No Regrets

by Vivian Ward

  She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek before she got into her car and drove away. I stood at the edge of the sidewalk, watching her red taillights disappear into the traffic. My mind was still trying to process everything but all I could see was crimson as my temper became enraged. I punched the parking sign on the street post that was in front of me, imagining it was her brother’s face.

  I was in no mood to walk after that. I wanted to fight, punch something—or someone—but I knew that wasn’t the answer. That would just land me back in jail, and if that happened, Chief might kick my ass himself—after he fired me. I needed to do something, though. I went back inside and grabbed my backpack. I was going to go rock climbing. I needed physical assertion to get out some of my anger and what better way to do it than rock climbing.

  Slipping my harness straps on, I replayed mine and Stephanie’s conversation in my head. Picturing her cry fueled my anger as I grabbed onto the first hold and started climbing the steepest wall that Mountain Hikers had to offer. I had only climbed it—successfully—one other time, but with the pent up frustration that was boiling my blood, I knew I wouldn’t have any problem scaling it. I was more than half way up it before I even broke out in sweat.

  The thing that bothered me the most was that Stephanie was breaking things off with me because of her brother and not because she wanted to. As far as I knew, she was happy with our relationship. She liked how I treated her, and we had a lot of fun. In fact, I remember her saying how she felt so alive and how glad she was that I was back in her life. As I climbed closer to the top of the wall, I had made up my mind.

  I was going to pay Lance a visit and talk to him man-to-man. One thing that I’ve never been was a quitter, and I wasn’t about to lose the woman I loved. Unlike her, he couldn’t control me and tell me what to do, and I was going to show him that. I could—and would—treat his sister better than any man in across the entire state of Tennessee. In my eyes, she was a goddess, and she deserved everything that she wanted, plus more.

  I couldn’t climb back down that wall fast enough to get back on the road and head over to his house. It didn’t matter what Stephanie said to me, I wasn’t scared of her brother or her ex. They would have to kill me before I gave up on my love for her because I was more scared of losing her than I was to losing my life.

  Chapter 20

  Stephanie

  Hot tears stung my eyes as I drove through town. I hated ending things with Matt, but I had to think realistically. There was no way in hell that my brother, or Joe, would allow me to have a relationship with him. He had already made up his mind years ago, and he still held true to the beliefs and opinions that he had formed about Matt. It was obvious that he was going to do anything he could to shoot down any relationship that I had with Matt.

  I wasn’t ready to go home yet because I knew he would be home from work already. His boss had told him that even though he was cleared to come back to work, he would keep him on light duty for his first week back. Light duty meant that he would be filling out paperwork, ordering supplies and running errands. I hopped on the 240, rolled the windows down and cranked up the radio, turning on some Mary J. Blige.

  A white full moon glowed overhead, standing out against an apricot and lavender streaked sky as I drove down the highway. Realizing how late it was getting, I picked Andrew up from the daycare center that I had recently enrolled him in before going over to Susan’s house. Even having a couple of hours to myself, I still wasn’t ready to drive back home and face Lance. Right now I hated him and sitting in the same room with him would be too much for me.

  She must have heard us walking up her wooden porch because her door flung open before we made it to the top of the stairs. I started to say hi to her, but her facial expression worried me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

  “I’ve been trying to call you! Have you been to your brother’s house?”

  “What?” I pulled out my phone. It was dead. “My phone’s dead and no, I haven’t been by there. I figured we could crash here.”

  “You better get your booty back in that car and get over to Lance’s. Go on! I got Andrew,” she put her hand on his shoulder and pulled him into her waist. “M-A-T-T is over there!” She spelled, not wanting Andrew to hear his name.

  “What? Oh my God!” I started down the stairs to get back to the car. “How did you know? Who told you?”

  “Your neighbor, Breezy, called me. She said that his blue pickup pulled in front of your brother’s house. It must have been about an hour ago?”

  “Thanks,” I shut the door and reversed out of her driveway.

  I must have broken every traffic law there was racing over to my brother’s house. I can’t believe him. I told him that my brother and Joe wanted to kill him. Does he have no common sense? You would think after the three of them got to spend some quality time in jail, he might think better of driving over there to get himself murdered. Turning onto the street, I saw his truck parked behind my brother’s SUV.

  Racing up the stairs, I couldn’t help but notice how eerily quiet it was. There was no yelling, shouting, fighting, glass breaking or any other sounds that would indicate that the two of them were together. I instantly thought that one of them must be dead, or they already killed each other. The door was locked, which wasn’t a good sign. As I pushed it open, I found the two of them sitting in the living room.

  “Matt?” I asked breathlessly. My heart was pounding a mile a minute, and I felt like I was going to faint.

  “Sit down,” he rushed over to me, helping me into the overstuffed chair in front of his living room windows.

