Darcy the Admiral

by Harriet Knowles

  Elizabeth could not help herself. She reached out and took his hand. “Mr. Darcy, I am so sorry. It must have been a very difficult time for you.”

  There was pain in his features, and she knew he was too tired to mask it. “Yes. I have been more concerned how to support my sister when I tell her.” His gaze was on her hand as she clasped his, and she snatched it away. She ought not to be giving him comfort; that right was not hers.

  “I understood from her that Colonel Fitzwilliam went with you to Derby. Has he not returned? Perhaps he will have told her by now if she has asked.”

  He shook his head. “No, he is here, too. He agreed to wait until I was ready to go to her. Your aunt is kindly entertaining him.”

  Elizabeth’s lips curved. “You must be giving all your family great cause for concern, Mr. Darcy.”

  He smiled reluctantly. “If I wasn’t constrained by the mourning period, I would indeed be proceeding with my hopes to confound my relatives utterly.” He looked up at her. The expression in his eyes sent a strange weakness through her.

  “Miss Bennet, I know I cannot do as my heart desires, because of the proprieties we must observe, but I have been determined to speak to you, and attempt to obtain some sort of understanding with you. It is not fair that you might be feeling uncertain of my intentions.”

  Her lips twitched. “Sir, you do not need to speak openly of the matter. I have been perfectly well able to divine your feelings by your actions.”

  Something flared within his eyes, and she suddenly felt short of breath, but she held up her hand to him, and he waited for her to say what she wished to.

  “I know you’re concerned about the proprieties of mourning. But I’m very much aware that loss and death of friends and colleagues in this awful war have been your constant companions. You might be concerned that you seem not to have the usual response to the death of a family member that might be expected.” She met his eyes. “But you have explained to me the situation. The fact that your brother — your eldest brother — was not close to you, and you have rarely seen him since you went to sea; well, the loss of friends you lived and worked with in the close confines of a ship would affect you much more. I understand your concern and I do not worry that it makes you appear uncaring. I know what you really feel.”

  “Thank you. I’m grateful that you can see the detail of what has been concerning me.”

  She nodded. “As for your other brother — well, I know that life on a naval ship is harsh. Charlotte’s brother has told me as much. Justice is swift and, as a captain and then an admiral, you must have been expected to order appropriate punishments. Mr. Stephen might have been your brother, but he had forfeited the right to be mourned as such by his actions.” She swivelled further on the seat to face him. “I do not ascribe any blame or horror to you for your actions in this matter. You have been completely honourable.”

  “Thank you.” His murmur was very quiet.

  “But I know the events will not be as easy to put out of your mind as they ought to be. I hope that you will feel able to talk about them when you need to.”

  Suddenly, she jumped to her feet. “I’m sorry; we have been too long.” Aunt Gardiner and Colonel Fitzwilliam were walking towards them across the lawn.

  27

  Darcy bit back an exclamation of annoyance and he rose to his feet as she did. Why had Richard not kept Mrs. Gardiner in conversation to give him more time? Why had he not said what he wished to right at the beginning?

  But it was too late now. As they were taking their leave in the hall a few minutes later, he turned to Elizabeth.

  “Miss Bennet, might you be able to call on my sister tomorrow morning? After I have given her the news today, I think she might take much comfort from your call.” Surely he could find a few minutes with her tomorrow?

  She hesitated and looked at her aunt.

  He hurried on. “I will send the coach for you, and two maids as chaperones.” He turned to Mrs. Gardiner. “I will undertake to see your niece home safely and with all due propriety, madam.”

  Back in the coach, Richard looked at him wryly. “I thought I gave you enough time to do what you needed to?”

  Darcy shook his head. “No. You must help me tomorrow to get five minutes. Just five minutes, Richard.”

  “Mother will not be happy,” his cousin muttered. “We need to find out more about Miss Bennet’s background.”

  “I don’t care about her background, I don’t care!” Darcy didn’t know how he could convince his friend further. Fortunately, he didn’t need to.

  Richard held up a hand placatingly. “I think you need to have your say, Darcy, regardless of the mourning period. You will not be content otherwise — and not easy to be around!” His smile robbed his words of rancour. Darcy knew his answering smile was more of a grimace.

  The next morning, he sat with Georgiana and Richard in the drawing room of Darcy House. He’d sent Mr. Duncan with the coachmen to fetch Elizabeth, just to make certain she was safe.

  Richard glanced warningly at him; he supposed it was to remind him that she was, of course, calling on his sister. But he must talk to her today, he must.

  “Darcy and I will go to the library when Miss Bennet arrives, Georgiana. So you may enjoy her call. If you permit, perhaps we may join you later?” Richard was making it quite clear to him what was going to happen. He nodded silently.

  At least he could see her when she arrived. She greeted them very properly, before turning to Georgiana.

  “Thank you for seeing me this morning, dear friend. I expect there is much to talk about.”

  The ladies vanished into the drawing room. Richard nudged him, and he followed his cousin into the library.

  Richard laughed. “Perhaps we ought to ride out for an hour, Darcy. It might take your mind off what is going on in the drawing room.”

