Chasing Shadows

by Ashley Townsend

  “You know, the feds, the po-po, ‘The Man.’” She eyed the street suspiciously and glanced back at him. Her shoulders slumped when he merely grinned incredulously. “The guards, Damien. Keep up!”

  He laughed, and Sarah was glad to see him in such good spirits. It made her want to act like an outrageous fool more often.

  Damien placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned forward so that he could see around the corner. “We appear to have outsmarted the buzzards, as you called them.”

  Sarah laughed at his confusion, feeling lighter than she had in a long while. “Fuzz, Damien. Buzzards are birds.”

  A lone brow shot upward. “Oh, really?” He leaned his face down so that theirs were inches away, grinning impishly. He reached his good arm above her, and Sarah’s heart rate picked up when she was pinned between him and the wall. Startled, her eyes followed the movement, and she glanced up just as he tipped the snow-capped sign above them.

  With a shriek, she ducked her head into his chest, hoping to avoid some of the raining powder as a good six inches of snow fell on their heads. She felt Damien’s chuckle build in his chest before it left his lips.

  She leaned back slowly, still clinging to the front of his cloak, and blinked away a few wandering snowflakes that drifted through the air. Damien’s wet cheeks were flushed with pleasure, and she could see that he had taken the brunt of the avalanche: Snow clung to his dark lashes and lay in piles on his shoulders, and the white cone-shaped mound on the top of his head was a stark contrast to his tan skin.

  Sarah doubled up laughing. “You looked ridiculous,” she gasped, clutching her aching middle. She could feel snow melting in her hair and dripping down her face, and she wiped her cheeks with the back of a gloved hand. Clearly pleased with himself, Damien gave her an over-sized smile as he brushed the light dusting of snow off her shoulders. “You know I have to retaliate, don’t you?” she asked.

  “It was purely coincidental that it fell at that moment,” he said hurriedly, taking a step back with his hands raised in surrender. That haunted look no longer clouded his eyes, which glinted mischievously even as he feigned an expression of innocence.

  “Uh-huh. Yeah, sure.” She slapped the last of the white fluff from her sleeve and then started laughing again when Damien shook his head like a dog, sending a fresh spray of snow over her. “And was that purely ‘coincidental’?” she asked, giggling.

  He paused almost thoughtfully. “I should watch where I step now, shouldn’t I?”

  “Definitely.”

  They grinned at each other. Damien held out his arm to her, his shoulders still covered in melting snow. In that moment he resembled a bright-eyed kid so much that Sarah wondered how many years it had been since he’d had fun and been able to just enjoy his youth.

  All work and no play, Sarah thought as she took hold of his arm. He didn’t seem to care about his appearance as they moved out into the open, and his lack of insecurity made her feel more confident and uncaring of how odd they must look sauntering through the streets, snow-covered and arm-in-arm.

  “I have to do a few things while we’re in town,” Damien said regretfully as they came upon the square. He helped her around a muddy snow pile that carried the marks of countless wagon wheels and footsteps.

  “I guess I can’t make you forgo all of your responsibilities.” Sarah shrugged good-naturedly. She didn’t care what errands they had to run; she was simply glad to be away from the castle and outside of its suffocating walls.

  “Good.” He guided her across the street, and Sarah’s back stiffened when she saw the livery sign waving in the light breeze. She knew couldn’t avoid Will forever—that would never resolve anything if she intended to keep their friendship alive—but trepidation still snaked up her spine despite her best efforts to calm herself.

  “Are you all right?” Damien’s soft voice cut into her musings. Was she that transparent? How was she supposed to face the man inside and pretend that everything was copasetic when she couldn’t manage a poker face good enough to fool someone who’d known her a day? Will knew her too well, and he would see right through it.

  She forced a weak nod, but her steps halted before they reached the door. “Umm, I think I’ll wait out here.”

  “But it’s freezing.” Damien shivered for emphasis. “I heard that the owner always keeps a fire going inside. You should warm yourself while we conduct business.”

