The Learning Curve

by Melissa Nathan

  ‘I’ve got a bit of a throat coming,’ she whispered with a smile that Nicky was beginning to despise. She stared at the piece of paper and wondered why it was shaking so much. Then she realised it was because her hand was. She hadn’t spoken underneath a spotlight since her own nativity plays, about twenty-five years ago. And Mr Samuels, who hated and pitied her, was sitting in the audience, preparing himself to give her a piece of his mind.

  Just then Rob appeared.

  ‘Ah!’ cried Miss James. Thank the Lord, thought Nicky, her body instantly relaxing. ‘Looks like you’ve missed your chance of stardom,’ Miss James told him happily. ‘Nicky’s going to introduce tonight’s show. You’ll have to do next year’s.’

  ‘I don’t mind,’ said Nicky faintly.

  ‘I’m sure you don’t,’ Miss James held her hand in a tight grip. ‘But tonight’s your chance to shine.’ Another smile. ‘Come along, my dear. Beginners in five.’

  Nicky looked down and watched her feet follow Miss James out to the front of the changing room. She kept her eyes down as she passed Rob and Amanda, but she felt fairly sure she was not missing any great expressions of enthusiastic solidarity. The next thing she knew, she was standing next to Miss James in the wings. Her heart was pumping so fiercely she was worried that the audience would be able to see it through her sheer dress. And as she stood there, the thought struck her that there was every chance tonight would be the first night that a teacher, and not a pupil, had an accident in the wings.

  Outside, in the auditorium, Mark could not believe how terrified he was. His hands were sweating so much he could barely hold the camcorder. He showed Lilith, who was sitting next to him.

  ‘Well, what did you expect?’ was her unsympathetic response. ‘To enjoy this?’

  ‘What if he forgets his lines?’ he whispered. ‘Or falls over? Jesus Christ. This is torture.’

  Lilith stared at him. ‘What did you imagine it would be like?’

  He shrugged. ‘Fun?’

  She laughed. ‘Fun? You make it sound like a trip to the cinema. Parenthood isn’t a leisure activity, it’s an extreme sport.’

  ‘I’m beginning to see that,’ he said quietly.

  Lilith sighed. ‘You have so much to learn.’

  ‘I think I’m going to be sick,’ mumbled Mark.

  The lights went down.

  ‘Well, you’ll have to hold it in,’ said Lilith harshly. ‘Ooh look,’ she cried suddenly, as a few wolf whistles sounded from the auditorium. ‘It’s Nicky!’

  Mark forced himself to look up at the stage. Fully expecting to see his only child trip up out of the wings, break his neck and die, he was pleasantly surprised to see Miss Hobbs standing in the centre of the stage, ignoring wolf-whistles.

  He stared. It dawned on him that although he’d met her several times now – and one memorable time while she was wearing only a bikini – he had never really had the chance to look at her properly; to study her, to take her all in. This was mostly because it was rude to stare, but also because it was hard to study a woman when she was shouting abuse at you.

  He sat back. First he looked at her face. It was too cute to be called beautiful, but there was definitely something arresting about it. A dimple appeared in one cheek whenever she smiled. He traced the ringlets of lustrous, chestnut hair that shone with auburn highlights under the spotlight and came to rest on her chest, rising gently with every breath. Her dress flowed in and out like a river, and, although he was no expert, to his eye the only thing keeping her high heels on were tiny little bows at the front of her dainty ankles.

  Once he felt he’d accumulated enough visual data, he decided to turn his attention to what she was saying. He was surprised to find that the voice that had seemed so strong when it had been screaming at him, was now distinctly soft and even quite tremulous. He observed that every few words were punctuated by a little cough and she kept coiling her hair behind her ear, a futile action, as it kept popping out again. When she got annoyed with it he smiled to himself. She was cute. Definitely cute.

  After collating all the visual and aural data he came to the conclusion that Miss Hobbs was suffering from stage-fright. And was extremely cute.

  His neck stretched forward every time she coughed. Bloody hell, he thought, as he watched her lick her increasingly dry lips, the poor woman was terrified. She came to a faltering end, gave an apologetic smile – there was that dimple again – and then walked extremely cautiously off the stage. He was surprised to hear clapping around him.

