He squeezed her hand. “But, Georgiana, we must entertain. I would think even you might want a place to escape Miss Bingley.”
She managed a shaky laugh. “All right, William. I will allow that you might be right. But I hope we can find one just like that.” She sat herself upright. “Where is the next one?”
He smiled; she was very brave. “We’ll stop for lunch first — at Camberley, perhaps. I’m not certain about the next one; it seems ideal, except that it is just that little too far away from the village. The nearest place is called Bisley.”
She glanced at him. “We will be able to afford a carriage, though, won’t we?”
“Oh yes.” Darcy frowned. “I wouldn’t have been able to give up the sea if I hadn’t enough prize money to live on comfortably enough.” Perhaps he could delicately raise the subject of Elizabeth over luncheon with Georgiana. She needed to know about his hopes.
They sat in silence for the next half hour while he wondered how to talk to her about it.
It was two days later when he presented his card at the door of number twenty-three, Gracechurch Street, and asked for Mrs. Gardiner.
She swept into the hall, not waiting for him to be escorted to the drawing room. “Admiral Darcy! How very kind of you to call.”
He bowed. “I hope you do not think this is an intrusion, madam, after so many months.”
Her gaze was astute. “I see you have been in the sun, Mr. Darcy. So I assume you have been at sea?”
He dipped his head in acknowledgement. “Indeed.”
“Well, come through and I will order tea. You will be able to tell me the reason for your call.”
Darcy’s heart pounded. He didn’t know quite what to tell her, but he did want to ask how Elizabeth was, and what her circumstances were in Hertfordshire.
He wouldn’t like to just appear and cause her any embarrassment.
He became aware that she was regarding him with some amusement and felt the confusion heat his face.
“I beg your pardon, Mrs. Gardiner. I didn’t mean to cause any difficulty.” Perhaps the answer was merely to speak honestly. “I am here to enquire how your niece, Miss Bennet, is faring now — and her friend, of course.”
She nodded briskly and handed him his tea. “Thank you for being concerned as to her welfare. She is physically well. But, of course, these things take time to get over.”
Darcy sipped his tea, considering. He ought to be frank. He looked up. “I am intending to call on Miss Bennet in Hertfordshire. I do not wish to cause her any embarrassment, so is there anything you think you might need to say to me, so that I do not unwittingly cause her distress?”
It was Mrs. Gardiner’s turn to hesitate. She drank her tea, thinking.
Darcy wondered what the problem was. She knew him as a third son, but as a lady she would not be concerned with finding out whether he could afford to be here. For that, he would have to speak to Mr. Bennet. He wasn’t concerned; he had fortune enough.
She seemed to make up her mind. “I think you ought to know that Lizzy won’t be in Hertfordshire again for a few weeks, Mr. Darcy.” She seemed to notice his expression. “Oh, it’s nothing to be concerned about, but she is coming to stay with me for a little while. In fact, I am expecting her this afternoon.” Her smile was understanding. “I think perhaps you could call on her here.”
He jumped to his feet. “Mrs. Gardiner, I would like that very much. Would Miss Bennet be available to receive my call tomorrow morning?”
She rose politely. “I think for her first morning here she will stay at home.” She looked at him directly. “I will tell her beforehand that you are going to call.”
He bowed. “Of course. I will not fail to appear, Mrs. Gardiner.”
As he rode home, he wondered how she might receive him in the morning. He knew he would spend much of the night wakeful, tossing and turning, planning things he could say.
At Darcy House, he handed the reins to the groom and ran up the steps. The butler took his hat and gloves. “Good morning, Admiral. Mr. George Darcy is in his library. Mr. Stephen is not at home at the moment, and Miss Darcy is in the drawing room.”
Darcy nodded, happy that Stephen was out, but still annoyed that Georgiana was sitting alone again. “Please tell Miss Darcy I will join her shortly, when I have spoken to our brother.”
The butler bowed. “Yes, Admiral.”
Darcy knocked on the library door. “Good morning, George!”
