The Learning Curve

by Melissa Nathan

  ‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll go to him.’ And she left the room without another look at either of them.

  The last happy day of the holiday was to be spent taking a day-trip via the ferry to Brownsea Island, a beautiful pine-tree-clad island in Poole Harbour. Nicky had been there years ago as a child, during the one holiday she remembered going on with her parents, and all she could remember about it was the harrowing lovesick wail of the peacocks, their tails erect as a display of desperation. She offered to stay behind with the detention children.

  As well as Oscar, there were a few other children staying behind, three with detentions and one with tummy upset. The four on detention wrote their essays in the dining room and Nicky spent her morning wandering to and from them and the one lying listlessly on her bed.

  The last evening of the trip was spent, thanks to Rob’s itinerary, putting on a show of sketches for each other. The hostel owner had finally allowed them the lounge, seeing as no one else had used it the entire time they’d been there. There would be the usual reunion party the following evening, back at school; a disco, bad lighting, sausages on a stick and the children getting more action than the adults. Nicky couldn’t wait.

  The sketch show was as hellish as anyone could imagine and the children couldn’t get enough of it. Nicky sat at the back. Rob was in most of the skits, and was compère and chief clapper in the audience. He also announced the winner of the treasure hunt and gave out prizes. Oscar and Daisy didn’t even come third. As Nicky sat watching him, she felt she was observing a winner racing to the finishing line. The more she watched him, the more she wanted to believe that he was on her side. She watched Amanda to see if there were any signs that what Mark had said was true about Rob and her. They barely made eye contact all night, and when they did, it was hardly the stuff of passion. In fact, Amanda spent most of the night chatting to Martha and, if anything, Rob flirted more with Martha than Amanda.

  No. Mark must have lied about Rob shagging Amanda.

  So she started asking herself how much she actually knew about Mark, but her answers kept getting interrupted by very distracting memories of the kiss they’d shared, which knocked any kiss she’d ever had with Rob into an old tin hat. That really wasn’t helping at all.

  After Oscar starred in a sketch he’d written himself about doing the daily treasure hunt, which poked merciless fun at the laborious questions, he went back to his dorm to change. The sketch had gone well and he was in high spirits. Nicky was staring so intently at Rob, who was pretending to find the sketch hilarious, that she missed Mark follow his son out of the lounge. But Amanda didn’t.

  Mark reached Oscar’s dorm and stood in the doorway.

  ‘Hi there,’ he said quietly. Oscar jumped. He stood up straight. Then he turned his back and continued to change his clothes in silence. Mark couldn’t believe how tall and straight his boy’s back was. It was beautiful.

  ‘That was fantastic,’ he said. ‘Well done.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Oscar.

  Mark stepped into the room.

  ‘C’mon, Osc,’ he said. ‘Let’s be friends.’

  Oscar’s tears came fast and furious, as usual. He wiped them away with the heel of his hand. Mark went and hugged him.

  ‘I was only trying to help,’ squealed Oscar into his chest.

  ‘Shhh, I know, sweetheart.’

  ‘Sorry,’ mumbled Oscar. ‘Sorry.’

  Why did it always break Mark’s heart to hear Oscar apologise? ‘It’s all right,’ he soothed. ‘I was touched that you’d go to that much trouble to try and help me, even if it was misguided.’

  Oscar put his arms round his father’s waist and wiped his eyes on his jumper. Mark kissed the top of his head, something he wouldn’t be able to do for long without a stepladder. Then they both stepped away. Mark walked slowly back towards the door.

  ‘Dad!’ called Oscar across the room.

  ‘Mmhm?’

  ‘I’m so glad you’re leaving here.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Mark. ‘So am I. It’s all got a bit complicated, hasn’t it?’

  ‘Leaving?’ came Amanda’s shocked voice from the doorway.

  Mark and Oscar jumped.

  ‘Why on earth are you leaving, Mark?’ she asked.

  After the show, the children had pillow fights in their dorms, and the adults went to the bar to drink themselves silly. Nicky had volunteered to stay sober tonight in case any of the children were sick from overeating or just plain delirium at being so near to going home, so she was the first to leave the bar. She wasn’t followed for another two hours. There was no way Martha was leaving before Amanda. Amanda wasn’t going till Rob did. Rob was staying close to Mark, but not too close. And Mark was going nowhere near Nicky and staying very near alcohol. Miss James was enjoying one of the last nights of her career. And Ned and Janet, to no one’s surprise by now, were going to out-drink them all.

