A Million Little Things--A Novel

by Susan Mallery

“You going back to the hospital tonight?” Zoe asked.

  Jen shook her head. “Kirk wants me to stay home and get some sleep.” She covered a yawn. “I’m not going to say no. I’m exhausted. But Lucas is getting better and that’s what matters.” She released Jack, who slid to the ground and giggled. “I’ve ordered a hospital bed and one of those rolling tables for him. The wound in his leg is healing pretty quickly so he should be able to get around a little.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’m grateful. I’m happy to take care of him but I don’t think either Lucas or I want me to be helping him with a bedpan.”

  “That would be awkward. When does he get released?”

  “Tomorrow sometime. Kirk and one of the other detectives will bring him home. He’s going to need to stay with us at least three weeks. Maybe longer.”

  “Let me know how I can help.”

  “You’ve been great,” Jen told her. “This has been really hard for me.” She grimaced. “I used to resent Lucas and worry he was leading Kirk astray. Now I worry that Kirk is out there with a temporary partner who might not be so willing to take a bullet.” She drew in a breath. “I guess this is a lesson to be grateful for what I have.”

  Jack ran around to climb the slide again.

  “Enough about me,” Jen said firmly. “How are you? How are things with Steven?”

  “Good. I’m doing my best to take things slow and be sensible. I don’t want to make any Chad-like mistakes.”

  “You won’t. Steven’s nothing like Chad. He’s really grounded and he’s lousy at keeping secrets.”

  “Excellent qualities in a man.”

  Jen helped Jack into position, then released him. He slid into Zoe’s arms.

  “So, you two do the deed yet?”

  Zoe laughed. “Are you sure you want to know? He is your brother.”

  “Good point, although the way you answered means yes.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’ve always been able to ask for details, but now I can’t. That’s not fair. As the best friend, I have certain rights.”

  “Let me know what you decide and I’ll go with it.”

  Jen nodded. “Are you happy?”

  Zoe thought about the question. There was a lot going on right now. She wanted to have more people in her life. She wanted to figure out the next step for her, careerwise, and she was starting what seemed to be a great relationship with a wonderful guy.

  “I am. I’m in a really good place right now and I’m grateful.”

  Later, when Jack had tired of the slide and swings, Jen took him to her SUV and got him in his car seat. She and Zoe hugged.

  “I’m around,” Zoe told her. “Whatever you need.”

  “Thank you. When all this calms down, I want to go have lunch or something. Just the two of us.”

  “I’d love that.”

  Zoe walked over to her car. She was about to get in when her cell phone rang. She glanced at the number. While it looked familiar, she couldn’t place it.

  “Hello?”

  “Zoe Saldivar?”

  “Yes.”

  “This is Amanda from Dr. Herron’s office. Do you have a second to talk?”

  Zoe couldn’t imagine why her gynecologist’s office would be calling. She’d had her annual five months before and everything had been fine. She went in every three months for her birth control shot and had her next appointment lined up.

  “Sure. What’s going on?”

  “I’m so sorry to be calling you. It’s just we’ve heard from the pharmaceutical company that manufacturers your birth control injections. There was a problem with several batches, including yours. We need you to come in as soon as possible. We want to give you a pregnancy test and assuming all is well, give you another shot.”

  Zoe stood by her car and let the words sink in. Confusion was followed by disbelief, then panic.

  “The shot isn’t working?”

  “No. I’m sorry.”

  Sorry? Sorry? How did that help? “But I’ve been having sex.”

  “If I could schedule you to come to the office, we can figure out the next step in your treatment.”

  The next step? She felt her heart pounding in her chest. Oh, God. She’d had sex with Steven just a few days ago. They’d used a condom but that wasn’t always—

  Her breath caught in her throat. No, she thought in horror. Steven wasn’t the problem. She’d had sex with Chad nearly two months ago and she hadn’t used anything. Because they’d both been tested and they weren’t sleeping around and she’d assumed she was on birth control.

  “No,” she whispered. “No.”

  “I’m sorry. Can you make it in the day after tomorrow?”

  Zoe nodded, then realized the other woman couldn’t see her. “Yes. What time?”

  “Eleven-fifteen.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  Zoe hung up and leaned against her car. No, she told herself. This wasn’t happening. Or if it was, she wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t be. They’d only done it once, she told herself. Just that one time. What were the odds?

  She got in her car and started the engine, but she didn’t pull out of her spot. Instead she rested her head on the steering wheel and tried to catch her breath. She was fine, she told herself firmly. Fine and not pregnant. She had to be. Because there was no way she was going to have a baby with Chad.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jen double-checked the guest room. The regular bed was out in the garage and the rented hospital bed was in place. There were clean towels in the en suite bathroom and fresh flowers on the dresser. Kirk had brought in a TV and set it up in the corner. Jen had borrowed a walkie-talkie set from friends so Lucas could call for her if he needed help.

  She wasn’t concerned about the extra work having Lucas in their home would mean. She was more nervous about having to deal with him day after day. Whatever would they talk about? She barely knew the man and what she knew she didn’t like. But he’d saved Kirk and she owed him. So she would nurse him back to health and bite her tongue when she wanted to say what she was thinking.

