Trust in Us (Forbidden Love Book 1)

by S. M. Harshell

  “Reevaluate? What does that mean?”

  “It means if that bothers you, we aren’t going to work.”

  I know I am being an asshole. It was his sister, for Christ’s sake. I know I made this so much bigger than it needed to be. “Look, I’m sorry. I guess I’m the jealous type. You know I have trust issues. I don’t mean to, but it’s who I am. If you can’t deal with my crazy sometimes, maybe we do need to reevaluate.”

  Cole slides closer to me, putting his arm over the couch above my head. “I don’t want to reevaluate. I want to make up and have amazing make-up sex. I know you’ve been sitting here, hating me. Let me make it up to you.”

  “Cole, sex isn’t going to make it better.”

  “You’re still mad. I can tell. Let me help.” He kisses down my neck. “Let me show you how sorry I am.”

  I sit up and look at his face “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Fuck yeah.”

  He leans in to kiss me. His lips tentatively touch mine, almost asking for permission. When I deepen the kiss, opening for his tongue, he slides his hand around to my back, pulling me closer to him and crushing my chest against his. Our tongues dance, my nipples harden and rub against his sculpted pecs, electricity firing throughout my body. I straddle his lap, shamelessly rubbing myself on the bulge in his pants. He moves from my mouth to my neck and that spot behind my ear that drives me crazy.

  “I need to taste you, J.”

  He wraps his arms around my back and turns to lay me on the couch. We continue to kiss as he slowly moves to the side and kneels on the floor beside me. Pulling away, he reaches behind his head and pulls his shirt off, throwing it behind him, then pulls my shorts and panties off. He leans down and kisses my hip, licking a path to my core. I’m ready and wet for him. He moves my legs, placing them on his shoulders. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing the way Cole looks at my body. He slowly runs his finger over my neatly trimmed tuff of hair. I can barely feel him, but my body shakes in anticipation.

  “I could look at you forever. The flush of your cheeks, the tremor of your body as you wait to see what I am going to do next. Half of the excitement is the anticipation, don’t you think?” He leans forward to run his nose through my pubes. “You are intoxicating.”

  “Cole, now is not the time to tease me.”

  “But you know I’ll follow-through.”

  “Please,” I beg. I can’t help myself. I need him to touch me. My body is on fire.

  He smiles at me as he drops a light kiss on my labia. The closer he gets to my clit, the more I twitch with each of his movements. He licks me from my clit to my opening, swirling his tongue within me. A gasp leaves my mouth as my body tenses. He brings his tongue back to my clit and licks and sucks as if he’s a starving man and I am the only nourishment that will fulfill him.

  With my legs twitching and nails digging into the couch, I know my orgasm isn’t far off. I moan as I twist, trying to get closer or more friction. I don’t know which, but I need something more.

  “Cole, I’m… I need…,” I gasp.

  His face leaves where I need him the most. I need to feel the scratch of his beard right back where he had it. I whimper at the loss. “I got you. I know exactly what you need.”

  His mouth goes back down, tongue back on my clit, licking and sucking. Everything he does feels amazing, but I need something more. Lifting my hips, I run my hand through his hair and pull him closer. Just when I am about to get frustrated for being left on this edge, no orgasm in sight, he inserts two fingers.

  “Yes…,” I moan.

  He moves his fingers fast, then slows them, barely moving. The pressure and the full filling are just what I need to throw me off that edge.

  “Yes, just like that… Ah!

  Cole doesn’t stop until he pulls every aftershock from my body. He kisses his way up my stomach, pushing my shirt up as he goes. He stops at each nipple to give a hard lick that has me jumping, then he goes to my neck. He nuzzles it, giving a light bite. “That has to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Do you know what’s sexier?”

  “What?” He puts his hands by my head and leans over me, kissing me.

  “Me on my knees, bringing you to your breaking point.”

  “Yes.”

  He devours my mouth again. I push on his chest, trying to get out from underneath him. He gets the hint and leans back. I slide off the couch and he sits down. I settle on my knees between his legs and start unbuckling his belt. He grasps the buckle to help, but I push him away. It’s like unwrapping a present and I want to take my time. I push the open belt out of my way and pop the button on his jeans. I can feel his hard length. My mouth waters as I slowly pull the zipper all the way down, spreading his pants open. He lifts his hips for me to pull his boxers and jeans down his legs, then he wraps his hand around his shaft, giving himself several slow strokes. I spend a few minutes enjoying the view, then reach out and wrap my hand under Cole’s, stroking in unison. He removes his hand and watches as I continue to slide my palm up and down his cock. I bring my hand to the base of his shaft and lean forward. I slowly lick the head before I take it into my mouth, my tongue sliding up and down the shaft, drawing a long moan from Cole. His head falls back onto the back of the couch.

