The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3)

by Adria Carmichael

  Once I reached the foot of the mountain, I hurried over to the riverbank. The soft purling of the river and the buzzing of the cicadas from the fields was enough to drown out the sound of my movements. When I came close to the guard posts by the cornfield closest to the watermill, I waited for the moon to hide behind one of the slowly floating night clouds before risking to pass. I could hear them talking about the Acrobat Thief from earlier tonight, how they had never seen anything like it.

  Great General… will they be able to link it to me? General Roh knows I was a professional gymnast… it’s in my file!

  In a flash, my panic returned, but there was nothing I could do about that now. I made my way to a safe spot by the river and again cleaned my wounds. It stung, but not as much as it had from the alcohol.

  The rest of the way home went without incident. My now much clumsier and noisier movements were luckily well camouflaged by the never-ceasing symphony of the cicadas, which continued far into the Village of the Strayed. The whole way, I kept wondering if I had made the right choice leaving the rice with Hana.

  I know she needs me, but… can I really trust her?

  Everybody was still sleeping when I came through the door. I thought of Nari’s rash and wished I could have surprised her with rice in the morning… to be the hero.

  Hana better come through! Otherwise I’ll have to deal with her too…

  With my heart filled with a strange mix of hope and excitement - sprinkled with the feeling that things were rapidly slipping out of my hands - I fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of what Hana and I would to Chul…

  … soon…

  … very soon.

  CHAPTER 32

  The next day, I covered my body in cloth from head to toe. I had pain all over, and every step felt like I was walking on a bed of crushed glass. Hana had been right - I should have worn my shoes last night. But it wasn’t only my physical wounds that tormented me. The constant fear of being identified as the Acrobat Thief made my heart almost stop whenever a guard looked my way. I also got the uncomfortable feeling that Dong Suk, Sang Jun, and the rest of Mr. Ma’s thugs were looking at me and whispering even more than usual. I hunched down as much as I could - as if that would help - and constantly fixed the black cloth I used as a band-aid to ensure the enormous wound was covered. Yet… the hours passed, and no one came to arrest me and drag me off to the Center of Truth.

  Apart from the ceaseless fear and pain consuming me, the work was easier than usual since the sky was covered in a thick layer of heavy dark clouds, casting the prison camp valley into a cool shade for the first time in several weeks. The humidity had also decreased noticeably. Even Nari managed to get some work done, but her growing pellagra rash continued to make me worried. Several times during the day, I saw her clenching her fist over her chest, and I wondered if the pellagra was affecting her heart as well.

  I just hope the rice will help… that it’s not too late!

  In addition to my worry about Nari’s health, there was an endless stream of feelings swirling through my body. Fear for what would happen to Nari if they found out I was the rice thief. I had decided to trust Hana… at least for now. It didn’t make sense that she would save my life only to stab me in the back the next day. However, my anxiety about what Hana would have me do to get the leadership back from Hyuk grew in my chest… as well as my anticipation to finally get revenge on the monster who raped my sister.

  At the same time, I couldn’t help but feel conflicted about Chul. Sometimes when I saw him, I didn’t see the ruthless assailant of that night in the mountains. Instead, I saw a weak and lost little boy, who didn’t seem to fit in… and who was helping us as much as he could. But those thoughts just made me furious with myself.

  None of that changes what he did to us! He must pay!

  Yet, it didn’t cease to puzzle me why he continued to help us afterward. It didn’t make sense.

  Does he really feel guilty for what he has done? Does he regret it?

  In the end, it didn’t matter. He did what he did, and he had to pay for it.

  End of story.

  With everybody visibly relieved and energized by the welcome cool that continued throughout the day, we filled the workday’s quota on time for once. On the way home, I saw Hana standing by the School of Juche. She waved at me to come over, so I told Nari I would only be a second and hurried off to catch up with her behind the school building where we were safe from prying eyes.

  “Here,” Hana handed me a cloth bundle. It was warm. “As promised… and make sure you eat it right away, don’t leave any evidence lying around.”

