War Torn

by Andy McNab

  CSM Kila sat with Dave and the other platoon sergeants in the cookhouse. Sergeant Barnes of 3 Platoon had spent the day with the civilians.‘That fucking woman professor . . .’‘What! Emily? The sex grenade? Ventured out of her isobox?’‘Emily. The pain in the arse. Ventured all over the fucking shop. And if you thought Martyn Robertson was difficult, you try working with her. She wants to go where she likes when she likes and sod everyone else. Picks up her shopping bag and marches off as if she’s just on her way to market and doesn’t want to miss a bargain.’‘Apparently,’ Kila said, ‘she has one of the finest geophysical brains in England.’‘Yeah, well, the finest geophysical brain in England could get splattered all over Helmand if she doesn’t use it more. I said: “Professor, have you noticed that we soldiers generally move around in platoons? That’s about thirty soldiers, Professor. Well that’s to keep us safe. If you wander off like that then you could become an enemy target, Professor.”’‘What did she say?’‘She says: “I have no enemies, Corporal.” I say: “Professor, I am in fact a sergeant.” She says: “Army ranks are of no interest to me because I am not fighting a war. I am carrying out an analysis of Afghanistan’s natural resources.”’‘Fucking hell,’ Dave said.‘Fucking hell,’ the other sergeants agreed.‘The finest geophysical brain in England and not one ounce of common sense,’ Dave said.He told the others about today’s ambush.‘And this evening my head’s caning and so’s everyone else’s, the medic gave us all something. It’s got to be because we were so close to the explosion.’‘You were bloody nearly in the fucking explosion,’ Sergeant Somers of 2 Platoon said.‘We should never have been sent on that route without manpower. They had us pinned down and we didn’t have the men or the fire to keep them back much longer.’Kila promised he’d talk to Major Willingham again about unnecessary risks.When the other two sergeants had gone, Kila leaned forward and said quietly: ‘There’s a rumour going round about you, Dave.’Dave raised his eyebrows and tried to think what that rumour could be.‘That you’re leaving the army.’Dave stared at him. The CSM stared right back.‘Where the hell did you hear that?’‘From Wiltshire.’‘Wiltshire!’ Then Dave realized. ‘Oh, someone’s been talking to Jenny. But what the hell has she been saying?’‘She told Steve Buckle’s wife who told someone who told someone who told . . . well, I don’t know who. Anyway, people are talking about it.’Dave felt angry with Jenny. She had started a rumour which had clearly slipped beyond the circle of gossiping wives to the NCOs. It couldn’t have come to Iain Kila through his wife because, although he’d already had three, he didn’t have one at the moment.‘Jenny’s thinking of me leaving the army,’ Dave said. ‘I’m not.’Kila looked sympathetic. ‘They all go through that one.’‘Well the baby’s due soon. And Jenny spends a lot of time with Leanne Buckle . . .’‘How’s Steve, then?’‘Haven’t heard yet. Leanne’s with him in Selly Oak. What happened to Steve certainly scared Jen, though. She’s only started this stuff about leaving the army since Steve’s accident.’Kila shrugged. ‘You were a soldier when you married her, weren’t you?‘Yeah. She knew what she was letting herself in for. But when I remind her about that she says it makes no difference. And today I got this long letter begging me to leave. And there’s a letter from her mother I haven’t even opened which probably says the same thing.’‘Just ignore it.’‘You don’t know Jen. She’s like a dog with a bone once she gets an idea into her head.’ Actually, Jenny’s determination was one of the things Dave loved about her. Unless she was determined to make him do something.‘Then string her along. Aren’t you doing a degree course through the army?’Dave laughed. The classes he’d attended and the coursework he’d finished seemed far away and trivial, like a game he used to play.‘Engineering,’ he said. ‘I work on it when we’re not operational or away training. So that’s not very often.’‘Well,’ Kila said, ‘when do you expect to finish?’‘It’ll take years and years at this rate.’‘So tell her you’ll leave when you’ve got your degree.’Dave chuckled. ‘Good idea, Iain! She’ll have to agree it’ll improve my job prospects.’Kila grinned back. ‘Women. You just need to know how to handle them.’‘Not much chance here for you to practise your handling skills.’Kila’s grin broadened meaningfully. Dave squinted at him.‘Well I knew the boss was after the Intelligence Corps bird but I didn’t think you . . .’‘I’m not interested in that iceberg. Or Professor Sex Grenade. That only leaves one.’‘Not the monkey!’Kila leaned forward and spoke quietly. ‘There’s a limit to how far I can go here at the base of course. But between you and me, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of monkey business.’

