Only for You

by Melissa Foster

  She played with images of attending future festivals and Winter Wonderlands. She saw nights with cookouts, a bedroom with both of their belongings, and Louie jumping in between them on the mattress in the mornings. She imagined working at the shop alongside Bodhi, their newborn baby in her arms.

  But if anyone knew the truth, it was her. Wishes didn’t bring futures.

  After the parade, Bodhi helped her down from the trailer, his black T-shirt straining over his biceps and chest as he lowered her to the ground, and whispered, “Hi, beautiful. Want to hide out behind the haystacks with me?”

  Yes, please.

  “Why don’t Grandpa and I take Louie to get his face painted?” Roxie suggested. “That’ll give you kids some time to do adult things.”

  “Yeah!” Louie hollered.

  “Okay.” Bridgette kissed the top of his head. “But you have to listen to Grandma and Grandpa.”

  “He always does,” Roxie said as she took Louie’s hand. “Come on, sugar pop. Let’s see if we can convince Grandpa to get his face painted, too.”

  Ben nudged Bodhi and Zane. “Fifty bucks says I can kick your asses in the pie-eating contest.”

  Bodhi’s chest expanded, exchanging a challenging look with Zane.

  “Cockfight,” Piper said over Bridgette’s shoulder.

  “My man will win,” Bridgette replied.

  “Hardly,” Willow said.

  “I’ve got this, Wills.” Zane winked.

  Aurelia pointed to the guys. “It’s like the Hulk, Brad Pitt, and . . . Lord, I’ve got no idea what to call Ben. Good Time Dalton?”

  Every love deserves to be celebrated.

  “This ought to be fun.” Talia looped her arm through Bridgette’s.

  Bridgette couldn’t take her eyes off Bodhi. But it wasn’t just because of his broad back scaling down in a perfect V to his dark jeans, which hugged his powerful legs and ass deliciously, although that was an impeccable sight. Seeing him with Ben and Zane added images to her future wishing bank.

  Talia leaned closer, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. “How are you holding up?”

  “Surprisingly well.” It wasn’t an outright lie. As long as she didn’t dwell on the fact that they had merely a few hours left together, she was okay.

  “Denial,” Talia said flatly.

  “Let’s call it postponing reality.”

  Bodhi glanced over his shoulder and blew her a kiss.

  “My goodness, Bridge,” Talia said in a hushed, serious tone. “He’s so into you. How can he leave you guys?”

  “He’s not leaving us,” she said more easily than she expected. “He’s actually protecting us from the worst-case scenario.”

  “But what if the worst case never happens?” Talia asked. “You’re okay with giving him up?”

  A pang of sadness cut through her. “I have to be, because if we stayed together and the worst case happened, I’d never survive it.”

  Bodhi kept his eyes on Bridgette as he settled into his seat, looking giant between Ben and Zane. He had a few inches on them, but it was the breadth of his shoulders, the size of his bulbous muscles, and his granitelike features that made him look like he could take anyone on. Bridgette felt like she was playing a game of Which One of These Things Is Not Like the Others. Bodhi looked like he belonged on a battlefield even as they draped an apron over him and he put his hands behind his back, preparing to attack the pie with the same determination as he did everything else.

  “You’re the strongest of all of us,” Talia said. “Everyone thinks it’s Piper, but I know better.”

  As they cheered for their men, Bridgette remembered something her mother had told her after she’d moved back home with Louie. You don’t know what strength is until you’ve put aside your greatest desires for the good of your child.

  Bridgette ran her fingers absently over the bracelet Bodhi had given her, watching her man gobble down pie and dreaming about all the sweet, peachy kisses she’d get afterward. Bodhi’s hands shot up in the air, declaring victory before anyone else had even finished half their pie. She wondered if there was a saying about the strength of men. Not that it mattered. She knew she was looking at the strongest man of all.

  And she secretly wished they were both a little weaker.