  She managed a smile. “Fresh air’s good for you, and I’ve been cooped up for so long that I hate to go inside so soon.” That much was true.

  He nodded, though he looked reluctant to leave her. “I’ll be just a moment.”

  Sarah watched his back until he was nearly inside and then quickly ducked around the corner of the building. Resting the back of her head against the siding, she released a heavy sigh. She felt guilty about abandoning Damien, but she knew if she went inside and saw Will . . . Well, she wasn’t sure what would happen, but it was sure to be awkward, and the last thing she wanted to do was spoil her and Damien’s morning together.

  The sky was gray and overcast, and the sun no longer poked through the clouds. Sarah tried to remember the last time she had prayed. She’d made plenty of requests and had thrown out complaints the past few days, but how long had it been since she had talked with God? A day? Two?

  I’ve just been so busy at the castle, taking care of Damien and getting situated in my new room. She knew her excuses were weak. It wasn’t as though she had to take the time to prostrate herself on the ground and light candles. Who was she fooling, anyway?

  Sarah squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, trying to clear her head. Releasing a breath, she looked back up at the sky. “I guess this is a little overdue, huh?” she whispered. No one noticed her tucked into the space between buildings, so she wasn’t concerned with someone overhearing what appeared to be a one-sided conversation.

  “I know I’m being a coward, but what am I supposed to do about all of this? You can’t possibly have it in Your plan to have this . . . thing between me and Will work out. I know it’s impossible, so I could use a little help to not fall for him anymore if we get our friendship back on track.” Or if it’s easier for both of us to just let it alone, since I have to go back soon. . . . Her thoughts drifted off, hoping for Him to fill in the blank with some advice or insight. She watched the heavens for a sign of some kind.

  Anything will do, she encouraged silently. A lone white dove in a ray of light, lightning, a shooting star, a unicorn dancing on a cloud. Heck, I’ll even take a glimpse of the sun, if you don’t want to be quite so showy in public.

  She waited.

  Nothing.

  And no dancing unicorn.

  Her shoulders sagged in disappointment. “Guess I have to make my own decision on this one,” she murmured, taking the ensuing silence as a yes.

  “Sarah?”

  She whipped her head toward the backside of the building, her heart rate picking up at the familiar voice. Will stood at the lip of the alley, arms loaded with firewood. He looked hesitant and unsure, and he seemed to clutch the mound of wood a little tighter when she caught his eye.

  Sarah pushed off of the wall and straightened. “Hi,” she offered meekly, feeling awkward at being caught loitering outside of his business like a crazy ex.

  “How are you?” he asked after a long pause.

  “Fine.” She nodded before remembering to ask him the same thing.

  “I am well, thank you.” Now that the pleasantries were over, an awkward silence took over.

  Sarah’s eyes darted around the gap between buildings, looking for something that might spark some conversation. Her lips parted, twitching with the desire to either excuse herself or say something to delay the inevitable moment when they would part ways, but her mind had gone into sleep mode.

  “It’s good to see you outside the castle again.”

  Her eyes met his, and Will looked just as desperate to say something of worth in the heavy silence. Bu
t they were still stuck on clumsy small talk. He shifted his load, muscles straining with the weight of it, but he remained where he stood.

  Tension seemed to crackle in the air between them like static electricity.

  “Were you taking that inside?” She directed the tentative question to his knees when the silence between them became too uncomfortable to endure any longer.

  “Hmm?” Will glanced down at the firewood and seemed surprised that he was still holding it. “Oh. Yes.” But he didn’t move. His gaze flickered over her face, to his feet, the hem of her dress, back up to her eyes again.

  Sarah couldn’t stand the silence; it left her too much time to think and wonder what he was thinking. “Can I help you carry that?”

  “Thank you, but I have it. I wouldn’t want you to get your dress dirty.”

  It didn’t sound like an accusation, but something in the way he said it let her know he begrudged the person who gave it to her.

  “I really don’t mind,” she said, feeling suddenly small. A soft smile played at the corner of his mouth.