His brother looked up gloomily. “You’re confoundedly cheerful this morning, Fitz.”
“What’s up?” Darcy dropped into the great library chair by the fire, and George sighed and got up from his desk to sit opposite him.
“It’s Stephen; it’s always Stephen.” George’s glum mood seeped into Darcy’s mind.
“I don’t know why you don’t make him leave here. You’d be happier.”
“But where would he go?” George scowled, looking very like Father. “You each got an equal share of Mother’s settlement, as the younger siblings. What have you done with your ten thousand pounds? I’ll wager it is now more than doubled under your tending. But Stephen? I think he has nothing left.”
“He is thirty years old. You can no longer be forced to be responsible for him.” Darcy knew his voice was hard. “The money from the estate is needed to manage the estate, not to prop up those family members who will not work.”
“I know.” George rubbed his face. “I wish you were the next eldest, Fitz. I would have less worry about Pemberley if you were the next in line.”
“Well, I’m not.” Darcy wondered if he wished it, too. He wouldn’t have been sent to sea as a boy, wouldn’t have discovered the vocation he loved. He’d have been a lot safer. He sat up straighter. “What’s he threatening you with?”
George got up, went to the decanter, and sloshed whisky into a couple of glasses. “It’s nothing to worry yourself about, Fitz.” He handed one drink to Darcy and gulped at his own. “Georgiana tells me you’re looking at small estates to rent and she will keep house for you.” He glanced over. “Can you afford it?”
“I wouldn’t be looking at them if I couldn’t,” Darcy muttered.
“You always were good at investments and managing money,” George observed. “I suppose you’ve earned more prize money than I had thought.”
Darcy nodded. “I have been fortunate.”
“Wasted. Wasted on that stupid risk.” George drained his glass. “Father ought to have given you a better, safer upbringing.” He glared over at him. “Don’t tell me none of it was dangerous: you might have been killed!”
Darcy stared into his glass. “Of course it was dangerous. But I have left it now. I will give Georgiana a home. You must remarry and produce an heir. You have a duty to Pemberley. Prevent Stephen from getting it.” He rose to his feet. “We’ll talk again after we dine, George. I must go to Georgiana.”
18
Elizabeth jumped down from her father’s coach and looked at the coachman. “Thank you, Mr. Milton. You may go back to Longbourn when you’ve rested a little.”
The man touched his hat and drove off towards the yard. Elizabeth turned and hurried up the steps to find her aunt.
“Aunt! Thank you so much for saying I could come to London! I feel much happier already.”
Aunt Gardiner’s face was wreathed in smiles. “Lizzy!” She embraced her. “You’re always welcome here. You know you only have to ask.” She turned to the footman.
“Arrange for tea, please.” She turned to Elizabeth.
“Come through into the drawing room. I expect you have a lot to tell me.”
They exchanged news over the tea and pastries. Then Aunt Gardiner became a little more serious. “I was discomposed about your letter, Lizzy. You seemed to be telling me how difficult it was to put your recent experiences behind you.”
Elizabeth sighed and put down the unfinished pastry. Suddenly she wasn’t hungry any more. She looked over at her. “You’re right; everythin
g is so much the same. Yet I feel different. It was an awful time, really terrible. Yet I don’t remember ever feeling so alive as I was afterwards. And, then — the admiral brought us here and rode away, and everything was the same, just as if nothing had ever happened.” She shrugged slightly. “But I can’t change back and be the same.”
Her aunt’s face was sympathetic, and Elizabeth suddenly wondered if she’d said too much.
“Come on, Lizzy. We can walk in the gardens for a while. It would be unfortunate if we were to miss the good weather.” Aunt Gardiner rose to her feet.
They strolled in the gardens for a while and then her aunt led her to the bench under the old cherry tree. “I want to know more about how you feel, Lizzy. Or I might give you the wrong advice, and I would not wish to make you unhappy.”
Elizabeth smiled. “I’d never think you could do that.”
