Unremembered

by Jessica Brody

  He approaches me and leans forward. ‘Do those sound like amenable terms to you?’

  I sense that I don’t really have a say. But as long as Zen is alive, I have fulfilled my purpose for coming here. So I sniffle up the last of my tears and say, ‘Yes.’

  Alixter claps his hands. ‘Excellent! Then we’re all in agreement. It’s so much cleaner that way, isn’t it?’

  ‘You’ll never be able to take her back,’ I hear a broken voice murmur. Alixter and I both turn to Zen, leaning against the wall behind him, barely able to hold up his head, his strength depleted.

  ‘What’s that?’ Alixter asks, clearly faking his interest in whatever Zen has to say.

  Zen visibly struggles to speak louder. ‘I said you’ll never be able to take her back.’

  Alixter continues his charade of entertaining this conversation. ‘And why is that?’

  ‘Because her transession gene is broken.’ Zen painfully hoists his head up and supports it against the wall. ‘It’s not working. I think it was damaged when she came here.’

  For the first time, genuine emotion seems to register on Alixter’s face: fear.

  ‘And how do you know this?’ he asks, irritation trickling into his tone.

  Zen’s eyes close as he winces. ‘Because I tried to take her with me the moment I found her, and several times after that, but it didn’t work.’

  My mind jumps back to the memory from the hospital. When Zen came into my room.

  I’m going to get you out of here.

  That’s what he said. And a moment later he seemed to vanish into thin air.

  Then I remember what he said in the car as we were driving away from Wells Creek.

  We just have to find a remote place to lay low . . . Until I can figure out how to get us out of here.

  Was that what he needed time to do? To figure out what was wrong with my gene and try to repair it?

  The thought fills me with simultaneous hope and dread. Hope that if what Zen says is true, there might be another way out of this predicament. And dread that if I’m unable to transesse back to Diotech, Alixter might renege on his end of the agreement.

  ‘I’m not sure I believe you,’ Alixter says, glowering at Zen. ‘I think you might just be buying time.’

  ‘Try it yourself,’ Zen challenges in a hoarse whisper. ‘Try to transesse with her.’

  Alixter refreshes his smile, but I still see the traces of frustration around his eyes. He doesn’t like to be told what to do. ‘It’s a fairly new technology, of course,’ he admits. ‘But from the way I understand it, if you have the transession gene, all you have to do is focus fully on your desired destination and you’ll be transported there.’

  He gives the scar-faced agent next to me a subtle nod, and he wraps his thick, brawny fingers tightly around my biceps and pulls me back up to standing.

  ‘It’s also my understanding,’ Alixter goes on, interlacing his fingers, ‘that anyone in direct contact with the transessor, who also carries the gene, will be transported with them.’

  Alixter nods again. I shut my eyes tight and hold my breath. I can feel the agent’s hand vibrate slightly against my skin, and then I slowly feel his grip loosen. I open my eyes to watch his hand blur in and out of focus, becoming more and more translucent until it’s gone completely. When I peer up, I see that the rest of his body has vanished too.

  I drop back to the ground and let out a sigh of relief and a whimper of astonishment at the same time.

  Alixter stares open-mouthed at the spectacle. I expect him to get angry, to start throwing things, but he’s exactly the opposite. He calmly rubs his chin and says, ‘Very interesting.’ His gaze flickers to Zen. ‘It seems Lyzender might be right.’

  Then he glances at Rio’s body on the ground. ‘It’s too bad the man who knows the most about your genes is –’ he lets out a vile laugh, amused by his own depraved sense of humour – ‘well, it appears we may have dealt with him prematurely.’

  He stops laughing and tilts his head pensively to the side. ‘Although it’s not as if he would have divulged any of his secrets to me. It would seem that he’s been keeping far more secrets than he’s been sharing lately.’

  He presses his hands together and rests them under his jaw. ‘An intriguing predicament indeed.’

  For the first time since he collapsed I allow myself to look at Rio once more. The sight nearly makes me start shaking with sobs again but I fight back the emotion and force myself to examine his face.