  “Jesus, J… Don’t stop.”

  His encouraging words spur me on as I pop his cock out of my mouth, licking down to the base and back up, then take him back into my mouth again. My mouth and hand work in tandem, often changing the speed. Bringing my mouth away, I pull up on his shaft, exposing his balls. I suck on each one, running my tongue lightly over them before moving back to his cock.

  “Yes…,” Cole says as he grips my hair, locking me where I am. His hips start to rock, sending his hard cock farther. I let him fuck my mouth at whatever pace his chooses. One thrust causes me to gag. He starts to remove his hands, but I grab his wrists, letting him know I’m fine.

  “Fuck, J. I won’t last at this pace.”

  I relax my throat and take everything he offers. His hips move at a faster pace. I increase the suction I have on him, looking at him when his rhythm becomes erratic. I want to watch him finish.

  “I’m close.”

  I reach between his legs and palm his balls, pulling down slightly. It’s enough to push him over the edge.

  “J…”

  My name is all he can get out of his mouth before he fills mine with the warm liquid I’ve been waiting for. I swallow everything, even licking his shaft from root to tip, catching anything I missed.

  Cole’s hands have fallen from my hair, his head’s resting back against the couch, his eyes are closed, and his breathing is heavy. I sit on the couch and cuddle into his side. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “Woman, you may just kill me with skills like that, but damn, what a way to go.” He kisses my head, laughing.

  When I move to stand, his arm tightens around me. “Where are you going?”

  “I am getting a drink. Want something?”

  “Yeah. Whatever you have is fine.”

  I kiss his face and walk into the kitchen to get us some water. I can’t believe just an hour ago, I had written us off. Maybe, just maybe, we can find a way to make this work.

  I walk into the living room to find Cole’s pants back on, his boots kicked off, and he’s stretched out, asleep. I place the water on the end table and snuggle in beside him. He slides over to give me room. I lay my head on his shoulder, kiss his bare chest, and relax into him.

  *

  The moans coming from Cole wake me. I didn’t even realize I had fallen asleep. He is twisting and grunting. I sit up before he pushes me off the edge and onto the floor. “Cole, wake up. You’re dreaming.” I shake his shoulder. Nothing. “Cole, babe, you’re dreaming. Wake up.”

  “No… Don’t touch… No!” He startles himself awake, looking around. When his eyes meet mine, I see a fear I have never seen before. He sits up, rubbing his head.
r />   “Are you okay?”

  “I’m good. It was just a dream.”

  “Cole, that was not just a dream. You were afraid. I could see it. Hell, I could hear it in your voice.”

  “I’m fine.” He rubs his hands over his face.

  “Is this the first time this has happened? Why won’t you talk to me?”

  “What the fuck do you want me say? It was a dream. Nothing more.”

  “Nothing more?” I ask, looking around the living room for my shorts and panties. I find them by the television stand. I stomp over and pick them up, shoving my legs into them. “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Cole

  “Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this,” she says, pulling her shorts up her hips.

  “Doing what exactly?” Apparently, she isn’t coming back to lie down. I get up to find my shirt.

  She aggressively shoves her arms into her sleeves, pulling her tank top over her head. “I don’t know. This.” She waves her hand between us. “We shouldn’t be together, Cole. We don’t know anything about each other. And what we do know just isn’t enough. You expect me to put it all out there, but you give me nothing.”

  “Jesus Christ, J. Next to my sister, you know more about me than anyone. What do you want to know that I haven’t told you?”

  “I want to fucking know about your past, Cole. You know, that one thing you can’t trust me with? I’m good enough to fuck whenever you want, but not to know your past? I’ve done the secret thing before, remember? And I got fucked over big time. I won’t give my heart to a fucking liar.”

  “What the fuck? Now I’m a liar? You need to slow your roll, cupcake. I didn’t fucking lie about anything. What is this? You in the mood to fight? Or were you actually starting to give a fuck and it scared the shit out of you?”

  “Cupcake?” She flips me off. “Fuck you, Cole.”

  The more she throws accusations at me, the more pissed I get.

  “Fuck me? Fuck you, J. How dare you compare me or what I thought we had to Justin? But, hey, that’s cool. I get it.”

  “You get what?” she says, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she turns to me.

  “You, J. You’re scared. Fuck, so am I, but the difference between us is I’m not ready to run out on this. I’m not going anywhere. You are making my past a huge issue. You want answers? Fine. You know I was in prison. I beat my stepfather almost to death. I have regrets over that. Not because I almost killed him, but because I didn’t. He deserved to die. Is that what you need to know?”

  I pause at the information Cole has just thrown at me, but I am so mad at what he isn’t saying. “No, Cole. What I want to know is why you have nightmares. Why you feel like you can’t share your past with me? Maybe I thought I meant more. I don’t know. I think you need to go, Cole.”

