Chasing Shadows

by Ashley Townsend

  Swallowing her pride and softening her tone—just barely—she managed, “Thank you for caring enough to be concerned.”

  His eyes registered surprise as they stared intently into hers. Sarah began to feel uncomfortable and was the first to look away from his intense gaze, though she could still feel his eyes on her. The silence unnerved her, and she wondered if he enjoyed watching her squirm beneath his gaze or if he simply didn’t realize what he was doing.

  “Why did you come back?” His question caught her off guard, though she should have expected it. She turned her face to him again, trying to come up with a reasonable answer. The only thing that came to mind was the truth.

  “The king is dead. Karen and I trying to stop him before he succeeds in claiming the throne.”

  Will’s look remained impassive, though that muscle in his jaw trembled as he clenched his teeth together. Judging by the way he kept his emotions hidden beneath an expressionless facade, he had gone back to the habit of blocking people out. It hurt Sarah to see him doing it to her, and it was especially painful to realize that her leaving had destroyed any progress they had made in their friendship. Over the months she was gone, his trust in her had waned and maybe even died out completely. She just prayed that she would be able to earn it back someday.

  “You should not be involved in this,” Will said.

  Sarah quirked a brow, surprised at the command. “And why is that? It seems that the Shadow is nowhere to be found, so who else is going to figure out what happened?”

  The words slipped out before she could stop them. He narrowed his eyes, and she could see that her unintentional barb had hit its mark. She sighed and her anger vanished like a vapor in the wind with the realization that she had just stirred his ire.

  “I’m sorry, Will. I shouldn’t have said that.” She stared at the ground, her accursed pride keeping her from meeting his gaze lest he see the remorse written across her face. Would there ever come a day when she could hold her tongue and not bring about someone’s anger with her own careless words? Sometimes she envied the way he could hide his feelings behind an uncaring mask and pretend that things didn’t affect him. But even when he was pretending, she knew he cared about more than he let on, and she hoped the same was true about his feelings for her.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye,” she whispered, risking a glance at him through her lashes. He kept his arms crossed and shrugged his shoulders indifferently, as though it didn’t matter in the least. Even though she knew he was only trying to protect himself, it still hurt her to see him so closed off. Her defenses rose to cover her hurt.

  “Fine, play that game. But don’t expect me to—”

  She was interrupted by the sound of the livery door opening. Karen entered and the wind slammed the door behind her. “Agh! It’s stormy like a—” She froze in place, hand stilling on her head as she tried to fix her hair. She looked between the two of them, quickly assessing the tense atmosphere in the room.

  “Hi, Will,” she greeted awkwardly. Turning to Sarah she said, “Umm, sorry to interrupt.”

  “It’s fine,” Sarah and Will replied in unison, both sounding a little sharp.

  Green eyes darted between the two of them. “Okay,” she said slowly, then to Sarah, “I was just wondering if you had anything.”

  Sarah was getting ready to shake her head when she recalled the conversation she’d overheard between the guards in the street. She smiled slowly at Karen.

  “As a matter of fact, I did.”

  Karen brightened. “Really? What did you find out?”

  “Well,” Sarah said, enjoying the suspicious look on Will’s face as she leaned toward her friend conspiratorially. If anger was the only emotion she could elicit from him . . . She knew it was childish, but she couldn’t stand seeing him so expressionless. “It appears that Cadius has been scaring off some of the help since he’s become the prince’s advisor. I overheard some guards talking, and they said that the castle is looking to fill some positions.”

  Karen chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully. “That might honestly work.”

  Will took a step forward, his eyes narrowed in that familiar way as he looked between the two girls. “What might work?”

  Sarah smiled innocently up at him. “I am going to get a job at the castle.”

  ~Chapter 6~

  Will’s eyes darkened as he stared at her, though his face revealed nothing. Sarah felt slightly triumphant over getting him to show some emotion, even if it was frustration directed at her. She knew it sounded twisted, but seeing any expression on his face gave her hope that he wasn’t completely lost to her.

  “You can’t be thinking about working there,” he said in that quiet, even tone that he used when he was trying to mask his frustration.

  Karen’s eyes darted between the two of them as they stared each other down. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever looked around this place. Why don’t I do that now?” Before either could object, she quickly skirted off toward the back of the building that was farthest away from the brewing storm.

  Sarah watched her round the corner and then turned to face Will. “And why shouldn’t I?” She maintained her calm as she spoke, knowing that would irritate him more than matching his anger with her own boiling just beneath the surface.

  Will unfolded his arms and let them fall to his side. Balling his hands into tight fists, he said through clenched teeth, “Because it is completely foolish to put yourself in that position. If anyone discovered that you were there to spy on the royal family, you could be beheaded.”

  She shrugged, though the thought turned her stomach. “I don’t plan on getting found out.” Too late she realized that she had repeated the exact words he had spoken to her long ago, and she had contradicted them at the time.

  Will leaned forward slightly, looking into her eyes as he tried to make her understand. “Someone once told me that things happen that we don’t plan on.” He cocked his head to the side, and that rebellious wave of ebony hair fell across his broad forehead. “Do you realize how dangerous this scheme is?”

