But back to all of her messages and calls to Ash.
Ash was her friend who went to another school. Kelsey had told me about her in passing, mostly when she was complaining about Ash not being here because she got some scholarship to Hillcrest, a rich, hoity-toity fucking university that was stuck in the old ways. As in, male-only.
My gut churned when I glanced over the messages. It was a mostly one-sided conversation, with Kelsey being the one sending the messages. A lot of apologies, of groveling and…saying she didn’t know.
I had to lock the phone and look away as I wondered if something more happened that weekend she was gone. Did she get into more trouble she didn’t want to tell me? Did she and her friend get into a fight? Was it…was it over the guy Kelsey said she hooked up with? I didn’t read all of the texts, but…what else could they mean?
It was Friday, so I had some time before my first class. I should return this to her. When your phone was missing, it was like a piece of your soul was gone, too. Funny, because I felt like that now, knowing Kelsey had been with someone else. I wasn’t mad at her, because we weren’t together, but…
How could I not feel envious? How could I not be upset? I had every right to be, didn’t I?
Hmm. Would it be wrong of me to hold onto her phone for a bit? Probably. A good man would promptly return it and not make a big deal out of it, but I thought we all knew by now that I wasn’t a good man. I made mistakes too, I fucked up, just like Kelsey did.
I did wonder just what the hell she’d been doing out there. In the flowerbed, at night? Did she come here for me, to talk to me, to apologize for how bitchy she was and then change her mind? Who would say what was on that girl’s mind—I knew I couldn’t. I was no mind reader, but when it came to Kelsey, I really couldn’t predict where she was or why she did the things she did.
Even after all this time, I couldn’t tell where Kelsey’s mind was.
At least now I was smart enough to know that wasn’t a blessing. It was a curse.
The day passed in a blur, and Kelsey was on my mind more often than she wasn’t. I itched to see that girl again. Not only to give her phone back, but to talk to her. She could try to push me away, but I’d known it the first moment I saw her in lab after that weekend—something was wrong. Something had happened over the weekend, besides her hooking up. She could put up a prickly front all she wanted, but I’d get the truth out of her.
I would get the truth from her, and then make her see that we weren’t up for debate. Yes, I fucked up, but so did she. Yes, we’d probably make more mistakes down the line, but this? Going through the days without her? I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Late that night, with the battery in Kelsey’s phone at less than five percent—practically a death sentence in this day and age—I used her phone to text Mel. I didn’t say it was from me, but I said that I found this phone, to let its owner know I’d be in the student union tomorrow morning at ten waiting with the phone in my hand.
When Mel texted back asking who this was, I didn’t respond. I did wonder if Kelsey thought it was me, or possibly Dean. Either way, she would show. She wanted her phone back. She didn’t have the kind of money to replace it. Money was tight in her family, which she didn’t like to talk about. She definitely had some kind of complex when money was involved; accepting any gifts from anyone was viewed as a handout, and handouts to Kelsey were the worst thing ever invented.
Luckily, the house didn’t throw a party that night. There was one a few houses down, and that’s where most of my fraternity brothers went. Dean, however, stayed. He’d been staying in a lot lately, probably because his nose was still swollen and bruised. I steered clear of him any time I saw him out of his room.
No more fights. Besides, I had someone else on the brain. Something other than revenge on Dean.
Kelsey.
I was going to see her tomorrow, and I was going to look good. If she was going to keep insisting that I meant nothing to her, I wanted her to regret it. I wanted her to look at me and instantly drop her clothes.
And then, once that happened, I wanted to throw her over my shoulder, take her somewhere private, and make her forget the touch of that rich boy. Make her forget how any other guy had felt. Fill every crevice of her mind with me…and every part of her body.
Oh, yeah. If Kelsey thought I was going to give up, she was wrong. If she couldn’t make up her mind, I’d make it up for her.
