Making Mistakes: A College Bully Romance (Playing Games Book 2)

by Candace Wondrak

  A dozen things popped up in my head, most of them not appropriate to say, given where we were and what was happening. “I can come up with a list, if you want,” I offered, taming back my wild thoughts. My thoughts usually were chaotic and unburdened when it came to Kelsey. “We could run through the list and check them all off one by one.”

  She chuckled softly. This chuckle held traces of sorrow laced with despair, as if she’d given up. “I think that sounds like a fantastic idea. Could we start by dick-punching Dean?”

  Dick-punching? This was the first time I’d heard of such a thing, although since it was Kelsey saying it, I supposed I shouldn’t be too surprised.

  “I already punched him in the kidney, so that’s out,” Kelsey went on.

  “What?” I turned to look at her, causing her to lift her head from my shoulder. She punched him in the kidney? I…this was the first time I was hearing about it, although, again, shouldn’t be surprised. Kelsey did things without thinking.

  But so did I.

  “I punched Dean in the kidney,” Kelsey stated, matter-of-factly. “At least, I think it was the kidney. It’s what I aimed for, since his face was already fucked up.”

  “I was the one who fucked up his face,” I told her, causing her to blink in shock.

  “Really? Well damn, we double-teamed him without even knowing.”

  I was pretty sure double-teaming someone meant something else, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. Instead, I felt myself smile. Yeah, a smile—not really warranted by the events of tonight, but one that grew because of the girl beside me.

  She punched Dean. Was it wrong to be proud of my girl?

  My girl. She was my girl. She had to be. She was no one else’s. She was mine and mine alone, and I’d be damned if I ever let her wiggle her way through my fingers.

  “I have to say, even though we fuck up a lot, we’re pretty awesome,” Kelsey said, and I found myself agreeing.

  We weren’t perfect. We’d never be perfect, but maybe we could be imperfect together. Wasn’t that what life was about? Finding someone who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Someone who you could see yourself having fun and making mistakes with? No other girl made me feel the way Kelsey did, and I’d be damned if I ever let her go.

  She was my girl, whether she realized it or not.

  Chapter Twelve – Kelsey

  We were only allowed to see her for a quick visit, since it was past visiting hours and we weren’t family. The nurses made an exception because I was the one who found her, and her roommate. Without me, she’d just be some Jane Doe, since her ID was somewhere in the dorm room, an unnamed girl who overdosed.

  She was still alive, but barely. They flushed her stomach, but she kept having seizures, so…they put her in a medically induced coma.

  Mel looked so small on that bed, so still, as if frozen in time. Her arms were hooked up to IVs dripping fluids into her system to keep her hydrated, her body still pale, but looking a bit better than it did in our room.

  I could not get her seizing out of my mind. I’d never seen a seizure before. Growing up, kids made jokes about seizing and stuff, but you never really knew how bad they were, how unnatural they were, until you watched one first hand.

  It wasn’t good. It wasn’t joke material. It was awful, and I felt an inner pain unlike any other. My heart literally hurt for Mel, for what she did to herself, what she was going through. My heart might’ve ached before for Levi, but this was a different kind of pain. The soul-crushing kind. The kind of turmoil you only felt when you were faced with the reality that someone you cared about might not live to see another day.

  Or that she might never open her eyes again.

  I sat on a chair with a hideous floral pattern beside her bed. My body was exhausted from staying up all night; through the curtains on the window, it looked like dawn would arrive soon. No matter what I tried to do, I could not tear my eyes off her.

  She looked so fragile, so broken. I couldn’t believe I didn’t pay enough attention to her before. How could I have missed how broken she was? Was I really that terrible of a friend?

  I hated it. Honestly, I hated it more than I’d ever hated anything before. My self-imposed misery because of what I did the weekend before Halloween was nothing compared to how shitty I felt right now.

  Levi stood behind me, towering over me as we both looked at her, as if staring at her hard would bring her back, undo the mistakes made on this shitty night.

