Eden

by Bobbi Smith

  Sing!

  That was it! His divine inspiration.

  "Let us open with a hymn," Logan intoned, picking up the hymnal before him. He directed the congregation to a song he was familiar with and led them in singing all three verses.

  That done, Logan knew he could delay no longer. He had to preach a sermon, and he had to sound as if he knew what he was talking about.

  Well-

  Reverend Miget had said he was to speak on sin, and Logan decided with more than a little humor that it was certainly a subject he was familiar with.

  "Sin!" he began in a loud, booming voice, wanting to command the children's attention and to keep the grown-ups awake. "Sin is deadly to the soul! Sin is man's conscious and deliberate choice to distance himself from his loving God-"

  "Amen!" Someone in the congregation called out.

  "The seven deadly sins are just that-deadly. Which one of us has not been tempted? We are human. We all have human frailties. Which one of us has not been angry?" He paused and looked out over the congregation. "If there is one among you who has never known anger, then I say to you, you are a saint-a truly pious person. Do we have a saintly person with us?"

  Logan looked out and waited. No one stood. A low chuckle of amusement ran through the congregation.

  "So we are all human," he concluded. "What of sloth and gluttony? Do we not all wish in these harsh times to live an easy life, one in which our every need and want is fulfilled? A life where nothing is expected of us except to enjoy ourselves and eat anything and everything we want? How many of you would like to live a life that way? Stand up and be counted."

  Everyone stood. The hardships of the war were a reality. The thought of an easy life was seductive.

  Logan was impressed. They really were listening to him. Even as it impressed him, the knowledge was intimidating.

  "We are human," he repeated. "What of pride and envy and greed? All are deadly sins. Each and every day we make the choice of how we are going to live our lives. Are we strong enough to deny ourselves? Do we feel true happiness when someone else succeeds where we have failed? Do we fight the driving need to always want more than what God has given us? It is good to work to achieve a goal in life, but we must remember why we are striving to attain that goal. We must give the glory to God for our achievements, for we would not be able to accomplish anything without His love."

  "Amen!"

  Logan was trapped again, and he realized that he had done it to himself. There was one deadly sin left, and it was the one he didn't want to address. But there was no escaping it. If he ignored it, it would be even worse.

  "Lust."

  He looked out over the crowd. His gaze fell upon Eden, but he didn't allow himself to stare at her for long. He had lusted after her. He had wanted her. He had desired her and he still did. There was no doubt about that. He had made love to her without the benefit of marriage and had taken her most precious gift-her innocence.

  "Temptation. Are we strong enough to deny that which calls out to us so enticingly? Can we deny that which tempts us? Look at Adam and Eve. Are we strong enough to control our wants and desires? No! Not without God's help. Only God can save us from ourselves. Every day we are faced with temptation. Every day we must keep up the good fight. We must deny our baser desires and do what is right in the eyes of the Lord."

  "Amen!"

  Logan did not look at Eden.

  "We must turn to our loving God for the strength to live as He would have us live. We must study His Commandments and make them a very real part of our lives." Logan was trying to remember the Ten Commandments and found himself struggling to recall them all. "We must never steal. What right do we have to take another's property? We must not covet another's goods or another man's wife, and we must not commit adultery or kill. These are grievous sins before the Lord. This very day, you have kept holy the Sabbath by coming here to hear the Lord's word being preached to you, and that is a wonderful thing. Love and honor your parents and your God. Never take His name in vain." Logan knew he had missed only one Commandment, and it troubled him as he finally addressed it. "Do not bear false witness. Always be a bearer of the truth, for the truth will set you free."

  Even as he spoke of being honest, Logan knew that everything about him and his presence there in the church that morning was a lie. If a lightning bolt struck him down then and there, he wouldn't have been surprised. And he wouldn't have been surprised by where he would have ended up, although his motives for his deceptions were surely pure-he hoped.

  Logan paused in his preaching.

  He heard no rumble of thunder echoing in the distance.

  The day remained sunny.

  He felt a bit relieved.

  Though he was lying to everyone, Logan could not bring himself to ask for God's forgiveness, for he was not sorry for what he was doing. He was there to try to save his brother's life. If saving Braden condemned him to an eternity in hell, then so be it. If he were to stand by and not try to help his brother, he would have condemned himself to a living hell on earth.

  "In closing, know that the Lord is with you always. In difficult times, He will give you the strength you need to overcome whatever it is that is troubling you. All you have to do is ask. Don't let your pride-one of the deadly sinsstand in your way." He paused. "And remember Jesus' words: Love one another as I have loved you. If the world lived by this instruction, there would be no war or hatred. There would be no enemies. There would be only love, and it is true-love does conquer all."

  "Amen," Reverend Miget said, coming to Logan's side. "Thank you, Reverend Matthews. You have truly been an inspiration to all of us today."

  Reverend Miget took over the pulpit and went on to address issues of the church and to take up the weekly collection as Logan took a seat off to the side.