  I jam my feet into my boots. Nothing I can say at this point is going to make that much of a difference when she’s in this mood. I walk to the door where she is standing, holding it open.

  “Is this what you want, J? You want me to walk away?”

  “I think it’s for the best, Cole. I can’t…not with secrets.”

  “So because I won’t tell you why I sometimes have nightmares, you are going to walk away from me, from us? Maybe it’s not something I want to talk about. Did you ever think of that? Not with you or anyone. I’m an asshole, J. It’s who I am. I won’t talk about this with you. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, yet you are making a big deal out of it.”

  “See, that right there. That’s why I am telling you to walk away, Cole.”

  I walk through the door just before it slams at my back, barely missing me. Stunned, I stand there for a minute. I didn’t know I was screaming out during the nightmares. I knew they were back, but I thought I had a grip on them. I guess I’m not as good of an actor as I thought. Sighing, I walk to my truck.

  I watch her apartment in the rearview mirror as I back out of the parking space and pull onto the road. I keep watching as the building gets smaller, finally disappearing into the darkness. I had hoped she would come out after me.

  “Fuck!” I yell.

  Did that seriously just happen? She’s mad over something that has nothing to do with her?

  As soon as I pull into the driveway and park, I’m out the door, slamming it behind me. I storm through the front door, then take the steps to my bedroom two at a time. I look at the clock and see it’s only been an hour since I was buried balls deep in J’s throat. Now I’m trying to figure out how to fix this fucking mess without having to give her details of the nightmare I lived for so long.

  I call the only person I know who can help me right now. I know it’s late and she is going to be pissed.

  She finally answers after the third ring. “Hello?” Her voice is rough with sleep.

  “Monk, I’m sorry it’s late, but I…I fucked up and don’t know to fix it.”

  “Cole, what happened?” She instantly sounds alert.

  “I messed up. J asked about my past and the nightmares and I blew it off. I couldn’t tell her. I know I should, but I don’t know how.”

  “Why can’t you tell her?”

  “That’s what I don’t understand. Maybe I’m afraid she’ll think less of me, that I won’t be man enough for her. I know it’s dumb. Trust me. I hear how stupid it sounds coming out of my mouth.”

  “How long have you been having the nightmares?” I hear the rustling of the sheets. I know Belle is settling in to have a conversation she’s been begging to have for years.

  I make my way down the steps again and to the living room. I sit on the couch in the dark room, staring at the wall. I don’t want to have this conversation right now, but I started this. When Stan was arrested, I thought the nightmares would stop. If anything, they got worse. I honestly thought once the monster was caged, I would be free. I rub my hand over my head and shut my eyes.

  “It’s been a while.” I blow out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding.

  “What’s a while, Cole?”

  “Belle, I don’t…” Before the words are out of my mouth, I know if I don’t want to lose J, I need to talk about it. “I’ve been having nightmares since I was twelve, when this all started. It’s not all the time. Stress seems to bring them on. When I think about Katy, they’re always worse. When Stan was arrested, I thought they would stop, but they haven’t.”

  “Oh, Cole, I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you—”

  “I don’t need your fucking sympathy, Belle. That’s not what this is about. I need to get this out of my head. I’m done letting that motherfucker rule my life. It’s been too long. I can’t let my past ruin my future. I have built a good life here.” I know I’m being harsher than I need to be. I know she’s just trying to help, but this is why I never wanted to tell anyone about the past.

  “It’s time you talk to someone who can help you. I know you will never forget, but they can help you move on. I’m going to text you the number of a therapist. He’s a friend. Trust me, Cole. He will understand what you are going through. You are not any less of a man. You are one of the strongest people I know.”

  I know she’s right. “Yeah, okay.”

  “If you are serious about J, you need to get your head straight, big brother. I know you are going to get off the phone with me and say you will call in the morning, but you won’t. Please, call right now. He has a voicemail and will call you first thing in the morning. You need to do this, Cole.”

  “Send me the number. Thanks, Belle. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, and I am so proud of you.”

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  I hit the END button, disconnecting the call. I’m losing my fucking mind and she’s proud of me? Oh, the irony. The phone beeps with an incoming text.

  443-267-2243. CALL NOW!

  She knows me so well. I know if I don’t do this right this moment, I won’t.

  I type in the number and my thum
b hovers over the CALL button.

  Fuck it, I think and push it.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  J

  Fuck him. I can’t deal with secrets. Seeing him every day at work is going to hurt like a bitch, but it will be so much harder to know he’s keeping something from me.

  I thought I could handle it, give him time, but every nightmare just makes it worse. Whatever he suffered in his past is completely affecting him…us.

  I know I have three or four beers left in the fridge and they are calling to me tonight. I just need to forget everything for little while. I’ll deal with Cole tomorrow.