  Darcy didn’t answer, but Richard took matters into his own hands and began to talk about Pemberley, and the needs of the estate now that Darcy was fully master of it.

  “Well, while you are not needed back with your regiment for a few weeks, it will be helpful if you were to look into the estate matters with me, Richard. At least you have had the education to manage the Matlock estate if it should ever fall into your hands.”

  Richard laughed comfortably. “That’s not likely now. David is married and settled, and they have little Henry and George, so the line of succession is assured.”

  “Well, you can make some use of your knowledge and assist me, then,” Darcy grumbled, looking at the clock, which seemed to be crawling.

  At last they could go through to the drawing room, where they joined the ladies. Georgiana looked happier than she had before, and Richard suggested they could all take a turn in the gardens.

  His cousin strolled away with Georgiana, and Darcy turned to their guest. “Miss Bennet, I’m sorry to seem hasty in this, but I have been trying to ask you about a certain matter on many of our recent meetings, and I have not yet succeeded. I hope it does not seem too abrupt if I take what time we have.”

  She looked up at him. “Whatever you think best, sir.” But her expression was guarded, and he wondered for a moment whether she would receive his advances with happiness.

  He must take courage from the opportunity to speak, and begin.

  “Miss Bennet, I needed to speak to you so that both of us understand each other’s point of view. I know I ought, perhaps, not speak of the matter so soon after recent events, but I find myself too impatient to wait longer — and I think to do so would be utterly unfair on you.” He stopped to draw breath, and hesitated. “That sounds too formal.” He raked his hand through his hair and turned to her.

  “May we sit on that bench for a few moments, if you please?” He led her over to the bench and waited while she seated herself, then he sat at the other end and turned to face her. She seemed tolerably composed, he thought. She must know what he was about.

  “Miss Bennet. When I called at your aunt’s to
see you that first day, I told you that even on the Impregnable, I could not get you out of my mind. Since then, every time I have met you I am more and more irresistibly drawn to — not just your beauty, but the quality of your mind and your care and concern for me.” He looked up at her face, but she was looking down. What was she thinking?

  “Miss Bennet, you must allow me to tell you how much I ardently desire and love you.” He said the last words despairingly, she didn’t look as if she was receiving his words with any affections of her own. He was silent, only a faint hope remaining.

  “Don’t look like that, Mr. Darcy. I will tell you how honoured I am to hear those words. But I do have some concerns that you ought not to have expressed them to me.” She glanced round, then reached out and touched his hand. “You haven’t met my family.” She bit her lip anxiously. “I love them dearly, but I would be the first to admit that they can be embarrassing when with them. My mother and my younger sisters …” She shook her head slightly.

  Her fingers sent little trails of heat through his hand. “Sir, I admit I welcomed your calls very much before. I hoped for your affections, in the same way as mine were growing towards you. But things have changed, haven’t they? You are the master of a great estate, and you have responsibilities and duties to your family and the estate. If I encourage your attentions, I would be doing you a disservice. High society would not approve of me.” She bowed her head. “I care too much for you to allow people to disapprove of you for your choice.”

  He looked at her in consternation. It sounded as if she had given way to tears. If it had not been for that, his heart would have been singing. She had affection for him! She’d been anticipating his attentions.

  “Please don’t be distressed on my behalf, Miss Bennet. I cannot bear the thought that I have distressed you.” He turned his hand over and grasped hers.

  She looked up through eyes that were shiny with unshed tears. “I am happy, I think,” she said. “Although sad at the same time. We could have been happy together, I know that. But that great estate, and you being such a high-born, wealthy gentleman — I could not be the right society wife you need.”

  His grasp tightened round her hand. “You think I ought to wed one of those society debutantes, one of those who wouldn’t even give me a second glance when I was a poor third son? One of those who only wants to marry for my wealth and status?”

  “Oh!” Her gasp was of sorrow. “You must have felt so lonely.”

  “Elizabeth — I know I ought not to call you by your given name, but it is how I think of you — Elizabeth, I need you beside me, I need you helping me with this new life I’m being forced to take on. My love for you is so strong, I wish to have you beside me, I wish to make you happy, protect you. For the rest of my life.”

  28

  Elizabeth looked up. “I’m overwhelmed with all you’ve said, Mr. Darcy. As I said, I want you to be happy, even if it means you find happiness with a lady other than myself.” She could feel the warmth spreading from her hand, still firmly grasped in his. “But you must be cautious, sir, before becoming obliged to me. You must meet my family — meet them before we have any sort of understanding. Then you will have enough information to make a decision.” She blinked; she would not allow tears to fall. “And if you then decide not to offer for me, I will understand and won’t be surprised.”

  He bent his head to her. “You are a gentleman’s daughter. You are beautiful, kind and with perfect manners. I wish to marry you, and, whatever your family is like, I will always wish to marry you.” He leaned closer still. “Would you think no one should marry me because my brother was a murderer?”

  “Oh no!” She jerked her head up. “Do not think like that!”

  “Then, despite what my brother was, might you agree to be my wife, if I can persuade you of my regard?”

  She laughed softly. “You have managed to turn the argument against me, Mr. Darcy. If you wish for an understanding, then you may have it.”

