“No,” I whispered, petting Olivia, and then Oliver’s head. My head was in a fog, my body still on fire from Bullet’s touch. I turned back to Bullet, ready to resume our conversation so we could get back to kissing.
I wanted him to know how I felt. I’d left so much unsaid. I didn’t want to do that again. I wanted him to know how much I cared about him, how much I wanted him. Maybe we could figure it out this time.
Maybe I was wrong all along. God, I wanted to be wrong.
“Bullet, I —,” I began, only to be interrupted again by a crashing sound in the trees across the meadow.
We turned to see Julia burst out of the tree line, followed by Colt, holding a bottle of whiskey. They were laughing like a couple of hyenas and when they saw us, Julia screeched and began to run over to us.
“Libby!” she screamed, her voice piercing and loud.
Oliver and Olivia took one look at her and flew away into the darkness again. I glanced over at Bullet and shook my head. Whatever was going to happen between us would have to wait.
Julia made it half way through the meadow before falling flat on her face and giggling like a lunatic as Colt helped her up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
RYDER
“I fucking hate this,” I growled. Grace turned her eyes up to me and placed her hands on my hips.
“I know,” she whispered. “It’ll be over soon. I don’t know what else to do but do what she asked. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Stay here.”
I shook my head, speechless. I hated this feeling of helplessness more than any other feeling in the world.
I’m a goddamned man, for fuck’s sake.
I’ve lived my life barreling through any situation presented to me, succeeding on strength and perseverance alone.
Never quit. Never weaken.
I was doing neither of those now, but it sure felt like it.
Having to bow to Mona’s wishes was torture.
I needed to be there.
I needed to protect my family.
And staying back was not a natural reaction.
As a result, I was tense, jumpy. My anger simmered just below the surface, threatening to explode at any second. If Mona didn’t give us our baby back, she was going to be the recipient of that explosion.
So, I brushed my lips across Grace’s and watched her walk away, my gut wrenched and twisted so hard I felt like I was being ripped apart.
From the first moment I saw Grace all those years ago, lying on the dirt in my driveway, helpless and at the mercy of a violent pimp, she’d become everything to me. I’d brought her home, after extinguishing the asshole that hurt her, and nursed her back to health. I never expected her to wake up and not be able to tell me who she was, where she came from, or even how she arrived.
Doc and I kept her safe and healthy until her memory returned, which only dealt us another blow when we learned she was really an undercover cop.
God, it seemed like so much had happened since then, when I thought about it. Grace and I had been through so much together. We’d endured the kind of danger most people only read about. Yet we’d survived it all, together.
I remind myself of all of this so that I can remember how strong we are.
I need to concentrate on that strength, so that I can stay positive until we get Sadie back.
Because now that Sadie’s arrived, the game has changed.
Now they are everything, not just Grace.
To be honest, I don’t want to deal with the danger anymore. I just want to take my girls home and keep them safe and happy. I want to snuggle in bed with them, watch Sadie grow up and see what kind of person she’ll become.
Fuck, we haven’t even had a chance to take her home yet.
Not one night have we spent alone in our own home with our baby girl.
Part of me wanted to kill Mona, for that fact alone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
MONA
I watched from the park across the street from the café where I’d told Grace to meet me. She kissed Ryder goodbye and squared her shoulders before venturing off down the street. Alone. Without Libby. And look at her! Dressed in disguise, trying to fool me. Did she think I wouldn’t see right through her?
Did she really think I was that stupid?
I wandered through the park, watching her as she approached the café, her face twisted with worry. A little twinge of joyful vengeance ran through my veins.
I’d worried about my daughter all my life. It was only fitting Grace endure a few days of the same pain.
When she saw I wasn’t there, her shoulders slumped a little and I let out a gleeful laugh and pulled Sadie a little closer to my chest. She’d been an angel, honestly. She spent her days cooing and wiggling and pooping and eating and that was about it. As long as she was warm and fed, she was happy.
It was so simple.
I expected it to be a lot more complicated, honestly. The ‘new Mom’ experience had been ripped away from me, so I’d believed all the hype I’d read about how hard it was to take care of an infant. The fact that I couldn’t take care of a baby in jail was something I just believed without question.
Taking care of this little bundle had me questioning that rule.
Why did I have to give up Libby anyway?
Maybe I could have taken care of her for the short time I was behind bars and we’d have been together when I got out. It was a bittersweet thought to know that I possessed everything I needed to take care of her and yet the opportunity wasn’t available.
Everything could have been so different.
I kept watching Grace, looking around for Libby, or any other bikers or police she may have brought with her. But so far, I’d only spotted Ryder.
I’d imagine it would have been hard for her to not tell him where she was going. Who could blame her, really?
But still…
I’d told her to come with Libby.
Or else.
