A Million Little Things--A Novel

by Susan Mallery

  “It is impressive,” she said. “Later, we’ll celebrate. What do you say we take that new car of yours for a spin around the neighborhood?”

  Jack shrieked with excitement. She laughed. She had to admit that at first she’d been upset about the pedal car, but Jack was enjoying it so much. He’d caught on really fast and an article she’d read said the combination of having to move his feet while steering was good for motor skill development. And it was a fun way for them to get exercise together. While he pedaled around, she was able to get in some walking.

  She unfastened her seat belt but before she could get out of the SUV, her cell phone rang. She glanced at the screen and saw Kirk’s name.

  “It’s Daddy,” she said as she pushed the talk button. “Hi. What’s up?”

  “Jen, there’s been a shooting.”

  It took a second for Kirk’s stark words to sink in. Her heart stopped beating and she couldn’t hear anything. There was an awful sense of drowning, of losing control, of terror.

  She had to clear her throat before she could speak. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” he told her. “It’s not me. It’s L-Lucas.” His voice cracked. “Jen, he took a bullet for me. It’s bad. It’s really bad. Can you come to the hospital? I need you.”

  “Of course. I’ll be there.” She dug for a pen and wrote down the information. “I have to find someone to watch Jack,” she said. “I’ll call as soon as I’m on my way.”

  “Thanks.”

  She hung up and did her best to catch her breath. Lucas was shot. Lucas had taken a bullet for Kirk. Kirk was okay but Lucas had been shot.

  She was shaking so hard, she couldn’t use her phone. She started the car and used the Bluetooth system to call her mom. Pam agreed to meet her at the house.

  Twenty minutes later Jen was on her way to the UCLA Medical Center in Westwood. She was still trembling and fighting panic with all she had. Later, she told herself. She would fall apart later. Right now Kirk needed her.

  It took her over ten minutes to find parking. She ran into the emergency room and asked for Lucas. The admitting guy wouldn’t tell her anything, so she called Kirk and he told her he would come get her. As she waited, she saw dozens of LAPD officers walking into the hospital. They were here to watch over one of their own.

  “Jen!”

  She turned and saw Kirk hurrying toward her. He was pale, with blood on the front of his shirt. Her stomach heaved and the edges of the room seemed to fold in on each other. She sucked in air as he hugged her tight.

  She hung on to him, feeling the warmth of his body against hers. Kirk was fine, she told herself over and over again. Her husband was fine.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  He put his arm around her and led her through the labyrinth that was the ER department. “We were checking out a lead when we heard a call about officers in trouble. We went to back them up. One second it was quiet and the next all hell broke loose. There were bullets flying everywhere. I was nearly hit. Lucas pushed me down. We both returned fire. It was only a couple of seconds later I realized he’d been hit.”

  The trembling returned in full force. She had trouble walking along with him. It could have been Kirk, she thought, trying not to breathe in the hospital smell.

  “I called for an ambulance. They got there fast, but there was so much blood.”

  He led her to a bank of elevators. “He’s already gone up to surgery. We’re waiting there.” Tears filled her husband’s eyes. “They asked about family, you know, like they always do. Lucas doesn’t have anyone. His parents are dead and he was an only child. There isn’t anyone to call.”

  Jen thought about all her resentments. How she’d assumed Lucas was a player, a cowboy who lived for danger. But he’d saved her husband’s life, risking his own at the same time.

  “He has us,” she told Kirk as they stepped onto the elevator. “We’ll be there for him.”

  They got out of the elevator and walked toward a waiting room. There were several LAPD officers there in uniform along with other men and women Jen assumed were detectives. She knew a few, but Kirk hadn’t been on the force long enough for her to have met them all.

  One of the guys walked over and shook Kirk’s hand.

  “He’s in surgery,” the other man said. “He’s got a couple of gunshot wounds. None are life threatening, but one’s through his shoulder. He’s going to have a hell of a recovery.”

  They continued to talk in low voices. Kirk held on to Jen’s hand so tightly that her bones ached. But she didn’t complain. She knew that he was going to have to leave soon to give his statement. That he was only able to be in the hospital for now because Lucas was his partner—but there would be paperwork. She knew that once he left, it would be hours until he could come back.

  She pulled him to the corner. “I’ll stay,” she said. “When you have to go do your thing, I’ll stay here until he’s out of surgery.”

  Kirk’s gratitude was visible. “Thanks, Jen.”

  “I want to be here. And when he gets out of the hospital, he can come stay with us.”

  “You sure about that?”

  She grimaced. “It’s not like his flavor of the month is going to stay with him. You’ll feel better knowing he’s taken care of, and Jack adores him. It will be fine.”

  And the least she could do, she thought grimly. Because she’d misjudged Lucas and now she owed him.

  * * *

  “Returning women are the most successful demographic at college,” Janice said. “I joke it’s because they’ve felt the fear and are ready to change their lives.” She smiled. “While you don’t fit that profile, given how successful you’ve already been, I think you would do well here.”