  What kind of secrets has he been keeping?

  And what was that intense look he gave me supposed to mean?

  I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.

  But the truth is, I’ve already forgiven him. I don’t blame him for anything. And even though I don’t fully remember, I’m certain I never did. It’s obvious who the true monster is in this situation.

  Find it in your heart.

  These five words play over and over in my mind. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that he was trying to tell me more. That he was trying to divulge one of his secrets.

  I lean back against the stone wall and my bound hands touch something cold. With curiosity I run my fingertips around it, trying to identify what it might be. It’s small and smooth with a raised surface, attached to a long chain.

  I gasp softly.

  Of course! I dropped it here only a few minutes ago. In the commotion I completely forgot about it. It’s my locket. My . . .

  Heart.

  Find it in your heart . . .

  My mouth falls open. Could he really have been talking about my necklace?

  But the locket was empty. Dr Schatzel said they found it that way. And even Zen confirmed it used to have a pebble inside of it.

  I glance up to see that Alixter is pacing again, seemingly contemplating how to fix this unforeseen glitch in his plan.

  Zen is watching me carefully. He can tell I’ve stumbled on to something but he’s waiting for a sign from me to tell him what it is.

  The problem is, I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it’s anything.

  But I suppose it’s the only clue I have at this point.

  With a pounding heart and shaking hands, I manage to unclasp the small heart behind my back and pry it open.

  And as soon as I do, I feel the familiar rush. The blast of information. The sudden influx of images into my brain. The small vibrations at the base of my neck and behind my ears.

  What is going on?

  The images spin and spin, eventually aligning to form a complete scene. A full picture.

  A memory.

  That’s been stored inside my locket. And is now being triggered by my brain. Because I still have the receptors on.

  I take another long look at Zen and then close my eyes, letting the movie in my mind play.

  I am back inside my house. I sit on the couch in my living room. Alone.

  So alone.

  Rain streams down the windows. Pounds the pavement outside.

  I feel anxious. My knee bounces. I can’t make it stop.

  I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never kept anything from Zen.

  But I’m doing this for him. For us. Because I love him.

  If it works, if I’m right about Rio, then we will finally be together. Forever. Like the poem.

  If I’m wrong . . . Well, I don’t even want to think about that.

  I stare at the front door, jumping with every tiny creak the house makes.

  When the beep finally sounds, I leap from the couch and rush towards the door, swinging it open wide.

  Rio stands on the porch, soaking wet. I can’t read his expression. It’s as though the rain has washed it away.

  Does he look happy?

  Sad?

  Regretful?

  I step back, allowing him to come in. I hold my breath as he shrugs off his raincoat and hangs it on the rack. ‘Well?’ I ask, unable to take the suspense any longer.

  He sighs,
lowering his gaze as he reaches into his pocket and produces a tiny vial filled with clear liquid.

  ‘Is that . . . ?’ I start to ask but I can’t even bring myself to say the words.

  He nods. ‘Yes.’

  I jump up and down. ‘Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!’ I can’t stop smiling. I throw my hands around his neck and squeeze, inhaling his familiar sweet scent. It instantly settles me down, returning me to a calmer, more collected place.

  ‘You saved my life,’ I whisper in his ear.

  I feel his body sag. He wraps his arms tightly around me and holds me. ‘It was the least I could do.’

  Then he reaches up and gently disengages my grip, holding me at arm’s length and forcing me to look at him. ‘Seraphina,’ he says, his expression turning grave, ‘I have to warn you. The transession gene is highly unstable. There’s so much I don’t know about it yet. And there have been absolutely no tests yet to investigate its long-term effects.’

  I nod, matching his serious demeanour.

  ‘If something goes wrong and you have no way to disable it, the gene could destroy you. Slowly eat you alive from the inside out. You wouldn’t even know until it was too late. I have to insist that you let me construct some type of deactivation mechanism that will allow you to turn the gene on and off. Just to be safe.’