I looked down at her baby again, her precious, beautiful little face staring up at me so trustingly, so vulnerable, so fragile.
“Your mother is so stupid,” I whispered to her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
GRACE
I fought back tears as I sat at a table by the window, searching every face that passed by. My heart pounded like a drum in my chest, my palms were sweating and my fingers were trembling.
I’d never been so wrecked by fear in my life.
And Mona wasn’t here.
Was she coming?
Was this a trap?
I knew she wasn’t lying about having Sadie, I’d heard her crying on the phone.
How long should I wait?
I’d wait forever, if necessary.
I’d do anything she asked, surely she knew that.
I thought about Ryder, what he must be going through. I knew he felt like he couldn’t do anything to help, and I hated that it was true.
This was my battle.
It had always been my battle.
Mona and I had unfinished business, and now that she’d taken my daughter, that business just increased.
Before she’d taken Sadie, I’d felt sorry for her. She’d lost so much. Libby didn’t want to have anything to do with her and that must have made that loss so much more painful. But there was nothing I could do about that.
I couldn’t change Libby’s feelings, nobody could.
When she refused to come, what was I supposed to do?
So, here I sat, in an itchy wig and trying to impersonate Libby long enough to pull Mona in.
Fifteen minutes after our agreed upon meeting time, the bell over the door rang out and Mona walked in, holding my daughter.
I jumped up and ran towards them, but she held a hand out and shook her head.
“No, sit down,” Mona said.
I did as she said, my eyes desperately trying to look around the blanket covering Sadie’s face.
“She’s fine,” she said, after I sat down at a t
able. “She just fell asleep.”
“Mona, please give me my daughter back,” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“I told you to bring Libby.” Her lips were set in a thin, angry line.
“I know,” I said. “I tried. I called her. But she refused to come. There’s nothing I can do, Mona.”
“Figures,” she said, shaking her head. “So much damage done already.”
I nodded, my eyes glued to Sadie.
“I’m sorry, Mona,” I whispered.
She looked at me and wrinkled her brow. “How’s your head?”
“I’m fine,” I said, with a dismissive wave. “Can I please have the baby?”
“No,” she said. “I won’t apologize for hurting you.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
“You deserve it, you know.”
I looked up, meeting her gaze, seeing all the pain there. Maybe she was right. I didn’t care. I just wanted my daughter.
“You know, I could have taken care of her in there. In jail. Libby, I mean.”
“Jail is no place for kids, Mona.”
“It’s no place for anyone!” she barked.
I nodded in agreement.
“But still. Your baby is really sweet,” she said. “She’s easy. I bet Libby was easy, too. Don’t you think? She seems like she would have been an easy baby.”
“Probably,” I agreed.
“I wonder what she was like as a toddler?” she asked, her fingers lightly caressing Sadie’s back. My gut was in knots watching, not knowing what she might do. “Do you think she was precocious and sassy? Or one of those who doesn’t stop asking questions? You know, the curious ones?”
“Maybe,” I nodded. “Mona, please let me hold her. Please?”
I was begging now. I didn’t care.
“No,” she said, simply. “Do you think there’s anything I can do to make Libby forgive me? I should never have given her away. I only did it because you put me in jail.”
“I don’t know, Mona. Maybe give her a little more time.”
“We don’t have much time. None of us do. Civilization is crumbling, you know. You picked a horrible time to have a baby.”
“It wasn’t exactly planned.”
“Right,” she said. “Because you have your big career. Maybe you don’t have time to have a baby. I could take her…”
“No!” I sad, a little too loudly, turning heads of almost every other customer in the shop.
Mona raised an eyebrow, “It doesn’t feel good, does it?”
“No,” I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. “Please, Mona.”
“If I give you the baby back, am I going to be swarmed with cops? Are you sending me back to jail? What’s the plan? I saw Ryder around the corner.”
Shit. Of course that was the plan.
“No, of course not,” I lied.
“I tried to go away,” she said. “I tried to go to Mexico, but I felt like I needed to really try to talk to Libby one more time before I could go on with my life.”
“She’s not ready, Mona,” I said. “She’s still so young.”
“Right. So, what’s the plan? Woman to woman. Just tell me the truth. What happens after I give you the baby back?”
I stared across the table at her, my heart breaking for her. Sure, she’d kidnapped my baby and given me a concussion and days worth of torturous worry, but in this moment, she just looked vulnerable and sad.
Her life had gone so wrong.
And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel responsible for the beginning of that.
“Mona, I’m sorry,” I said, the words falling out of my mouth in a rush. “I do feel responsible for what happened to you, you need to know that. If I could go back and change everything, I would. But I can’t. And neither can you when it comes to Libby. We both made our decisions and we’re living with them.”
“Thank you for saying that,” she said.