  "We will now offer up our moment of silence," Reverend Miget announced as the service drew to an end, and a hush quickly fell over the congregation.

  It had been decreed by the authorities that ministers could not offer up prayers for the Southern Cause or for Confederate soldiers or their leaders. So to avoid trouble, Reverend Miget offered a moment of silence during each Sunday service. He knew, and his congregation knew, that this time of prayer was for the Confederacy, no matter what the Yankees thought.

  "May God bless you all and keep you safe until I see you again."

  Eden had never been more thankful that a service had ended than she was that day. As she directed the children from their pews, she was overcome with a sense of guilt that would not be dismissed or ignored. Logan was such a wonderful preacher. His sermon had been heartfelt and touching, and she felt completely responsible for what had happened between them the night before. Logan truly was a man of God, and yet she had been the temptation that had led to his downfall-to his sin.

  Eden was miserable, but she hid it behind a smile as she concentrated on taking care of the children. She hoped she could find a way to make it up to Logan, but she doubted she could. He didn't love her as she loved him.

  "Are you ready to go back?" Jenny asked Eden as they met in front of church.

  "Oh, yes," Eden agreed, needing to get away before Logan caught up with them.

  "Miss Eden, wait! We can't leave yet!" Connie cried excitedly. "Reverend Logan's coming!"

  Leaving the line of students, the little girl darted back to meet him as he came out of the church with Reverend Miget.

  Logan saw Connie coming and held his hand out to her in open invitation. She took it without hesitation. He bade the preacher good-bye, and he and Connie moved off to join the rest of the children on their way back to the orphanage.

  Logan and Connie trailed behind the others on the walk back to the Haven. Connie chattered endlessly to Logan as they went along, keeping him entertained with her innocent questions and opinions. They stopped once to watch a bird hopping about in a tree, and another time they paused to peek into a yard and admire the pretty fountain that splashed noisily there. Thro
ugh her eyes, Logan was seeing the city in a whole new light.

  There was no doubt that the tiny blond beauty had won Logan's heart. He hadn't been around many children in his life, and he found Connie's completely unaffected outlook on the world heart-rending. It troubled him greatly that she had lost her parents at such a tender age, and he realized how blessed he was to have had his own parents well into his adulthood.

  "Do you have a mama and papa?" Connie asked.

  Logan was surprised that she'd seemed to be able to read his thoughts. "No. Both my parents are dead," he answered solemnly.

  "So you're an orphan, too," she stated, giving him a sympathetic look.

  "I guess I am," he agreed with her logic, although he'd never thought of himself that way before.

  "Then are you going to be staying with us at the Haven some more? 'Cause if you are staying some more, I want you to come sleep upstairs with me."

  "Some more?" Logan frowned, puzzled. He glanced down at the child, wondering what she was talking about.

  "I had a nightmare last night. I was scared and couldn't sleep anymore so I got up. I heard something outside, and I looked out the window and saw you leaving. I was really wishing you'd come upstairs and see me for a while, 'cause I was scared."

  "Oh-I didn't know you were up," he said, shocked.

  "Well, if you're staying more, we could get an extra bed for you and everything, so you could spend the night with me instead of Miss Eden."

  Logan had known seeing Eden today was going to be difficult, but he'd never imagined he would be facing a situation like this. He had thought he'd slipped away without detection the night before. He'd been wrong.

  "Did anybody else wake up and sit with you last night to keep you company?" he asked, bracing himself for her answer. He could just imagine what the older children had thought of his sermon about resisting temptation and denying lust if they'd witnessed him sneaking off in the early morning hours.

  "No, everybody else was sleeping. That's why I was so scared," she told him honestly.

  "Well, if I had known you were awake, I would have come upstairs to visit you." He was glad that she was too young to understand the reason for his question.

  Connie smiled up at him. "I love you, Reverend Logan."

  Her words touched his heart. "I love you, too, Connie. You are one special young lady."

  "You think I'm special?" She beamed at his praise.

  "Yes, I do. Can you keep a secret?"

  "Oh, yes, sir." She became instantly serious.

  "Let's don't tell anybody about my visit with Miss Eden last night, all right?"

  "All right. I won't tell anybody! I promise." She didn't know why he didn't want her to tell, but she wouldn't.

  "Good girl."

  Even as Connie promised never to tell anyone, Logan knew it was already too late. One accidental, unintentional word from an innocent like Connie, and Eden's reputation would be ruined forever. Before now, he had been unsure how to approach Eden this morning, but now there was no doubt what he had to do. He had no choice in the matter-and neither did she.

  They would marry.

  Silently, Logan cursed himself for the way in which he'd let the situation develop. Since he'd been caught, as Reverend Matthews he could do no less than offer for Eden's hand in wedlock. It complicated things greatly, but there was nothing he could do about that now, and he had no one to blame but himself.

  Logan knew, too, that even if he could turn back the hands of time and relive the night before, he wouldn't change anything. He had charged into the Haven through the open window last night to protect Eden from harm. His motivation had been true then, and in the same way, he would protect her from harm nowharm that, by his own weakness for her, he had caused. He had compromised her, and Connie had seen him leaving in the predawn hours. He would allow no slur upon Eden's reputation. His decision was made.