Chapter Seven – Kelsey
I knew I must’ve dropped my phone at the Sigma Chi house. It must’ve slipped from my pocket without me knowing, and I was too focused on hurrying back to the dorm to hop in bed before Mel woke up for her early classes to realize it. And by the time I did, it was too late. Mel had called and called it, even risking being late to her class, but it was no use, because it wasn’t in the dorm room. My mulch-covered hoodie was shoved under my bed, minus my phone.
Shit.
In between my classes that day, I swung by the house. Didn’t go inside it, of course, but I snooped around the side of it, examining the area where I’d fallen asleep. My phone wasn’t there. Someone must’ve found it, picked it up.
Damn it.
I repeated those words to myself all day—damn it, damn it, damn it—and only stopped later that night when Mel got a text…from my phone, no less. Someone had found my phone, and they wanted to meet in the student union in the morning to give it back. Ten o’clock.
“Ask who it is,” I said, my nerves on fire. Could be Dean. Could be some other guy in Sigma Chi…even Levi. Shit. If Levi found my phone, how the hell was I going to explain why it was there, just outside his window?
Mel texted the number back a minute later, and we both waited with bated breath, staring down at her phone screen as if it held all of the answers. She never got a text back, and it worried me.
“Maybe your phone died,” Mel suggested. “When exactly did you lose it? Batteries don’t last that long.”
My mind danced around what I could tell her. Did she see me with my phone last night? If I told her I lost it sometime yesterday, she might come at me saying she saw me in bed with it or something. I definitely didn’t want to admit that I took a midnight stroll to Sigma Chi—the fraternity she warned me from day one to stay away from.
Yeah. Didn’t listen to her, and look where it got me.
“I don’t remember,” I said, lying through my teeth. Thankfully, Mel didn’t seem to notice.
“Do you want me to go with you? Who knows who has it—”
Fuck. What if it was Dean? What if he found my phone, and hoped that Mel would come with me? No. Whoever it was, I could face them alone. The last thing I wanted was Mel being around Dean.
Well, the second to last thing. The absolute last thing was to see Levi.
“No,” I said, standing straight and crossing my arms. “I’ll just swing by the union and then head to the library. Besides, it’s supposed to downpour tomorrow, and you only have one raincoat.”
Mel’s amber eyes studied me, and it was a long while until she said, “Okay. If you’re sure.”
I let out a chuckle, but the sound fell flat. “You’re acting like it’s some sketchy meeting in a dark alley. It’s the union. There will be other students around. It isn’t like I’ll be alone. And besides, you know I can handle myself.”
At that, she cracked a smile. A small one, but a smile nonetheless, so I’d take it as a win. “You’re right about that.”
“I am stealing your raincoat,” I told her, not for the first time. “You haven’t changed your mind about going anywhere, have you?” The raincoat was hers. If I had to get drenched walking to the library, I would. Wouldn’t be too happy about it, but I’d do what I had to. With it being November, the end of the semester was about a month and a half away. Had to get cracking on those papers.
Papers that were worth a good chunk of my grade. Did not want to think about that, considering how awful I was at writing papers. Hmm. Maybe I’d ask Mel to
go over them; she seemed like an overachiever when it came to classes and homework and shit. She’d probably be able to see some stuff I should fix or change.
“Do I ever go anywhere?” Mel asked, trying to joke. Kind of like my earlier chuckle, her joke didn’t stick the landing. Mel just seemed awkward when she was trying to joke. She was a serious kind of person, but she put up with me, and sometimes I made her laugh, so at least it wasn’t a complete drag being roommates with her.
Eventually I said, “True. Don’t even know why I asked.” I shot her a grin, which she met with a smile.
The more you faked something, the easier it was to pretend. If I lived the lie that I was happy with the state of my life, maybe I’d start to believe it myself.
But I wasn’t happy, hence the issue. I was miserable, and I hated how confusing it all was, how guilty I felt for sleeping with Sawyer—not only because of Ash, but because of Levi as well. I was a shitty person, and I could never forget that.