  THE AFTERNOON PASSED too quickly, with potato-sack races and tasting everything from peach tea to peach barbecue sauce. Bodhi should be sick of peaches, but he wasn’t, because this day would forever be remembered as one of his best. He knew even the word peach would remind him of sneaking behind haystacks to kiss Bridgette, and racing with Louie through the obstacle course. He glanced across the picnic table where they were eating dinner with the rest of Bridgette’s family and friends. Louie’s face was painted with the Yankees logo on one side and a peach on the other. His clothes and hair were filthy from rolling in the grass and hay and eating sticky peaches, and the glimmer of happiness in his eyes made it all worthwhile. Bodhi wanted to be there tonight when he conked out, too exhausted to move. He wanted to fall into bed with Bridgette and reminisce about all the adorable things Louie had done before taking her in his arms and making up for the lovemaking they’d missed last night. But he had to leave if he was going to have time to drop off Dahlia at his mother’s and get everything else done before reporting to training the next evening. He’d already packed up his belongings. All he had to do was say goodbye, pick up Dahlia, and get on the road.

  It was the saying goodbye part that had him tied in knots.

  Bodhi squeezed Bridgette’s hand beneath the table, wanting desperately to pull her against him. Her hair was tousled, her skin was bronzed from a busy day in the sun, and when he leaned closer, more than a hint of sadness shone in her eyes.

  Bridgette whispered something to Roxie that Bodhi couldn’t hear. Then a forced smile formed on her face, and she said, “Louie, honey? Bodhi has to go back to the city. Are you ready to say goodbye?”

  Everyone pushed to their feet as Louie ran around the table and jumped into Bodhi’s arms.

  “’Bye, Bodhi. I love you,” Louie said.

  Bodhi closed his eyes against unexpected tears, hugging him tight. “I love you, too, buddy. You be good for your mom, okay? Remember, you’re the man of the house. That means you always do the right thing.”

  Louie nodded vehemently.

  Bodhi reached into his pocket and pulled out the blue ribbon he’d won in the pie-eating contest. “Think you can hang on to this?”

  “Yes.” Louie handed it to Bridgette. “Mom, don’t lose this.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “Okay, buddy. I need to get on the road.” He kissed his cheek one last time and set him down.

  “It’s been a real pleasure,” Bridgette’s father said, embracing Bodhi. “You be safe, you hear?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Okay, Grandpa,” Roxie said. “Take Louie over to the petting zoo. I’ll be right there.”

  “Yay!” Louie took his grandfather’s hand, and off they went.

  Bridgette seemed to relax a little after Louie left. Bodhi wanted to take her in his arms, but Roxie embraced him before he had a chance.

  “If only goodbyes were as easy for adults as they are for children.” Roxie drew back and smiled up at him. “You’re a special man, Bodhi Booker. We’ll be waiting for you to come back.”

  A ripple of sadness wove its way from Bodhi to Bridgette. “I don’t know if or when I’ll be back, Roxie. How about you take care of Bridgette and Louie for me?”

  “I can do that.” Roxie took his hand in hers, holding it for a long moment, and her smile faded. She drew him into her arms again and whispered, “Please be careful.”

  “I know we’re not supposed to refer to the future,” Ben said as he pulled Bodhi into a manly embrace. “But we’re holding your spot, man. Three dudes, whenever you’re around.”

  “Thanks, Ben.” Bodhi had military buddies he’d known for years, and somehow, in less than a month he’d become jus
t as close to Bridgette’s family and friends.

  Zane hugged him hard. “What he said, man.”

  “Thanks. Good luck with your screenplay.”

  Talia cried as she embraced him, tearing at his heartstrings a little more. “I’m so happy you had this time with Bridgette and Louie. Love is good, no matter how long it lasts. Be safe, Bodhi. You’ll be in our thoughts.”

  “Thank you.” He was going to lose it if they kept this up. Piper embraced him, and he expected her to give him hell, but all she said was, “Don’t die, you big bastard.”

  “You guys act like you’ll never see him again,” Aurelia said. “I’ll see you in the city, but give me a hug anyway, Hulkster.”