“But perhaps I might, inadvertently.” Her aunt smiled lovingly. “In your letter, you said you had found the admiral compelling, and yet you must forget him. Is that what is making it difficult for you to go back to your old life?”
Elizabeth scuffed her shoe on the path. “Sometimes I think it is. And other times I think I’ll just go mad if nothing keeps on happening. On the ship, there were hundreds of people, all working to keep her sailing on, find out what was going on, a new horizon every day, even if it looked exactly the same empty sea.” She jumped to her feet and began to walk up and down. “I can see why he loved it. I could tell, when he talked about his ships and their crews, how much he cared about them and how unafraid he was, because his skill could keep them safe.” Her shoulders sagged, and she returned wearily to sit beside her aunt again. “But it is all quite impossible, anyway. He never gave me any reason to think he’d call, even if he wasn’t given orders to sail.”
Her aunt reached for her hand. “Oh, Lizzy.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I have been trying to find out what has happened to the squadron — he was on blockade duty, you see. But there is never very much information that is easy to understand in the news. And Papa says that if there is a report that the navy do not want the enemy to know, then it will not be in the newspaper anyway.”
“I think your father is right, Lizzy.” Aunt Gardiner patted her hand. “Now, it seems to me you have far more interest in the admiral and how he fares than you do in reliving the events of the storm, and that once you have some peace over him then you will be of a calmer mind than I had considered might be the case.”
Elizabeth nodded thoughtfully. “But that is what I find difficult to reconcile myself with. I don’t see that I will ever have peace about him. I do not even know if he is alive and well.” She knew her eyes filled with tears, and she turned to face her aunt. “Do you think it is because my affections are really stirred by him, or is it just that he saved our lives and cared enough to bring us home safely? Might it just be because of — gratitude — that I feel this way? I would be mortified if that was the case and I met him.”
“Well, I don’t think you’ll know unless you do have the opportunity to meet him, away from the febrile atmosphere on board ship,” her aunt said, practically.
“So that means I’ll never know!” Elizabeth felt dashed. “It has been more than two months, Aunt. And I do not even know whether he is alive or dead.”
Her aunt rose to her feet. “Come let us walk on a little. You’re very restless.” She tucked her hand in her niece’s arm. “I can relieve your mind on one thing at least. Mr. Darcy is alive and well. At least, he was so this morning when he called here.”
Whatever response her aunt had been expecting, Elizabeth was quite sure she had exceeded it. She stopped and turned to stare at her face. “Mr. Darcy came here? Admiral Darcy?”
“Yes.” Aunt Gardiner looked satisfied. “When he heard you were on your way to London, he asked if he might call upon you tomorrow. I told him he could do that.”
Elizabeth had fortified herself with two cups of tea at breakfast the next morning and sat with her aunt in the drawing room. Uncle Gardiner had patted her shoulder as he left for his warehouse. “Send him down to see me, Madeline, if there is any reason to do so.”
Elizabeth tried to control her trembling. It was important to her that he should see her calm and in control. She tried to stop her lips twitching — at least he’d see her in a better gown than before.
She stared fixedly at the clock. All she wanted was to know he was well. That’s all she wanted. She snorted at her thoughts. I’m a fool if I believe that. Perhaps she wanted him to think her uninterested? No, she didn’t want that, either.
“Lizzy. Stop trying to think up every possible answer before you know what he is going to say.” Aunt Gardiner used tiny scissors to snip the end of the thread.
“Yes, Aunt Gardiner,” Elizabeth said dutifully, and turned her attention to her own needlework. What if she had not asked her aunt to invite her to stay? Would she ever have seen him? Or would her aunt’s reassurances have meant he could leave all thoughts of her behind?
She heard the muted sound of the doorbell through the closed door, and her heart hammered painfully.
The footman entered. “Admiral Darcy, madam.”
Both ladies rose and curtsied in response to his bow. He looked thinner, she thought, as her aunt greeted him.