  ‘But what about Zen?’ I ask.

  Rio shakes his head. ‘Unless you can get him to meet me, I can’t—’

  ‘He won’t,’ I reply hastily. ‘He won’t do it. He didn’t even want me coming to you. If he knew, he would be furious. He doesn’t trust you.’

  Rio sighs. ‘I can’t say I blame him.’ He places the vial ever so carefully in my hand. ‘But if he won’t come to me, then you’re going to have to take a chance.’

  ‘I understand,’ I say.

  There’s a long pause and I watch Rio’s eyes start to glisten with tears. ‘Sera,’ he begins, his voice raspy, ‘I’m sorry about everything. Everything I did to you.’

  ‘Dad—’ I try.

  ‘Don’t call me that,’ he interrupts. ‘I don’t deserve that title. And you and I both know it’s not a rightful one anyway.’ He presses his fingertips against the corners of his eyes. ‘You’ve been such a gift to me, but I hate that this had to be your life.’

  I can feel my own tears start to well. I blink them away.

  ‘I just wish there was a way I could make it up to you,’ he says.

  ‘You already have,’ I say, holding out the vial. ‘This is all I’ve ever wanted.’

  He presses his lips together. ‘I know. I mean, I wish I could take back what I did.’

  I fall silent, running my thumb along the smooth glass of the tiny bottle in my hand. My salvation.

  ‘Actually,’ I say, my own voice sounding suddenly rough and uncertain, ‘you can.’

  He gazes down at me with enquiring eyes.

  ‘Take it all,’ I tell him, gaining conviction as I speak. ‘Every memory I have of this place. Everything. It’s the only way I can truly start over. The only way I’ll ever be able to forget.’

  ‘But, Sera . . .’ he objects.

  ‘I don’t want to remember any of it.’

  He places a warm hand on my shoulder. ‘I don’t think you understand. If I take everything, that will include Zen.’

  I smile knowingly. ‘Zen can never be forgotten. He lives in my blood. In my soul. We’ll be together and that’s the only thing that matters. Eventually, with his help, he’ll come back to me. I know it. I’ll always remember him.’ I gently squeeze the vial between my fingers. ‘Because I always have.’

  The first thing I see when I open my eyes is Zen.

  Despite his various scratches and wounds and possibly broken bones, he’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.

  But there’s so much he doesn’t know. That I now know.

  Rio was the one who got us access to the transession gene.

  He was the one who put the memory inside my locket.

  Then he erased everything. At my own instruction.

  Diotech didn’t steal my memories. They weren’t accidentally lost. I gave them up willingly.

  Because I assumed it wouldn’t matter. That I’d arrive safely in the year 1609 and I’d be with Zen. That’s why I wrote myself the note. Trust him. To give myself a head start.

  But instead, something went wrong and I ended up here. Alone. Without a single scrap of memory in my mind.

  Fortunately, however, I know how to fix it. I finally know how to make it right.

  I look directly into Zen’s eyes, trying desperately to convey a silent message across the dimly lit cave.

  Don’t worry, I tell him. It’s going to be all right.

  Then I jump to my feet, catching Alixter and the dark-skinned agent by surprise. They both pivot quickly in my direction. The agent holds the Modifier poised and ready.

  ‘I know how to fix the gene,’ I tell Alixter.

  Zen looks in alarm from me to them, then back to me.

  ‘Do you now?’ Alixter asks, seemingly intrigued.

  ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Rio told me before I left. He said something like this might happen and he told me how to repair it if it did.’

  Alixter folds his arms over his chest. ‘I’m listening.’

  I look fleetingly at Zen and then back at Alixter. ‘It’s very easy. A quick and simple fix. Once I tell you, you’ll be able to transesse me out of here in a matter of minutes.’

  Alixter nods. ‘Go on.’

  ‘But I have one condition.’

  He breaks into a sinister smile. ‘Of course you do.’

  ‘I want to talk to Zen.’