  “I appreciate the vote of confidence,” Zoe told her. Her head was spinning. She’d made an appointment to talk to one of the counselors in the graduate school office and had been blown away by all the various programs. There were so many choices.

  Janice stapled a business card to the folder she’d filled with information. “This is just an overview. There’s a lot more material online. You have our schedule, with application dates right on top. My email address is on the card. I’m here if you have any questions.”

  “Thank you. I’m sure I will, once I figure out a direction.” Zoe shook hands with her, collected the folder and walked out of Janice’s small, cluttered office.

  Once in the hallway, she paused to catch her breath. She’d come in hoping to be inspired. She hadn’t realized her bachelor’s degree qualified her for so many different grad programs. She could pursue education, if she wanted to go in that direction and stay in the K-12 schools. She could get her master’s in a specific subject, if she was interested in teaching at a community college. There were even some Masters/Ph.D. combined programs, if she was feeling especially ambitious.

  She headed for her car. The campus was large and sprawling, with low, older buildings, newer multistory buildings and massive parking lots. It had been built back when land had been cheap. Over time she was sure parking garages would be added, but for now, the Cal State Dominguez Hills campus was in transition.

  She felt better now that she’d taken action. Thinking about what to do with her life wasn’t very satisfying. Equally troubling was the fact that it had taken her dad to get her moving forward. His comment about putting her dreams on hold because of Chad had stung. Probably because he’d been right.

  She had put aside what she wanted—hoping that Chad would finally pop the question. She’d been so sure she wanted to be with him. That he was the man of her dreams. Now that he was out of her life, she was shocked at how easily she’d been able to move on. Shouldn’t it have taken longer? Been harder? Sure, there’d been that one afternoon of stupid sex, but she’d regretted it the second it had happened and she hadn’
t been tempted to do it again.

  Seeing him a couple of weeks ago had convinced her she wanted nothing to do with him. She was healed. But while she might be over him emotionally, she still had to deal with the consequences of her relationship.

  She’d quit her job for a man. The reality was humiliating and awful, but there was no escaping the truth. She could pretty it up by saying there had been another opportunity or that she wasn’t sure she had loved being a teacher, but the truth was she’d changed careers because of Chad. Because she’d assumed they were going to get married and she wanted to work at home when they had children. WTF?

  Now, looking back, she could see the giant red flags that she’d so cheerfully ignored. The fact that he never spent the night at her place. That he rarely wanted her to visit him at his. That they didn’t talk about the future, go on vacation or spend time with his kids. She’d been a fool. Worse, she’d wasted five years of her life being a fool. And she’d always thought she was so smart.

  Zoe started across the parking lot. The afternoon was sunny and warm. Perfect late-April weather. She told herself the day was too beautiful for her to dwell on the past. She wasn’t going to beat herself up for her poor choices. Instead she was going to move forward, making better decisions. She’d already filled out the paperwork to be a substitute teacher. It would take a while for that to be processed, but she was looking forward to working with kids again. That should help her figure out if leaving teaching had been the right decision or not.

  She’d nearly reached her car when her phone rang. She dug it out of her bag and smiled when she saw Steven’s name on her screen.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “How did it go? Did you get the information you needed from the counselor?”

  “I did. To be honest, I’m overwhelmed by everything she told me. I’m going to have a lot to think about before I can make a decision.”

  “Want some company while you’re contemplating?”

  His question caused her toes to curl in her shoes. She and Steven had been seeing a lot of each other. Ever since they’d “taken things to the next level” so to speak, they’d been hanging out a lot. She liked being with him.

  “I would love some company.”

  “Good. I still have to fix your stairs. I’ll bring my toolbox and take care of that.” He chuckled. “I’ve been putting it off because I wanted to have an excuse to come by. I guess I’m feeling more secure in our relationship.”

  She stopped by her car and stared at her phone. Had he really just said that? Admitted he’d been nervous about them?

  “I’m glad,” she told him. “You should.”

  “Good. You should, too. I’ll see you at about five.”

  “See you then.”

  They hung up. Zoe allowed herself a second of pure happiness and did a little two-step before getting into her car. It wasn’t the L word, but it was them moving forward. Easily. Normally. No secrets, no agenda. Just two people finding out that they liked each other. And it was really, really nice.

  * * *

  Sometime close to four, Pam looked up as Steven walked into Jen’s house. He crossed to her and pulled her to her feet before hugging her.

  “I just got your text about Lucas. Have you heard anything?”

  “No.” Pam sank back on the floor next to Jack. “He’s still in surgery and will be for hours. They’ve heard it’s going well. His shoulder is the biggest problem. I guess they have to pin the bone or something. It’s going to be a long recovery. Jen should be home in a bit. She wants to get Jack through the evening herself, then she’ll head back to wait for Lucas to wake up.”

  Steven sat on the carpet, across from his nephew. “Hey, big guy. How’s it going?”

  Jack beamed at him, then pointed to the puzzle pieces on the floor.

  “That’s a tough one,” Steven told him. “Look how green that cat is. What a funny cat. Where do you think this piece goes?”

