Ghost Bird

by Fuller, Lisa;

  Gulping down the last of the tea I push to my feet like I’m shoving against my thoughts, rinse my cup and head back to bed. I hesitate at Laney’s door, but decide not to create a realistic lump; if Laney is showing off somewhere she deserves to get in trouble. I climb into my own bed to wait and somehow fall asleep.

  Day 1, Daylight

  The screeching beep from my little alarm clock is the next thing I know about the world. Bleary-eyed I flip over and turn it off. The nightmare hadn’t continued but there is a feeling like I’d had some kind of dream, something important that I really needed to remember. Shrugging it off, I tumble out of bed and head for Laney’s room. When nothing but a rumpled doona greets me, I go into panic mode. Laney likes taking risks, but she isn’t suicidal. Which you’d have to be to flout Mum’s rules so badly. Busting into Mum’s room I jump onto the bed, shaking her awake.

  ‘Mum, wake up. Mum! Laney didn’t come home last night!’

  Mum cracks an eyelid open to frown at me.

  ‘I know. What’re you waking me up for; you know I got in late.’

  My jaw might’ve unhinged, it drops that fast as Mum rolls back over. This woman should be angry and ranting, or worried and pacing, probably both. I’d seen her go into one of those frenzies before; this isn’t the first time Laney has broken the rules. I reattach my jaw, reach out and grab Mum’s shoulder for another shake.

  ‘Mum, what’s goin on? Why aren’t you crackin?’

  A long suffering sigh. Mum spoke to the wall.

  ‘Your sister is off somewhere with that boy. The police are lookin for them.’

  ‘WHAT?’

  ‘A couple of his little gang ended up in lock-up last night; trespassin on some property. The cops came to see me at work.’ Her apathy is starting to fade and I can feel the rising fury in her tone. ‘Neither of those boys have cars and your sister was seen driving round in Troy’s car with em last night. The cops think she’s hidin out with him somewhere. Now go get ready for school.’

  Knowing this isn’t safe territory I hesitantly squeeze her shoulder. ‘Mum …’

  ‘And don’t think I forgot that you been coverin for er too, girl.’ I flinch, pulling my hand back. ‘Get to school. And when you get home you better be ready to tell me how long this’s been goin on. Then I’ll decide your punishment.’

  Busted! One difference between me and Laney is that I know when to beat a quick retreat. Even while I do it I know to be scared. This’d give Mum all day to stew and cook up a real good anger, and an even worse sentence.

  Hopping into the shower I remember last night’s nightmare and scoff at myself in the bright morning light. Dreams are so stupid and my twin radar isn’t worth shit. Laney and Troy are probably somewhere hiding out trying to get their stories straight. I’ll come home and find Laney back. Then we’d both be grounded for eternity. Just freaking great.

  ‘Heard Laney ran off again. Who dya reckon she’s doin now?’ Cassie’s nasal tones hit me.

  I freeze in the doorway of the maths room; the kid on my heels bumps into me, shoving me forwards the rest of the way.

  ‘Sorry Tace,’ one of my classmates mumbles as she passes, giving me a quick glance, her eyebrows flying up at the look on my face. I’m too busy glaring at Cassie and her little crew to respond.

  The verandah stretches the whole length of the ‘Big Building’; enclosed on one side by the big open port racks that came to waist height. Serving the purpose of being right under the teachers’ noses as well as barricading us in. Doorways dot the wall with louvred windows linking them in a chain, leading into the various classrooms reserved for us high schoolers. The Big Building has zero insulation and no air-con – just a few steel ceiling fans for each class – and no heating. Only the computer room has solid windows with blinds to try to keep the air-con in. The lessons aren’t why most of us love that place, especially this time of year when it can go over 40 degrees.

  Kids are spilling onto the verandah from every class; the only people who got out of those boxes faster than us are the teachers. Jaw clenched, I walk straight up to the group of girls clustered around the port rack and get in Cassie’s face.

  ‘What didja say?’