  Logan looked up to where Eden was walking on ahead of them. His thoughts were troubled even as his gaze was warm upon her. He knew he had to get her alone as soon as possible so he could propose to her. They had much to discuss. A wedding was going to change everything between them-and change his investigation, too, but there could be no avoiding it. He grew grimly determined, for he had a lot of planning to do.

  "Eden?" Logan said her name as he came to stand in the doorway of the office a short time after they'd returned to the Haven. "May I come in?"

  It seemed ridiculous to him to be so formal after what they'd shared last night, but they were in the orphanage and the children were around.

  "Of course," Eden answered, smiling at him.

  She tried to appear calm and collected, but just the sight of him standing there in the doorway left her breathless. Her spontaneous reaction to him dismayed her. In spite of all the guilt she'd been feeling, she was still attracted to him. She watched as Logan strode into the office, and she was surprised when he made a point to close the door securely behind him.

  "Is something wrong?" she worried.

  Logan advanced on her and stopped before the desk. "We need to talk-and I wanted to make sure our conversation was private."

  "Oh." She fought to appear cool and composed. "What did you want to talk about?"

  Her almost indifferent question left him a bit off balance. Their loving had seemed so perfect and she had been so wonderfully responsive in his arms, yet now she was acting as if those long, passionate hours had never happened.

  "Did last night mean so little to you?" The look in his eyes was intense as he faced her.

  "Last night-" she repeated breathlessly, mesmerized by the power of his presence, and remembering far too vividly what had transpired.

  "I can refresh your memory-if you've forgotten," Logan offered with a bit of a devilish grin.

  "Logan-no. I-I'm sorry."

  "Sorry?" He paused. He almost felt as if she'd slapped him. "Sorry for what?"

  Eden was agonizing as she lifted her gaze to his. She couldn't let him know that the hours she'd spent in his arms had been the most wonderful in her entire life. She couldn't tell him that she loved him.

  They had known each other for such a short time that he would never believe her. She had acted the wanton last night, and she regretted it sorely. He was a minister, and she had led him into temptation.

  "I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. It was wrong-so wrong. If I could, I would change everything. I'd make sure it never happened. But it did. All I can say is, I'm sorry."

  "So you want to pretend that nothing happened between us last night?" Logan had intended to propose to her and then tell her of Connie's involvement, but that was all changing now. He had thought he'd understood Eden's being uneasy around him this morning, and he'd wanted to speak with her and help calm her, but he'd never thought she would be this remorseful about their lovemaking.

  "I think it would be best. Don't you?" She was tentative, trying to read his mood and failing miserably. "I never meant for things to go so far. You're a man of God. You're here at the Haven to help the children-and then, last night I acted like some loose woman from the streets."

  He suddenly realized the shame she was feeling, and he found himself touched by her emotion. "You were not alone in what happened between us last night, Eden," Logan said gently. "I wanted you as much as you wanted me."

  "But it shouldn't have happened. We should never have-"

  "But we did." Logan moved around the desk to take her hand and draw her to her feet before him. He had to know the truth of what she was feeling. Without saying another word, he bent and kissed her softly on the lips. "Are you sorry, Eden? Really sorry?"

  At the touch of his lips, a thrill shot through her. The power of her reaction to him shook Eden, and she drew back nervously, afraid of the truth. She didn't meet his gaze as she gave a slight shake of her head and whispered, "No."

  Logan lifted one hand to cup her cheek. "Eden-there's something you need to know."

  At his words, she finally did look up.
She saw how serious his expression was, and her eyes widened in apprehension. "There is?"

  "There was a witness to what transpired be tween us last night. I was seen leaving your room.

  She went completely still for an instant and then gave a mortified groan. "But it was so late. Who could have-"

  "Connie."

  "Connie?"

  "She told me she'd had a nightmare and had gotten up, scared. She heard a noise and was looking out the window when she saw me leaving.

  "Dear God." Eden paled in mortification. She wondered how her life could have become so incredibly complicated so quickly-and all because she loved him.

  "As a result, I think it's important that we marry, Eden. The sooner, the better."

  Eden had entertained fantasies of marrying Logan and spending the rest of her life loving him. But she hadn't wanted to wed him this way-out of responsibility and guilt. "You're only proposing to me because of Connie."

  He didn't deny it. "I won't allow your reputation to be put at risk."

  "But the damage is already done," she said quietly.

  "Only Connie knows that I was with you, and she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone else. If or when anyone else does happen to find out about last night, I want to make sure you already have the protection of my name."

  Her heart sank. His proposal was so cold, so calculated, so emotionless. Logan had made no mention of love or devotion, of tenderness or caring. He'd spoken only of protecting her reputation-as any good reverend would.

  "You don't have to do this," Eden told him, not wanting him to play the martyr and sacrifice himself for her sake.