  He didn’t take much in after that, especially as he knew Oscar wasn’t on until the second half. The first half was the Reception class re-enacting the Nativity scene. Any other year he’d have found it a grotesque waste of an hour of his life, but this year, it moved him almost unbearably. He found himself occupied with wondering what was happening backstage. Did the teachers stand in the wings? Was Oscar with her right now?

  During the interval, he and Lilith queued for some mulled wine and he grimly studied all the other parents over the rim of his paper cup. When he realised some of the teachers were milling around among the parents, he watched them with surprise. He had no idea they’d be so young. He almost choked on his wine when he saw Rob wander past. He recognised him immediately as the tosser who had almost got them killed by his dangerous driving at the fireworks display. This bloke had definitely been driving Nicky home that night. He gave him the once-over. So, this was her type, then. He almost dropped his cup when Rob recognised Lilith and grinned happily.

  ‘Ms Parker!’ he greeted her. ‘How lovely to see you.’

  To Mark’s disgust, Lilith seemed just as delighted to see him. He stared as they openly flirted with each other, growing increasingly disconcerted at the discovery that this young bloke, who couldn’t drive and was screwing Miss Hobbs, had been Oscar’s teacher for all of last year. He went off and queued for another two plastic cups of wine, contemplating the thought that this bloke had spent every day of last year with his son and had probably worn those ridiculous trendy jeans in the classroom. No wonder Oscar’s clothes sense was screwed.

  After Rob wandered off, he joined Lilith, tutting loudly and shaking his head.

  ‘What?’ demanded Lilith.

  He nodded towards Rob. ‘Thinks he’s God’s gift.’

  Lilith watched Rob go. ‘Well, maybe not God’s gift, but a voucher, definitely. I wouldn’t mind choosing something off that.’

  ‘You’re kidding?’ said Mark. ‘That’s good-looking, is it?’ He finished his wine and went straight on to hers.

  ‘God, yes,’ said Lilith enthusiastically. ‘Sex on legs.’

  ‘Looks like a tosser to me,’ muttered Mark and looked away from Lilith to avoid her amazed stare at him. By the time the lights went down again, he was feeling much more relaxed.

  When he felt a sharp stab in his right rib, he woke with a start. He sat up. Where was Oscar? He scanned the stage for an extortionate pair of shades that looked like naff swimming goggles.

  ‘Where is he?’ he hissed to Lilith.

  Two parents in front shushed him.

  Lilith pointed to the tall boy at the back, standing in a parody of a rapper pose while Busted sang a song about what they went to school for. It hardly seemed an appropriate song, but it was surprisingly good.

  Then Oscar swaggered to the centre of the stage and the lights dimmed. Mark stared at the stage breathlessly, waiting for the lights to come back up. When they did he was struck by how tall Oscar was. When he first heard him speak his lines – lines Mark knew off by heart – he let out an audible gasp. Oscar’s voice was so clear, so loud and so confident. He thought his heart might burst out of his ribcage. He lifted his camcorder up to his eye so quickly he hit himself in the face. No matter, he flicked it on to record and took in the sight of his son grasping himself by the goolies and singing ‘Away in da Manger’ to increasingly hysterical laughter from the audience. When the rapturous applause finally came, Mark made noises he’d never heard
himself make before. On the tape it sounded like crying, but he swore it was laughter.

  When her pupils trooped off-stage into the wings, they all hurled themselves into Miss Hobbs’s arms. And she forgot all the PC rules that stated she wasn’t allowed to touch them and made up for a year of caution by hugging them all so fiercely she almost winded them. Miss James always turned a blind eye to such goings-on after the Nativity Play. She felt Jesus would understand.

  She always insisted that the teachers appeared out front after the performance to gush with all the proud parents. Usually Nicky loved doing this and then she adored dissecting it with the gang the next day. This year she felt there was little to look forward to. It had long been one of her inspired traditions to hand out goody bags to all the children backstage as soon as they had finished changing. It stopped them taking two hours to get out of their costumes and ensured that the teachers got home before midnight. This year she was loath to let go of them, such was her terror of what she was about to face in the auditorium tonight. She busied herself giving each child a hearty hug and telling them exactly what was inside their goody bag before handing it over. Then she set to, finishing clearing up the inevitable detritus left by children so eager to bask in the glow of parental pride that they forgot the costume the parents had taken months to make.