  “It’s no trouble, but thank you.” He hesitated. “It is beautiful, by the way. Your dress.”

  Sarah didn’t know what to say to that, so she remained silent, their last conversation weighing heavy on her.

  Will took a tentative step into the narrow passage, and then another. “I need to . . .” He balanced his load so he could point a finger down the alley.

  He wanted to get past. Of course. For one silly, girlish moment, Sarah had thought that maybe he just wanted to be closer to her. She tried not to let her disappointment show even as her cheeks heated.

  “Oh. Yeah, of course,” she stammered, pressing herself into the side of the building to make space for him.

  He kept his eyes down, dark hair falling across his forehead, as he moved in front of her and then stopped abruptly, his feet suddenly rooted in the snow. Will slanted her a look, as if something had just occurred to him. He angled his head to the side so the wayward lock of black hair that always tempted Sarah’s fingers fell down over his eye. “Did you come to see me?”

  To Sarah, the question spoke volumes, though she could tell he tried to hide his eagerness.

  “Actually, I was waiting for someone.”

  Will’s brow furrowed briefly before his expression cleared. “Lisandro?”

  She rubbed her palms together anxiously. “We both needed to get some fresh air, and he had some business.” Sarah waved her hand back at the livery wall she leaned against, as if that explained everything.

  “Oh. Of course.” He didn’t seem angry about the situation, and Sarah wondered if he regretted their parting as much as she did. He lowered his head until they were at eye-level. His concerned gaze bore into hers, rooting her to the spot, not that she wanted to move. Or could. “And you are well?”

  Sarah knew what he was asking. She unconsciously reached up to fiddle with the pendant in nervous energy. He didn’t seem to have noticed it yet, and she held it in her fist, strangely wary of him spotting his gift to her. “I already told you that nothing is going on. Damien just needs a friend at the castle as much as I do. It isn’t anything like what you’re thinking.”

  Will’s lids drooped slightly, and his lips tipped in a sad smile that Sarah didn’t quite understand. “It never is,” he murmured.

  She heard Damien call her name, silencing any reply she might have come up with. Her nervous gaze flickered to the opening of their little cocoon.

  “Be sure that he treats you well.” His quiet words hung in the frigid air between them. Sarah nodded robotically, feeling confused and dazed as she returned his stare. His words rang out like a farewell, but was it her imagination, or had Will leaned in a little closer?

  He blinked once, and the momentary break in eye contact seemed to sever whatever invisible string had been pulling him towards her. As if coming out of a trance, he straightened slowly, sincere eyes searching hers. “And if you are ever in need of a friend”—he took a steadying breath—“I am always here for you. Always”

  His gaze was intense and probing, urging her to say something, and it suddenly looked like he wished his arms weren’t occupied as he gripped his load a little tighter. But Sarah had no idea what he wanted to hear, so she simply whispered, “Thank you, Will,” and watched a brief emotion flicker over his face, but it was too quick for her to interpret the fleeting expression.

  He nodded, a single movement, as he backed away. “He’s searching for you. I should go.”

  Sarah was about to contradict him but realized meeting Damien was probably the last thing he wanted to do right now. For his sake, she let him go. “Okay. ‘Bye.”

  She watched as Will hurried down the path. He glanced back just before he exited into the open, and his steps seemed to slow as he shot her one final, unreadable look. Lowering his head, he moved quickly, brushing past Damien just as the Spaniard rounded the corner and spotted her.

  “There you are!” He looked relieved at the sight of her and hurried over. “I lost track of the time and wasn’t sure where you had gotten off to. Why are you back here?”

  Sarah’s heart was still pounding from his and Will’s near encounter, though Damien didn’t appear to have even noticed his presence.

  She swallowed. “I was enjoying the quiet.”

  “Is my constant chatter grating on your nerves already?” he asked dryly.

  She rolled her eyes, the tension in her body lessening with his easy manner. It was nice to have an uncomplicated relationship, one that she didn’t have to fight for—or against—constantly. “Has anyone ever told you you’re incorrigible?”

  He grinned roguishly. “All the time.” She smiled, which only caused his grin to widen.