  The others go quiet and stop their jostling and talking. All eyes are on me and the biggest bully in the school. Her queen bee attitude and occasional luck in a fight means she pretty much runs the high school girls, all eighteen of us. Everyone except me and Laney, and she hates that so much she’s sicced her little minions on us a few times. The fact Laney is more liked than her only gives Cassie more reason to be a giant bitch to us whenever she can and has done since year one – turning people against us, making sure we stay on the outer with as many people as possible. It stopped bothering me a long time ago, but always gets up Laney’s nose. I’ve seen her do any number of nasty things to people over the years, especially if she thought she could get away with it. Mum said what most parents would – Cassie is just jealous because Laney and I are so close, so pretty, blah blah blah. Laney says it’s because she’s a dog. I agree.

  Cassie smirks. ‘What? Can’t a person have a private conversation?’

  Bullshit private conversation. She waited till I walked out of the maths room before saying that one as loud as she could. Her stooges, Jacinta and Naomi, stand there grinning. The three of them are cousins and they’ve been following Cassie’s lead since they could crawl. Laney and I used to place bets on if they had an original thought between them.

  ‘I couldn’t care less what you and your little gang are on about, but if you’re talkin bout my sister then we got a problem.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ Cassie steps forwards, bringing us nose to nose, lowering her voice so no one else can hear. ‘And what if I was? What’re you gonna do about it? Haven’t got your twin ere to back ya now.’

  I snort, not bothering to lower my voice. ‘That’d be right. Gotta double-bank ya dirty dogs cos ya know you’d get flogged in a fair fight.’

  Cassie’s face goes red and she shoves me. I hit the wall as she follows with her fist up and fury in her eyes. I bare my teeth and she hesitates.

  ‘That’s enough!’

  The command knocks her back a step and wipes the grin off my face. We’d been trying to provoke each other into hitting first so we could use the self-defence claim. I knew Mrs Clay was still in the maths room, and the weird silence on the verandah would tip her to a fight.

  ‘Cassie. Stacey. Down to the Principal’s office, right now!’ The broad woman with her stern, wrinkled face took no shit from anyone.

  ‘But Miss, she—’ Cassie tries.

  ‘I don’t care, young lady, we do not put hands on each other. Now move!’

  ‘We saw the whole thing, Miss.’ Jacinta jumps in and gets a glare for her troubles.

  ‘And we both know whose side you’d pick. Get to your next class. All of you!’

  Her voice sends the other kids hurrying to their bags, whispering. Naomi shoots me the finger behind Mrs Clay’s back as Jacinta turns to join in the gossiping.

  Following a few steps behind the old woman, I slouch down the stairs, through the covered area where we have parade with the littlies each morning, and down past the empty library into the office. The blame will probably get put on me with Cassie’s two lackeys running around yipping, but when me and Laney got … the thought stops me in my tracks.

  ‘Sit!’ Mrs Clay barks before heading into the Principal’s office.

  The admin ladies eye us like we’re walking dog treats and they are the bitches I’ve always known them to be. They try to buddy up to us and get the inside news. I ignore them and so does Cassie. They’re all white women, and who knew how that shit would get twisted. No matter what we did or didn’t say, the news would be out by lunch, spread by this pack of dorries.

  The whole time I can feel Cassie staring at me, but I keep my eyes forwards. As soon
as the office ladies get bored and go back to whatever it is they do, I hear her chair creak as she shifts towards me.

  ‘So, do you know?’

  Pretending I can’t hear her, I yawn and start picking fake dirt out of my nails.

  ‘Or maybe she doesn’t tell ya everythin after all?’

  Hmm, must not’ve washed the paint from art class out properly.

  ‘Clinton tells me everything.’

  It is harder to pretend now, but I keep right on inspecting my nails like they hold the secrets of the universe. Cassie’s cousin Clinton is one of the boys in lock-up waiting for his court date. They never let anyone but ‘immediate’ family into those things; cops don’t acknowledge extended mob so she’s full of shit. Still, Clinton’s mum might’ve said something to her.

