’t ask about last night, thank God. She didn’t linger to ask about Ash, either. My mom knew better. She simply left my room, gently closing the door behind her. Once she was gone, I let out a sigh.
I had a feeling I’d be doing a lot of sighing these next few days…or until I forgave myself for what I did.
Fuck that. Who needed forgiveness when self-loathing came so easily?
Chapter Two – Levi
This wasn’t the first time I’d made the walk across campus, heading to Kelsey’s dorm building. It was the first time, however, that I didn’t turn around sometime during the walk. I walked to her dorm late Friday night, which was stupid because I knew she wouldn’t be there. Saturday, I knew it would be a stretch for her to be home so soon, but I walked anyway—twice, turning around at the halfway point each time.
Kelsey didn’t want to see me, that much was obvious, but for whatever reason, I just couldn’t let it be. I couldn’t let things go on like this. I might’ve held back before, kept the truth from her thinking it wouldn’t help, but now? Now I said fuck it to everything. What did any of it matter if I didn’t have her?
It didn’t.
Nothing mattered without Kelsey.
It was bizarre of me to admit that, because a few months ago, the only thing on my mind was keeping to myself and getting through this last year at SCC before I transferred to a different college. Now? Now the last thing on my mind was transferring. I knew that had been the plan all throughout high school—my mom’s plan for me, really—but now I couldn’t even think about leaving this campus and not seeing Kelsey again.
Maybe that’s why I hurt so much inside. This girl had caught me in her web, which was ridiculous in and of itself because no girl had ever even come close to catching me, and now I was helpless when it came to her. The thought of Kelsey not being in my life was one of the most awful thoughts I could think of.
I needed her. I needed her like the air I breathed. She made my heart beat with meaning, with a purpose. I couldn’t let that go. Call me obsessive, call me insane, I didn’t care. I just couldn’t let that girl go, not while knowing she hated me for what I did, for what mess I dragged her into.
It was midday on Sunday when I finally had the guts to make it all the way to her dorm, to walk through those front sliding doors and head straight to the elevator. I got on, punched the third-floor button, and let the doors close. She might not be home still, but she could be. There was a chance.
Of course, I was aware that I could wait until Tuesday to see her, when we had our bio lab together, but I couldn’t imagine myself waiting that long. I couldn’t picture letting these strange, conflicted feelings drag out so long. I needed to make things right when it came to Kelsey. I needed her to know that everything I said to her, everything we did, wasn’t fake. None of it was a lie.
And that…that’s probably why I felt so hollow inside. I’d given a piece of myself to that girl unknowingly, and she’d taken it, stomped on it, all out rejected it once everything came to light—which was much deserved. After that, though, she hadn’t returned the piece. She still had it, tucked away, and I needed her to know that I wasn’t going to give up.
Levi Harlen did not ever give up.
As the elevator doors opened and I walked off, I made a mental promise to myself that if she wasn’t back now, I’d try again tonight. And if she wasn’t back when I swung around tonight, then I’d camp out in front of her fucking door all day tomorrow until I saw her. She couldn’t avoid me forever.
First, I knew, she’d have to come back to campus, so one step at a time.
My legs drew me down the hall, stopping me in front of her door. My right hand curled into a fist, and I lifted it, abo
ut to knock. Hesitation coursed through me, and deep down I knew why. The most hidden, secret parts of me hesitated because I was afraid.
Afraid of rejection. Afraid that, no matter what I did or what I said, Kelsey would never take me back. Absolutely terrified that she would look at me with such hatred and contempt that I didn’t know how I’d live with myself after.
Stupid. I didn’t get afraid, especially when it came to a girl.
But that’s the thing—Kelsey wasn’t just some girl. She was it, the only one I wanted, the only one I needed. She marked the end of the old Levi and brought about a new me. A me that wanted to try to be better. A me that actually cared more than my overconfident swagger would suggest.
I heaved a giant breath, filling my lungs the exact moment I knocked.
The door opened, but it wasn’t Kelsey standing on the other side. I’d known all weekend that this could happen, that I’d stand face-to-face with Mel again, but still I hoped to avoid it. Looking at her face, seeing her frown, made me remember the things I did to her, every lie I’d told her.
Really, what I did with Mel was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life. I wasn’t proud of it, didn’t party it up with Sigma Chi the weeks after I broke her. How could I when I’d heard she had to drop out of her classes and go to rehab to be watched and, well, rehabilitated? At the time, Dean had acted like he didn’t even care, but I knew he did. He just drowned his feelings with booze and other girls. Me? I wasn’t like that. I could never be like that. I just wanted my time at SCC to be done.
And then Kelsey came strolling along, fucking up my plans. Fucking up me.
Mel looked pale when she saw me, her brown eyes narrowing and her lips turning into a frown. Her slender frame wore her usual leggings, and a long t-shirt that practically ended near her knees. She didn’t look healthy; her short blonde hair sticking every which way. With one hand on the doorknob, the other on the door frame, she eyed me up. “She’s not here, Levi.” The way she said my name, as if it was acid, almost made me flinch.
Making Mistakes: A College Bully Romance (Playing Games Book 2) Page 1