  It wouldn’t. Staring at her would only make me feel worse, but here I was, and here we were. Levi was dragging me out of here after this; I guessed sleep would be a good thing, but I did have classes to go to. The closer we got to Thanksgiving, the more everything felt real. Papers would start being due soon; the professors would start going over the stuff that would be on their exams. Now was really not the time to start skipping classes.

  Plus, I was paying for this shit. Well, future me would. Loans and all that.

  “You gotta come back, Mel,” I told her, feeling slightly weird talking to an unconscious body. “It isn’t going to be the same without you.” That would be an understatement. If Mel didn’t wake up once the doctors thought her brain could handle it, if she kept seizing and being unresponsive, nothing would be the same. The room, my classes, even my time at SCC.

  I felt Levi’s hand on my shoulder, a gentle, soft touch. Just letting me know he was there, that he’d stand by me. I felt guilty enough as it was, I really didn’t need to add more onto it, but…God, I just couldn’t let Levi go. We’d both fucked up, and we’d both probably fuck up again in the future, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be there when he fucked up, and I wanted him to be near me when I fucked up.

  I just wanted us. Was that so wrong?

  “Come on,” Levi spoke, his voice a bare whisper. “We should go. You need to try to sleep.” He focused on my well-being instead of his own. It didn’t surprise me, but he neglected to mention his own need for sleep too. Both of us had been up all night—but frankly, sleep was the last thing on my mind.

  “I should stay,” I said, both wanting to stay and wanting Levi to convince me otherwise.

  “Kelsey, you have to think of yourself, too. I don’t think Mel would want you here with her, skipping classes and sleep for her.” The hand on my shoulder became firmer, and he added, “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

  The truth was that I didn’t want to go back to the dorm. It’d only remind me of her, and right now that was not something I needed. But where else would I go? I couldn’t go with Levi to his fraternity house. Dean would throw a fit.

  That one…oh, that one I’d deal with later, once the shock of last night wore off. Once I didn’t feel like simultaneously crying and screaming into the void.

  I let Levi help me up, let him hold my hand as we walked out of her room. I tossed one last look at her as we went, a pang stinging my heart like the soft organ it was. An idiot—that’s me. I didn’t know how much I cared for Mel until she was almost gone.

  Stupid. Just stupid. You’d think, after being so fucking stupid for the first eighteen years of my life, I would’ve gotten smarter by now.

  I didn’t. Just add that to the list of mistakes I’d made in my life.

  Through the brightly-lit halls, Levi led me. We made it to his car in under ten minutes, my stomach queasy. I didn’t eat dinner last night, but food was the last thing on my mind. Probably would’ve just thrown it up, anyways.

  Levi once again opened the car door for me, waiting until I was safely inside before shutting it. Kind of like a gentleman, which was a little weird, because I never viewed Levi as the gentlemanly sort. Hmm. Maybe he was simply being nice to me because he knew how difficult this night was for me.

  Yeah, that had to be it.

  I said nothing as I buckled my seatbelt, watching as Levi got in and did the same. He threw me a quick, worried glance before starting the car and driving out of the parking lot. Once we were on the road, his right h
and found my leg, resting on it comfortably, as if it had always been there. As if that hand was made to rest on my leg.

  And, in a way, it was.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I set a hand atop his, lightly running my fingers over his knuckles. For such a tough guy, he had pretty soft hands. No scars to be seen, his tanned skin flawless. Not hairy, either. I couldn’t do a guy with hairy hands. No gorillas for me, sorry. I did have some standards, even though it might not seem like it.

  Levi parked his car in the big lot at the end of campus, and I was slow in getting out. My legs felt almost wooden, like it’d been ages since I’d walked on them. It was true, I’d spent most of my night curled up in a chair, but still.

  He came around his car, locked it, and after sliding the keys into his pocket, he grabbed my hand and led me to the nearest sidewalk, heading towards my dorm, which loomed on the horizon in the very early light of day. Levi better be careful; the way he held onto my hand almost made me think we were dating.

