“I will help you with your quota, Nari,” I reassured her. “Just do as much as you can, and I’ll do the rest. Anyway… it’s my fault you ended up in the fields… if only I could have cried like you…”
“No, Areum, it’s not your fault… you’re strong, and I need you to stay strong… you shouldn’t wish to be like me… I’m just sensitive, you know, and lately… I’ve become even more sensitive… I feel strange… but I’ll be fine, I promise.”
You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep, I wanted to say, but I held my tongue.
By the time Nari and I left the house - again leaving the horrific prisoner uniforms neatly folded by the wall - the sun was already peeking over the distant mountain ridge to the east. As instructed, we met with Chul in the guardhouse by the fields. I had been afraid I wouldn’t be able to contain my rage when I saw him, but luckily there were other guards as well, so all of us were forced to conduct ourselves appropriately. Still, I had to avoid looking directly at his face… that was the only way I could suppress the hatred burning in my chest during those few minutes I had to endure his presence. Chul didn’t look at me either. Only at Nari. He assigned us to the cornfield nearest the watermill. I guessed he wanted to continue having Nari close for some reason, but he didn’t make any further remarks about the change. Throwing a fleeting glance at his face before we left the guardhouse, however, I could see his eyes silently apologizing to Nari for not being able to keep her in the safety of the watermill.
I scoffed.
Like that makes any kind of difference after what you did! One day, I will make you pay! You just wait!
There were about fifty people in the cornfield work unit we were assigned to. Most of them looked more dead than alive and had the common large dark circles around their eyes and necks, but a few looked well-fed and healthy. I assumed those belonged to the privileged group under the unit leader - Mr. Ma - an angry-looking tall man with thinning gray hair.
The majority of the work unit partook in the harvest. They cut down cornstalks, broke off and gathered the corncobs, and loaded them on a rickety wagon to be hauled off to the watermill or the granary up by the Lotus Garden. The wagon was pulled from the front and pushed from the back by a group of men without the help of an ox or horse. I recognized Do Hun - the man who always made the deliveries to the watermill - among them. Those who didn’t partake in the harvest were assigned to digging new irrigation paths for the next sowing with old rusty shovels or wooden planks. I crossed my fingers not to be put in that group.
As luck would have it, we were given the easiest job available - to remove and gather the corncobs from the cut-down stalks on the ground, something that drew disgruntled scowls from the less fortunate prisoners around us. I knew, of course, this was yet another attempt by Chul to be absolved of his sins… and I also knew hell would freeze over before he was granted any form of absolution from me.
The workday started with a whistle, and within minutes, I could virtually see the energy being drained from Nari’s body… and so was the color from her face. Unlike before, when she had Mina to help her on Sundays, I had to take that role upon myself. I worked as fast as I could to be able to put every fourth corncob in her pile. Luckily, my swollen finger didn’t hamper my speed as I could do most of the work with one hand, but as the day progressed, the pain increased. Soon, a bright red stain had formed at the tip of the cloth wrapped around it. The sun was also becoming stronger by the minute from the cloudless sky, but I had no option but to endure - something I had learned during all those years preparing for outdoor festivals and relentless gymnastics training before competitions. Still, at the pace I was working, I felt like I was barely hanging on by a thread. However bad it was for me, though, it was worse for Nari. She looked weaker and paler every time I looked at her. A few hours in, as her skin color had transformed into ash-gray with a hint of green, she vomited on the pile of corn in front of her without warning and then collapsed on her side.
“Nari!” I shrieked and rushed over, grabbing her shoulders.
“Areum…” she whimpered as she tried to get up without success.
At least she was conscious.
Looking around, my panic grew as Mr. Ma and the other people in our work unit gave us angry looks. We both knew why.
If one doesn’t perform… all are punished.
“Come on, Nari… can you get up? Please… you have to at least sit and pretend to work… I’ll take care of the rest, okay? Come on, sit here… I’ll bring over the stalks.”
Nari nodded feebly as I helped her to sit up and made sure she didn’t fall back down. I rushed to clean off the vomit from the corn and to create the illusion that she was fine and working again. She moved in slow motion with her eyes almost completely closed, but I managed to make it look like we were both engaged in teamwork. Sweat soaked my clothes, and the cloth around my throbbing finger no longer had any trace of white, but I was determined to help my baby sister. However, as my energy started to deplete as well, my frustration and desperation grew.
If this is how she is after only a few hours, how will we manage this every day for… ever? And summer is far from being over… the warmest days are still to come…
I had a sudden intense urge to be back in Miss Ae’s steaming hot and sweat-reeking classroom… just for one more day.
One more hour…
“Water ration! Come and get it!” a coarse voice yelled from the other side of the field.
Did I hear right? Did they really say…?
“Come on, Nari,” I jumped to my feet. “Let’s get you some water… you’ll feel better.”
“Okay,” she nodded, but I had to use all my strength to lift her to her feet and lead her over to the water-filled wagon.
As usual, the men were served first, but there was plenty of water left when it became our turn.