  She saw that he had lowered his defenses long enough to show what his anger truly was: concern for her. Lowering her voice so Karen didn’t overhear her, she said, “I’ll be careful. Although it might be easier if I had a little help from a certain someone.” She had hoped that the hint might lead to an explanation of the Shadow’s absence, but she could tell he took it as a criticism by the way he pulled himself up to his full height, all six-foot-four of him.

  Her sigh sounded more like a groan to her own ears. They hadn’t even been together for a full thirty minutes, and she had already let her anger override her calm several times, and now her quick mouth made it seem like she thought less of him. “I’m sorry, Will. That’s not what I meant.” She rolled her eyes at her own foolishness. “I need to learn to hold my tongue more.”

  “You apologize too much,” he said with a shrug.

  She let a small laugh escape. “That’s just because too often my tongue gets me into trouble.” She paused, deciding to just come right out and ask. Lowering her voice until it was just above a whisper, she said, “Why did you quit being, you know, the Shadow?” She watched his face intently in case he let his armor fall long enough for her to see his true feelings. But his shield remained in place.

  “No one needed me anymore.” His voice was devoid of any emotion, but she imagined that his words held a double meaning.

  Feeling that she was the one to blame, Sarah stepped over to him and placed a gentle hand on his arm. She stared up at him, all pretense and pride gone from her face. “People still need you, Will. Some need you more than you’ll ever know,” she added quietly, sincerely, wanting to encourage him and restore whatever ground she had destroyed by leaving. His eyes flickered briefly with some secret emotion, and then the light went out. She sighed again, her blue eyes searching his darker ones. “I lost you when I left, didn’t I?” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it was
almost a relief to have the words out between them, no longer an un-voiced question rattling around in her head.

  Karen suddenly came toward them, leading the horses tied to their wagon. Her approach halted any reply Will might have had to her comment. The redhead stopped abruptly when she noticed how close they were standing. Sarah removed her hand from his arm, feeling embarrassed and slightly disappointed at being interrupted.

  “Are you ready to go?” she asked her friend.

  Karen’s eyes looked between the two of them again. She looked nervous and uncomfortable to have intruded. “Uh, I can wait, if you’d like.”

  Sarah shook her head, suddenly wanting very much to leave. She had forgotten how exhausting it had been in the beginning before Will opened up and let her see who he really was, dark secrets and all. It was a constant battle to decipher his deeper meaning and read his expressionless face like the wordless pages of a book.

  “No, I think it’s best if we leave.”

  The wind howled outside. Sarah wasn’t sure if the horses would get spooked as Will hitched them to the wagon again, but Karen didn’t seem to think so as she jumped up into the seat and grabbed the reins eagerly.

  Sarah placed her foot on the step, half expecting Will to help her the rest of the way like he always did. But he didn’t offer to take her hand or even make a move toward her, though the muscle in his jaw spasmed. She plopped her backside down and stared straight ahead as he held the large door open for them. Karen got the horses moving, and as they passed, Sarah risked a quick glance in his direction.

  She saw a painful vulnerability in his gaze when he caught her eye, and something else that was indiscernible. Will didn’t break eye contact, and she quickly ducked her head so that her hair hid her face.

  Karen guided the horses onto the street. As soon as they entered the open air, the wind immediately assaulted them and made it impossible to keep their hair from flapping wildly around their faces.

  “That could have gone better,” Karen said, glancing at Sarah apologetically. “Sorry.”

  Sarah shrugged. “It’s not your fault,” she said loudly to be heard over the wind. She gave up on trying to keep her hair out of her face and let it flow freely in the harsh wind. What was the point anyway? It wasn’t like she had anyone to impress. She didn’t dare look behind her as they rode along, fearing that he would be standing just inside the doorway, watching her. Her careless words had made enough of a fool of her; she didn’t need him thinking that she was pining after him.

  Karen struggled to keep the horses calm and moving along the dirt road, but the wind was far less severe once they entered the thicket of trees just beyond the edge of town, and the animals no longer resisted her guidance.

  God, why can’t Will stop resisting? she asked silently. You, me, life . . . He’s trying to pull away from it all, and I keep messing it up. What am I supposed to do?

  The only answering noise was the rustling of the wind in the trees and the sound of the horses clip-clopping along the dirt path.

  No still, small Voice spoke. Sarah felt the silence like a thick blanket, smothering her. When all was silent, she had time to think and reflect, and that was never a good thing.

  —

  Sarah collapsed gratefully onto the straw bed and sighed dreamily.

  “Don’t get too comfortable,” Karen said, tossing a quilt down beside her. “We have to go up to the house in a couple of minutes for supper.”

  Sarah groaned dramatically. “Do we have to eat dinner? I mean, what does food really do for us anyway?”

  Karen tossed a straw pillow at her face playfully. “Other than sustain life? Come on, I told them I would be back for the evening meal. You probably want to get this reunion over with.” She offered a hand, and Sarah took it and rose to her feet.

