Black

by T. L Smith

  “You like him?” Casey asks as she walks in, watching me stare at my phone. I didn’t even realize she was home.

  “Who?” I ask, playing dumb.

  “Don’t who me, girly. I can see it.” Her eyes scan my face like she’s making a point.

  “He’s an enigma,” I say, more to myself than to her.

  “Sax says he’s bad and he doesn’t do what you’re after. Don’t force anything, Rose, you’re just getting better… getting your life back on track.”

  “He’s just misunderstood,” I say, standing and getting ready to leave for work.

  “You’re looking good, Rose.” I smile at her and make my way out the door. I feel better, more weight is starting to appear on my body, and my face is beginning to clear up. I can feel my willpower growing stronger. I haven’t caved, I haven’t touched any of that stuff for almost a solid month. It’s been hard, but worth it.

  Work is busy when I enter, it’s the afternoon shift. Families come in with their kids, people getting off work stop by for something sweet. I haven’t seen many people I once knew, but that doesn’t surprise me. They’re the wealthy types, not people to come out and mingle in an ice cream shop. Which is why I was surprised to see Roger in here a few weeks ago.

  The doorbell rings loudly and two police officers walk through. One of them has come in every time I’ve had a shift. He always smiles at me and is polite every time. Though he never makes conversation. I watch as they stop near the door, his friend nudges him and he shakes his head. He’s cute, handsome if you like. The uniform making him that much more attractive. The way his pants cling to his toned ass and the belt with the gun and Taser firmly attached. He looks completely different from Black, his hair is lighter, almost sandy blond, and he’s clean shaven. But his smile is very warming, whereas Black’s is sinister.

  I have no idea why I’m comparing?

  “Rose,” his voice startles me. I must have looked like an idiot, daydreaming right in front of him, just staring at him. His partner sits down on the seat near the door, while Officer Burk stands in front of me, warming me with his smile.

  “Officer, what can I get ya today?” I ask as nicely as possible, a slight blush taking over his cheeks. He looks down to the floor and back up to me. His shyness is sweet, so different to me and what I’m used to. I’m not shy, far from it. I’ve seen the bad, felt the bad. Not much makes me blush anymore. My skin has grown thick, thicker than it should be for a woman my age.

  “Actually…” his hand reaches up and he scratches the back of his head. His hair is short, and I can’t help but smile at him. “I was wondering what time you finish? And if you’d like to grab a bite to eat?” To say I’m shocked would be an understatement. I don’t think anyone has actually asked me out or taken me on a date for more than four years. After Roger, which there was no dating involved, I was on the streets in drug houses, clubhouses, anything. Now a handsome police officer is asking me out. One I could use to my advantage potentially. Except I wouldn’t want to do that. I know what it’s liked to be used and abused, to have your heart shattered. I’d never do that to anyone.

  “I get off at seven…” I trail off and smile at him. He releases a deep breath and smiles in return.

  “I’ll meet you here then?” I give him a simple nod and he walks to his friend who smiles at me as they leave.

  The shift drags, and by the time the clock finally hits seven I’m over it. Officer Burk walks through the door, right on time. He’s dressed up, nice jeans on his legs, and a dress shirt with a collar. I’m still dressed in my candy stripe uniform. I grab my bag and walk out to the front of the counter. His smile is big and bright and his teeth are perfect.

  “Sorry, couldn’t get changed,” I say, looking down at my work clothes.

  “It’s fine, Rose.” He opens the front door and escorts me through. We walk in silence for a few blocks, but I can feel his stare every now and then as he looks at me from the corner of his eyes.

  “Café fine?” He stops and opens the door and lets me walk in first. We sit at the closest table across from each other. He picks up his menu, and I do the same. Unsure of what to say, but knowing I’ll say something soon as the silence is killing me.

  “Is this a date?” I blurt out and he looks shocked as I ask him. Then he slowly nods his head, and I follow his action and nod mine and go back to reading the menu.

  “Is that okay?” he questions me.

  “Why would you ask me?”

  “You’re gorgeous, and seem a bit lost to be honest.”

  “I am lost. Slowly finding my way, though.”

  “We all get a bit lost at times. I’m glad you are finding your way.” I smile softly at him. He’s sweet, though sweet had done me in before and fucked me over well and truly.

  “You seem real nice, Officer Burk.”

  He holds his hand up in front of me. “Please call me Robbie, Rose.”

  “Robbie, but I don’t think I’m the kind of girl you should be after.” His forehead scrunches up.

  “And why’s that?”

  “I’m just getting my life on track. It’s probably best if you don’t mix with someone that has the background I’ve had.”

  “I know your background, Rose.” I look at him shocked. Of course he would.

  “You searched me?” His head gives a shameful nod.

  “You haven’t done anything illegal, just got dealt a bad hand.”

  “I’m still not sure if I can give you what you’re after, I need to sort myself out.” His head nods.

  “Let’s start with friendship?”

  I agree. There’s no harm in that.