  I quickly hid it under my clothes and flattened it so it wouldn’t bulge out. Hana turned around to leave, but I reached out and grabbed her arm.

  “Hey… what are you doing?” she glared at me with her big, penetrating eyes.

  “Sorry… it’s just… have you heard anything about yesterday?” I whispered, taking my hand off her. “Do you know if they’re suspecting anyone for… you know…?”

  “Well, Miss Acrobat Thief… no one can accuse you of being discreet,” Hana laughed. “From what I’ve heard, you left such a perfect blood trail, they could retrace your movements inside the granary perfectly.” She smirked as she savored witnessing the panic growing in my eyes. “But, no… they have no idea who did it,” she reassured me as soon as she had gotten her fix from my emotional reaction. “And it will never lead back to you… I assure you of that.”

  I sighed with relief, but at the same time, I begun steaming with anger at Hana’s way of toying with my emotions. Hana saw it, and her smile widened. Not wanting to deal anymore with this unpleasant girl, I quickly turned around and returned to Nari. I ignored my sister’s inquisitive expression and marched off down the road as fast as my aching feet let me. Once we were home, I opened the warm bundle, and the most wonderful smell I had ever felt in my life filled the room. Nari stared at it without understanding.

  “Here,” I said. “This will help against your rash.”

  “Where did you get it from?” Nari asked, here eyes filled with fear and worry. “Was it that girl—?”

  “It doesn’t matter… just eat.”

  Nari’s worried expression didn’t go away, but she took a chopstick and started parting it into four pieces.

  “No,” I said. “You eat all of it… at least today. You’re sick… you need it.”

  “And how about… dad?” Nari gave me a hesitant look.

  I sighed.

  “I’ll get some more tomorrow, we can share with him then… but for now, you need to eat all of it. Please… pellagra is a lethal condition, you have to take it seriously!”

  Nari took the sticky rice ball and reluctantly put it to her mouth. After just the first bite, however, she got a wild look in her watery eyes and devoured the rest ferociously like a wild animal.

  After she had cleaned the cloth of every last fragment of sticky rice, I took it outside and threw it away behind common toilets at the end of the street. It still had the smell of rice, so was better not to take any chances in case Colonel Wan decided to drop by.

  When I came back inside, I was startled to see Nari clenching her fist over her chest, just like she had done in the cornfield earlier today.

  “Are you okay?” I rushed to crouch down next to her.

  “I’m… f-fine,” she groaned, looking anything but fine.

  “Is it your heart? How does it feel?”

  “It’s… like a pressure… it’s like I used to feel… before the operation.”

  In an instant, my whole body turned to ice.

  “We have to get you to a doctor.”

  “No!” Nari shrieked. “No… I’ll be fin—” but she couldn’t finish the sentence as another shot of pain distorted her face and clenched her mouth shut. Her breathing was shallow and strained.

  “I need to do something, Nari,” I panted. “Come on, what can I do?”

  Nari’s entire body cramped for a seco
nd and then released. I was in an absolute panic. I saw tears emerging from my little sister’s eyes.

  “Nari… I’ll go and get Mrs. Choy… I won’t be long.”

  I tried to stand up, but Nari grabbed my wrist. I was surprised by how firm her grip was.

  “Areum… no… you can’t… Areum… can you go and get mom?” she whimpered with tears streaming down around her ears and wetting her hair. “Please? Can you bring mom?”

  “Okay, Nari, I’ll get her… just hold on, okay… I’ll be right back. Lie down and rest. Breathe.”

  “Okay,” she whimpered just as another wave of chest pains hit her.

  It was completely dark outside with the full moon hidden behind thick black clouds. At first, I had no intention of going to find mom - I was going for Mrs. Choy - but Nari’s pleading words nagging at the back of my head made me stop in my tracks. I turned back and forth a couple of times, not knowing what to do.

  “Arrrrrgggg,” I grunted as silently as I could considering my level of panic, but then I sighed, “Fine… you win… I’ll go and get mom,” and spurted off in the direction of the narrow passageways by the outside wall of the Village of the Strayed, feeling in my gut I had made the wrong decision.