  ‘He told me how Laney and Troy left him and Tyrone high and dry out at that property.’

  My head comes up and I stare her down. ‘Bullshit!’

  Cassie sits back, happy she’d gotten a rise. I could smack myself upside the head. Instead I glare straight into her smug, pug-nosed face.

  ‘It’s true. They were parked somewhere bush and when they got back the car was gone. Betchu that bitch twin of yours talked Troy into leavin em there to get flogged up. No wonder Troy dumped er.’

  The roll of an office chair sounds as the admin staff drift back towards us like a bunch of magpies spotting food. They won’t stop us if the fists start flying.

  The Principal’s door opens and we slump back in our seats. Mr Clay stands in the doorway and with a look sends the admin ladies rolling back. Mr Clay is married to Mrs Clay; neither of them are very nice people. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re unhappy with being dumped in our small town where they have no clue about the cultural differences of half their students, or if they genuinely don’t like kids. He turns his glare on us and we go from angry to nervous.

  ‘Right, you first, Cassie.’

  My mouth opens. As the ‘victim’ I should be first; the guilty one always gets seen to last, everyone in the school knows that. Mr Clay is really predictable. My nerves hit a new peak, forced to watch a victorious Cassie saunter into the office. When she comes back out fifteen minutes later she doesn’t look as happy, but she still gives me a sneer.

  ‘Stacey, come on in.’

  There’s something weird in Mr Clay’s voice, it’s still stern, but it isn’t his usual harsh ‘you’re in trouble’ tone, so maybe it hasn’t all gone Cassie’s way. Stepping in, I shut the door, taking the only free seat across from Mr Clay. Mrs Clay sits to my right and says nothing.

  ‘Now Stacey, would you like to tell us what happened?’ He folds his arms on the desk and gives me a stern look that demands the truth. He probably did the same to Cassie but like hell she gave him what he wanted.

  ‘Cassie said somethin nasty about my sister, Sir, so I told er to stop an she pushed me. Mrs Clay came out and stopped er from hittin me.’

  ‘Hurm. And what exactly did she say?’

  I fidget in my chair. ‘It’s really rude, Sir.’

  ‘I think I can take it.’

  Oh well, he asked. ‘She said that Laney’d run off again and asked Jacinta and Naomi who she was doin now.’

  Mr Clay’s eyebrows lifts. ‘Who or what?’

  ‘What?’ I frown.

  Mr Clay nods. ‘I know you think you heard Cassie say “who”, but she swears she said “what”. As in “what was Laney doing now”.’

  I shake my head violently. ‘No way, Sir, she said “who”.’

  Mr Clay sighs at my stubborn response and Mrs Clay steps in.

  ‘It doesn’t matter. The fact is Cassie pushed you and then lifted her fist to strike you. She’ll be getting two weeks’ detention.’

  My face feels like I’ve been sucking on a lemon while smelling a fart. The Clays run this whole zero tolerance line, but they only ever apply it to the kids they decide are lost causes or too much trouble. Kids like Laney and me. If I’d done what Cassie did I’d have been suspended. I know it for a fact because last year Laney had been the one in Cassie’s position; she’d gotten two weeks suspension for ‘becoming physical’ with another student and for using ‘profanity’. I fail to see how using a few swear words would up a sentence from detention to suspension.

  Mr Clay isn’t finished. ‘We brought you in here, Stacey, because we’re concerned that Laney’s absence might … be causing you some distress. We’d like to make an appointment with you to see the counsellor next Thursday.’

  They’d tried this one on me and Laney before. The guidance counsellor is a nice guy, but over-worked. He always seems to be rushing somewhere. Probably because he’s responsible for visiting all the schools in the district and he only has a day, or sometimes half, in each place.

  ‘Thanks for worryin about me, Sir, and Miss, but Laney’ll be back soon so it won’t matter.’

  Both of them perk up in their seats and I can almost see them mentally dialling the number to the cop shop. Mrs Clay beat her whipped hubby to the punch.