  As she did so, she wondered idly if Miss James had even noted Rob’s late appearance tonight. Then she wondered if Miss James would ever call her her right-hand woman, as she’d referred to Rob as her right-hand man? And although she’d hated every minute of making the announcements before the performance, she did wonder why Miss James had assumed it should be Rob’s job? For the first time she found herself wondering if Rob was getting the better deal as Joint Deputy. Or, if she was honest with herself, was she just feeling bitter, not because Amanda had finally got Rob, but because Amanda’s glee at doing so was so clearly directed at her?

  She was relieved when the noise lessened around her. She hadn’t noticed she was alone until she heard Rob’s voice telling her that she was.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, not looking up from her tidying.

  ‘What’s up? You’re missing all the fun out there,’ he said, leaning against the coat pegs and looking down at her as she knelt on the floor picking up stray belongings. ‘I’ve come to look for you. I’ve been asked by three parents where you are,’ he went on. ‘I told them you were powdering your nose.’ He gave her a wink.

  ‘You what?’ she said, looking up at him for the first time, suddenly angry. ‘You didn’t feel like telling them I was clearing up, then?’

  He gave an uncertain shrug. ‘It was only a joke.’

  ‘Really?’ she said. ‘I’ll remember to say that you’re just having a quick shag with another teacher next time Miss James asks where you are, shall I? And then say it’s just a little joke.’

  Rob came nearer. ‘Hey, hey, hey,’ he soothed. ‘What’s up?’

  She stood up and knocked his hand away. ‘Don’t “hey, hey, hey” me. Telling my pupils’ parents that I’m powdering my nose is a derogatory, unprofessional – and sexist – slur, especially when I had to go on-stage tonight while you were . . . you were –’

  ‘Hey. Now, listen. We didn’t do anything . . . we were just –’

  She exploded. ‘I couldn’t care less if you were doing it doggy style on the puzzle of Southern Europe! Just don’t tarnish my reputation after I’ve had to go out there on-stage to protect yours.’

  He chuckled. ‘Crikey, that was funny! You were really nervous, weren’t you?’ he said. ‘I thought you were going to pass out.’

  ‘Thanks!’ she cried.

  ‘Don’t worry!’ he said. ‘I don’t think anyone noticed.’

  ‘Just go away,’ she said and went out front.

  She stood at the door leading to the auditorium, trying to get her bearings. When she heard Rob follow behind her, she stepped into the hall, pulling the door shut behind her, hopefully in his face.

  She stood there for a while, still holding on to the door handle, trying to spot Ally or Pete. When the door opened behind her, she walked ahead, not quite knowing where she was going. When a grinning Lilith stepped into her path, she stopped to chat to her and Daisy.

  While she was doing so, she grew aware of Rob joining them beside her and she steeled herself to maintain a smile on her face. She tried to concentrate on the conversation but found it almost impossible as Amanda also joined them, hovering behind Rob. Lilith, laughing at one of Rob’s jokes, took a tiny step back, possibly even with the intention of stepping nearer to him next time. Amanda stepped quickly into the gap and joined in the laughter.

  When Oscar appeared at Nicky’s elbow, she was so glad to see him that she practically flung herself on to the floor to his level and cried on his shoulder. To her embarrassment, her eyes filled. She made do with holding him by the shoulders and telling him how proud she was of him. She became aware of someone standing behind him and looked up to see a similarly moist-eyed Mr Samuels. He looked younger than before.

  She stood up again, nodded at him, and let go of Oscar. As she did so, she noticed him put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. Her hackles rose.

  ‘This is my dad.’ Oscar beamed. She smiled at Oscar and then looked back at his father.

  She nodded politely. ‘Yes, we’ve met.’

  He offered her his hand and she took it. As he shook it, and gushed nonsensically, she noticed that his eyes were bright, his cheeks were flushed, and there was a bruise forming above his left eye.

  ‘It was wonderful!’ he rushed. ‘Absolutely wonderful. I’ve never been before. I had no idea. Oscar said you wrote most of it. How did you do it? It was so funny! You must be exhausted. I bet you’re glad when the Christmas holidays come round!’ He laughed. ‘Oscar’s loved every minute of it, haven’t you, Osc?’