  We weren’t.

  Were we?

  The sun hadn’t risen yet, so the sky was alive with purples and reds, a watercolor of change. A beautiful sight, though I wasn’t one to normally ogle nature’s beauties. I let them pass, too lost in my own world to stop and smell the roses.

  But what happened to Mel, what Mel did…it made me wonder if maybe I should. Life wasn’t just about the parties or the responsibilities. It was about having fun, but recognizing that we weren’t immortal. Our time on this world was short-lived in the grand scheme of things, so we had to make the most of it.

  Levi broke the silence between us, glancing down at me, the expression on his face unreadable. No one could ever tell what was going on in that man’s head; I knew better enough to try. “I know it’s not exactly the right time, but…”

  The moment he spoke, I knew what he was referring to. Me needing time to think. Me telling him to hold off. How I’d told him that us hooking up in that bathroom didn’t mean we were back together.

  “So pushy,” I whispered, turning away to stare at the empty buildings we walked by. It was too early; no one else was out. It was just him and I. No better time than the present to bare my truths…because we might not have another moment. Life might come at us with another curveball, and I stuck to my guns when I said I didn’t want to live a life full of regrets.

  Mistakes, yes. Things I wished I could go back and change? Hell yeah. But life was too short to spend it regretting every little thing—and every big thing. It was literally now or never.

  “I think we both know what I’m going to say,” I told him, tossing my head back with a swagger I was not feeling in this particular time. “You’re like…well, you’re impossible to avoid, you’re persistent as fuck, and somehow in spite of everything, I love you. So…yeah, my answer is yes. Just don’t let it go to your head, you know. You are the first guy who can claim that Kelsey Yates is his girlfriend, so—”

  Levi stopped walking, pulling me back with the hand holding onto mine. The rest of my sentence was pulled from my lungs when he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. He was measured in letting go of my hand so he could grab both sides of my face—as if I’d stop him or pull away—to hold me still. His fingers wove their way through my hair, and I let myself get lost in the embrace, closing my eyes and drowning myself in everything that was him.

  His musky, manly scent that I couldn’t describe but recognized. The way his lips melded against mine, taking everything I had to give. How soft his hands were on my cheeks, how the fingers in my hair tugged slightly, pulling gently.

  I leaned into him, weakly holding onto his arms. The world spun, and he…he was everything to me. He would be my strength when I had none. He’d catch me when I fell, and he’d sure as shit tell me pointblank when I was doing something stupid.

  The kiss lasted forever, but at the same time it was over just like that, leaving me breathless and hungry for more.

  His breath was hot on my face, his lips brushing against mine as he whispered, “I love you too, Kelsey. I’ve never wanted to be a better man before, but all of that changed the moment I met you.” Levi was slow to drop his hands from my face, and my skin felt the loss immediately. The air was too cold outside, the dawn too brisk.

  I needed to be under covers, and I needed Levi with me.

  “Oh, shut up,” I told him, smiling. “You’re just saying that to get on my good side.”

  Levi grinned, something he didn’t do often enough. “You love me. I’m already on your good side.”

  “Oh, Blue, if you think just because I love you you can’t get on my bad side, you’ve got another thing coming,” I told him as we resumed our pace, holding hands once again. “I can hate you and love you at the same time, you know. It’s not an automatic gold star.”

  “It’s not? Then what’s the benefit?”

  I thought on that, instantly saying the first thing that came to mind: “Sex?”

  Levi leveled a blue-eyed stare at me. His come on look was right, of course. He’d had sex with me before real feelings got involved. Sex was really nothing new, but I wasn’t sure what else I could bring to the table.

  “Cuddling?” I spoke the word with a disgusted expression on my face. Never was one for cuddling. The past few years, to cuddle after sex was to admit that feelings might be involved, and until Levi, I’d steered clear of that. No real feelings for me, thanks.

  And then this bastard came into my life, the sneaky little shit.