Hours passed. Mel had a textbook open on her desk, her laptop on some homework site, a pen in her hands. I chose to turn on the small TV of hers, keeping the volume low. I sat on her bed, since the TV was angled towards it, my fingers fiddling with the remote. A world of darkness sat outside; it was late for Mel to still be up, which I found odd.
“So, Mel, you’re majoring in business,” I rattled off. “What do you want to be?” A way to fill the silence of the room. The TV’s volume was so low, I could hardly hear it. But that was the point. Talking just to fill the void. I frankly didn’t know what business majors were good for, what jobs required them.
Me? I was still undecided, taking the general classes first before ultimately deciding. I…I didn’t know what I wanted to be. How were you supposed to know what career you wanted for the rest of your life when you were only eighteen years old?
Mel let out a short laugh. “Uh, you know…I don’t know. My parents pretty much told me what to major in, but I don’t think they have any idea, either.”
“Do you always listen to mommy and daddy?” Mel didn’t talk about her parents often. In fact, she said she never went home to avoid them, because they were so focused on controlling her. I couldn’t even imagine how much worse they got after her attempted suicide. Helicopter parents. If my parents were like that, I’d go insane.
Her thin shoulders rose and fell once. “No, but…they always told me that Dean wasn’t good enough for me, and they turned out to be right about that, so…” Mel trailed off, suddenly looking sad. It was impressive how fast her expression could turn to one of doom and gloom. “It isn’t like I grew up wanting to be a lawyer or a teacher or something. I’d take any job after this, as long as it pays the bills.”
“Me too,” I agreed. Maybe Mel and I were more alike than I thought.
My eyes were back on the TV, but I could tell Mel still stared at me, no longer working on her homework. I pretended to ignore her, that was, until she opened her mouth and asked, “How are things with Levi? He came here looking for you, while you were gone, you know.”
No, I didn’t know that. And no, I didn’t want to know that.
Levi came looking for me? Why? He saw me drive off with my mom. He should’ve known I’d be gone for the weekend. He might’ve come looking for me, but he didn’t text me once. Didn’t try to call. Clearly, he didn’t care that much.
Or maybe that’s just what I told myself to try to make myself feel better.
“Nothing is going on between me and Levi,” I told her, hoping the confidence behind my voice proved it. “With everything he did to you, Mel, I…I don’t want anything to do with him.” I’d dropped that boy faster than a used condom after a dirty round of sex. I tried to, at least.
Mel frowned.
“What?”
“I believe you, but…” Mel was slow to close her laptop, her dark eyes lingering on me. “Levi played me so well last year, Kelsey. I don’t want him to play you, too—and maybe it’s stupid, but I feel like this is my fault.”
Blaming herself…for my stress regarding Levi?
“Why is it your fault?” I asked, knowing she was wrong. She had to be wrong.
“You’re my roommate. What are the odds that Levi went after you, not knowing?” Mel shook her head. “I don’t trust him. I mean, I don’t trust anyone after what happened, but I really don’t trust him.” Mel let out a sigh. “And Dean. Him and Dean.”
“They’re both dickbags,” I agreed. Hey, I could agree and still want to lick one of them from head to toe, right? “But seriously, Mel, you don’t have to worry. I’m not falling for any of Levi’s lies.” Kind of another lie, but, eh. Mel didn’t need to know just how deep my feelings for him ran.
“That’s what I swore to myself after Dean broke my heart,” Mel muttered. “That I wouldn’t fall for anyone else’s lies ever again.” Her eyelids fluttered shut as she added, “But I didn’t listen to my own advice.”
“You can’t beat yourself up for that,” I told her, meaning it. There were countless of things out there about people falling in love. Books, movies, TV shows, comics. Love was something most people wanted. The fact that Mel had wanted it after having her heart broken wasn’t a bad thing. She ended up choosing poorly, and added onto the fact that Levi was a good liar, and, well. We all knew where the story ended.
