The Handbook

by H. P. Mallory

“Then you can do this. You’re strong, you’re confident and you’re in control. All we have to do is follow the script until we’re more comfortable. Everything that we need to know, Jane has told us.”

  “I’m not sure if I’m going to get comfortable with my part.”

  “It’s simple, really,” I grinned. “Your smile is the thing that’s going to give him the signal to approach. Then he’ll talk to one or both of us. And he’ll say something like ‘you have a pretty smile,’ or he’ll ask how our night is going or what we’re drinking, right?”

  “What if he says something else?” she asked with a pout. “Like, you have toilet paper trailing on your foot or there’s a piece of spaghetti stuck to the side of your mouth?”

  “Really, Dani?” I asked with a frown.

  “I’m nervous,” she admitted.

  “There’s no reason to be nervous,” I started, my voice softer now. “Because no guy in his right mind is going to come up to you to say either of those things,” I continued. “All he’s going to do is let it be known that he’s trying to get into your pants. Can you handle that?”

  She sighed again. “Yeah, I can handle that.”

  “Good,” I answered as I felt relieved.

  “Let’s just suppose, for the sake of argument, that he says one of the things that you mentioned, like we have a nice smile or whatever. How do we respond to that?”

  “That’s why we’ve got a script.”

  “Okay, so let’s practice together,” she said while striking a smooth guy pose by raising her eyebrows several times. She looked like a caricature and, as such, totally ridiculous. Leaning toward me, she quirked a side grin as I immediately burst out laughing. “Hey you,” she started, sounding like a guy from one of those mafia movies. “Yeah youse. You smilin’ at me or what?”

  “First off, we wouldn’t be trying to flirt with someone who talks like a hit man,” I argued as I shook my head and wondered where she came up with this shit.

  “Just play along, doll,” she answered in her Mafioso.

  I smiled and nodded, mostly because I was curious where she was going with it. “Oh, you thought I was smiling at you?” I replied with a shocked expression that reeked of faux innocence. “Actually, my friend said something funny so I was responding to her. I must have been looking in your direction at the same time.” Then my smile deepened as the innocence began to bleed out of my expression. “But I can’t say I regret it.”

  “It’s ah good thing you said so, dollface, ’cause I was about ta put ah hit out on ya,” Dani finished with a gruff laugh. I followed suit and then we both erupted into a fit of giggles.

  “Okay, cool enough,” she said, back in her own voice again. “But what if he wants to press the issue?”

  “That’s when I cut in,” I answered. “If you start to fumble, I’m here to help you. Just keep in mind what type of seductress you are, remember?”

  “Yeah, I’m going for the coquette,” she answered.

  “Right, think Mae West,” I said with a nod. “You should be totally comfortable with her by now,” I added, referring to the countless hours we’d spent watching Mae West and Marilyn Monroe movies so we could familiarize ourselves with the roles we were going to play.

  “Mae West and always playing a game,” she said with a nod.

  “Right, so that will mean that you act interested and then you tell him we were just leaving, so have a nice night. And then we beat it out of there. See? We still avoid any actual conversation or contact for now.”

  “What do you mean, ‘for now’?” she asked, her expression paling.

  “At some point, we’ll want to tease them, or we will want to know more about them.” Seeing the panic spreading across her face, I raised my hands in a gesture to calm her down. “Not right now. Not yet. Chill. Baby steps, remember?”

  “Yes, baby steps.”

  “Now you try. I’ll be the guy,” I said before clearing my throat. “You have a pretty smile.”

  “Thanks for noticing. Yours isn’t half bad either,” she answered in a nonchalant sort of way before pretending her cell phone was ringing in her bag. “Excuse me,” she offered as she glanced down at her phone … “Hmm. I’ve got to take this.”

  “That was good except you seemed like you weren’t interested in him at all. Remember to hook him before you drop him,” I laughed. “But not bad for a first attempt. You’re better at this than you thought.”

  “Imagine the look on a guy’s face …”

  “Hey, we’ll use that as the quick way out!” I said, a huge smile spreading across my face.

  “What?”

  “The fake call,” I said as I further considered it. “Any time we’re pressed, one of us will punch the speed dial and call the other; and we’ll make it seem as if it’s a call that we’ve got to take.” I took a breath before continuing. “You’re a genius, Dani!”

  “I can’t argue that,” she said with a shrug before she glanced down at her nearly imaginary black dress and stilettos. “Let’s do this thang!” she said, and although it was awkward in stilettos, we both managed to strut our stuff right out the door.

  ***

  The first guy that approached us didn’t use any of the lines we thought he would. Instead, he settled for the very simple:

  “You both are beautiful. What are your names?” His voice was deep and sweet as honey and his delivery was well practiced. Either he was comfortable with talking to himself in the mirror, or he made picking up on girls an art form.

  Calm as a cucumber, I slipped into the dumb blonde act quickly, acting surprised to see him. I had to admit I was pretty good at channeling Marilyn Monroe. ’Course, I’d watched enough of her movies and practiced imitating her in the mirror enough times that I felt like she was my long lost missing twin or something. “Oh, hi,” I said with a sweet smile, my voice soft and feminine. “We are doing just fine tonight, how are you?”