  Levi debated this. “I don’t know. I still got you to cuddle that first night, even though you didn’t want to.”

  “Then what do you want, Blue?” My dorm building neared, its tall towers growing even taller the closer we came.

  “Hmm. Will you make me a sandwich anytime I ask?” That comment earned him a jab of my elbow on his side, and he winced. “You are stronger than you look, aren’t you? That’s going to bruise.”

  “Don’t say stupid things, then,” I told him, forcing out a frown as we arrived at the side entrance to the building. With the door propped open by my foot, I stopped, glancing back at Levi. He’d let go of my hand, and he stood there, looking…conflicted.

  I was conflicted too, but I knew, without a doubt, I didn’t want to be alone up there. Not with Mel gone.

  “Stay with me,” I said, more of a command than a question asking him if he even wanted to. I didn’t need to ask. That one would jump whenever I said jump. We were each wrapped around each other’s fingers, honestly.

  Levi nodded, following me inside.

  The halls were quiet. No one else was up. It was way too early, even for the ones who had eight A.M. classes. The closer we came to my room, the more my stomach sank. I really didn’t want to go in there, but there was no way I could avoid it. It’s where I freaking lived, where all of my clothes were, my books, my notebooks.

  My bed.

  Oh, God. How the hell was I supposed to get any sleep when Mel was still in the hospital? This fucking sucked.

  I unlocked the door, letting us both inside. The room felt vacant, empty. Stupid, considering I’d spent time in here alone before, without Mel. Mel wasn’t always around, but right now I knew where she was, and that she wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon—and that was a depressing thing to think.

  Levi stepped inside after me, closing and locking the door. I went to my desk, tossing my keys and wriggling out of my hoodie, dropping it on the chair. He watched me in silence as I slipped off my shoes.

  That stupid thing in my chest felt heavy; it was almost hard to breathe. “I’m going to shower,” I said, moving past him, needing to take my clothes off and wash away the stench of the last day. I grabbed my shower caddy and towel and slipped on my flipflops, heading down the hall like a girl on a mission.

  The bathroom was completely empty, not that I expected to see anyone there. My footsteps echoed in the space, and I chose the last shower stall, exhaling a long sigh. After starting the shower, I shed my clothes, lea
ving them on the small ledge on the in-between space, between the outer curtain and the inner curtain that kept my clothes from getting wet.

  Kind of wanted to burn every single piece of clothing I’d been wearing, but that would only set off the alarms, and then everyone would hate me for setting them off at such an ungodly hour.

  To think, everyone around me was asleep, dreaming peacefully, unaware Mel was gone. Hardly anyone would care, but still. The mere thought annoyed me to no end.

  I moved under the water, yanking the inner curtain closed. The water coursed down my body, practically scalding, but it felt so damn good. Who the hell could take showers that didn’t burn off the top layer of your skin? If there was anyone out there like that, I had yet to meet them. There was something about the way the hot water felt on my skin that I loved.

  Seriously, I was known at home for long showers, and not because I was jerking off like the boys did. I just stood there, letting the water pelt my hair and my back, and let myself relax.

  And if you knew me, you knew how hard it was for me to fully relax.

  Maybe the heat helped to lower my guard. Maybe the steam was a way for me to just be peaceful and tranquil without having to prove anything to anybody. No tough Kelsey, just naked Kelsey in the shower, and that really wasn’t much to see.

  I let out a long sigh, and it wasn’t but two seconds later when I heard the door to the bathroom open. Was someone else up? Seemed an odd hour for any student to willingly get up, but maybe they ran to the rec before their morning class or something—

  Turned out, I didn’t have to worry, because it wasn’t another student.

  Well, it was, but it was just Levi.

  Just Levi, as if it could ever be just him.

  He stepped into my stall, moving around the outer curtain. He pulled the inner one aside, getting a nice, long look at my body before I realized what he was doing. Or, more accurately, where he was.

  “This is the girls’ restroom,” I told him, as if he didn’t know. “You can’t just walk in here—”