  “Until you move here and partner with Willow,” Ben said, yanking Aurelia’s shirt so she stumbled back beside him.

  Bodhi reached for Bridgette’s hand. “Ready, beautiful?”

  “No,” she said solemnly, then forced a smile and said, “Yes.”

  Talia touched Bridgette’s arm as they walked by and mouthed, Love you.

  That show of support made leaving Bridgette easier and more heartrending. While Bodhi was glad her family would be there for her, he hated knowing she’d need them.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “I’D RATHER GIVE birth again than say goodbye to you,” Bridgette said as they stood in his living room waiting for Dahlia to come in from the backyard. The house felt hollow without Bodhi’s tools and Dahlia’s dog bed. “And believe me, it’s painful pushing a little human out of your body.”

  He tugged her against him, hating himself more with every passing second. And the worst part about it was that even the thought of her having babies made him want them to be his. Man up. Face this head-on and get the hell out of here. The hard-ass in him was no match for his heart. He held her tighter.

  “Bodhi?” she said shakily. “Is this really it?”

  He put enough space between them to see her face. Christ, that was a mistake. Tears spilled from her eyes, slicing him right down the center of his chest. “I’m sorry, baby. I feel like I’m staring down the barrel of a gun. If we stick to our here and now plan, the gun goes off when I drive away. Once and done. And if we don’t, it’ll be pointed at you and Louie every time I get called in for an assignment, over and over again.”

  He wiped her tears, and she shook her head.

  “Once and done,” she said. “I don’t want to know if you get called away. I can’t lose you that way. This is better.”

  His mouth descended upon hers to silence their reality and allow them to live within the confines of each other’s arms for their last few moments. She returned his efforts eagerly, her greedy hands traveling all over his body, igniting his every sense. Her kisses were sweet and hot, and her body conformed to his with practiced perfection, making him out of his mind with longing and desire. He wanted to stay right there, holding her, and let tomorrow pass them by. He lifted her into his arms, and her legs circled his waist. Her fingers moved along his neck, and he moaned with the familiar and scintillating sensation, wanting so much more than he could take.

  He slowed their kisses, intending to break the connection and do the right thing, but he couldn’t tear himself away. Overwhelmed with emotion, and with nowhere else to go, he sank down to his knees, holding her as they kissed. He threaded his hands into her hair, gazing into the eyes of the woman who had trusted him with her son, and her heart. He wanted to say so many things—I will always love you. I wish things were different. I don’t want to leave. Find your happily ever after. I want that for you and Louie—but he couldn’t form a single one.

  She buried her face in his neck, both of them rocking in anguish as she whispered, “I know,” to his silent confession. He knew she did.

  Dahlia bounded into the house far too soon. The air between them was so thick with sadness, it was like walking through quicksand as they made their way to the truck. He put Dahlia in the passenger seat, his belongings piled in boxes on the floor, behind the seat, and in the bed of the truck.

  He held Bridgette’s beautiful face in his hands one last time. “You turned my world upside down and made me feel things I never thought I would. You are my here and now, baby, but I will always love you.”

  “I love you, too.” She clung to him, trembling, rivers of tears wetting her cheeks.

  They held each other for so long, he wasn’t sure he could pull away, and then his strong girl did it for them. She touched his face, a genuine smile lifting her lips despite her tears.

  “Get out of here. Geez, Bodhi. You suck at saying goodbye.”

  Laughing and fighting tears of his own, he pressed his lips to hers one last time and climbed into the truck, feeling like he was leaving his whole world behind. Bridgette stood on the grass crying, her arms wrapped around her middle, watching him drive away.

  He never knew a heart could actually hurt. Falling back into the armor he’d once worn without thought didn’t come easily as he made his way toward the highway. Dahlia whimpered and nudged him with her nose. He petted her, spotting the photo album Bridgette had given him in a box on the passenger-side floor as he reached over. A stab of longing took up residence in his chest.

  “Bodhi?” Static crackled in the air. “Are you there?”

  He thought he’d imagined Bridgette’s voice, but her broken voice came through again. “Bodhi?”