  I had, however, learned my lesson from last night and kept my shoes on. And it wasn’t like I had a choice… running without them would have been impossible in my feet’s current condition. I ran the same route as last night, surrounded by the almost deafening buzzing of the cicadas. With the immense pain in my feet, I wasn’t even close to running at my normal speed, but knowing exactly where all the guard posts were and the best way to circumvent them, somewhat made up for it.

  I had never been in the Chrysanthemum Garden where the officers live, but I knew it was further up the road from the Lotus Garden. As I passed the granary, which was lit up in the distance with what seemed like twice as many guards patrolling it as last night, painful memories of my near-catastrophic finale as the Acrobat Thief overwhelmed my mind. I couldn’t get away from it fast enough.

  The Chrysanthemum Garden was easy to spot since it was the only source of electric light after the Lotus Garden. As I approached, I saw it was surrounded by a tall concrete wall equipped with a large gate and a permanent guard post. The wall didn’t seem to have barbed wire on top, but it had lamps attached to it in even intervals shooting down bright yellow triangles of light. Keeping a safe distance, I moved along the wall to look for a less risky spot to climb over. It presented itself sooner than I had expected. Next to the wall, not too far from the guard post, was a building that looked like a smaller-sized barn placed right in between two lamps. The barn itself was dark, so my only worry would be not to awake any of the animals inside… although I doubted there were any. Shielded by the darkness provided by the black cloudy sky, I ran soundlessly from my hiding place among the trees to the front of the barn, stopped briefly to make sure no one was around, then ran into the narrow space separating it from the wall. From there, it was almost ridiculously easy to climb over to the other side.

  All the officers lived in real houses - not in barracks like most of the guards. And unlike the barracks, these houses had electricity even late at night. Mom had never told us exactly where she worked or what she did, so I thought my best chance was to start with the big restaurant in the middle of the village. There were not many people around, so I could move around relatively freely. I snuck up to one of the windows of the restaurant. Dinner time had long since passed, and left at a couple of tables were some colonels and lieutenants playing cards while drinking expensive liquor and smoking cigarettes… no doubt imported, as was usually the case with the higher-ups back in the Capital. My father had been one of them. The room was well lit, so I knew no one would be able to see me in the dark outside.

  I moved from window to window to sweep the whole room with my eyes, but my mother didn’t seem to be inside. Only some prisoners serving the tables, some cleaners, and one attractive young girl - she couldn’t have been more than seventeen - behind the bar, making drinks and flirting with one of her customers. Picturing Nari dying back in our house, I looked around in a panic. Mom could of course be in the restaurant kitchen, but at this late hour, I doubted it. I decided to look elsewhere.

  Maybe they are cleaning the houses?

  I looked in through the windows of the house closest to me. It was completely dark. I spun around. There were so many houses and I didn’t know where to start. Then it hit me.

  General Roh’s house… that must be my best bet!

  Sneaking over to the Chrysanthemum Garden main street, it was obvious which house belonged to the General. The house located at the end of the street, slightly separated from the rest, was the only house - apart from the restaurant I had just left - that was two stories high and oozed authority.

  That must be it!

  Since the main street was illuminated and still had some people walking around, I moved like a shadow along the dark back streets until I reached my target. At first, I was discouraged since the house seemed to be veiled in darkness, and I was just about to give up and go and get Mrs. Choy instead when I noticed a vague light escaping from one of the side windows. I sneaked up to it and looked inside. I didn’t have high hopes of finding her there, but I also didn’t have any better options.

  At first, I couldn’t make out if anyone was inside the room. There was but one flickering candle on the desk by the right-hand wall, which only filled half the room with gloomy light. There was no movement, so I took a step back to see if there was light coming from any other room. There wasn’t. A part of me was relieved not to find her here. I decided to make one final stop at the next house along the road, which had strong light streaming out from nearly all windows, before throwing in the towel. I turned around, but just then something caught my attention from the corner of my eye. There was a movement inside the candlelit room. Hints of shadows in the half the candlelight couldn’t reach. They disappeared as soon as I looked at them. I pressed my face against the glass and cupped my hands around my eyes. There was something moving in the darkness, but I couldn’t make out what it was. I stood there, paralyzed, and with acute tension in my whole body. My mind craved to find out what I was looking at. But the room once more appeared devoid of life. I remembered Nari and her chest pains. My paralysis broke and I stepped away from the window.