  If she had not fully understood the depth of his love before, she couldn’t fail to see it in his expression now.

  He lifted her hand to his lips, the touch remaining on the back of her hand as if it was burned.

  “Now, Elizabeth, I have a reason to go to Hertfordshire. May I go and ask for your father’s consent to marry?”

  Sadly, she shook her head. “Mr. Darcy, I think you ought, perhaps, to wait at least until you are in half-mourning. I would not care for you to receive more censure for it.”

  He sighed. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I had forgotten.”

  She forced a smile. “This has to be an understanding, I know, not an engagement — and — if things change, and you believe you need to do things differently, you must tell me. I will not hold you to any sort of obligation.”

  He smiled slowly. “But I most definitely will hold myself so.”

  He rose to his feet and offered her his arm. “May I tell Georgiana and Richard what we have agreed? They are the only members of my family whose opinion I care about.”

  She felt a flush steal over her features. “Oh dear, I was here to call on Georgiana, and I have been talking to you for a long time.”

  “But she has been hoping for this, Elizabeth. I’m sure she will tell you so.”

  Elizabeth lay in bed that night, hugging the secret to herself. Aunt Gardiner had guessed something had happened, but Elizabeth just said that she and the admiral had managed to have a short conversation, and that the mourning period meant very little could happen for quite a while.

  She lifted the back of her hand to her own lips. He had kissed her hand just there. At the thought of it, she could almost feel the heat of his touch. What would it be like to be embraced by him, once they were married?

  She tried to control her breathing. She must not allow herself to dream like this. What would happen if he decided that she was from an unsuitable family? Would she ever be able to forget him and try and make a life with someone else?

  With a sigh, she sat up on the edge of the bed. She must not think of it. It was already too late for her; she knew that. No man would ever compare to her admiral. She smiled into the darkness. The great changes that were coming to them now that he was master of Pemberley would not be easy, but she knew that she was willing to suffer whatever happened if only it meant she could be with him.

  It had been a little more than a month since they’d first received news of his eldest brother’s death. Five more months of mourning. She grimaced, and lay back down, rolling herself in the covers. How could she wait that long?

  Now she’d made her decision, she wanted to begin their new life together, not sit and wait for the time to pass.

  He would find it difficult, too. How could she help him and make the time not only pass more quickly, but be of interest to them, perhaps help them learn some of what they needed to?

  She didn’t sleep much, wondering what he was thinking. Perhaps he would think he ought to go to Pemberley, and begin to get to know the staff. If he did that, she could not go, too. She knew that. It would not do to upset those on the estate by seeming to forget Mr. George Darcy.

  As she began to drift into sleep, she recalled Jane’s letter to her that morning. Jane had asked when she thought she would be returning to Longbourn.

  For we all miss you, Lizzy, and I know I miss you even more than Papa does.

  Elizabeth made a face. How could she leave London, and Mr. Darcy?

  The next morning, she had to make quite an effort in an attempt to hide the signs of her sleepless night which appeared on her features, and it was with some embarrassment that she made her way downstairs, certain that her uncle would remark on it.

  But Aunt Gardiner gave him a look and Elizabeth sat down gratefully to try and eat enough to feel rather more lively than she looked.

  “Was there any interesting news from Jane in your letter yesterday?” Her aunt poured herself another cup of tea.

  Elizabeth turned to her. “Not a lot has happene
d at home, although Jane is asking when I am returning to the country.”

  “What are you going to tell her?”

  “I don’t know, Aunt. Perhaps I ought to mention that I have seen the admiral.”

  Her aunt’s eyebrows went up. “Haven’t you told her anything yet?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “It seemed to be inviting curiosity, and later, I felt awkward about introducing the topic.”

  “I think, perhaps, you ought to give her some sort of intimation,” Aunt Gardiner remarked. She looked at Elizabeth over the rim of her teacup. “Although things cannot move as fast as they ought with the mourning period being so long. It is a great pity.”

  Elizabeth silently agreed with the sentiment. “I was wondering if I ought to go home. Perhaps if he calls on me there, he would discover what the family is like, and I will know then if I am going to see him again. Although, if I go to the country, I cannot see more of Georgiana, and she really needs a friend.”

  Her aunt smiled at her. “You know you’re always welcome here, Lizzy, and for as long as you like. But I can see your dilemma. If you are going to marry — and, even though you haven’t told me, there is a certain look about you — then Georgiana will be your sister, too. Having lost her brothers in most distressing circumstances, her need could be said to be greater than Jane’s.” She pursed her lips. “Although, while you remain in London, the admiral has no reason to call upon your family, and I suppose, no connections to take him to Hertfordshire.”

  “I believe you’re right, as always, Aunt.” Elizabeth jumped up and went round the table to embrace her. “I can’t thank you enough for permitting him to call upon me here.”

  Her aunt laughed. “I suppose you are expecting him to call this morning.” She laughed and Elizabeth knew she had blushed.

  29

  Darcy dismounted outside the door of twenty-three, Gracechurch Street. He was not as discomposed as he had been on previous calls. Elizabeth had said she had affection for him. She had agreed with his wish to have an understanding between them.