  ‘Oh? Do you know where your sister is then?’

  ‘No, Miss.’ And it’s not like I’d tell you anyway. ‘But Laney’d never leave without tellin me.’

  The two eye each other, their condescending thoughts practically leaping across the desk. The bell blasts and Mrs Clay and I jump. Mr Clay doesn’t move; he’s gotten used to it being right outside his window.

  ‘Well, that’s lunchtime, go ahead and join your friends, Stacey.’

  Again they do the condescending eye-dance thing, and I roll mine as soon as I have my back to them. We all know I have no friends here.

  Day 1, Afternoon

  Heading up to the port rack, I grab my lunch and some books before we’re all chased off the verandah. They don’t let us up there during lunches because they say we can’t be trusted not to steal from each other. Sitting in the high schoolers’ lunch area under the Big Building, I start scoffing the sandwich Mum has thrown together. Normally I ignore lunch in summer – it’s too damn hot to eat during the day – but who’d pass up a bacon sandwich? At least it’s cooler under here with all the concrete, polished to a shine from epic handball wars. I can see a few of the primary schoolers hanging out in little groups over in their area, but most have already eaten and are off to the playground on the other side of the primary school building. A lot of the older kids have lunch passes so they head home or down to the shops to get their food.

  I try not to think about the office. It isn’t that I don’t have friends or family in the school, but my best friends are all gone now, either to boarding schools or off working somewhere. I get on with most of the others when Cassie isn’t around, but I’m not close with anyone except Laney. I have no trust for sheep who blindly follow bullies. Laney and I can go out for lunch too, but in the middle of summer it isn’t worth being in the heat for that long. Lately, though, Laney has been going out to spend them with Troy.

  So much for not thinking about it.

  I pick up my books and head to the library. Since I’ve lost all signs of a social life at school I pretty much live down there when I’m not in class. That isn’t so bad, but losing my friends also means there’s no one to hang out with after school and on the weekends. Laney tried to get me to come out partying for a while, and I’d even gone a few times, usually when I was feeling lonely. But me and Troy couldn’t stop baiting each other. It made us sisters fight, so Laney stopped asking.

  Settling into the chair that should have my sweaty cheek marks permanently printed on it, I keep working on my English assignment and try not to worry about things I can’t change. At least there’s air-con here. Life away from this town is the goal; a life of sea and swimming is the dream. The loneliness will be worth it, as long as Laney comes home soon.

  What the hell is she even thinking? Some of the property owners around here will
take shots at trespassers. Or worse if you’re a trespassing black. I push the thought of what that means away. None of it’s helping me with my English assignment. I stare down at the piece of paper that lists the requirements. I’m supposed to write some bullshit about what I want from the year. If I’m honest and write ‘I want my sister home safe and my nan back from the dead’ it will likely get a big fat F. ‘I want to get out of this hellhole, filled with tiny, racist minds, especially the teachers’, would earn me detention. That last thought blocks up my brain and I wish I could scream it. The blank page of my notebook stares back at me for a long time.

  Into that empty space slips Cassie’s words.

  When did Troy dump Laney?!

  I jump out of my chair as the bell rings. Goddammit! Phone calls to parents aren’t allowed unless you’re sick. Even then the admin ladies will listen in; and anyway, Cassie’s probably just shit-stirring. Kicking the heavy wooden desk leg I pack up my books and walk back to class.

  The gossip going around at school is pretty much what Mum said, except for the part where the boys in lock-up have been bashed. They reckon the property owners and their workers did it, but the cops are ignoring it. Some bullshit about defending their property, even though none of the boys were armed and they were outnumbered two to one against full-grown men. Laney’s right about one thing, this place is fucking racist. Where we differ is Laney responds to it with more hate and I just want to get the hell away, or at least I hope to. There has to be more than this surely? It isn’t like we can do anything about the way things are – all the positions of power are held by the property owners, all white, and all with their memories of the days when they owned us, lock, stock and barrel. To use terms like ‘slave’ you have to be considered human. We’ve never been that to them.