  Amanda went to get a round in, and Rob joined her at the bar, purportedly to help with the drinks. They smiled at each other and then glanced back at the others.

  ‘I found out something very interesting this evening,’ she said.

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh yeah? A penny for your thoughts.’

  ‘Oh, my thoughts are worth much more than that.’

  ‘A pound, then.’

  She smiled again. ‘Nowhere near enough.’

  ‘How about . . .’ he took a deep breath, ‘a big fat diamond ring?’

  Amanda’s eyes lit up. ‘Now you’re talking,’ she whispered.

  He smiled.

  ‘How about bringing the deadline of our . . . little “deal” forward?’ she asked.

  He gave her a sideways look. ‘Keep talking.’

  ‘We come clean about us as soon as Miss James announces that you’re the next Head. We don’t wait the full year since we made the deal,’ she sighed as if conjuring up the scene, ‘dear me now, all that time ago, in Gwen’s little garden, on New Year’s Eve.’

  They shared a conspiratorial laugh.

  ‘I’ll never believe,’ murmured Rob, ‘that she actually walked into the garden while we were discussing it.’

  ‘I know!’ laughed Amanda. ‘I had to smudge my lipstick to make it look like we’d been snogging. Hilarious.’

  ‘And I had to pretend I was pissed. Completely overdid it.’ He looked at her and smiled. ‘It’s been fun, hasn’t it, though, Mand?’

  ‘I’ve never been so turned on before,’ she confided, flashing her eyes at him. ‘There’s something so . . . sexy about keeping it secret from everyone.’ She leant in to him and touched his ankle with the heel of her shoe. She heard his breathing deepen. ‘Especially when she thinks you’re making eyes at her in the staffroom. I don’t know what I’ll do for amusement once all this is over.’

  ‘In which case, why do you want to bring the deadline forward?’ he asked.

  ‘Ah, that’s easy,’ she sighed elaborately. ‘Eventually every girl needs to feel secure. Even a girl like me.’

  Rob thought about it. ‘Could be awkward.’

  ‘Well,’ she sighed. ‘OK. If you don’t want this piece of information, Miss Jean Brodie’ll get it on with Mark and then you’ll have no leverage with which to put off your worthy opponent.’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m not sure I’ve got that much leverage any more,’ he said. ‘I was so sure I had her in the palm of my hand, like putty . . . I swear she was buying the baby clothes. But . . . I don’t know . . .’

  ‘You need this piece of information,’ said Amanda urgently. ‘I’m telling you it’ll swing it.’

  His breathing quickened. ‘God, you’re an amazing woman.’

  ‘I know.’ She didn’t so much smile as smoulder. ‘Well, it took a strong woman to talk you back into my bed that night.’

  He gave her a laddish leer. ‘There wasn’t much talking, as I recall.’

  ‘Well,’ she murmured, ‘there had to be some compensation for letting Mark give Miss Jean a lift hom
e from the pub.’

  He looked at her properly. ‘Compensation. That’s one word for it. Tell you what – I’ll know you’re playing away from home if you ever organise another fundraising meeting.’

  She giggled. ‘Me?’ she said innocently. ‘Play away from home? Never. Not once I’ve got the man I want. Unless, just maybe . . . if the deadline isn’t brought forward.’

  He smiled. How could he have ever thought that little Nicky was his type? Amanda was a far more worthy partner than he could ever have hoped for. They say that behind every successful man is a woman, and she was no exception. Her ambition was pure and simple: to help him achieve his potential, and be there on his arm when he did it. It was beautiful in its simplicity.

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘It’s a deal. As soon as Miss James announces me as the new Head, I’ll tell everyone we’ve been secretly engaged since New Year.’

  She smiled and leant in.

  ‘You won’t miss chasing Miss Hobbs?’

  He smiled at her. ‘Miss Who?’

  She leant in closer before she spoke again.

  ‘Are you ready for your . . . information?’

  ‘Yes.’