  The room was spinning, and they were both fussing over me to help me feel better. Finally, Lance brought a floor fan in and sat it up in front of me while Matt placed a cool washcloth on my forehead. After several minutes, I started feeling better. “What are you two doing? I thought you guys had killed each other.”

  Chapter 21

  Matt

  “I had to come over here and talk to your brother, Stephanie. You should know that I couldn’t let things end the way that they did. I haven’t told you this before, but I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  She looked past me, staring at her brother who was behind me. “I gotta give it to him,” Lance started, “he’s got it for you bad, but I don’t believe a damn thing he says. I love you, sis, but I can’t let you stay here if you’re gonna be with this dude. It just ain’t gonna fly, so I’m giving you two options, and he already knows what they are, but the choice is up to you. One: you could tell him to go to hell and continue living here, or two: you can get your shit and get out tonight. Either way, I’m cool with it.”

  “Lance! That’s not right. Do you realize that if you kick me out, you’re also kicking out your nephew? Where would we live, how would we get by? What would mom and dad think of you for doing that?”

  I could tell that her hearing her brother say such harsh words to her hurt her feelings. She looked like she wanted to yell, scream, or throw something at him, but she wouldn’t ever do something like that. It wasn’t her style. I watched her stare at her brother in amazement as she processed the words. Her eyes blinked as though she’d snapped back into reality.

  “Okay, if you’re going to act like that and make those kind of decisions, then I have no choice but to pick the person who supports me, who stands behind me and believes in me.” She turned to face me, “I love you, too, and if you’d had the balls to come back here and face him alone, then I have the guts to stand up to him too.”

  “Get your shit and get the fuck out of my house,” Lance said, pointing at the door with his finger.

  I couldn’t believe that her brother, her own flesh and blood, was going to throw her out of his house, and I’m sure it probably killed her that he didn’t want her there. I stuck my hands in my hoodie to prevent me from knocking his teeth out for hurting her once again. She looked at me for support; I nodded my head.

  �
�If that’s the way you want it,” she looked at her brother whose face was as cold as a stone statue. He showed no emotion. “Fine,” she said.

  She got into the spare living room closet and grabbed all the bags that she could find. Since the fire, she said that she hadn’t replaced much other than clothes, a few toys, and shoes so luckily, she didn’t have a ton of stuff to pack. After she had finished stuffing it all into the bags that she found, I helped her carry them all outside and put them into her car. After we had the last of it out of her brother’s house, Lance followed us outside where he stood on his porch, quiet as a mouse.

  “Where are you going tonight?” I asked, keeping my voice low. Her brother, the piece of shit, didn’t deserve to know where she was sleeping for the night, or where his tiny nephew might be.

  “I guess I’m going to stay at Susan’s tonight and call my social worker tomorrow to see where I’m at on the housing list.”

  “That’ll be good for you to stay with her. I’ll follow you over there and help you carry your things to her place.”

  “Thanks, I’ll meet you over there.”

  I got in my truck, but she was still dumbstruck as she stared up at her brother standing on the stoop of his porch. He remained emotionless as he stared at her. I couldn’t believe the bastard would treat her so low. I wanted to punch him right in the throat, hurl him to the ground and kick the living shit out of him. A minute later, she finally got into her car and started it up before she drove past me. As I pulled away from Lance’s house, I gave him the evil eye to let him know that this was not over. Things were far from over.

  When we pulled up to Susan’s house, she was sitting on the porch. She looked surprised to see me, but her look of shock quickly turned into panic when she saw us grabbing bags out of the back of Stephanie’s car.

  “Uh-uh! What are you doing?”

  “Lance threw me out, and I have nowhere to go,” she walked up on the porch. “I figured we could crash here, and I promise to call my social worker tomorrow to see where I’m at on the list and ask her if there’s any way she could bump me.”

  “And what about you?” she stepped in front of me, blocking my path.

  “I’m just helping her carry her things.”

  “Good, I didn’t want you to think you could stay here too, but you are welcome to come in and sit for a spell.”

  Sit for a spell? Did she really just say that? I shook my head and laughed under my breath. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Where’s Andrew?” Stephanie asked once we were inside.

  “Oh, I got him down to sleep about twenty minutes ago. He was worried about you, but I told him that you would be right back.”

  “Thank you, Susan. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  I hung out with them until Stephanie started yawning. She’d had a long day, and I wanted her to get some rest. “I’m going to get out of here, but if you need anything, call me and let me know.” I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, “We’ll get this figured out. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she walked me to the door.

  Chapter 22

  Stephanie

  “Grrr!” I slammed the phone down in the lunch room. Everyone’s head whipped around and stared at me.

  Normally, I wouldn’t make a scene like that, but I was just so damned frustrated. I tried calling my social worker before my shift started but she wasn’t in yet, so I had to wait to try again during my lunch break. Eager to get a hold of her, I had sneaked a quick bathroom break a couple of hours into my shift to try to get her on the phone, but it went to voicemail which was what I got again. I didn’t want to have to wait until I got off work to get a hold of her.