He replied to her aunt, then turned to her. “Miss Bennet. I’m happy to see you appear well recovered from your ordeal.”
She knew she blushed, and was vexed by it. “Thank you, sir.” She took a deep breath. “My aunt tells me you did not return to the blockade squadron.”
“Sit down, Mr. Darcy. I will order tea.” Aunt Gardiner intervened, and they all sat down.
Mr. Darcy turned to Elizabeth. “No, I was given fresh orders, and sailed within a week towards the Americas.”
She smiled. “Is it beautiful there?”
He shook his head. “I did not get that far, Miss Bennet. My orders required me not to do so. But I have been there before, of course. In my opinion, everywhere has a certain amount of beauty, if you seek it out.”
“I understand. I think I agree with that. When one has travelled for so long, I believe the enjoyment must always be in a new shore, a new place to learn about.” She sensed his interest, but for a few moments conversation became more general.
After they had drunk their tea, Aunt Gardiner looked at the admiral. “Mr. Darcy, I can see the gardens very well from my seat in this window.” She gave the ghost of a smile. “Lizzy is very fond of walking, should you wish to take a turn.”
19
Darcy’s heart leapt. He turned to Elizabeth. “Miss Bennet, would you be agreeable to take a turn with me, as your aunt has suggested?”
“Thank you.” Her murmur was quiet. “I’ll just get my coat.”
His heart was pounding. It seemed her aunt knew his intentions, and he thought she must approve.
He offered Elizabeth his arm to descend the wide steps into the garden and felt the searing heat of her hand even through the fabric of his coat. He did not speak for some moments; he had to regain his equilibrium.
She seemed content to stroll in silence with him, occasionally glancing up at the window where her aunt was seated.
Finally he felt he could speak. “I’m happy to see you well recovered from your ordeal at sea, Miss Bennet.” Stupid, tongue-tied fool! He’d already said that to her. What would she think of him? No, he must have his say.
“I was ordered to take a new squadron into the Atlantic. My flagship was the Impregnable. She’s almost new.”
“It’s a great honour for you,” she said softly, her eyes bright.
“Yes. But, even though you had never walked those decks, I … I seemed to be able to see you there, looking out over the aft rail, your interest taken by a flock of birds, by the changing wind, or something happening on deck.”
She was looking down. How could he know what she was thinking? He must finish what he was going to say. “Miss Bennet, I do not
wish to offend you, but I have found it impossible not to think of you, not to wonder what you are doing, how you are faring back in your old life.”
She stopped and looked up at him. “Might we sit under the cherry tree for a little?”
He bowed slightly in acquiescence and took a seat on the edge of the bench once she had sat down.
She met his gaze. “I confess, I too, thought of you, sir.”
His heart leapt into his throat, but he forced himself not to speak.
“I was concerned for you, as the sea is so dangerous, and I could not find out any news worth hearing.” She shook her head sadly. “You told me about your young sister. Does she not worry for your safety?”
He nodded painfully. “Yes, she has always been distressed when I had to return to my ship. But a younger son has to earn a living, and my family chose the sea for me when I was only a boy.” He smiled faintly. “As a child, I knew I would live forever, so I was unconcerned.”
Her lips curved. “How long did that knowledge last?”
He grimaced. “Until the first broadside, when a fellow midshipman was cut down in front of me.”
Her hand touched his. “You must have been very frightened.”
“It wasn’t something I could ever admit to anyone,” he said, thickly. “In fact, I think you are the only person to whom I have ever admitted the fact.”
“And that takes a bravery all of its own.” Her voice was very soft. “Mr. Darcy, please take great care — although I know it isn’t possible to avoid all danger while at sea.”
He drew a deep breath. “I have been at sea long enough. I was very fortunate with this last mission. I could fulfil my orders more completely than anyone at the Admiralty had thought possible. I have used the goodwill thus engendered and retired from the Navy. I am not returning to sea.”
Her gasp of surprise drew his attention. “Are you not happy for me?”
Darcy the Admiral Page 8