  She brushed his forearm with her breast.

  ‘Mark Samuels is leaving,’ she said slowly and clearly.

  He was stunned. ‘When?’

  ‘At the end of this term.

  ‘This term?’ Rob’s eyes were large.

  She nodded slowly. ‘Yup. In two days’ time.’

  Rob stole a glance at the crowd in the mirror behind the bar before looking back at Amanda.

  ‘Brilliant.’

  ‘The question is,’ murmured Amanda, ‘what to do with this nugget.’

  Rob smiled. ‘That’s easy.’ He leant forward and whispered something in her ear. She gasped, leant back and smiled widely at him.

  ‘Are we a dynamite team or what?’ she whispered, in awe.

  ‘I’ll keep Martha busy,’ he said with a wink.

  ‘I bet you will,’ she said.

  ‘Well, duty calls.’

  ‘And that impressive speed of thought,’ she murmured, stroking his ankle with her own, ‘is why you are going to be such a good Head at Heatheringdown Primary School.’

  Nicky lay on Rob’s bottom bunk, her hair in a towelled turban, blinking up at the ceiling.

  She’d just tried phoning Ally, but her answerphone was on again. She didn’t want to keep leaving messages, so she’d just hung up.

  She was going to have to work this one out on her own. Which was a shame, because she’d never been any good at multiple-choice. To summarise:

  Whom Do I Trust, Rob or Mark?

  1 Is Rob . . .

  a) shagging Amanda (who he knows has no sense of humour)?

  b) a worthy suitor who wants to marry me and have a family with me?

  c) a genuine friend who really does know me better than I know myself and just wants what is best for me?

  2 Is Mark . . .

  a) a morally reprehensible chameleon, who cunningly changes his story to get on with whoever he is with? After all, he had claimed to hate both Amanda and Rob, yet Amanda’s often in his office, and on this holiday alone, he must have spent hours drinking with Rob.

  b) A misogynist pig in disguise, who will only reveal his true colours when he’s got you under his spell?

  c) Cynically trying to lure me into his bed and confidence so that he can control Heatheringdown once I’m Headmistress?

  d) The One? Hopelessly in love with me and future sire of my progeny?

  When the dorm door opened, she looked up, glad of any interruption. Even when she saw Amanda, she didn’t mind. Amanda yawned a hello and started drivelling on about how much everyone was drinking.

  ‘Ned’s a big surprise, isn’t he?’ she asked finally.

  ‘What do you mean?’ asked Nicky, pulling herself up on to her elbows. ‘The drinking or the wind?’

  ‘Well.’ Amanda smiled, ‘it’s a tough call. I mean, he’s so good at both.’

  They laughed.

  ‘Honestly, though,’ said Amanda, perching her tiny bottom by Nicky’s feet on the bed. ‘They’re all going for it out there tonight.’

  ‘Are they?’ mumbled Nicky, sitting up. She took her hair out of her towel and started to gently dry it.

  ‘Mm. I’m just too knackered,’ said Amanda, folding her long legs under her and leaning against the wall. ‘I don’t know where Rob gets all his energy from.’

  ‘Mm.’

  ‘It’s funny,’ said Amanda mildly, ‘I can’t believe we went out with each other now.’

  Nicky gave her a cautious smile. ‘You were mad about him,’ she said quietly.

  ‘I know,’ Amanda smiled. ‘For ages. Made a real fool of myself.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’

  Amanda shrugged half-heartedly. ‘Well, you do, don’t you? When you’re blinded by a crush.’

  Nicky looked down, but she was surprised to hear that Amanda’s voice was thick with emotion. ‘It was never really me he wanted,’ she said. ‘But I don’t think I’m telling you anything you don’t already know.’

  Nicky shook her head slowly.

  ‘You look tired,’ said Amanda softly.

  Nicky nodded, closing her eyes. ‘I am.’

  ‘You were right. It’s been much harder work than I imagined.’

  Nicky blushed.

  ‘I’m just glad it’s over.’ Amanda stretched.

  Another nod.

  ‘It’s a shame about Mark, though,’ continued Amanda.

  ‘Hmm?’