  “Fine. But as soon as we get back, I want to hear everything that went on while you were over by the castle.”

  Karen’s green eyes sparkled with mischief as she grinned. “All right, though there isn’t as much to tell as what all went on between you and Will before I arrived.”

  Sarah winced. She had tried to forget about that entire situation and the words exchanged between them, spoken and otherwise. She had actually managed to put it out of her mind for a brief moment, but the reminder that things had not gone exactly as she had planned caused her face to fall. Karen must have sensed the change in her mood because her eyes softened and lost their teasing.

  “I am sorry, Sarah. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I was only teasing.”

  Sarah shrugged one shoulder limply and mustered a small smile for her friend. “Maybe when I figure out what it was all about, I’ll tell you.”

  Karen nodded, as if that were enough of an answer for her. They left the barn and ran across the grass to the house, trying to get out of the bullying wind as quickly as possible. Sarah was surprised at the stinging sensation of snowflakes whipping against her face. They burst gratefully into the warm house, and Karen closed the door quickly behind them to keep the warmth inside.

  Sarah felt a sudden stirring of nervous anticipation as she glanced around the unoccupied living room. A roaring fire provided heat to the room and cast a warm glow over the space and furnishings. A high-backed wood chair had been placed beside the fireplace, and a book lay open with its pages down on the seat. Sarah smiled with fond remembrance of Leah’s love of reading beside the fire.

  As if just thinking about her could cause her to appear, the youngest Jones walked through the doorway from the kitchen and stepped into the main room. She started when she looked up and saw them standing before her, then her expression of surprise turned to one of delight as she ran to embrace her. Sarah laughed and wrapped her arms around the girl in a tight hug. Leah pulled back and did an excited dance in place that was entirely reminiscent of Lilly’s earlier jig.

  “Mama will be so happy,” Leah said, her copper curls bouncing as she talked. “Karen said that she might bring you to dinner tonight, and I have just been beside myself. We don’t have nearly enough girls around here, but with you around, Seth and Josh will be outnumbered when it comes to choosing games, so long as Mama is on our side.”

  Sarah laughed at the girl’s rapid talk. She had forgotten how animated Leah could be and suddenly realized just how much she had missed her. Though she was taller, the girl reminded Sarah so much of Lilly that her fondness only grew for her.

  The front door opened behind them, and Sarah turned around to see the men enter. Seth strode in first and paused in the doorway, looking eagerly around the room before his eyes caught hers. She smiled hesitantly. Before she left, they had clearly laid out their feelings for each other, deciding there would be no secrets between them. And though Seth’s romantic feelings did not mirror hers, he had respected her wish that they remain friends and nothing more. But Sarah still felt strange around him with the knowledge of how he felt for her, and at the time she had been too embarrassed about his feelings to even tell Karen—a secret she was now glad she’d kept.

  But maybe he doesn’t feel that way anymore, she thought hopefully. She would never betray Karen like that and prayed Seth wouldn’t, either.

  Joshua elbowed his brother in the side good naturedly to get him to move out of the doorway. He grinned at Sarah.

  “Welcome back,” he said. “Mother and Leah have been beside themselves—”

  “I already told her that,” Leah interjected, looking pleased to be the first one to deliver the news to Sarah.

  Mr. Jones appeared behind his sons, his tall frame filling the doorway. He placed a hand on either of their shoulders and urged them forward slightly so he could close the door. He turned around, his expression stern.

  “It seems that you have caused quite a bit of chaos in this house once again, Miss Matthews.” Sarah would have taken offense at his words if she hadn’t seen the sparkle of good humor in the gentle giant’s eyes.

  She managed to keep a straight face and nodd
ed her head once. “I’ll try to keep from doing it again, sir.”

  He laughed at that, a deep, joyful sound that came from deep inside his chest. “Well, now that I have your word on it, we must go in and eat. I’m half-starved from fighting against this winter.”

  The large group entered the kitchen. Sarah came in last and saw the small, round woman bustling about the room, grinning as she waited for the older woman to spot her. When she glanced up from her work, Ruth Jones’ flushed face lit up with joy. Without a word, she walked over to Sarah and wrapped her in a smothering hug. She held Sarah’s arms and took a step back, her smile huge. Motherly affection glowed in her eyes, and Sarah felt her throat clog with emotion.

  “Welcome back, dear,” Mrs. Jones said quietly.

  Sarah just smiled, not trusting her voice. The older woman seemed to sense her struggle with the emotional reunion and motioned for everyone to sit.

  “Now that we’re all here, let’s eat.”

  ~Chapter 7~

  Sarah stared up at the rafters, her arms pillowed behind her head. It was completely dark in the still barn, not that she could have focused, anyway—she could hardly see past the images that occupied her mind and kept her from falling asleep.

  She thought about how welcoming the Jones family had been and how at ease she had felt talking and laughing with them over dinner; it was as though she hadn’t been absent for months as she fit right in with their family dynamic. Even Seth appeared comfortable during the meal and when they parted ways that night, and Sarah couldn’t help but wonder if he was over his silly crush on her.