  She’s there, stuck in my mind. Like glue that won’t budge, like a bee sting that causes you pain. It’s there, and all I want to do is extract it, remove it from me. But I can’t, and that’s the reason that I’m sitting in my car and watching as she walks home, laughing with a police officer. I’ve been good, I haven’t seen her for weeks, and those weeks have been kind to her. I’ve kept tabs on her though. She’s now seeing that officer, the one that holds her hip as she walks. The one she’s been out with several times. And by the looks of it, she has a new job. Her appearance looks healthy like she was never sick and addicted to drugs. She has a sway in her hip and a bounce in her step. It’s intriguing to watch.

  I changed my phone number a week ago, smashed the phone and bought a new one. She rang me several times. Each time it’s getting harder to ignore her, to want to ignore her.

  I’ve never understood what it is that draws me to her. Why is she the only one I think of? Why have I not felt the slightest bit for any other reason than their body? It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense.

  I place my head on the steering wheel and the horn beeps. I curse myself, fucking stupid car. I look up. She’s stopped talking to the police officer and her eyes are now firmly on me. Her head is angled, and she smiles slightly as she turns back to the man she’s with. I watch as her lips move and his head swings my way. He tries to see me clearly, but the night sky won’t allow it. He leans in and kisses her on the cheek. She allows it and pats his shoulder, then starts her walk toward me. Looking at the ground, then up to me to make sure I haven’t left. The man she was with stands there, watching her. I want to hurt him. I want to know why he’s with her. Who is he? More especially, who is he to her?

  She comes to my window, tapping a soft knock on the glass. I look at her ice blue eyes. The first thing I’ve ever noticed about her, and I wind down the window. They’re as vibrant as they were ten years ago, though something is slightly missing in them.

  “Black,” she says, then winces. She’s hesitant to call me Liam.

  “Rose…” I stare at her, my sunglasses still cover my face. Even though there’s no need for them. She’s in a different uniform from last time. I look her up and down in a suit. A jacket, black slacks, heels. Her long blonde hair tied back.

  “I’ve tried calling you,” she says, looking straight at me
. She reaches up and touches my sunglasses, removes them, and then places them on the dash. “That’s better, I like to see what you’re thinking instead of trying to guess.” She smirks and leans in closer.

  She looks at me and waits for me to speak. I don’t. She walks around to the passenger side. She stops before she opens the door and waves. I look back to the sidewalk and see the man she was with still watching her. He waves back and starts a slow walk away, though he looks back a few times before he’s finally out of sight.

  The door closes and I realize she’s now next to me. Her smell drifts to me and I want to laugh. She smells like fresh flowers. How ironic for her to smell like her name.

  “What’s making a smile tug at your lips?” She’s now facing me, one of her legs tucked under her as she watches me.

  “Your smell…”

  Her nose scrunches up and she pulls her collar to her nose and sniffs herself. “I don’t stink.” She shakes her head.

  “You don’t,” I say. She lets her shirt go and turns back in her seat and buckles in.

  “I’m hungry, take me out for dinner.” This time it’s my turn for a surprised look to cross my face. “What? You ruined my dinner plans. So the least you can do is cook for me, at your house.” She grabs her phone and starts typing out messages. “Okay, all set to go.” She slips her phone back in her bag and smiles. She’s so weird.

  “Takeaway?” I ask, hoping not to cook.

  “Nope, you are cooking, Mister.” She shakes her head. I start the engine and pull out. I take another look at her and wonder.

  “Where are you working now?” She faces me and smiles, her lips are coated with a soft pink, making them even plumper than they were.

  “I just started working reception. It’s boring. But it’s better than what I was doing, and the money and benefits are better.”

  “You need money?”

  “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about that now.” Her voice drops and I wonder what she really needs the money for.

  “Who’s your boyfriend?” Her lips pull tight in a sinister smile, like she was waiting for me to ask her that question.

  “He isn’t my boyfriend, Liam,” she says, rolling her eyes at me. I go to correct her, but she speaks first. “Though he wants to be.” She raises her eyebrows a few times, making herself look crazy beautiful.

  “You can’t cook me sausage and bread,” she whines behind me.

  “Can too. You wanted to eat here, you get what you’re given.” She pops out her bottom lip, making it impossible for me to disagree with her. “Pizza?” I ask, throwing the sausages back in the freezer. She laughs and picks up my phone. I don’t know why she didn’t grab hers, but she sits there quiet for a few seconds. I stand there and watch for a while, then ask, “Finished snooping?” She doesn’t look up from the phone straight away. She reads whatever has her interest, then places it on the counter.

  “Is this your work phone?” she asks, not sounding as confident as she did before. I nod my head and she leans forward over the counter. “What is it that you do, Liam?”

  “Black,” I correct her.

  “Ha?”

  “It’s Black, Rose. That’s my name. Use it.” She looks taken aback. I guess since I let the last one slip she thought she could use it. She can’t.

  “Are you avoiding the question, Black?” she spits my name back at me.

  “I’m a contractor.”

  “And?” she prompts.

  “And nothing. Now are we ordering or you going home?”

  “Ordering.” She slides my phone across the counter to me and I pick it up and call. I grab the keys to my car and walk out with her following behind.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To get the pizza, Rose. This isn’t a city. There’s no delivery here, you pick that shit up yourself.”