I never wanted to love anyone. Not yet, anyway. I just wanted to have the time of my life, to party it up, because once adulthood came, it would be all about bills and work and other responsibilities.
And to fall in love with a guy like Levi, with his past? Ugh. If I could’ve smacked some sense into me, I would have done so already.
“I guess,” Mel whispered. She got up and went to her tiny closet, picking up her shower caddy and grabbing her towel. “I’m going to shower.” She said nothing else as she left the room abruptly, almost like she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
I didn’t blame her, but…I really hoped she didn’t think that I would continue to moon over Levi. I wasn’t going to choose his side over hers. Friends were more important than boyfriends…something I’d rightly fucked up lately.
I had to be better than this. Had to be.
That was something easier said than done, I was afraid. I hardly got any sleep that night, feeling uneasy about everything. And when I said everything, I meant it. Mel, what she’d told me. Everything that happened to her, Dean’s insistence on trying to talk to her. Me and everything with Levi, what Levi did, the look on his face when I told him I’d slept with someone else. My parents’ divorce…
Yeah, I had a lot on my mind, the least of all was Ash, my best friend, someone who, by all accounts, stopped talking to me because I fucked one of the guys she liked. It wasn’t like I did it on purpose, and I hated doing it while I was stuck in the bathroom with him, but those weren’t excuses.
Ash would probably hate me for a long time, and Mel…she was right not to trust me when I talked about Levi. I’d already kept him a secret from her, so who knew what else I’d keep from her?
When morning finally came, I rolled out of bed, getting dressed. I’d head to the union early, grab some late breakfast, and then get my phone—hopefully not seeing Dean or Levi—and, lastly, go to the library, where I’d spend the remainder of my day, researching and outlining.
My two least favorite things to do.
Mel was already up by the time I was getting ready, and she gave me a tiny smile as I took her raincoat. The skies were dark and grey; you’d never know it was morning if you looked outside. Needless to say, it was raining pretty damn hard.
I was about to walk out the door, Mel’s raincoat in my hand—I would wait until I reached the lobby to put it on, feeling like a dweeb merely carrying it—when Mel called out to me, “Do you want to borrow my boots, too?”
No, the raincoat was already dorky enough. No calf-high rubber boots for me.
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ll make do.”
She said nothing else, and I left the roo
m, heading down the hall to the elevators. I hit the down button, fingers tapping against the smooth surface of the raincoat. I was the chick who refused to wear a winter coat in the wintertime, even when it was negative degrees outside. My parents hated it, but no matter what they did, I refused to keep any of those huge, puffy coats on for long. This raincoat was…almost as bad as the puffy ones, but sitting in the library while soaking wet did not sound like my idea of a fun day.
By the time the elevator doors slid open, I was a bundle of nerves. Seeing Levi would be the worst thing ever, followed shortly by Dean, who probably would refuse to give my phone back unless I either brought Mel with me or agreed to help him get back with her.
Which I would never, ever do. I’d just have to explain to my parents that I lost my phone, have to do without one for a while. It wasn’t like they had the money to go out and buy one right away. They’d have to save up—or maybe I’d have to look into getting a job somewhere around here and buy it outright myself.
I got onto the elevator, ignoring the other SCC students on it. Making friends hadn’t really been on my list of things to do while I was here. I didn’t want to make new friends. My personality wasn’t the overly-friendly type, and truly, it took a certain kind of person to deal with me constantly.
The elevator took us to the ground level, and I was the first one off. I watched as the other people headed right out into the rain, already wearing their coats, the hoods up. They didn’t look too dorky, so maybe I was overexaggerating how stupid raincoats and winter jackets were.
Or maybe they just didn’t look good on me.
Making Mistakes: A College Bully Romance (Playing Games Book 2) Page 5