  “I’m better now,” he answered as he leaned his elbows against our table and took turns smiling at us both.

  “I think we would be lots better if we had a drink in our hands, handsome,” Dani said, doing a great job of Mae West. She was so smooth, in fact, that I had to admit I was surprised. He glanced at both of us and, apparently noticing we were empty handed, he immediately stood up.

  “How rude of me for not noticing,” he announced. “What can I get you both?”

  “I would love a Sprite since I’m driving,” I said in a sugary tone.

  “Rum and diet for me, thank you,” Dani added with a sexy smile.

  “No problem,” he said as he turned around and started for the bar.

  “I can’t believe you just said that!” I whispered as soon as he was out of earshot.

  “Why? Was it the wrong thing to say?” she asked, looking confused.

  “No! It was totally brilliant!” I gushed. “Good goin’!”

  “Yeah, this guy probably totally thinks he’s going to take us both home and have the threesome of his life.”

  “Imagine his surprise when we finish our drinks and take ourselves home!” I managed with a laugh.

  “Or to the next bar,” Dani suggested. “Can’t say I’m in love with the idea that our night could be over so quickly.”

  I nodded. “Well, remember,” I continued as she eyed me narrowly. “You can’t get so drunk that you lose control of yourself. A moderate buzz is okay, but keep in character.”

  “I got it,” she said and then saluted me.

  A few minutes later the guy returned with our drinks. As we sipped them, we played our parts excellently; I was doing the whole batting eyelashes, little girl act while Dani played the part of the coquette so well, even Mae West would have been proud.

  “So what are your plans later?” the guy, whose name was Peter, asked as he eyed us both with undisguised hope.

  The ice cubes in my Sprite made a vacuuming noise as I sucked the last sip through my straw. I glanced at Dani’s rum and diet and found it was al
ready empty. I watched Dani as she smiled at Peter and put her glass on the table as she reached for her purse which was sitting beside me. “Actually, we were just leaving,” she said, rising up from her seat as I did the same. “Have a nice night.”

  “It was really wonderful meeting you,” I added as I offered him a little wave and followed Dani toward the front doors. I didn’t bother looking back.

  “And that is how it’s done,” I said once we were outside and headed toward the car.

  TWENTY-ONE

  The Femme Fatale Handbook

  Part Two: Putting all of this to use

  Chapter Six: The Introduction

  So you’re busily working on your love for yourself and your confidence, right? You’ve abandoned all negative thoughts and actions from your life right? Good! Now you’re ready to proceed to the next step, and that is the introduction between you and your target. I do hope that you’ve got your eye on a specific man? If not, we can’t move forward until you settle on one.

  If you are still reading, then I’m assuming that means you already have picked out your intended target? Yes? That’s great! Then let’s continue on and delve into the ways in which you’re going to introduce yourself to your chosen man. This part is simple. You aren’t going to introduce yourself at all. Instead, you’re going to wait for him to make a move on you, which allows him to think he’s in charge and he’s the pursuer. If you play into a man’s natural inclination to conquer, you will win the game. But you must do so artfully and you must, at all costs, hide your intentions. You must never allow him to realize you’re seducing him. He must always think he’s in charge or the spell will disappear.

  So how do you manage this? It’s pretty simple. Make him know of your existence but also allow him to make the first move. In the real world, this could mean making meaningful eye contact with a stranger across a room, smiling ever so slightly at a guy in one of your classes or arranging for a friend to introduce you to the guy you’re secretly crushing on (as long as the friend knows him).

  Once he initiates contact (or if contact is initiated for you), the game of cat and mouse begins. You play interested and then you back off. And remember never to suffocate him! Don’t give in to the idea that he needs constant attention from you because he will immediately decide he has you figured out and you’re just another desperate, predictable woman who wants to snare him in her relationship web.

  Let’s say the introductions are made, what then? Now it’s time to work your female magic so you get under his skin. What’s the best way to do this without giving him the feeling that he’s conquered you? Become his friend. And I don’t mean just any friend. But become his flirtatious, femme fatale friend. A femme fatale friend is someone who still maintains her breezy sexuality and flirtatious candor. She drops very subtle hints with her eye contact and body language. She touches him with her fingertips as she laughs at his silly jokes but then she just as quickly turns the power of suggestion off, turning distant. She forever keeps him off balance as he never knows just what she’s after. Is she just interested in being his friend, or is there a chance she’s interested in more?

  Becoming his friend is an artful tactic because you’ll get to know more about him—information that you can use to your advantage—and you’ll lower his guard. If you’re just friends, he won’t believe you have any expectations of him and he won’t believe you’re after a relationship with him. That means he’ll breathe a little more easily. Little will he know that all the while you’re plotting his eventual fall—as in falling in love with you!

  ***

  NIKKI

  “So, Nikki, we’ve covered how to tease guys we don’t necessarily want to get to know, but what happens if there is one that we’re, well, you know, sort of attracted to?” Dani asked me.