  My boss, Kyle, approached me as I sat with my head buried in my hands near the break phones. “Stephanie, is everything okay? You’ve been acting…a little off today. Is something bothering you?”

  I looked at him and could tell that he was sincerely concerned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

  “What’s going on?” he pulled up a chair and sat next to me. I knew he wouldn’t go away until I told him what was going on.

  I filled him in on the long story about my brother in prison and Matt’s dad being a cop and how they’d all gotten into it recently and how I was currently homeless. Susan had only given me a month to figure something out because while Trish was there, she had overstepped her boundaries and wore out her welcome. It left a sour taste in Susan’s mouth and now she was leery of letting anyone stay with her—including me, even though we were close friends. She said she didn’t want it to ruin our friendship, and I understood where she was coming from, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

  “That’s terrible, and I’m so sorry to hear that. What are you going to do now?”

  “Well, I’ve been trying to get a hold of my case worker to see where I’m at in regards to housing. I’m hoping that she’ll say I’m at the top of the list and will have something soon. I’ve been waiting for months ever since my apartment burned down.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Kyle was a nice guy, he had a big heart and cared about everyone.

  “No, I’m afraid there’s not even anything that I can do to help myself. I’ll try calling her back later.”

  “Okay,” he pushed his chair back with his leg. “Can I buy you lunch?”

  Oh Lord, I don’t want to be a charity case. “No, that’s okay. I’m not very hungry, but thanks anyway.”

  As soon as work was over, I called her again from my car before I even left the parking lot. The phone rang a few times before she finally picked up. Thank god, I thought I was going to go to her voicemail again.

  “Shelly? Hi, this is Stephanie Frost. I was wondering if you could tell me where I’m at on the housing list?”

  “Hello, Stephanie! I was just thinking about you the other day. The list has been moving so let me take a look to see where you’re at on it.” I heard her clicking around, “Are you still at Mason Data Services?”

  “Yeah, I like it there. My boss is super nice, the hours are good, and the work isn’t too hard.”

  “Good, I’m glad to hear that.” Based on the noise I heard on the other line, she was moving the phone receiver around as she clicked her way to the housing list. “Okay, Stephanie, give me one more second, please.”

  “No problem. I was just hoping you’d have some good news for me because my current living situation isn’t working out.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What’s going on?”

  Lay it on her thick so she’ll bump you to the top. “My brother kicked my son and me out of his house, and right now I’m staying with a friend, but she really doesn’t want us there. It’s just not an ideal situation to be someplace you’re not wanted; you know?”

  “I know what you mean.” She was silent for a few seconds. “Okay, I’m finally on the list. They changed it around, so it took me a minute to remember how to access it,” she offered a fake laugh.

  “That’s okay, just tell me something good.”

  “The good news is that you have moved up on the list, but you’re currently number twelve.”

  “Number twelve?” I was hoping to hear either number one or two. “What does that mean? How fast does number twelve make it to number one?”

  “That all depends on if people are moving. The problem right now is that it’s the middle of the school year, so not many people are moving at this time. We don’t typically see the list start to move again until the summer months.”

  “What do you consider the summer months? Like in April when it’s nice enough to start moving or after the end of the school year around June?”

  “Each year is different, but typically after school is out for the year. Do you think your friend would let you stay until then? I mean, it’s only four months away.”

  “Thanks, I’ll see what I can do,” I hung up the phone.

  I picked up Andrew from daycare and called Matt on my way to
Susan’s to have him come over so we could discuss our options. Susan was still at work by the time I got home, so I went inside and got dinner started. I figured I better start buttering her up if I was going to have to stay with her longer than she wanted me to.

  “Hello?” I heard someone knocking on the door. It was Matt.

  “Come on in,” I said. “Can I get you something to drink? I just made some fresh tea.”

  “Yeah, that’d be great. Did you talk to your social worker today? Any good news?” he pulled up a seat at the table.

  “I talked to her all right, but it wasn’t anything good,” I frowned at him. “She said it would probably be another four months or so before they got to me on the list.”

  “Geez, what the hell takes them so long? Are they waiting on the city to build more housing or what?”

  “Pfft, I wish. No, she said that not many people are moving around this time of year and that she’ll call me when they get to my name on the list.”

  “What do you think Susan’s going to say when you tell her that?”

  “I hate to even find out. She told me that she didn’t want us here longer than a month.”

  “Shit.” He sipped his tea as I threw some chicken in the pan.

  “Are you going to eat with us tonight?”

  “If that’s okay, I’d like to.”

  I threw an extra chicken breast into the skillet and started cutting potatoes. He could tell that I was frustrated. Part of me felt like this was all his fault, but it wasn’t. I didn’t know who to blame anymore. My brother for kicking me out? Matt for getting me kicked out? Or myself for allowing it all to happen?