  “Figures.” She shrugs, following me down the stairs, barely looking at the room I held her in.

  She waits in the car while I collect the pizza. She watches my every move. It’s not flattering, it’s quite the opposite. Actually, it’s frustrating. No one has watched me as hard as what she does. Not even the police. And believe me, they have tried.

  I hear the loud noises of motorbikes. One by one I hear them stop in front of the small pizza place. I hear Jake first, loud as always, calling out to me. I watch as Rose sits in the car, her ice blue eyes wide in horror. Her eyes flicking back to me, then back to the men.

  I walk past them. There’s five in total, including the Pres. Jake’s at Rose’s door. She isn’t opening the door for him. Actually, I think she has it locked. I walk to my side, open it, and place the pizza in through the door. Her terrified eyes are watching on.

  “You need to go?” I ask her, and she nods her head anxiously.

  “Black, my boy,” Pres calls out, slowly making his way to me. He spots Rose in the car, though I don’t think he would recognize her from when she was a druggie at his parties.

  “One second, okay?” I ask, nodding my head as I close the door behind me.

  “You got a chick?” he asks, nodding his head toward the car. He looks then back to me. “Where she from?”

  “Around! What you need, Gray?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “One’s gone missing, will need another. Hook me up with your contact.” I shake my head and walk away.

  “I’ll see what I can do,” I yell over my shoulder, opening the door and quickly driving away. I will not be getting him any more of what he needs. The last one didn’t turn out so good for me.

  “I know them,” she says after silence for most of the drive back to my house.

  “I know.”

  “No, you don’t. The things… the things I did with them, for them…” her body shivers in what I’m guessing is disgust, “…I don’t remember it all, but I remember some.”

  “Why do you need money, Rose?”

  “Huh?”

  “You said you needed money earlier. Why do you need it?”

  “I don’t want to say. It’s just… it’s not what you think it is. Okay?”

  “I can give you the money.” She looks at me with squinted eyes and her mouth wide. I turn the car off and climb out grabbing the pizza.

  It doesn’t take her long to catch up. “I couldn’t, and it’s not a little amount. I need a lot… Black.”

  “I know. I can give you as much as you need. Just tell me how and when.”

  “I couldn’t take money from you.” Her head shakes as I reach the door. She follows me to the living room and sits close to me. Too damn close.

  “It’s there, Rose, no strings attached.” I look at her and her eyes reach mine. They shine. She’s appreciative, I can see it.

  “I kind of want you to kiss me now,” she whispers, so close, too close.

  “I don’t think that’s smart.”

  “Why not?” she fires back, not moving from where she is.

  “It’s not smart, it’s not how we should go… where we’re meant to go. You’re not destined to be with someone like me.” She pulls back and closes her eyes, not saying anything, and when she opens them I see determination—it’s intimidating.

  “You don’t know where I should go. Whose lips should touch mine. Who’s body should posses me. You don’t know because I know…”

  “Are you finished?”

  “No, just getting started.”

  “You should eat,” I tell her, opening the pizza box. She doesn’t look and remains staring at me.

  “I am going to kiss you now,” she says, inching closer, her hand landing on the side of my face, her fingers brushing my beard. Her mouth is slightly parted. I want those plump pink lips on me. I do. I just know where this will go, and it will not be in her favor. I can see it clear as day, except there’s a part of me that wants to throw those reasons to the wind just for a taste. A taste of what pure bliss would be like, because that’s what she is—pure and utter bliss.

  How do I put into words what this man makes me f
eel? Alive, beautiful, protected, extraordinary. All the things no one has ever made me feel. He pulled me into him all those years ago, like an invisible line was somehow tugging us together, to be with each other at that moment in my life when I needed him most. Then ten years later, exactly the same when I needed him most, to pull me from the black hole I was so badly stuck in.

  His beard is long, his hair longer then finger length, his mouth is a tight line in fear but also passion. His beautiful green eyes that pull me in shine so bright yet so dark. Like I could possibly read all his hidden secrets and demons behind them if I just get close enough.

  His eyes close as both my hands are on his face, soft skin under my fingers, beard under my palm. I want to pull it, to bring him to me. Maybe I will get that chance in the future, just not now. He’s too fragile, no matter how much he denies he isn’t. It’s written all over his handsome face. The one most people choose to look the other way when he faces them, the tough exterior that he puts on for everyone.

  I inch closer, knowing if I wanted to make a move on this man I’d be the one he would let in. He believes what he says. We aren’t meant to be. How can that be, though? Everything he is calms me, brings me peace, and makes me feel alive. Makes me want him so badly it only gets harder each time I see him.

  My lips soft, his lips rough from his beard. I hear an intake of breath, his lips on my lips. He doesn't move, my hands remain on his beard. He’s breathing heavy with excitement… or nerves? I'm not sure which. So I kiss him softly, and he starts to move his lips—there’s no time for soft sweet kisses. My body presses closer to his, his hands remain on his side. I move my hands away from his beard and down to his shoulders, He only allows me lips on lips. Body pressed to body. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut. I feel his body tense beneath me. He doesn't kiss back, but he doesn't pull away either.