  We were stretched out on our beds, studying, when she posed the question. I figured it would eventually come, but I never pushed the topic because I didn’t want to put the cart before the horse. However, I fully expected there would come a time when things went beyond teasing and developed into actual interest. And I definitely wanted us both to be armed and dangerous when that situation raised its ugly head.

  “Obviously, there’s more we can do to signal our interest,” I replied casually. I didn’t look up from the history notes I was studying, and acted as though it was really no big deal because I didn’t want to stoke Dani’s nerves. “We just stick to what it says in the handbook.”

  “What?” she replied, smiling broadly. “No list of reasons? No string theory? No tricking me to get me into a club? You’re slipping, Nikki.”

  “Nope, nothing like that,” I said, and continued studying my notes.

  “Okay, then what?”

  “I haven’t really thought that far ahead, to be honest,” I answered in a dismissive sort of way.

  “What?” she asked, shaking her head like she wasn’t sure she’d heard me right.

  I shrugged. “I just figured we should focus on building up our confidence, and that’s what we’re doing.”

  “Well, that’s fine for me because I just got out of a relationship, but what about you?” she asked, pointing out the obvious. “Don’t you think it’s about time you graduated to the next step? I mean, you kind of have to prove all of this works, don’t you think?”

  I considered her comment for a few seconds as I cocked my head to the side and remained silent, but then I shrugged as I asked her: “Why do I have to prove anything?”

  “Well, you’ve got me buying into everything you’re selling, but it would be a lot easier if you were attempting to make all of this knowledge a home run,” she answered honestly. “I mean, we can’t be expected to flirt and retreat forever.”

  “I’m not saying that we should,” I argued back, somewhat irritated that we were getting into a full-blown conversation on the topic because I had to study for my history test in the morning.

  “At some point you have to move to the next level, Nikki,” she continued. “And from where I’m standing, you’re ready.”

  “Why are you so convinced I’m ready?” I demanded, feeling affronted.

  “Because you haven’t mentioned Brandon or Beau in so long I can’t remember,” she started. “And you’ve definitely mastered the art of talking with the opposite sex. It feels like you’re kind of stuck in a holding pattern.” I nodded but didn’t say anything because I knew she was right. “It’s okay if you’re scared, Nikki,” she continued.

  “I’m not scared,” I nearly interrupted her and then took a deep breath. “But I see your point.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I just don’t really know who I’d even want to try to seduce,” I started with a shrug as I bobbed my pencil on my lips and thought about it. “I mean, all of the fraternity guys I know would just be too easy, and what’s more, I can’t say I’m interested in any of them.”

  “I get that,” she answered with a nod. Fraternity jocks were exactly that, and we were polished, mature and sophisticated ladies who were in the market for someone much more … well, just much more.

  “Yeah, so that leaves pretty much no one,” I said.

  “Um, no it doesn’t.”

  “Who does it leave?”

  “Derek Anderson.”

  I immediately started shaking my head, the idea of seducing Derek something I wouldn’t consider in a million years. In fact, even the idea of it was enough to make me want to join the nearest nunnery. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I’m totally serious,” Dani answered and smiled at me broadly as she plopped her index finger forward. “First, he’s going to be way more difficult to take down than a fraternity guy will be, for starters.”

  “And he’s also my professor and I think that’s illegal,” I answered.

  “It’s not illegal but good point—you’d probably have to wait until the semester is over which is in … oh, one week,” she pointed out. “And on that subject, have you answered him yet about becoming his T.A.
?”

  “No,” I said as I turned my attention back to the book in front of me which was my surefire way of telling her this conversation made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to continue it.

  “Why not?” Dani insisted.

  “I figured I’d let him read my term paper first to see if he changes his mind. I mean, if I bomb my paper, he might not want me to be his T.A.”

  “When have you ever bombed anything?” she asked with a frown.

  “After Brandon dumped me.”

  “When have you ever bombed anything taking Brandon and the breakup out of it?” she repeated.

  “Never, but there’s always a first time for everything.”

  “I think you’re stalling because he makes you nervous.”

  I finally looked away from my notes and sat up on the edge of the bed. “He definitely doesn’t make me nervous.” I frowned at her. “What’s point number two?”

  She smiled ostensibly because she knew she had me. “Point number two,” she started as she flipped her middle finger up. “Is that I think you totally have a thing for him,” she continued.

  “I so don’t have a thing for him!” I railed back at her. “Most of the time he’s acting like a complete asshole anyway.”

  “All the more reason,” she said with a shrug. “You both are like two kids on the play yard, pulling each other’s hair because you lack the maturity to tell each other you want to play doctor.”

  “Really?” I asked as I shook my head again.

  “Really,” she insisted. “He wants to insert his stethoscope into your …”

  “Okay, okay,” I said with a laugh. “Not that that is even possible,” I continued with a frown ’cause the idea was kind of gross. “But even though you are totally and completely wrong about everything you’re saying, I’m going to take you up on your bet anyway.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I have zero romantic interest in Derek, but I’m going to seduce him just to prove to you that I can.”

  “I think you should,” she answered with a quick nod.