  At that exact moment, I heard a loud moan from inside the room. Somebody was in there, and it sounded like they were in pain. I couldn’t stop myself from turning around and look through the window yet one more time. As soon as I did, I had to cover my mouth not to scream from shock. Standing in the flickering candlelight in the middle of the room was a woman. She was completely naked and her face looked worried and sad.

  Mom? What is going on?

  CHAPTER 33

  Mom took the clothes hanging on a chair and started getting dressed. Her face looked distant and strange. From the darkness behind her emerged a man - a man whom I recognized immediately as his silvery ghost eye flashed in the flickering candlelight. The Demon of Yodok was also naked. He reached around her with this left arm and grabbed her neck tightly, like he was choking her. I wanted to pound the windows and scream to her to fight… to get out of there. Or maybe it was up to me to break the window and save her myself. His strong arm tightened around her neck. There was not much time. My mind raced to find a way to rescue her. Then suddenly, his grip loosened. He leaned over and gently kissed her shoulder. She smiled as his hand left her neck and moved slowly down over her breast and further down. She let the clothes in her hands drop to the floor, turned around, and kissed him sensually as they again disappeared into the dark half of the room.

  There were no words to describe my state of mind. I stood there in the all-compassing darkness of the Chrysanthemum Garden and felt more alone… more lost… more abandoned than I had ever felt before in my short miserable lonely life… more than after having lost my Father - the Great General… if that was even possib
le.

  But I’m not alone…

  The image of Nari’s convulsing body once again consumed my entire existence and blocked out the horrible scene I had just witnessed.

  Have I been away for too long? Is she’s still… alive?

  Without a second thought about Sun Hee - the woman who once had been my mother - I sprinted through the desolate back-alleys back to the part of the wall I had climbed to get in.

  Nari needed me… that was all that mattered.

  Jumping over the wall from the inside was not as easy as it had been from the outside since I didn’t have a nearby building to climb on, but I managed it nevertheless. The gymnast in me was still alive. I navigated through my now-familiar route back to the Village of the Strayed, effectively avoiding all the guard posts on the way. I ran like the wind… with all the adrenaline swirling through my veins, I didn’t even feel my mutilated feet. I knew the night air must have been chilly, but it felt like the wind swooping around me was pure fire and that my skin would burst into flames any second.

  A swarm of images flashed through my mind as I sprinted through the blackness of Yodok. I pictured Su Mi with the pomegranate liquor by the Taedong River. The red dot that followed me my whole last day of freedom. Kyung Sook’s broken leg and my name on the scoreboard. Miss Ae giving me a safe haven during my first months in the camp. Chul and Chang Min attacking me up on the mountain. Nari collapsing through the door after having been raped. Hana confessing she could have saved her, but didn’t. Me being tied up in Colonel Wan’s cell with a pin thrust under my fingernail. Me breaking into the granary and almost getting caught. And finally… I pictured my mother, naked, in the arms of the Demon of Yodok with his white ghostly eye searching for my soul from the other side of the window. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but luckily I had enough self-control to realize that not even the symphony of the cicadas would drown out a thunderous roar like that.

  Instead, I focused every particle of my being on my mission. I needed to convince Mrs. Choy to come with me as quickly as was humanly possible - what I now knew I should have done to begin with - but first I needed to make sure Nari was still alive. As I reached our house, I heard a muffled noise from inside. I rushed in, ready to fight, but all I found was Nari on the floor, still clenching her chest, her face all red and covered in tears. Dad had not come home yet. My relief to find her alive was, however, short-lived as Nari let out yet another long and agonizing grunt through her gritted teeth.