  Jack took it and tried it in several spots before setting it into the correct slot.

  “Good for you,” her son said. “What a smart guy.”

  Pam held in a smile. Steven was good with Jack. If things worked out with Zoe, he could have a couple of little ones of his own, and wouldn’t that be nice? She wanted more grandchildren—a point she made whenever it seemed appropriate. She didn’t want to push, but she wanted to make sure her children understood that she had needs.

  “How’s Jen holding up?” Steven asked.

  “She’s upset. It could have been Kirk.”

  Something any wife would be panicked about, Pam thought, although Jen seemed to worry more than most. Ever since she’d had Jack, she’d been living on the edge. Not that Pam was going to discuss that with her now.

  “You said she wants to go back and sit with Lucas after Jack’s in bed?” he asked. “I could come stay with him.”

  Pam raised her eyebrows. “Have you babysat him before?”

  “No, but he’ll be asleep. I’m pretty sure I can handle that. If he wakes up, I’ll call her.”

  “You’re a good man.”

  “I have my moments.”

  Jack reached for another puzzle piece. She glanced at her son. “Speaking of moments, how are things going with Zoe?”

  “Good.”

  She waited. “That’s all I get?”

  “Pretty much. I like her. I’m enjoying spending time with her. I’m going to stop by in a little bit and see her.”

  Which meant what? They were just friends? They were falling in love? She desperately wanted to ask, but knew the danger of getting too involved. She’d set things in motion and now she had to sit back and wait. It wasn’t fair, but it was the right thing to do.

  Steven handed Jack another puzzle piece. “Speaking of dating, how’s Miguel?”

  She pressed her lips together. “That is none of your business.”

  “Oh, you get to ask about my love life but I can’t talk about yours?” His voice was teasing, but she wasn’t sure how he felt. He’d already warned her off Miguel once.

  “I’m your mother. It’s for the best if we don’t discuss me and other men.”

  His humor faded. “There are other men?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Then how did you mean it?” He turned until he was facing her. “Mom, this is a big deal. I worry about you. You were with Dad for your entire adult life. Dating has changed.”

  Was he serious? “How on earth has it changed?”

  “I’ve been doing some research. Did you know that the fastest growing demographic for STDs is people over fifty-five? It’s because you didn’t grow up using condoms. When you were young, all you had to worry about was getting pregnant. It’s different now. There are all kinds of diseases to think about.”

  She couldn’t decide if he was incredibly sweet or if she should box his ears.

  “You’re lecturing me?”

  He winced. “I’m trying to prepare you for what you’re facing.”

  “Diseased men?”

  “Maybe. Miguel has been dating a lot longer than you. There have been a lot of women. When you sleep with him, you’re sleeping with them, too.”

  She could see the flush of color on his cheeks and the tension in his jaw. Having this conversation wasn’t easy for him, which should have made her feel compassionate and yet did not.

  “And here I thought a threesome would be adventurous,” she murmured.

  Steven muttered something under his breath. “Mom, I’m serious.”

  “Maybe I am, too.” He flinched and she decided to take pity on him. “All right. Thank you for that odd and slightly gross bit of information. I will keep it in mind, should that ever become an issue. And while you don’t deserve to know this, I will share it anyway. You c
an relax. I’m years away from getting that involved with anyone.”

  Her son looked at her intently. “Mom, you don’t know that. Things happen. You could be swept away.”

  Pam was saved from commenting on that by Jen’s arrival. Jack stood and ran over to her, his arms outstretched. She scooped him up. “How’s my best boy?” she asked, then looked at Pam and smiled. “Thank you for helping.”

  Pam stood. “I was happy to be here. How’s Lucas?”

  “Out of surgery. It went much faster than they first thought, which is great. He’s going to be in recovery a few hours, then they’ll take him up to his room. The surgeon said everything went really smoothly. He’s going to have a long road until he’s back to normal, but he should get there.”

  Steven joined them. “Mom said you’ll want to go back to the hospital tonight. I can look after Jack once he’s in bed, if you want.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “He’ll be sleeping. I can handle it.”

  She nodded, obviously exhausted. “I appreciate it.” She set Jack down and glanced at the clock. “Can you be back around nine?”

  “I’ll be here.”

  Pam allowed herself a moment of pride in her children. John would have loved this moment. She wasn’t sure what he would have thought about Steven giving her dating advice, though. Of course if he was around to voice an opinion, she wouldn’t have needed it, and wouldn’t that have been nice.

  “Mom, you okay?” Jen asked.

  “Yes. Just mulling over your brother’s worries about me getting involved with other men.”

  She waited for her daughter to shriek, but Jen only set Jack in his small kitchen chair and started preparing dinner for him.

  “You should listen. You were with Dad forever. The world is different now.”

  Which was annoyingly what her son had said. “I’m perfectly fine.”

  Jen pulled chicken out of the refrigerator. “Mom, if our situations were reversed, you’d be giving us advice. We only want to make sure you stay safe.”

  There were a thousand things she could say. She could get angry, be sensible or she could shut them down. The latter seemed the best choice for her.