No Regrets

by Vivian Ward

  “Just because your place got burned down doesn’t mean you have to torch mine too,” he joked. “Now, tell me what’s got you in such a good mood.”

  He wasn’t going to let me out of the room until I told him something, anything. “I’m going out with a few of my friends tonight.” I lied, and I knew it was wrong, but I certainly couldn’t tell him the truth.

  “Who’s watching Andrew?” He crossed his arms. “Because I have got plans.”

  “Susan. She said she would watch him.”

  “Cool.” He walked past me, brushing my shoulder with his arm as he nudged me out of the way. “What are you making? It smells good now that it’s not burning!”

  I rolled my eyes. “Spaghetti-O’s with hot dogs cut up in them.”

  “Damn. Chef Boyar-Stephanie knows what’s up!” He lifted a spoonful to his mouth and shoveled it in. “Hot, hot,” he said as he walked over to the trash can and spat it out. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Tastes better than when we were kids. Let me know when that cools off. I have to get changed out of these work clothes.”

  Ah, my brother the giant kid. And he could act like one, too. After I had made Andrew’s bowl of food, I called Lance in to eat the rest of what was left in the pan. I watched in amazement as he inhaled all of it. “I’m sorry. Did you want some, sis?”

  “No, I’ll grab something while I’m out.”

  While I gave Andrew a bath, I sent Matt a text to set up our plans for the evening. Once I got Drew dropped off, I met him at the Pink Galleon so we could shoot some darts and play some pool. It was practically everyone’s favorite game room who grew up in our area. Nervous as I was, I spotted him from the car in the parking lot. He was playing ski-ball near the front window.

  “Hey,” I walked up beside him.

  “Hey,” he leaned in and gave me a hug. “It’s good to see you again.”

  Chapter 8

  Matt

  After two hours of playing pool and shooting darts, we were both starved. I ordered us a couple of combos and carried the tray of food over to the table so we could talk.

  “Stephanie, I have to admit, tonight has been so much fun hanging out with you.”

  “Yeah, it has. Hasn’t it?” She crinkled her nose. I had always loved when she did that.

  I remember everything there was to remember about Stephanie. The way she laughed, the way she carried herself, how much fun she was and most of all, how much I missed her. I was worried that things would be uncomfortable between us, but we picked back up like we had never missed a beat. She even wore the same perfume that she always wore when we were dating: Chanel No 5. I know because I smelled it on her at the church and again when she walked up to me tonight.

  “Why don’t we get out of here?” I asked as we finished our food. “We can take a drive and talk more privately.”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  The humid air was charged with enough static electricity that the hair on my arms stood on end. A strong gust of warm air hit my face and blew her hair as we jumped inside the cab of my truck. I looked up at the sky and noticed this wasn’t the ordinary starry stretch that typically blanketed Memphis on a summer night. Dark, heavy clouds hung low to the ground, threatening to open up with a sudden downpour.

  “How come you’re single?” I looked at her. Confusion spread across her face. “I mean, where is Andrew’s dad?”

  “He’s around.” She stared straight ahead.

  “Are you? I mean, do you?” I wasn’t sure what the right words were to ask if they still had an ongoing relationship or not, but she knew exactly what I was getting at.

  “No,” she looked at me this time. “We’re not a couple, and we never hook up or anything like that. We just didn’t work out.”

  “I’m sorry. I guess it’s none of my business.” She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk about it so I decided to drop it.

  “Well if we’re asking things that are none of our business, I have a question I’d like to ask you,” she said. I could tell by the look on her face that it was equally as—if not more—important as me asking about her ex. I pulled the truck over a few blocks from the bar that I’d went to only a few nights ago.

  Gigantic raindrops started to beat against my windshield followed by small pieces of hail. I nodded. “Go ahead.”

  “Why did you do it? What made you rat on Lance?” She looked like she wanted to say more, but I could tell that she was holding back.

  “Stephanie,” I grabbed her hand and looked her in the eyes. “I told you back then that I never told. I promised you that I would never tell, and I always kept that promise, but you would never listen.” She jerked her hand away from me.

  “Don’t act like I’m stupid, Matt. Don't you think it’s ironic that you told us where to ditch all of the evidence and the police somehow went straight to it and found it all? And that cop was your dad?” she hissed.

  I leaned across the seat and looked into her beautiful face, those chestnut eyes. “I can’t make you believe me, but I’m telling you the truth. I didn’t find out until a year later—when my dad received his promotion—that he had listened in on the phone while I told you where to have your brother dump everything.” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Stephanie, I’ve always wanted to protect your and your family. I would never put any of you out like that.”

  Her eyes had widened before her jaw went slack. I could see the truth was finally registering with her. “Oh my God, Matt. You mean—” tears started to collect in her eyes as she realized all the lost years that had put time and distance between us.

  I couldn’t stand another moment of distance between her and me. The rain continued beating against the truck as the wind gusts rocked it back and forth while we remained parked in the middle of town. I grabbed her face and started kissing her, my teeth crashing against hers as I pulled her close to me. It felt like an eternity since I had kissed her soft, inviting lips. Her delicate hands grabbed mine as I tasted her sweet breath. Everything felt so right as she curled into me.