  He shoved his hand beneath Dahlia in search of the walkie-talkie he’d meant to return. “Bridgette?”

  “I will always love you.”

  Tears welled in his eyes. “I will always love you, too, beautiful. I meant to give you this back.”

  “I’m glad you”—static broke through the transmission—“. . . talk to you until I can’t.”

  “I miss you so much already, Bridge.” He released the button, and static filled the line as he drove out of Sweetwater. “Bridgette?” he said urgently, the pit of his stomach sinking like lead as he tried one last time. “Bridgette?” But the line was dead.

  BRIDGETTE HAD PROMISED herself she wouldn’t fall apart when Bodhi left, and she felt like she’d held herself together pretty darn well despite her tears. At least she hadn’t stolen his truck keys and locked him in her bedroom, as she’d contemplated in their last moments together. She lay on her couch, swiping at her eyes, and gulping for air as another round of sobs racked her. Her phone vibrated, and she bolted upright, hoping it was Bodhi. Talia’s name flashed on the screen, and her hope fell away. She read the message. Are you okay?

  Was she kidding? She texted back. No.

  She was glad she’d asked her mother to keep Louie for a few hours. He didn’t need to see her like this. She lay back down on the couch and closed her eyes, but the tears kept spilling out.

  A few minutes later, her front door opened and her sisters walked in. The knot in her chest loosened a little. She sat up and wiped her tears. “You didn’t have to come over.”

  Willow plunked two bottles of wine on the coffee table. “Of course we did,” she said as she went into the kitchen.

  Talia sat beside Bridgette and reached for her hand. “What can we do to help?”

  “Want me to go after him and drag his ass back here?” Piper asked.

  “Yes, please.” Bridgette managed a smile.

  Willow returned with four wineglasses and set them on the coffee table.

  Bridgette watched Willow pour the wine, glad her sisters had come to her rescue. Bodhi was wrong. She did need rescuing, because she was drowning in sorrow. “I knew this was coming. It shouldn’t hurt this bad.”

  “Why not?” Piper asked. “Just because you knew doesn’t make it better.”

  “But it should.” Bridgette sobbed. “There should be a switch inside us that we can flick when we know we’re going to get hurt. We did the right thing. Didn’t we?”

  Her sisters exchanged a troubled look that made her feel worse.

  “You think we should have stayed together?”

  “That’s a hard o
ne, Bridge.” Willow sat down beside her. “We’ve never seen you so happy. It’s hard not to want that for you, no matter what the cost.”

  “But there’s a huge cost, Willow.” Bridgette guzzled her wine. She set her empty glass down and refilled it.

  “Maybe,” Talia said gently.

  Bridgette slumped back against the couch. “Yes, maybe. I was hoping you guys would just agree and tell me we did the right thing. But I forget, you have no idea what it’s like to lose the person you love. Imagine it, Willow. Zane’s not away on location, or gone for a few weeks, but bury-him-in-the-ground dead.” Sobs bubbled out again, and she futilely pressed her lips together in an effort to stop them, but the idea of Bodhi getting killed made her cry harder. “I’m sorry. That was a horrible thing to make you imagine. But I can’t go through that again, and Louie definitely doesn’t need to get attached and then lose Bodhi like that.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry,” Willow said. “You did the right thing. I don’t know what we were thinking.”

  Piper refilled Bridgette’s glass and sat on the coffee table in front of her. “Admittedly, I know nothing about love—”

  “Or dating,” Talia added.

  Piper scowled. “That’s by choice. Anyway, back to my point. I don’t think you two are done. I just don’t. What kind of guy talks to your whole family about how much he loves you and Louie and then disappears?”

  Bridgette sighed heavily. “The kind that loves us enough to save us from more pain later.” She wiped her tears and forced the confession she didn’t want to make. “This wasn’t a one-sided decision, even though I’m bawling like he left me. I mean, maybe at first, but at Willow and Zane’s house he gave me the choice of waiting. And he asked again before he left. I made this decision, too. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.” Or that I don’t regret it.