  Chapter Twenty-six

  BOSS WEEKS WAS EXHAUSTED. THE DAY’S ADRENALIN HAD DRAINED out of him, leaving him feeling like a hollow shell. He had taken something for the thumping headache from the bomb’s blast wave and was too tired now even to look at the pictures of the ambush that kept playing inside his head. He only knew one thing. He wanted to be with Asma. The ambush had been a terrifying, intense experience. She had shared it. Even if they didn’t talk about it, he wanted to be near her.In the wagon she had mentioned she liked to walk around the perimeter after dark, looking at the stars. So now he was walking the perimeter, hoping. He passed other people. But none of them was Asma.He saw a firefly. Then he realized it was the red tip of a cigarette, lighting up as the smoker pulled on it. And finally he saw that the smoker was Asma.Gordon Weeks was so pleased that he tried not to be disgusted by the cigarette.She smiled sheepishly.‘OK, I didn’t happen to mention that my little night-walking habit was connected to my little smoking habit. But I only have three a day. One in the morning, one at lunchtime if I can and one walking around the hesco at night. That’s not so bad, is it?’He was thinking of a reply when she went on.‘Look, most people would’ve smoked a whole fucking packet after what happened today. But this is only my third, I swear.’He could not imagine feeling this way in the UK about a girl who smoked. In fact, he couldn’t think of any girl he knew who smoked.‘Does Jean smoke too?’ Whenever he saw Asma in the cookhouse or around the camp, Jean was always there. He looked over his shoulder for her now.‘No, she disapproves just like you do,’ said Asma.‘Did I say I disapprove?’She laughed then. How had he done it? He had made her laugh without trying at all. When he tried he was lucky to get a half-smile out of her.‘Well, you do, don’t you?’‘Er . . . er . . .’ And it gave him great pleasure to hear her laugh again.‘I thought so,’ she said, drawing on her cigarette. ‘I’m trying to give up. But an FOB where everyone smokes may not be the right place. Although Jean says there’s never a right place to give up.’‘You seem very good friends with Jean.’‘Yup,’ she said, throwing down her cigarette stub and stamping on it fiercely. They were in the darkest part of the camp now and, although their eyes were accustomed to the night, they could barely see each other. But Weeks could sense her. He could sense the warmth of her body. As well as, regrettably, the smell of the extinguished cigarette.‘Listen, it’s obvious you’re not keen on Jean. But you don’t know her.’He was silent.‘She takes her job seriously and she gets pissed off here. We both do. We’re used as interpreters at this FOB but we’re trained to do a lot more. Jean’s Royal Military Police. That’s what she joined up to do. She didn’t join up to interpret for engineers who want to talk about fucking wall-building.’‘But,’ said Weeks, ‘without her interpretation the school wall would never get built.’‘She thinks it’s a waste of her skills because a local Afghan interpreter could handle it. And you want to know something, Gordon? She’s right.’‘What about you? Do you feel your skills are wasted?’‘I could be doing a lot more at Bastion. Listening to intelligence, helping piece it altogether, getting something useful done.’‘So why have you both been sent here?’ asked Weeks.‘Because of the civilians. It’s part of the contract that top-level interpreters are on hand for them.’‘Top level, eh?’They had completed a circuit now and their faces picked up the light from some of the brighter tents and reflected it. She was ridiculously beautiful. He could not understand how she could stro
ll around the hesco without a line of panting men behind her. Except that she was so skilled at freezing people out. The only man he’d seen her respond to warmly was the tribesman at the shura, the one with the moviestar looks. When he thought of the way Asma had talked to that man he felt a stab of something which might have been anger. Although it was probably jealousy.She was smiling now. ‘Yeah, top level, that’s us. Which means we speak Pashtu and our English is a lot better than the locals’.’ She giggled, adding: ‘Innit?’So she had detected how irritating he found innit. Weeks smiled too.They walked on towards the darkness. Overhead the Afghan night was a canopy of stars. The constellations were the same as at home, of course, but they stood out less here because they were saturated by thousands more.‘Oooh, it’s so fucking beautiful!’ said Asma.Weeks thought that her English may be better than the locals’ but it still left a lot to be desired.He took a deep breath.‘Is that why your friend Jean gets so hot under the collar about one half-dead Taliban fighter in a ditch? Because she’s looking for police work?’‘Well,’ said Asma, ‘yeah. But she’s right. You should keep gripping your blokes about the RoE.’‘But she’s gripping an exceptionally good sergeant. It does nothing for morale when someone so respected gets a public dressing-down.’‘That geezer they shot would probably still be alive today if, say, 2 Platoon had found him. Sergeant Somers is a bit different from Sergeant Henley.’Since arriving in Afghanistan everything the boss thought he knew or understood had been challenged. But in this strange, new world, there had been one rock-solid certainty. And that was Dave Henley. Of course, he was the boss and Dave was the sergeant. But they both knew that Dave was in charge. Dave handled the men when he could not. And thanks to him they had escaped serious harm on more than one occasion. Weeks had felt the foundations of his world crack in a few places but he could not allow any cracks in the foundation that was Dave.He said stiffly: ‘Over the weeks I have known him I have learned to respect him and trust his judgement totally.’