  She pulled her head back and pressed her hand against the stubble on my face as she looked into my eyes. I didn’t know why she had stopped kissing me, but I could see the look of confusion in her eyes.

  “I don’t know if we should be doing this, Matt. What if my brother finds out or someone sees us? What are we doing? I mean, I don’t know where this is going or—”

  I held my calloused finger against her plump lips. “The question is where do you want this to go?”

  I wanted to hear her answer. In my mind, I already knew what I wanted. I had given her my heart all those years ago and never took it back. There was no way I could tell her that and let her break my heart twice. Her hurting me, cutting me out of her life like a bad cancer was the reason I carried so many scars. The scars that I was still hiding from her—the ones that she would see with her own eyes. I couldn’t hide them forever.

  “I—I don’t know. When we were together,” she looked straight ahead, staring at the huge raindrops that were drumming against the truck, “I was happy. I’ve not been happy with anyone else, but there’s no way my family would accept you, or us.”

  “Stephanie, you can’t always do what makes everyone else happy.” I leaned back into my seat and rested my wrists on the top of my steering wheel. “Neither one of us is getting any younger. You have to do what makes you happy.”

  She remained silent for a moment before she swallowed hard. “If we decide to do this, it’s not going to be easy.”

  “Baby, nobody ever promised that things in life were gonna be easy, but I’m here. We can get through this together and be happy again.”

  “You know my brother is going to kill you, right?”

  “I planned on it, and you’re worth every second of the fight.” I kissed her hand.

  “Where do we go from here?” she asked.

  “You tell me. It’s your family who has the issue.”

  “What about yours? What will your fol
ks say?”

  Shit. Talking about my family was something I wasn’t prepared to do so soon. “I’m pretty sure they won’t have much to say. What will your family say when they find out?”

  “I don’t want to think about that.” She started biting her nail. “Your dad won’t care that you’re dating Lance Frost’s little sister? Or do they hate me for when I quit talking to you?”

  I sighed as I let my head fall back on the headrest. “I don’t talk to them, Stephanie. When you cut me out of your life, I cut them out of mine.” Her eyes bulged as she listened. “I told you. I never said a word to anyone about Lance. We were never friends, but I would protect his secret if it meant protecting you, even if it was the wrong thing to do.”

  I always did the right thing, but when it came to her, I would break every law in the land if it meant keeping her safe and happy.

  “How long has it been? I mean since you stopped talking to them?”

  “A year after we stopped, when I found out what my dad had done.” My lips snarled thinking about the son of a bitch. “He’s useless to me.”

  With the way my life changed because of his doings, he could go to hell as far as I was concerned. And why not? God knows that’s where I was during all those years away from her. Aside from the dropping out of college, becoming an alcoholic and having those assholes set me on fire, I had danced circles around the devil himself when it came to my time in hell.

  The rain was finally beginning to let up so I could drive, but I didn’t want to drop her back off at her car. I wanted to know more about this Joe guy—Andrew’s dad—and why he wasn’t in the picture. “You want to ride around for a while?” I reached for the keys in the ignition.

  “Actually, I think I should probably head back to Susan’s house to pick up my son before it gets too late. She’s probably worried anyway.”

  “You trust her?”

  “I do. We’re best friends, and I would trust her with my life. She’s been here for me ever since I became a mom.”

  When I dropped her off at her car, I didn’t want her to go, but it’s not like I had my own place to take her to. As much as I had turned my life around, I still didn’t have my place. I slept at the firehouse, which was probably best. It helped keep me out of trouble, and that was the only reason I didn’t live alone.

  Chapter 9

  Stephanie

  I hadn’t been this nervous and excited since I gave birth. I hoped that I nailed it while I was in there because I needed a break. It’s been ages since I’ve gone on a job interview, and I hoped that they would consider me. It wasn’t exactly my dream job since it was only data entry, but it paid decent enough that I could probably save my first couple of months’ worth of income and get an apartment for Andrew and me.

  When Joe and I had gotten together, he made me quit my job to stay at home as soon as I found out that I was pregnant. I thought he was sweet at first, but then I realized it was all part of his game. He had a hidden agenda; I would quickly learn how controlling he was. Once I quit my job, he really started acting a fool. He didn’t want me to go out with my friends; he didn't like me leaving without telling him where I was going, and he monitored everything I did on the computer. There were times when I woke up in the middle of the night, when he should have been sleeping for work, and caught him going through my emails, trash folder, recycle bin and browser history.

  It took a long time for me to leave that situation and get out of that mess, but I did it. I stayed because I didn’t want my Drew growing up without both of his parents, but Susan taught me that he could still have both of his parents even if we didn’t live together. It was the best thing I have ever done. It’s been a struggle regaining my ground, but I have been working on it for months.

  I stopped by my mom’s house, picked up Andrew and went home, well, to my brother’s house. Being nervous about the job interview, I had skipped lunch so that my stomach wouldn’t be too upset. I realized how much of a mistake it was on my way to pick him up because all of my hunger hit me at once. I was so hungry that I thought I was going to be sick.