  Eying his empty arms, she asked, “Didn’t you get anything?”

  He shook his head. “Not today.” Rubbing his hands together conspiratorially, he said, “Now should we continue on our errands before some gossip spots us here and we elicit a scandal?” He shivered at the thought and lifted his elbow.

  Sarah felt herself smiling, though her conversation with Will still weighed on her. Taking his arm, she forced cheer into her voice for Damien’s benefit; she didn’t want to be the reason this excursion ended on a poor note. “Oh, let’s!”

  A wicked grin tipped his mouth and lit his eyes. “Are you saying that we should move along, or that we should give them something to gossip about?”

  The quivering lip hinting at her grin undermined the reproachful look she shot him. Tugging him forward, she said, “I meant let’s go, Romeo. Focus.”

  He didn’t resist, but she could feel him chuckling silently beside her as they left their little alcove. She resisted the urge to look back, imagining Will standing in the livery entrance, watching them stroll off together. She stiffened at the thought and gently disentangled her arm from Damien’s, pretending she needed her hand to rub an itch from her cold nose. He didn’t seem to notice that she didn’t take his arm again.

  “I have one more errand to run, outside of town.”

  Sarah glanced up, surprised at the sudden declaration. “Okay.”

  “Is there anywhere you would like to go while I finish up? A place where you need to be?”

  She immediately envisioned a quaint little home with a girl reading on the porch, wildflowers decorating the landscape in the summer, and siblings playing soccer in the field behind the barn, where a good friend waited.

  Suddenly, she knew exactly where she needed to be.

  —

  Eyes focused straight ahead, Sarah tapped an impatient rhythm on the bottom of the wagon with her foot. She had convinced Damien to rent the cart from the butcher, instead of going back to the livery. Will hadn’t met the newest lord in Serimone yet, and she intended to keep it that way.

  “That’s not going to get us there any faster.”

  She gripped the edge of the seat to still her jittery movements and gave a breathy laugh. “Sorry. I’m just so excited. It
seems like forever since I’ve seen my friends.”

  Angling his head to the side, Damien shot her an amused look. “I was not criticizing your enthusiasm. Actually, I think it wonderful that you are looking forward to this visit so much. I was concerned you would have nothing to occupy you while I completed my last errand and that it might dampen our spirits.” His eyes flickered to the road for a brief moment before he returned his gaze to her, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “But it appears your anticipation is contagious, and I am giddy with delight.”

  Sarah laughed at his theatrics but didn’t take offense. However silly he was being, she could tell he was enjoying their time together. And though her delight in Damien’s company was genuine, she also welcomed the distraction from her encounter with Will.

  Smile widening at her laughter, Damien steered the horses around a bend in the road to keep them on the snow-covered path. “You have a beautiful laugh.”

  She might have read into the words if they had come from anyone else, but his tone was direct and observational, not flirtatious. It was odd how natural his remark seemed, and she didn’t miss a beat. “Well, I happen to find you quite amusing, so you’ll get used to it.”

  That self-satisfied grin returned. “It’s nice to be able to bring someone else joy for once.” They lapsed into an easy quiet, and Sarah smiled to herself, watching the snow-capped trees blur together, washing the landscape in white. Everything about this friendship was easy.

  But is it fair to bring him into this and then leave? The thought came out of nowhere and was quickly followed by hollow guilt. Sarah had already become connected to a few people in this place and knew it would be difficult to leave them soon. Was she being selfish by allowing this relationship to blossom, only to abandon Damien when she went home? The result of her abrupt departure last time had nearly undone one fragile relationship. Could she really risk another?

  She watched him out of the corner of her eye. Damien was bent over the reins, elbows resting comfortably on his knees. His eyes were forward, but then his gaze began to wander over the trees, to the edge of the woods, the hazy sky. The scenery seemed to mesmerize him, drawing his attention every few moments. He looked happy and at ease, his lips were even tipped in a small, contented smile, and Sarah knew that however long this relationship lasted, it was what they both needed right now.