‘He just might be a bit weak on the RoE,’ said Asma.‘He is both an exceptional sergeant and a good man,’ the boss insisted. ‘The Rules of Engagement are very hard for soldiers on the ground to apply when their lives are in danger during a contact. We tell them this isn’t a war. But it’s difficult for them to understand why we’re here.’‘So why are we here?’He stopped walking in surprise.‘To support the reconstruction of Afghanistan by encouraging democracy and keeping the Taliban at bay.’She swung round to look at him in the dark.‘If you learn Pashtu for the rest of your life,’ she said, ‘you’ll never do more than talk bollocks in two languages. You’ll never, ever understand this place and neither will any of the fucking politicians who sent us here.’‘But . . . well . . . then . . . what are you doing? Working with the British Army?’She hung her head.‘I don’t know sometimes.’He waited for her to speak. His heart was thumping. What was she trying to tell him? That she was a security risk?‘I’m going to have another cigarette,’ she announced rebelliously.‘So that would be four today?’‘Yeah.’She lit up and held the cigarette lightly between her long fingers and began to walk again, inhaling deeply.‘Asma,’ he said, when they were in the dark part of the camp once more. ‘What are you saying to me?’‘The ambush today . . .’‘It was quite a contact.’‘I was scared.’‘So was I,’ he admitted.‘Gordon, I think I killed a bloke.’ Her voice was small.‘Are you sure?’‘No. That black kid in your platoon was firing at him too but he was all over the place. I think my round brought the geezer down.’‘You didn’t have to fire at all. If you remember, I told you that—’‘Oh, give over, Gordon.’She was right. Give over, Gordon. Here she was, confiding in him, and all he could do was remind her of the rules.‘Actually,’ he said, more quietly, ‘I’m almost certain I killed someone today, too. And it was the first time for me as well. Since we were fighting for our lives I didn’t think about it then. I have since, though.’‘You get back to base and think: I killed the enemy. But all I can think is: shit! I killed my Moslem brother.’This relationship was getting more complicated every time he spoke to her. Not just a smoker. Not just from Hackney. Not just a lot of innit. Not just a girl who swore like a trooper. But also a Moslem.He said awkwardly: ‘So . . . are you a practising Moslem?’‘I was brought up Moslem, of course. Then we came to England and the longer we stayed here the more it sort of peeled off. Like paint. And when I left my family I thought I’d peeled it away completely. The army wanted me because of my Pashtu and I never even thought twice about why. Not till we went to that shura . . .’It hadn’t been the shura that reminded Asma of her Moslem roots, he thought. It was that man with the startling blue eyes. He’d talked to her intensely in Pashtu. She’d claimed they were discussing the school wall but Weeks had been sure they were having a much more significant conversation. Because why would the school wall have made her blush?‘So,’ he said. ‘You were radicalized at the shura.’She laughed.‘Now you’re going too far, Gordon. Radicalized, for God’s sake! They weren’t pro-Taliban. But they were pro-Afghanistan and probably they support the idea of a new country called Pashtunistan. Either way, they were asking themselves what we’re doing on their soil.’‘What exactly did the tribesman say?’‘It’s nothing anyone said. It’s just the way they think. I recognized it because the dad was a bit like my dad. See, it’s complicated being Pashtun. There’s all the hospitality and the right words and the pride and honour. But if anyone gets it wrong, you’ve got to get angry, and it’s really fucking awful anger. After that you’ve got no choice, revenge is next, whether you want to or not. The shura took me right back to all that.’The passion in her face and voice fascinated him. He just wanted to watch her but he made himself reply.‘That’s very interesting, Asma. But what do their complications have to do with us? They don’t want the Taliban here and neither do we. It’s simple.’‘No, no, Gordon, you don’t understand, that’s the fucking problem. If we’re going to fight here, we need a straightforward reason. Good guys and bad guys. But when I talked to the tribesmen I remembered how Pashtuns aren’t straightforward. We can’t just come here thinking we’ll slot our world into theirs. It won’t work. Can’t you see that?’‘I can see it would give you doubts about your work here.’‘I can live with doubts,’ she said, reaching for her pack of cigarettes, taking one out, tapping it on the lid and then slowly putting it away again. ‘I’m happy to think I’m out here saving soldiers’ lives when I listen to the enemy on their cellphones. I’m pleased to turn into a fucking diplomat at meetings with the locals. That’s all sweet, Gordon, I like it. But when I actually kill a bloke, then doubts start buzzing around inside my head.’He reached for her hand in the dark. She looked around at him in such surprise that he squeezed her fingers and rapidly let go. But he felt as though the imprint of her hand remained in his. He could still feel its warmth and fragility as he said: ‘I understand what you’re saying, Asma, and I respect it.’