  “Come on, baby,” I helped him out of his car seat. “Let’s get inside so I can make dinner.”

  “What am I cooking tonight?” he asked.

  “What are you cooking?” I laughed. “You mean what am I cooking?”

  “Yeah, that’s what I said. What am I cooking when you make dinner?”

  “That depends on what you want to cook,” I teased him.

  “I want a grilled cheese samwich.”

  “Grilled cheese, huh?” he nodded. “I can make that. You want fries to go with it or chips?”

  “Fries!” he shrieked as he took off running through the house. I wished I had an ounce of his energy to bottle up for a quick pick-me-up sometimes.

  The buttered bread sizzled in the pan while the fries cooked in the oven, and I could hardly wait to eat. It had been a long day. I was famished and ready for bed. Tomorrow would be a new day. I heard Lance walk in and was listening to him and Drew talk until he made his way into the kitchen.

  “Smells good,” he said as he unfastened his overalls.

  “Thanks. I’m starving so this will probably be the fastest I have ever cooked dinner in my life.”

  “Yeah? I wanted to ask you something,” he began.

  “Go ahead and shoot,” I said, pouring Drew a cup of milk to go with his dinner.

  “Now I’m not saying this is true, but there have been rumors floating around town that you and Matt have been seeing each other. Tell me what I’m hearing is a lie.” His jaw tightened as his rigid body remained stiff as a board waiting for my answer.

  I didn’t know how to answer, but I knew that I couldn’t make him wait long, or he would get suspicious and figure out that it wasn’t a rumor, and it was the truth. “What? Where did you hear something like that?” I kept my back turned as I continued making dinner so I could avoid eye contact.

  “Just something I heard, but I see that you do not deny it.”

  I sighed. “Okay, I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want you trippin’, but I did see Matt—and his partner. They were the ones who rescued Andrew and me from the fire. It wasn’t a big deal.”

  I hated lying to my brother, but it wasn’t totally a lie. It was a lie that would have to satiate his curiosity, at least for now. Even after I had told him that Matt saved our lives, he still wasn’t amused by the fact that I had seen him and kept it from him.

  “Uh-huh. I don’t know if I buy that bullshit story, sis. What I heard is that you two were kissing in the middle of town.”

  Dammit. Why do people always have to have such a big mouth? I wondered who told. “Yeah, it goes from him rescuing us out of a fire to us playing tonsil hockey in the center of town,” I laughed, making light of it. “Typical,” I snorted.

  He stopped questioning after that, but I could tell that he didn’t believe me. We both knew that I was lying, but I wasn’t ready to go there yet. Everything was still too new, and I wanted to make sure that this was a for sure thing before I got my family involved. No sense in causing myself more trouble than I already had on my plate.

  Before we finished dinner, I asked Lance to watch Drew for me the next day while I went to print off extra resumes and fill out a few more applications in case I didn’t get that job. Since his boss didn’t have any work lined up for a few days, he agreed. He has never minded watching his nephew, but I could tell that it irritated him, probably because he knew I was hiding something from him. We finished eating dinner in complete, awkward silence.

  While I was at Super Prints waiting on copies of my resume to finish printing, I called Matt. I wanted to warn him about my brother’s suspicions and see what he had to say about them.

  “Hello?” he answered.

  “Can you talk right now or is this a bad time?”

  “Yeah, I can talk. What’s up?”

  “My brother knows that there is something going on between us.” J
ust thinking about what Lance would do made my palms sweat and my heart race a little faster. “I’m so worried about what will happen if he finds out about us.”

  “What did he say and how did he find out?”

  “I don’t know how he found out, but he knew that we were kissing in the middle of town.”

  “Shit. That’s not good. What did you say when he confronted you?”

  “I tried to blow it off like it was a joke, but I think he saw right through it. Matt, if he finds out, I’m not dealing with a little sibling rivalry. He might kick me out of his house over this. I wouldn’t have any place to go.”

  “Your brother is a lot of things, Stephanie, but I don’t think he would do that to you. Not with you having a son.”

  Loud alarms rang in the background, and I could no longer hear him. “Hello? Hello?” I looked at the phone and saw the line had gone dead.

  He must have had an emergency, or call out, or whatever he calls them. I looked over at the edge of the counter and saw that the clerk had neatly stacked all of my resumes on the counter while I was on the phone. “What do I owe you?” I asked him.

  “That will be $2.34, please.”

  I paid the man and scooped my resumes off the counter, ready to go on a mission to apply for more jobs and get my name out there.

  Chapter 10

  Matt

  “What’s this call for, Chief?” I asked Paul on our way to the scene.

  “There’s a small kid choking on a hot dog. We should be there in less than two minutes,” his voice boomed over the loud sirens wailing through the streets as we sped through intersections.

  I have always hated calls that involved children. It never gets any easier to pull one out of a burning building or get them out of a tight space that they’ve jammed themselves into and hope that you get there before they turn out of oxygen to breathe. It’s a tough job, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I never thought I’d become a firefighter until I hit rock bottom. They’re the ones that saved me.