  ‘Mark. It’s a shame he’s leaving,’ said Amanda. ‘I mean,’ she went on, ‘I suppose if you think about it, it’s not all that surprising. Oscar’s leaving, so what’s left here for him? But it was nice having a decorative man around the place for a change.’

  Nicky felt as if Amanda had just leant over and scooped out her insides. She knew Amanda was still talking because her lips were still moving. ‘I don’t think he’s told anyone else. Apart from us. And Miss James, of course.’

  She turned to Nicky properly, for the first time since she’d come in, and her body made an abrupt halt. They stared at each other, Amanda taking in Nicky’s shocked expression.

  ‘Oh my God,’ she whispered. ‘What’s the – you did know, didn’t you? You knew he was leaving?’

  Nicky could barely shake her head.

  ‘Oh no,’ whispered Amanda, her eyes filling. ‘He’s going to kill me.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ croaked Nicky. ‘I won’t tell him.’

  ‘I just assumed he’d told you,’ whispered Amanda. ‘I thought you were . . . friends.’

  Nicky shook her head. ‘He hasn’t told me anything.’

  ‘God, sorry.’ Amanda actually started crying. ‘It’s amazing how wrong you can get it sometimes . . . I keep getting it wrong.’

  ‘So, when’s he going?’

  ‘I’m not sure I should –’

  ‘Oh come on, you might as well now.’ Nicky tried to sound light-hearted.

  Amanda kept her head down. ‘End of term. Two days after we get back. He only told me because . . .’ Her voice drained away.

  ‘Go on,’ allowed Nicky.

  Amanda shook her head, then spoke quietly. ‘He said he wanted us to stay in touch after he’d gone. I assumed, of course, that he’d say the same to you.’

  There was silence. Nicky was motionless.

  ‘He made me promise not to tell anyone,’ confided Amanda, ‘but I assumed that didn’t include you.’

  ‘It’s OK.’

  ‘Nicky!’ urged Amanda suddenly, turning her moist eyes to her. ‘You’ve got to promise me you won’t tell him I told you.’

  Nicky nodded.

  ‘I mean it,’ said Amanda. ‘He’ll be so upset with me. He hasn’t even signed contracts yet. And Miss James made him promise not to tell anyone.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Nicky. ‘I’ve already forgotten it. I couldn’t give a damn what he d
oes.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Amanda significantly and Nicky nodded her appreciation. Then Amanda squeezed her hand and they sat in miserable silence for a few moments. Then Amanda gave a massive yawn, and wandered forlornly into the shower room.

  So, thought Nicky, turning to the wall. He’s leaving. That meant that her stupid ulterior motive fear was groundless. There had been no hidden agenda for that life-changing kiss. Which was lucky, seeing as that kiss was so life-changing it was going to lose her her promotion and possibly even her whole career. But he had confided in Amanda about his new job and told her that he wanted to stay in touch after he’d gone. And he hadn’t so much as mentioned he was bored with his job to her. What the hell was going on? Was he after Amanda too? Had they even kissed already?

  But remember, she reminded herself, there had been no hidden agenda for that amazing, life-affirming kiss. And on that thought, she found a final burst of energy to finish off drying her hair and climb up to her bunk where she fell into a deep sleep that not even Ned’s nocturnal blasts could pierce.

  When she woke up, she felt strangely at peace with the world. Mark kissed her because she was her, and not because she might become the next Head. But he had told Amanda his secrets before her. There was no doubt she was confused about him, but it didn’t matter any more. Because the most liberating thing that had come out of this was that she had suddenly realised she didn’t give a flying fart whether Rob was or wasn’t shagging Amanda, except in trying to work out his motives. Closure didn’t come more complete than that.

  And so the fun-packed holiday was over. After breakfast, there were two hours to finish packing up and board the coach. Nicky bagged herself the front seat again keeping her eyes down as everyone boarded. But when Rob climbed the steps, she looked up, moved her bag and gestured for him to join her. He did so, albeit reluctantly.

  She found she could barely look at him.

  ‘I think we need to talk,’ she started. ‘We’ve both been through loads and this year’s been a really hard time. I want you to know that I’m sorry if I ever confused you about us or gave you mixed signals. To be honest, I was very confused about you.’

  Rob was nodding slowly. ‘Was?’ he said eventually.