At least we no longer have that giant ogre drinking all the water and leaving nothing for us…
“Thank you so much, Sir,” I bowed at the young guard - whom I hadn’t seen before - as he handed me a full cup of water.
It tasted bitter, but it was divine.
“Well, we need you to finish the harvest,” the young guard muttered without looking at me as he started filling the next cup. “Can’t have you all fainting in the fields… or else we’ll never finish. And then it’s not only your asses… the Great General knows we need this food now more than ever.”
Even though it was just an expression, hearing him mentioning the Great General sent the now familiar stabbing pain of abandonment through my heart.
Are you really gone, Father? Have you indeed left me all alone here in this hell on earth?
The feeling of abandonment didn’t last long, though. After drinking the miraculous water, I felt like a new person. I had energy in abundance and not even the sun bothered me as much anymore. I even noticed the pleasant fragrance of the freshly harvested corn around me for the first time. Nari looked better too and, to my surprise, managed to do some actual work… although still very slowly. Mr. Ma and the others, however, didn’t appreciate Nari’s miraculous improvement and continued to throw angry glances at us throughout the day. I tried to ignore them, but I knew they were there.
Since Nari was feeling better and no longer was my most imminent risk factor, my mind went to the new assignment General Roh had given me… to become an informant. I shuddered as I looked at the prisoners around me. Most of them, I had never seen before… let alone talked to.
How will I be able to find out anything about these people? And… what if they don’t break any rules… what will happen to me if I have nothing to report?
Based on everything I had witnessed in the past week, I had a fairly good idea of what it meant to suffer the wrath of the Demon of Yodok.
Lunchtime came and went and another water ration saved us once more in the afternoon. All this time, these constant thoughts and worries spun around in my head, so when Mr. Ma suddenly blew his whistle to end t
he workday, I was completely taken aback. I looked around me, astounded that I had lost track of time to such a degree I hadn’t even noticed it was getting dark. The next thing that astounded me was that Nari had managed to fill a surprisingly large portion of her quota by herself.
The effect of the afternoon water ration had, however, worn off and I was again dying from thirst. I supported Nari’s trembling body and went over to the river to drink.
It would have been easier to go alone and bring water back to her in a bucket, but after what happened, neither of us would go there alone anymore.
At home, we were barely conscious as we prepared dinner, and as soon as our empty soup bowls hit the floor, we both collapsed on our quilts. I slept so hard I didn’t even notice when mom and dad came a few hours later.
I didn’t visit the land of dreams this night.
And not the land of nightmares either.
CHAPTER 21
Fortunately, the second day went easier than the first. Partially because it didn’t take long to get used to the highly repetitive work of breaking off and gathering corncobs, but it was also because the sky was covered with thick clouds the entire day, so it didn’t feel like our brains were boiling like eggs inside our heads. Nari also seemed to feel slightly better. To my great relief, she didn’t vomit the whole day and was able to fill a substantial part of her quota herself. At night, however, we were just as exhausted as we had been the night before, so we just went to the river to drink, then home to eat, and finally collapsed on our quilts.
Dad did the same after he came home from the mines. He had yet another fresh wound on the top of his head that he had cleaned best he could in the river before coming home. I was almost fast asleep when mom came from her new work assignment in the middle of the night. The work in the Chrysanthemum Garden took much more of her time than any of us had expected, and she was required to eat both breakfast and dinner there. Fortunately, we still received our full family ration, including the extra ration we were receiving without any explanation as to why.
But for how long?
In the morning of the third day - which fortunately was just as cloudy as the second - Chul approached me in the field. It was the first time he dared to come over since we started here, and the discomfort was vividly written on his face. I fought my normal instinct to strangle him to death right there and then and instead calmly followed him away from the other prisoners’ prying eyes. Nari threw a worried glance after us, so I signaled to her it was fine.
“Do you have anything to report?” he asked without looking me in the eyes as soon as we had reached the shadow of a tree next to the field.
“About what?” I crossed my arms and glared at him. I knew, of course, perfectly well what he was talking about but had no intention of making things easy for him.
“Areum… General Roh gave you this assignment personally… he expects you to deliver… have you found out anything about the others?”
Chul looked like he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and devour him.
I felt no pity.
“No,” I admitted without uncrossing my arms. My anger made my swollen finger again throb with excruciating pain… or maybe I had just been distracted by work until now. “How could I have? It’s hard enough to just fill the daily quota… when would I have time to talk to anyone? Also… people are already angry at both of us because we got the easiest work detail and because Nari is so slow… do you really think they would tell me anything?”
Chul finally looked me in the eyes. He had deep concern written on his face and sweat pearling on his forehead.
“I know, Areum… but you have to give me something, okay? I can give you until tomorrow because you’re still getting used to the new work and all… but tomorrow you need to give me something… anything. Clear? Areum… you must understand, it’s for you own sake… and for…”
Don’t you dare say her name!
I uncrossed my arms and clenched my fist. Chul noticed it and took half a step back, but continued looking at me imploringly.