  I watch Alixter’s mouth fall into a frown and so I quickly add, ‘To say goodbye.’

  He appears to be considering my offer.

  ‘Then I’ll tell you how to repair the gene and I’ll go with you,’ I promise.

  Alixter’s eyes dart between us. I keep my face as sombre as possible. He drums his fingertips across his forearm, weighing the decision.

  ‘All right,’ he finally agrees. ‘You have one minute.’ He jabs a finger in the direction of the agent and motions for him to follow me.

  With the open locket clasped tightly in my hand, concealed from view, I walk twelve short paces across the care and kneel down next to Zen.

  The agent is right on my heels, hovering over me. He taps the Modifier against his open palm in long, menacing beats, warning me not to try anything.

  ‘Don’t do it, Sera,’ Zen begs me. ‘Don’t go with them. Get yourself out of here. Get as far away as you can.’

  ‘Shh,’ I soothe, leaning closer to him, our faces inches apart. I inhale the air he exhales. ‘Close your eyes.’

  He shakes his head, knowing what that means. Knowing because he was the one who always used to say it. Before he left.

  It means goodbye.

  ‘Trust me,’ I whisper.

  He silently pleads with me, his expression anxious and fearful. I give him an encouraging nod, and reluctantly his eyes drift closed.

  I immediately press my lips to his, kissing him hard. He falls into it and I feel our bodies joining. Melting together. The kiss is just as delicious as it was in my stolen memory. Just as consuming. Just as perfect. And for a moment, everything around us disappears. Nothing else exists in the world but this.

  This one amazing, lifesaving kiss.

  I have been yearning for this sensation – this beautiful moment – for longer than I can even remember. But the truth is, I have another motivation for this kiss. With our hands tied behind our backs, this is the only way we can touch.

  And Alixter said it himself . . . You have to be in direct contact.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and repeat the same phrase over and over again in my mind, focusing all of my thoughts, all of my energy on this one, simple salvation.

  Get us out of here. Get us out of here. Get us out of here.

  As I feel the ground start to disintegrate beneath us an
d the soft hum of our bodies converging with the air, I can hear Alixter’s voice growing further and further away.

  ‘Damn it!’ he screams.

  But it’s too late. We’re already gone.

  46

  FAITH

  When I open my eyes we’re standing at the mouth of the cave, looking over the edge into the abyss. I try to tear the chains from my hands but they don’t break easily. Alixter was right. They seem to be just out of my reach.

  But after a few seconds, combined with the force of my adrenalin, I’m able to contort the metal enough to squeeze my hands through.

  Apparently I’m stronger than he thought.

  In more ways than he could imagine.

  I turn to Zen. His hands are tied together with a thin piece of rope. I rip through it effortlessly. He rubs his wrists and looks at me, a huge grin spreading across his face. ‘How did you do it?’

  ‘It was Rio,’ I tell him breathlessly. ‘He told me he was going to create a way to deactivate my gene. As a safety precaution. And I figured there was only one place he could have put it. I only had one thing on me when I arrived here.’ I open my clenched palm and reveal the necklace.

  ‘But how does it work?’ Zen asks.

  ‘Well, at first I wasn’t sure,’ I admit, ‘but then I remembered you telling me that you put a pebble inside the locket. But it was empty when I got here, which means it must have fallen out. And the only way it could have fallen out—’

  ‘Is if the locket was open.’ Zen finishes the thought.

  I nod eagerly. ‘He put the deactivator in my locket. It has to be open for the gene to work.’

  Zen glances around, taking in our surroundings. ‘But how did you get us here?’

  I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I just focused all of my energy on getting out of the cave. So I guess –’ I giggle – ‘we got out of the cave.’

  He laughs too, his smile brighter than I’ve ever seen it before.

  He slides the locket from my palm, reaches up and clasps the chain around my neck. Then he leans in and kisses me again, gently touching his lips to mine. I’m instantly pulled into him. Craving him like oxygen. I can no longer feel the ground beneath my feet. But then again, I no longer need it to be there.