“Because of that, I’m going to be real with you and do something that is going to make me seem a little crazy. I’ll protect you. I’m good at it. I can give you an entirely new identity, set you up somewhere else, you can start over, you can have a new life. It’s what I do. It’s how I help people. Well, not just me, but my organization, Solid Ground.”
Mona stared at me for a minute, her head cocked to the side as she listened, before bursting out in laughter, which woke up Sadie. Her cry made my skin crawl, I needed to hold her so badly.
“You fool,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t you know who I am? I can do all that for myself. I don’t need you, Grace. I certainly don’t need your help. Don’t you think you’ve done enough in my life?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. Of course she didn’t need me. Look at her. “Okay, well what I can do is call off the hounds. Just give me Sadie, and walk out the door and I’ll make sure the cops don’t come looking for you. I’ll make sure the Gods don’t either.”
“That’s all I need from you,” she said. “The rest I can handle on my own. Really, it’s the least you can do, don’t you think?”
“Sure,” I nodded. It was true. And honestly, I never wanted to see this woman’s face again. If I had her arrested, there would be a trial and more jail time and this whole nightmare would never end. “I just want to take my baby home. Just give her to me, and leave. We’ll never have to see each other again.”
She stared at me over the table, before finally nodding.
“Drive south out of town, Ryder will never see you. I’ll tell the cops you weren’t involved. I’ll tell them someone left the baby somewhere for me to just pick up. Just go, Mona.”
She stood up and placed Sadie in my arms. My heart flooded with relief and tears began streaming down my face.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“She’s a good kid,” she said. “Take care of her.”
And just like that, she was gone.
And Sadie was back where she belonged. She immediately stopped crying as soon as she looked up at me and I smothered her in kisses and tears, ignoring the looks I was getting from the other customers.
I didn’t care.
I had my baby back.
I practically skipped back to Ryder.
He embraced the two of us like we’d been gone forever.
“I’m never letting you out of my sight again,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion.
“Sounds good to me,” I said. “Let’s go home.”
“What about Mona?”
“She wasn’t there. She left the baby at the coffee shop.”
“We should call the cops now.”
“No, later. Let’s just go home. I just want to go home.”
I pulled Sadie close and we walked to our car, our little family finally complete.
CHAPTER THIRTY
MONA
Silence.
I’d always been bothered by silence.
Even when I’m working, I need music playing.
Sitting on the bed of my hotel, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle the silence. I needed something to keep me busy and now that the baby was gone, I had nothing.
Nothing but me, and my own thoughts.
Zane was dead. He was my only true companion.
And Libby didn’t want to have anything to do with me.
I didn’t want to have anything to do with my mother, so calling her up wasn’t appealing in the least.
All I wanted was Libby.
I turned on the television to distract myself, but it didn’t work.
I had no idea what to do now. The last few days I’d concentrated on what I’d say to Libby and now that I didn’t have the chance to express myself, I was still left thinking about her. So much was left undone.
How could I possibly move on?
Grace got to move on, though. She got her baby. She got her life.
And I got what I always had —nothing.
I had my art, that was something, I guess. I contemplated just heading back to my a
partment in Portland and picking up where I’d left off. I could easily obtain a few commissions to give myself something to work on. My email was full of offers that I’d yet to reply to.
My heart just wasn’t in it.
I pulled out my phone and flipped through all the pictures of Libby that I’d downloaded from her social media sites. She was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen.
“I made her,” I mumbled, with a faint smile, my finger running over the screen. “She’s mine. All mine.”
Grace said she needed time. Maybe that was true.
I could be patient.
I could wait, at least a little longer.
I was still convinced she was just being stubborn. Once she heard what I had to say, she’d understand. She’d forgive me.
And if she forgave me, then we could begin again.
It was all so easy.
I could fix this.
I just needed a chance.
Now that I’d convinced Grace to let me go without pressing charges against me, I had the chance, and time, that I needed to get my girl back.
I’d win her love eventually, even if it killed me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
LIBBY
I’d never seen so much collective happiness in one place in my life.
When Grace and Ryder arrived with Sadie nestled snuggly in Grace’s arms, there was a ripple of simultaneous relief and happiness that quickly spread through the compound and immediately turned into a huge celebration.
After a long session of the Gods and their partners cooing over Sadie and many hugs and manly pats on the back, the party really swung into gear.
Slade and Riot started a huge bonfire while someone turned the volume up on the stereo. Soon, the booze was flowing and the mood was festive.
Julia and I got swept up in it all immediately. It was contagious.
Bullet and I lingered near each other, exchanging secret looks, the promise of more to come hanging heavy between us. The bonfire grew throughout the night, until it was as big as a small house, sparks flying through the air around us like fireflies.
GODS & ANGELS: GODS OF CHAOS MC: BOOK ELEVEN Page 7