“Fine,” I finally conceded while continuing to glare him down with contempt.
“And… there’s another thing, but… better I tell you later… I’ll come by your house tonight.”
“You’ll do what?” I almost shrieked, but he was already walking away from me with fast determined steps and no intention of looking back. His whole body was so tense it reminded me of the soldiers that used to march before the Great General on the Day of the Sun.
Who will they march before now…?
I hurried back into the cornfield, and it was clear that not even talking to a guard prevented my fellow harvesters from throwing murderous glares at me. Nari asked me what Chul wanted. I told her it was nothing special, but that he would come by the house tonight, trying to sound as casual as possible. She immediately grabbed my arm and looked me dead serious in the eyes.
“Areum, I beg you… don’t do anything stupid… you must promise me that!”
I promised, although I had to fight the instincts that screamed at me to use this opportunity to finally have him alone in the dark… if I did it quickly, he wouldn’t even have time to scream. Of course, deep down, I knew this wasn’t the time.
But soon!
It was already dark by the time we had filled our quota, but before we had the chance to relax, the leader of our work unit, Mr. Ma, barged over and screamed at us to get our act together, scaring Nari half to death.
“I-I’m sorry… I promise to work harder,” she whimpered as I quickly dragged her away from harm’s way.
I knew nothing good would come from engaging with men like him. On the way to the river, I couldn’t help but wonder if he could be a suitable candidate to find some dirt on that I could report to Chul. I quickly realized, however, that if you’re appointed as a unit leader by the guards, you’re probably already working as an informant and are protected, so I reluctantly crossed Mr. Ma off my list of one. Either way, right now I was completely worn out and barely had the energy to help Nari limp over to the river and then go home to eat and sleep.
This will have to be tomorrow’s problem!
And I knew it would be.
At home, Nari and I prepared dinner in silence. Knowing Nari’s rapist would walk through the door any minute, I couldn’t help throwing anxious glances in that direction once every five seconds. I saw Nari do the same, but I had the feeling her anxiety stemmed from a different place than mine.
The door suddenly opened.
No… it’s too soon… I’m not ready…
My heart skipped a beat, but my shock quickly changed to disappointment when I saw dad coming through the door instead of Chul. Fortunately, he didn’t notice it.
Dad ate quickly and went straight to bed, but I stayed up, my eyes fixed on the door. Nari waited up as well. Dad - half-asleep - looked curiously at our tense stares but didn’t ask. He probably assumed we were waiting for mom. If he had the strength to think anything at all, that is… which I doubted. We also didn’t tell him. And what could we have said? Neither of us knew the reason why Chul was coming.
If he really is coming. Could it be that he is just playing some sick mind game on us?
I sat with my head leaning against the wall, methodically caressing the smooth warm metal of my sister’s Great General pin. His spirit still didn’t make itself known to me, but that was not my concern right now. The voices in my head were still debating - mildly speaking - what to do when Chul walked through the door.
Time passed. My adrenaline levels spiked and then waned. I grew tired. Then, just as I was ready to give up - I couldn’t ignore the fact that getting enough sleep before the next workday was a matter of life and death - there were three soft, but rapid knocks on the door.
Dad turned around in his bed with his eyes still closed and said, “Yes?”
The door creaked open and a shy Chul entered.
“I’m sorry for the late visit,” he said in hi
s soft feminine voice. It trembled slightly.
Dad sat up, but I wasn’t sure he was truly awake.
Instinctively, I ran a few scenarios of how I could kill him without getting our family into trouble, but none seemed realistic… and I had promised Nari.
“W-what can we do for you, Private Gang?” Dad asked with a sleepy, but surprised expression.
“I… I just came to apologize,” Chul fiddled with his Private’s cap, which he had removed as he entered.
His words hit me like a sucker punch to the stomach.
Is he going to admit to… everything? Just like that?
I straightened myself to be ready for anything.
“I wanted to talk to you about… er… the extra food rations you have been receiving lately… er… that was me… I arranged that for you.” He rubbed the nape of his neck nervously.
All the sleepiness disappeared from dad’s face and his big bloodshot eyes were now fully focused on the feeble little guard in front of him.
“I don’t understand,” he said, twitching his eyes. “You have been giving us the extra rations… but… why? We thought it was just some big mistake…”
“No, no… no mistake… it was me,” Chul’s eyes flickered around the room. “But… the thing is… er… the reason I’m here is… well… I needed to tell you that… you won’t be receiving the extra rations anymore… and… I wanted to tell you in person that I’m sorry… it’s just that… food is tight right now… and with the horrible tragedy of the Great General’s passing, and… problems all around the country… storms, and floods hitting the harvests… well… it’s just not possible anymore… I’m so sorry.”
“I… I don’t know what to say,” dad stuttered. “But thank you, Sir… the extra rations have been a great help, especially considering everything that has happened to us lately,” I saw Chul’s face turning red, “but we’ll manage… thank you… we’re truly very grateful, Private Gang.”
Chul threw a guilty glance at Nari, and then at me.
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 17