  On the bright side, Jack adored him and a visiting nurse would come in a couple of times a day for the first week or so, relieving Jen of any intimate tasks.

  A little after one o’clock, Kirk pulled up in his sedan. His friend Matt was with him. Together they got Lucas out of the car and moving toward the house.

  They went slowly, one man on either side of Lucas to support him. Lucas had a huge sling on his left arm—probably to keep his shoulder stable. His right leg was bandaged from knee to groin. He was pale and sweating. By the time they reached the front door, Jen was sure he was going to pass out.

  “Can you carry him?” she asked as they made it into the foyer.

  “I’m fine.” Lucas’s words came out from between clenched teeth. “This is nothing. You should see me on New Year’s Day. Talk about a hangover.”

  “You’re gray and your eyes are about to roll back in your head,” she told him. “You’re already a hero.” She turned to her husband. “Carry him.”

  Matt shrugged, then put his arm around Lucas’s waist. Kirk did the same. Lucas swore at them both, making her grateful her mom was keeping Jack for a few hours. They lifted him and in less than a minute they were in the guest room.

  Jen moved to pull back the covers, then looked away as they settled Lucas in the hospital bed. He groaned as he shifted to get comfortable.

  “What about his pain meds?” she asked Kirk.

  “They gave him a shot right before we left the hospital.” Her husband handed her a bag of pills. “He needs them on a schedule. Can you take care of that or do you want me to—”

  “I can handle my own damn pills,” Lucas growled. “I don’t know why I’m here. I would be fine at home.”

 
“Oh, please.” Jen shook the bag. “You wouldn’t last a day and we all know it.” She looked at Kirk. “I’ll write up a schedule for the pills so we can all know what he gets when. I can set the timer on my phone for the night ones.”

  “I can take my own goddamn pills,” Lucas muttered again as he closed his eyes.

  Jen eyed the gray cast to his skin and hoped he wasn’t going to pass out. She knew basic first aid, but nothing more.

  She left the guys to talk to their friend and went to the kitchen. She opened Excel and created a grid for a week’s worth of meds, then printed out three copies. She’d just finished when Matt and Kirk came into the kitchen.

  “He says he wants to sleep,” Kirk told her. “I’m going to run Matt back to the station.”

  Jen’s stomach knotted. She wanted to cling to her husband and tell him not to leave her alone with Lucas. But this had been her idea and she was going to have to figure out how to deal with him sooner or later.

  “I know you have paperwork,” she said cheerfully. “Stay and do that. I’ll see you at dinner.”

  “You sure?”

  “We’ll be fine. If he starts to bug me, I’ll slug him in the shoulder.”

  Kirk kissed her. “That’s my tenderhearted girl.”

  They left. Jen filled a pitcher with water and carried it and a glass into the guest room. Lucas opened his eyes but didn’t speak.

  She set the water on his table and showed him the walkie-talkie. “All you have to do is push the button, and then speak. I’ll hear you.” She set the pill schedule on the dresser. “I should probably handle the meds for the first day or so.”

  “You’re bossy.”

  “You’re in no position to complain.” She put her hands on her hips. “Are you able to focus? Because I’d like to go over some ground rules.”

  Lucas managed a shaky smile. “I figured we’d get to those. Sure. Fire away.”

  “No drinking, no smoking, no women. I’m happy to cook food you like, within reason. Just tell me what you want. There’s no swearing around Jack. He doesn’t eat sugar or junk food and he can’t watch TV.”

  “Jesus, that kid’s going to be in therapy for the rest of his life.”

  She glared at him. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. There are studies that show—”

  He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “I’m sure there are. I know you’re trying to be a good mother, Jen, but give it a rest. You wind yourself so tight, one day you’re going to snap.”

  Even though she told herself she didn’t care, his words stung. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “I know plenty. What are you so damned afraid of?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yeah, you are. I don’t get it. You have it all. A great husband, a beautiful house and Jack. Why do you always go looking for trouble?”

  Her chest got tight and her eyes burned. “You don’t get to talk to me like this.”

  “Babe, I’m high as a kite. I can say anything I want. You’re afraid every second of every day. I wish I knew why. I’m sure you do, too. But that’s not the real problem. The real problem is Jack can feel it. So can Kirk. He worries.”

  She swallowed. “What do you mean?”

  He shook his head, then closed his eyes. “You think I’m leading him astray, but you’re wrong. I’m fighting for your marriage, but man, is it an uphill battle. You don’t make it easy, you know that? Jack’s a good kid. He’s going to be fine. You’re the one I worry about. I swear if you don’t get this figured out, you’re going to end up in an asylum or divorced. But hell. What do I know? I’m just some...”

  She waited but there weren’t any more words. It took her a second to figure out he’d fallen asleep. Just like that.

  * * *

  “Don’t worry,” the nurse said with a smile. “These don’t hurt at all.”

  Zoe nodded, as if physical pain from an ultrasound was her biggest concern. It wasn’t. The fact that she was having one was a much bigger deal.