  Oscar nodded happily and leant into his dad.

  ‘Well, congratulations, anyway!’ finished Mark, releasing her hand.

  ‘Thank you.’ She smiled. ‘He’s been absolutely fantastic. A star performer.’

  She spotted Lilith give Daisy a little wink and turned her attention to the girl. ‘And you, madam, you sang exquisitely too. Quite one of the strongest links.’

  Daisy glowed.

  ‘You spoke very well at the beginning,’ Lilith told Nicky in return.

  Nicky grimaced. ‘Oh don’t,’ she said, blushing furiously. ‘I was awful.’

  ‘Ah yes,’ came in Rob loudly. ‘Our Miss Hobbs is a real little trooper.’

  Amanda gave half a laugh at this in agreement, as though this was a shared opinion or a statement they had discussed previously. Nicky ignored them both. She was beginning to pray that Rob and Amanda would leave before Mr Samuels laid into her. When Miss James appeared she almost turned and fled.

  ‘Aha!’ exclaimed Miss James. ‘I see you’ve all met, then.’

  Here it comes, thought Nicky. Have a mince pie and a P45.

  ‘What do you think of the news, eh?’ asked Miss James, her eyes wide with excitement.

  ‘Actually,’ said Mark, ‘I haven’t told them yet. I was just about to.’

  ‘Oh!’ said Miss James. ‘Well, I won’t spoil the surprise! Don’t let me spoil the surprise, will you!’ She winked at Nicky and Rob and then cocked her head in Mark’s direction. Then she turned back to them. ‘You’ll want to keep in his good books!’ She looked back at Mark. ‘Well, go on, then!’ She said. ‘Tell them! I’m in suspenders!’

  Mark looked at Oscar. ‘Go on, then!’ he said. ‘Miss James is in suspenders.’

  Oscar laughed and then, embracing his father, said, ‘Daddy’s the new school bursar. He’s starting next term. And we’re moving nearer school. And we’re going to walk into school together every morning.’

  Nicky stared at Oscar. Then she stared at Mr Samuels. In fact, she was so amazed, she was only slightly aware that the deeply sheepish grin he adopted suited him so well.

  ‘That’s right.’ His arm was
firmly round Oscar as the boy hugged him. ‘Looks like you’ll be seeing a lot more of me in the future, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Wow!’ exclaimed Amanda and stretched out her hand to him. ‘I’m Amanda. Miss Taylor. I look forward to seeing you at school in the New Year.’

  ‘Fantastic, mate,’ said Rob, stretching across Amanda and Nicky to shake him firmly by the hand. ‘Absolutely fantastic. And you know what they say? Better late than never. Better late than never, mate.’

  Nicky was preparing herself to say something suitably anodyne, but Rob carried on loudly and, feeling thoroughly exhausted, she left them to it.

  16

  OSCAR COULDN’T GET to sleep. He almost did at one point, but then he thought he heard something and he woke up again. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew Father Christmas didn’t exist, but it had definitely sounded like a roof tile dislodging . . .

  There it was again! And then something moved on the landing. It was definitely on the landing. He sat up and called out to his dad, giving him plenty of warning that he was still awake. He didn’t know what he was more afraid of, hearing a stranger on the roof or waking to find his dad standing in the middle of his room clutching a full pillowcase. Both images were so mortifying that he had now tossed and turned for two hours. Had he felt like this last Christmas Eve? He had no idea. In fact, he couldn’t ever remember feeling this weird mix of excitement and dread before. If this was what growing up felt like, he didn’t want to grow up.

  He called out again, but there was no reply. He jumped out of bed and hurried to his bedroom door. He opened it slowly, wincing as the bright hall light stung his eyes. There was something so alien about the house at night; like it wasn’t his house any more, and his dad, who inhabited this alien space, was now a stranger. He couldn’t wait till they moved house. He was going to get to choose where the furniture went and was going to be allowed to redecorate his room. And he was going to have his own bathroom. It was a smaller house, so he’d always know where his dad was, but he was going to have a bed that converted into two beds, so he could have loads of sleepovers.