  Nothing about this was fair, she thought. She’d just started to get her life in order. She had a plan—or at least the beginning of one. She was going to substitute teach and look at grad school and maybe quit her job. And what about Steven? He was a great guy. She liked him a lot. How on earth was she supposed to tell him she was pregnant?

  She was having a baby and that baby was going to ruin everything. Her life would never be the same. Steven wouldn’t understand. How could he? She didn’t understand. They were just at the good part. The sparkly beginning where they’d figured out there was potential. And now she was going to lose him forever.

  She lay on the padded table and felt the warm gel on her belly. Tears filled her eyes and ran down into her hair. This wasn’t right, she thought frantically. This wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to be pregnant. But four at-home tests had confirmed that sex had consequences. Now she was going to find out how far along she was.

  Part of her hoped that the baby was Steven’s. While that would be a nightmare, it would be a better one than being pregnant with Chad’s baby. She didn’t want to be involved with him. She didn’t want a child with him. But she and Steven had used a condom, so the odds were—

  “There we are,” the nurse said, her voice caring and happy. “Your baby has settled in very nicely. Look, you can see the heartbeat.”

  Zoe turned and looked at the monitor. All she saw was a mass of shapes, some light, some dark. There were—

  She saw the steady beating of a tiny heart.

  Emotions welled up inside of her. Fear, hope, anger, excitement, resignation. There was a baby and it was real. And the fact that she could see the heartbeat meant that she was way more than two weeks along. The baby was Chad’s. Tears continued to pool in her hair. She clutched her hands together and wondered what on earth she was going to do now.

  * * *

  Forty minutes later she was dressed and in her doctor’s office.

  “I’m sorry,” Dr. Herron said with a sigh. “We have several patients affected by this problem and three of them are pregnant.” Her expression was kind. “I know you weren’t expecting this. You’re still early along. We can certainly terminate the pregnancy with no problem. I can do it this afternoon.”

  Zoe blinked. An abortion. Of course. Because she hadn’t planned on this happening. In fact, she’d taken steps to prevent it. She was firmly pro-choice. This was her right.

  “I’m having the baby,” she said. The words were involuntary, but she couldn’t seem to call them back. “I wasn’t expecting this and I’m not with the father and it’s a mess, but I’ll carry him or her to term.”

  After that, she was less sure. Adoption was an option. Or she could raise her baby herself. Only that meant being involved with Chad. He might be a lousy boyfriend but he was a really attentive father. But jeez, Chad?

  Her doctor nodded. “That’s entirely up to you. Based on the dates you’ve given us and the ultrasound, you still have a few weeks to change your mind. In the meantime, let’s talk about how to have a healthy, happy pregnancy.”

  Zoe drove home with piles of papers and pamphlets. She was going to have to change her diet, give up alcohol and caffeine, get more rest, start exercising regularly and basically live life as her baby’s vessel. Her head hurt and her stomach threatened trouble.

  None of this was fair, she thought. None of it was right. She’d done nothing wrong. Okay, yes, she’d had stupid sex with her ex, but was she supposed to pay for that for the rest of her life?

  When she got home, she found Mason sleeping on her bed in a patch of sun. She picked him up and held him close. For once he didn’t squirm to get away. She breathed in the scent of his fur and listened to the soothing sound of his purring.

  “I’m pregnant,” she told him.

&
nbsp; His green-eyed stare wasn’t the least bit judgmental.

  Still fighting tears, she walked over to her computer and logged on. She searched I want to give up my baby for adoption. Twenty minutes later she had a working knowledge of what was required and knew there was no way she could do it. She might not have planned this, but she was perfectly capable of having a baby on her own. She had a good job, supportive friends and family. As for Chad—well, she couldn’t think about that right now.

  Her cell rang. She looked at the screen and didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?”

  “Zoe Saldivar?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m calling to see if you’d be available to substitute teach tomorrow. It’s a fifth grade class.”

  The question was so incongruous when compared with what she’d been dealing with. Substitute teach? How could she?

  She was about to say no when she realized that pregnancy wasn’t the end of the world. Life still went on. It might not be as she expected, but either she moved forward or she stayed stuck.

  “Yes, of course. Happy to.”

  “Good. I’ll email you the information right now.”

  * * *

  Filia’s daughter, Marta, was nearly ten and just as pretty as her mother. She smiled shyly at Pam, then took her book over to a corner chair and started to read.

  “I’m sorry,” Filia said for the third time. “My sister looks after her, but she’s sick.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Pam told her. “This won’t take long.”

  Filia had come through with a business plan to expand her salon. Pam had already reviewed it and had been pleased to see it was realistic and detailed. Filia had a firm grasp on the amount of start-up capital she would need as well as the time it could take to build a loyal client base.

  They discussed the plan and Filia showed Pam the work sheets that supported her numbers.

  “How long until you have to give your landlord a commitment?” Pam asked. She knew that Filia wanted to rent the space next to her nail salon.

  “Six weeks. He hasn’t heard from the current tenant yet, but I know he plans to vacate.” Filia put her hands on the table. “I can do this. I know I can. I feel it inside. I’ll work hard. I’ll work every day. This is my dream and I want to make it happen.”